Hi, my name is Jennie and this story is about my OCD.
嗨 我是Jennie 这个故事是关于我的强迫症
You may think OCD is about having to keep things clean and tidy all the time.
But some people’s OCD is actually about keeping things even.
Say there were two books next to each other on a table,
but they weren’t completely lined up with each other exactly.
I wouldn’t put them straight right away.
I would have to kind of swap them around
so that they both would have the right amount of time in front of the other book.
Only after a couple of minutes
I would be able to straighten them out so that they were in line.
Way more complicated than you thought, right?
So I was about nine years old
when I started making little changes to my everyday life.
You see, I was right-handed,
and I very much favored my right hand.
In fact, I did just about everything I could with my right hand, or my right leg.
Anything like that. I would just hate using my left hand for anything.
I even had to step on cracks in the road or pavement with my right foot.
Anyway, when I was 10 years old, one day,
I suddenly thought, what was I doing?
Why was I completely leaving out my left hand?
Notice how I say leaving out
– that was what it felt like.
It felt like I needed to even things out to make it fair.
That was when my OCD started, I guess.
First of all, I told myself
I would have to go a whole year only using my left hand
and to make up for the year before .
After about a year,
I finally felt like it was even between my left and right hands,
but then I had to go around using my right and left sides equally.
And I can tell you, it was not easy.
My OCD only started getting worse from there.
For example, I had to count all the time in my head,
every time I breathe or even blinked.
It was tedious, but I just couldn’t stop myself.
Another thing that a lot of people with OCD experience
is constantly feeling like somebody is listening to your thoughts.
You feel like you’ll be punished somehow if you don’t think the right things.
OCD is awful to live with.
If you think you may have OCD, talk to someone.
Don’t keep it to yourself like I did.
One day, I told my parents. They took me to a counselor.
She really helped to improve how I was feeling.
I hardly ever have to do any of my little OCD rituals anymore.
I guess there is a lesson to this story.
Don’t suffer in silence.