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爱上真实的自我 – 译学馆
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爱上真实的自我

Love Me for Who I Really Am

我们的文化使得我们倾向于相信
Our culture strongly inclines us to the view
真爱就是必须完完全全的接受另一个人
that genuine love must involve complete acceptance
接受他们的优点
of another person in their good and
更要接受他们的缺点
especially in their somewhat bad sides.
在和爱人争吵的时候
In moments of fury with our partners,
我们往往大吼 “爱我就接受真正的我”
we may be tempted to dismiss their complaints against us, with the cry:
用来消散他们对我们的抱怨
“Just love me as I am!”
但是事实上 在一段恋爱关系中
but in truth none of us should want to remain
没有人想一直保持原来的样子 所以
exactly as we are in love and therefore none
在爱情中没有人可以强烈地要求另一半一味容忍
of us should, too strongly, want another person to love
或只接受我们内心的缺点
as opposed to tolerate or simply forgive what is warped within us.
真爱更应该被定义为
Genuine love might be defined
温柔且有耐心的帮助对方成为更好的人
as gently and kindly helping someone to become the best version of themselves,
而不是接受那个不好的对方
not accepting themselves precisely as they are.
某人试着帮助我们进步
It isn’t a betrayal of love for someone
教导我们去成为更好的人
to try to help us to evolve, to
那不是背叛爱情
teach us, to become better people.
事实上 那或许是真爱最有力的证据
In fact, it may be the highest proof of genuine commitment.
不幸的是 在浪漫主义潮流的影响之下
Unfortunately,under this way
我们一直对情感教育
of a romantic ideology that makes us suspicious
抱有怀疑的态度 最后
of emotional education,
大多数人在恋爱时会成为糟糕的老师或学生
most of us end up being terrible teachers and equally terrible students in relationships.
我们往往不接受合理的事物
We don’t accept the legitimacy,
更别说对方想要教我们的高尚
let alone the nobility
我们绝不承认的是
of others desire to teach us and we can’t acknowledge areas, where
我们可能是需要被教的那一个
we might need to be taught.
我们抵抗另一半对我们的教育
We rebel against the very structure of a lover’s education
抵抗那些合乎情理的
that would enable criticism to be molded
尝试让我们变好的批评
into sensible sounding lessons and to be heard as
去逃避我们个性中更多有问题的地方
caring attempts to reject the more troublesome aspects of our personalities.
当对方开始出现教师般的腔调时
At the first sign that the other person is adopting a”teacherly” tone, we tend to
我们会感到受到攻击和背叛
assume that we’re being attacked and betrayed and therefore
关上我们的耳朵
we close our ears to the instruction reacting
并对“老师”采取讽刺和攻击性行为
with sarcasm and aggression to the teacher.
我们的观点很容易理解 就像对于母亲来说
Our stance is deeply understandable. To the mother everything
她孩子的一切都是完美的
about her tiny infant is delightful.
他们一点点也不需要改变
They wouldn’t change even the smallest thing; their baby
他们本身就是如此完美
is perfect just as it is.
我们把这种态度带到了爱情中
Our idea of love has taken this kind of attitude very much to heart.
从小到大 我们就觉得爱本来就应该是这样
It’s what we grow up thinking that love is supposed to be like.
任何想要改变我们 帮助我们成长
The suggestion that another person could
或者提升自己的建议都被视为是对爱的侮辱
want us to change grow or improve is taken as an insult to love.
但问题是
The problem is,
事实上 母亲从未爱过我们真正的样子
the mother never in fact loved us just as we were.
她只希望我们能不断成长
She hoped we would keep growing up.
并且这种想法一直存在
And the need to keep growing up is still there.
这就导致我们的身体已经很成熟了
Our bodies may be fully formed but our
但是心智总是有待发展
psyches always have some growing up still to do.
所以如果爱人不爱我们本来的自己
We should never hold it against our lovers
我们也不应该就此反抗他们
if they don’t love us just as we are.
因为他们正在做一些非常慷慨的事 让我们变得更好
They’re doing something far more generous— wanting us to be a little better.
如果你想更多的了解爱情
If you want to learn more about love,
试着读一下《如何寻找爱》的书
try our book on how to find love, which explains why
它阐释了我们行为的缘由
we have the types we do,
介绍了我们早年的经历是如何影响我们选择爱人的
and how our early experiences give us scripts of how, and whom we love.

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视频概述

在一段恋爱关系中应该如何表达爱和接受爱

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJweTjq6qYk

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