Well, I mean, I think that
人们 女人们 有这样一个有趣的想法
there’s this funny idea that people have, that women have,
that feminism somehow said that we can have it all.
And feminism did not say that.
You know I think that the thinking that
you can have every single thing you want in life
is not the thinking of a feminist,
it’s the thinking of a toddler.
And it’s not just about women,
nobody, not anybody can have everything they want.
That feminism says you’re fully human,
you’re a full human being as a woman;
but the human condition is not getting everything you want in life,
so it stands the reason that would apply to us too.
I think that, you know,
there are plenty of cultures and religions
that impress that upon their, you know, adherence
and I think that ours at this moment in time is not one of them.
I really thought that it was a worthwhile project
to try to be the protagonist in my own life
and that I wanted to be a writer
and I wanted to be like an adventurer.
I mean those are the kinds of non-traditional female lives
that I looked up to and aspired to emulate.
And I did get to do that,
I do get to do that as a writer for The New Yorker
and it’s great. I love it.
But what my experience was,
if you start, you decide at 37, I’m ready to have a family,
一切都变了 变得一团糟 我就是这样
and anything goes wrong, as it did for me,
you thought that you’ve kind of run out the clock
and then you don’t get to do that.
Then you’ve missed that part of life,
that field of experience.
So I think that that’s what I was trying to say is that just,
I think that there’s sort of a design flaw in the human female animal,
that like at exactly the moment you feel
you finally might be mature enough to be equipped
to take care of a person other than your ownself,
而那一刻 你的身体却说 “我不干了”
that is the moment when your body says, “I’m out.”
And it’s not the same for men.
That is a woman’s cross to bear.
A couple months after it happened,
I was at my friends 40th birthday party
and I was talking to this woman and she said,
“Are you the Ariel who all the bad things happen to?”
And my first thought was, How many Ariel’s do you know?
然后 当然 我说 “我就是那个艾莉尔”
But then, of course, I said, “Yes I am that Ariel.”
然后她说 “好吧 万事皆有因”
And she said, “Well, everything happens for a reason.”
And my response to that was like,
“Well everything happens for several reasons,
like I’m out here talking to you
because I left the living room and came onto the porch,
so that’s the reason this is happening.”
我的意思是 所有的事情都有一个原因 还有很多其他的原因
I mean everything of course happens for a reason and other many a bunch of reasons.
What people really mean when they say,
“Everything happens for a reason” is, “Everything happens for your own good,”
which I just think is an incredibly ludicrous lullaby to sing to yourself.
I think the more important thing–
It’s not like “oh everything happens for a reason,”
it’s like, “well no, everything happens.”
like once something has happened-
you know, so for example,
when I was like in the thick of my grief,
I would wake up in the morning and I would just feel like,
“No, this is unacceptable.
I don’t accept this.
I don’t agree to this reality.
I don’t want my son to be dead.
It’s not cool with me.”
I mean I think that’s one of the stages of grief,
fright is denial—or bargaining I suppose that is.
Anyway whatever, the point is that
I don’t know that everything happens for a reason,
but once something has happened the sooner you admit it—
like the sooner you admit,
“Whether I accept it or not, this is the truth,
so I better find a way to surrender to it.”
I mean I think that’s the trick really.