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没人能拥有想要的一切 – 译学馆
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没人能拥有想要的一切

Nobody Can Have It All, but You Can Learn to Cope | "New Yorker" Writer Ariel Levy

我是说 我认为
Well, I mean, I think that
人们 女人们 有这样一个有趣的想法
there’s this funny idea that people have, that women have,
女权主义不知怎么地说过我们可以拥有一切
that feminism somehow said that we can have it all.
但女权主义没有这么说
And feminism did not say that.
你知道 我认为
You know I think that the thinking that
你在生活中可以拥有你想要的一切的想法
you can have every single thing you want in life
不是一个女权主义者的想法
is not the thinking of a feminist,
而是一个蹒跚学步的孩子的想法
it’s the thinking of a toddler.
不只是女人
And it’s not just about women,
没有人——任何人都不能能拥有他们想要的一切
nobody, not anybody can have everything they want.
女权主义者说你是个完全人
That feminism says you’re fully human,
作为一个女人你是一个完整的人
you’re a full human being as a woman;
但是人的生存条件并不会让你得到生活中你想要的一切
but the human condition is not getting everything you want in life,
所以这个原则也适用于我们女人
so it stands the reason that would apply to us too.
我想 你知道
I think that, you know,
有很多文化和宗教
there are plenty of cultures and religions
通过它们的坚持让我们对(没人能得到他想要的一切)印象深刻
that impress that upon their, you know, adherence
我认为我们的文化和宗教此时还不是他们中的一员
and I think that ours at this moment in time is not one of them.
我真的认为
I really thought that it was a worthwhile project
设法成为自己生活中的主角是非常有意义的事
to try to be the protagonist in my own life
而我想成为一名作家
and that I wanted to be a writer
还想成为一个冒险家
and I wanted to be like an adventurer.
我的意思是 这些是我尊敬并且渴望效仿的
I mean those are the kinds of non-traditional female lives
非传统女性的生活
that I looked up to and aspired to emulate.
我过去确实做到了
And I did get to do that,
作为纽约时报的一名作家 我确实这样做了
I do get to do that as a writer for The New Yorker
这感觉很棒 我很喜欢
and it’s great. I love it.
但我的经历是
But what my experience was,
如果你决定开始 你决定在37岁准备好要有一个家庭(生一个孩子)
if you start, you decide at 37, I’m ready to have a family,
一切都变了 变得一团糟 我就是这样
and anything goes wrong, as it did for me,
你会认为你有点没时间了
you thought that you’ve kind of run out the clock
然后你就放弃了
and then you don’t get to do that.
然后你错过了那部分生活
Then you’ve missed that part of life,
那个经验领域
that field of experience.
所以我认为 我想说的是
So I think that that’s what I was trying to say is that just,
我认为 人类女性有某种“设计缺陷”
I think that there’s sort of a design flaw in the human female animal,
就像在那一刻你感觉
that like at exactly the moment you feel
你终于可以足够成熟
you finally might be mature enough to be equipped
能照顾除自己以外的其他人了
to take care of a person other than your ownself,
而那一刻 你的身体却说 “我不干了”
that is the moment when your body says, “I’m out.”
对男人说却不一样
And it’s not the same for men.
那是女人要承担的苦难
That is a woman’s cross to bear.
那件事(指怀孕5月失去孩子)发生几个月后
A couple months after it happened,
我在朋友四十生日派对上
I was at my friends 40th birthday party
我和她聊天 她说
and I was talking to this woman and she said,
“你是觉得所有坏事情都发生在你身上的艾莉尔吗?”
“Are you the Ariel who all the bad things happen to?”
我的第一个想法是 你认识多少个艾莉尔?
And my first thought was, How many Ariel’s do you know?
然后 当然 我说 “我就是那个艾莉尔”
But then, of course, I said, “Yes I am that Ariel.”
然后她说 “好吧 万事皆有因”
And she said, “Well, everything happens for a reason.”
我的回答是
And my response to that was like,
“发生的一切都有几个原因
“Well everything happens for several reasons,
像我出来在这里跟你说话
like I’m out here talking to you
因为我离开了客厅 来到了走廊上
because I left the living room and came onto the porch,
这就是这件事发生的原因”
so that’s the reason this is happening.”
我的意思是 所有的事情都有一个原因 还有很多其他的原因
I mean everything of course happens for a reason and other many a bunch of reasons.
当人们说“万事皆有因”时 人们真正的意思是
What people really mean when they say,
“一切都是为了你好”
“Everything happens for a reason” is, “Everything happens for your own good,”
我认为这是一个非常可笑的自我安慰
which I just think is an incredibly ludicrous lullaby to sing to yourself.
我认为更重要的
I think the more important thing–
不是像“万事皆有因”之类的话
It’s not like “oh everything happens for a reason,”
而是“事情发生了”
it’s like, “well no, everything happens.”
就像曾经发生的一些事
like once something has happened-
你知道 例如
you know, so for example,
当我沉浸在浓浓的悲伤中时
when I was like in the thick of my grief,
我在早上醒来 我觉得
I would wake up in the morning and I would just feel like,
“不 这是不可接受的
“No, this is unacceptable.
我不接受这个
I don’t accept this.
我不同意这个现实
I don’t agree to this reality.
我不想让我儿子死了
I don’t want my son to be dead.
这对我来说不好”
It’s not cool with me.”
我的意思是 我认为这是悲伤的一个阶段
I mean I think that’s one of the stages of grief,
恐惧就是否认或讨价还价
fright is denial—or bargaining I suppose that is.
反正无论如何 关键是
Anyway whatever, the point is that
我不知道这一切的发生是否有原因
I don’t know that everything happens for a reason,
但是一旦发生了一些事情 你越早承认越好—
but once something has happened the sooner you admit it—
就像你越早承认
like the sooner you admit,
“无论我是否接受 这是事实
“Whether I accept it or not, this is the truth,
所以我最好找个方式向它投降 “
so I better find a way to surrender to it.”
我的意思是我认为这才是真正的诀窍
I mean I think that’s the trick really.

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视频概述

作者告诉我们,没人能在生活中得到自己想要的一切,作者选择冒险,成为自己生活的主角,直到37岁那年,想要一个孩子,太晚了~她认为生物钟是一个女性的“设计缺陷”,而当它错乱导致作者五个月时失去孩子时,“万事皆有因”并不能安慰她,最后帮助她的是想悲伤屈服,彻底沉浸在悲伤中,作者认为这才是真正的诀窍

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03wKDjPwrA0

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