-We’ve been married 18 years, and we balance each other out.
And it’s good for our kids,
because they see two different ways of doing things —
completely different ways of doing things.
-She’s a real good mom.
She sees what they need, she sees how to give it to them,
and, also, she sees how to just to have joy with them
in their lives.
There’s a song called “True Companion,”
and I was so taken by this song
that we used it as the wedding march.
Well, the last verse of the song,
which we cut off before the ceremony started,
was, “And when life has done irreparable harm,”
and about two old people walking through the final days.
And I hadn’t even thought about that
until I heard the song recently the other day.
I said, “We’re not really gonna do that.”
You know, “We’re not gonna walk through the final days together,
because one of us is going out far too soon.”
-I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago.
And then, I was diagnosed stage IV 18 months ago.
I know my cancer’s terminal, but you can be optimistic with that.
You know, I’ve handled it with humor,
and Matt even made a joke about that the other day
我当时就在想 太好了 他懂我
that I thought, “Oh, yeah, he gets it.”
你懂得 这就是人生的一部分 谈论它没问题的
It’s, you know, part of life, and it’s okay to talk about.
Chris is — doesn’t talk about it as much,
但是 你懂得 我会提起此病
but, you know, I bring it up.
It’s not a secret in our family.
-When I started dating my girlfriend, Alex,
I would joke all the time that Alex is pregnant.
And I would get this huge reaction out of Mom
all the time, and it was never positive.
She was always mad at me.
-Well, I raised my older boy to be —
to wait for marriage before babies,
但是 你懂得 别管这些
but, you know, forget that.
Just go ahead.
I mean, “Forget what I taught you.” [ Laughs ]
You know, I’ve done the research,
and most people do have a stage II cancer diagnosis,
and I had no reason to believe
that I wasn’t gonna be one of them.
So everything that I did when I talked to my family
was alone those lines, “Yes, I have cancer
and I have to have treatment, but I will be fine.”
And it never occurred to me that I would end up being
one of the 30% who moves on to stage IV.
I understand that it’s gonna happen.
And I don’t want it to happen.
If I could do anything to stop it, I would.
但是 于事无补 我该做的都做了
But I — I can’t. I’m doing everything I can.
I had half my liver removed, I’m doing all the chemos,
I’m doing everything they tell me.
But I understand the diagnosis, and what typically happens is,
you do a chemo or treatment,
and it works for a short period of time,
and then it stops working.
And you do another one, and it works,
and then it stops working.
And eventually, they all stop working.
And I think my family thinks
that one of them is gonna work for years,
and that isn’t the way it works.
Maybe I just want to keep the cancer at bay
for as long as I can.
I don’t want this to affect my family
until it has to affect them.
And I want them to live their lives…
not with cancer, you know, if that makes sense.
We’re starting to look at colleges for Matt,
and it’s really hard for me to do those things.
But I’m still gonna do them
because I want him to have that normal experience.
Someday, his life won’t be normal,
but I’m gonna push that away as long as I can.
-The graduation is the big keystone.
I’m, of course, a little scared
that something bad will happen up until then,
但是 现在 我希望我的担心是多余的
but currently, that’s my big repressor.
That’s what’s keeping me
from, you know, breaking down all the time
is because she’s gonna make it to the graduation,
and that’s only a year and a half away.
-Ann is not at a position in her life
to quit trying to live longer,
and so she wants every minute she can get.
She wants every treatment option that she can find.
因为 对于她来说 再活个2年或3年很重要
Because, to her, living another two or three years is important.
Living another six would be even better.
-You know, I would really love to see my older son be a father.
More than even having a grandbaby,
I just want to see him be a father.
And I know he’s gonna be a fantastic father,
and I wish I could be there to see that.
You know, my younger son,
I know that he’s gonna do something great with school
and get a graduate degree or something,
and I would love to see him walk across that stage
with that accomplishment.
[ Sighs ]
It’s — It’s sad to think I won’t be there, but…
I know they’re gonna do it.
I have faith in them, so…
-And I don’t — I don’t know
whether I’ve even said this very often.
I love the perspective she brings to things.
It makes me grow as a human being,
understanding things from her perspective.
And I don’t think I say that nearly often enough, either,
is the positive influence she has on my life.
-I take the time
to see everything now that I didn’t before.
去看看树的生长 鸟儿啾啾 以及大自然的美
Just the beauty of the trees turning, birds, nature,
还有我儿子的笑脸 他是那么的帅气 你知道吗
my son’s smile, how beautiful he is, you know?
My husband’s smile.
I mean, I just take a lot of time to notice those things,
and that is the trick to surviving this diagnosis,
is living in the moment.
You can’t do that when you’re just a mess.
-Life after death is not the issue.
It’s living life well up to that point.
I tell her how pretty she is now more than I used to.
It’s still true. She’s a beautiful woman.
-Most people live with blinders on,
and they’re so caught up in all the little things
that distract you from what really matters.
When all that stuff is kind of washed away,
and, you know, your life gets clean,
you see what really counts, and that’s the people you love.
-Although I’m sure that, in my actions, she can read it,
you know, in my behavior, she can read it,
I don’t think I tell her enough that I love her.
-I definitely don’t tell her enough.
-We need to rethink that.
-I’ll always remember.
-Yeah, we will never forget.
-My children are my legacy.
I have raised two good boys,
and they’re gonna either do good things in the world
or they’re going to be loving fathers and raise good children
and, you know, just be good people, and that’s my legacy.
I’m very happy with my children. [ Chuckles softly ]
I’m happy for every single day I’m here.