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关于孤独

Loneliness

Everybody feels lonely from time to time.
每个人都会时不时地感到孤独
When we have no one to sit next to at lunch,
没有人共进午餐时
when we move to a new city,
搬去一座新城市时
or when nobody has time for us at the weekend.
或没有人共度周末时
But over the last few decades,
而过去的几十年里
this occasional feeling has become chronic for millions.
这偶尔出现的感受 已变成数百万人的慢性病
In the UK,
在英国
60 % of 18 to 34-year-olds say they often feel lonely.
18至34岁的人中 60%表示他们经常感到孤独
In the US, 46% of the entire population feel lonely regularly.
在美国 46%的人常常感到孤独
We are living in the most connected time in human history.
我们活在人类史上联系最紧密的时代
And yet, an unprecedented number of us feel isolated.
然而 却有空前数量的人感到孤独
Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing.
孤独和独处不是一回事
You can be filled with bliss by yourself
你可能在独处中感到满足
and hate every second surrounded by friends.
却厌倦被朋友环绕的每一秒
Loneliness is a purely subjective, individual experience.
孤独是一种纯粹主观的 个人的体验
If you feel lonely, you are lonely.
如果你感到孤独 你就是孤独的
A common stereotype is that loneliness only happens to
一个常见的偏见是 孤独只发生在
people who don’t know how to talk to people, or how to behave around others.
不善于与人交谈或相处的人身上
But population-based studies have shown
但研究表明
that social skills make practically no difference for adults
对成年人而言 社交技能
when it comes to social connections.
对其社会关系没有明显的影响
Loneliness can affect everybody:
孤独能影响每一个人
money, fame, power, beauty,
财富 名望 权力与美貌
social skills, a great personality;
社交能力 甚至性格好
Nothing can protect you against loneliness
都不能保你免受孤独
because it’s part of your biology.
因为这是你生理的一部分
1 孤独是什么?
Loneliness is a bodily function, like hunger.
孤独是一种身体机能 就像饥饿一样
Hunger makes you pay attention to your physical needs.
饥饿让你关注自己的生理需求
Loneliness makes you pay attention to your social needs.
孤独使你关注你的社群需求
Your body cares about your social needs,
你的身体之所以会关注你的社群需求
because millions of years ago
是因为在几百万年前
it was a great indicator of how likely you were to survive.
这是存活可能性的一个重要指标
Natural selection rewarded our ancestors for collaboration,
自然选择让我们的祖先学会相互协作
and for forming connections with each other.
以及建立彼此之间的联系
Our brains grew and became more and more fine-tuned to
我们的大脑不断进化 并越来越善长于
recognize what others thought and felt,
辨别他人的想法和感受
and to form and sustain social bonds.
以去形成 维系社会纽带
Being social became part of our biology.
社交成为我们生理本能的一部分
You were born into groups of 50 to 150 people
我们出生在50至150人的群体中
which you usually stayed with for the rest of your life.
并通常会与这个群体相处一生
Getting enough calories,
摄入足量的卡路里
staying safe and warm,
保持安全和取暖
or caring for offspring
以及养育后代
was practically impossible alone.
几乎是一个人不可能完成的
Being together meant survival.
团队协作 意味着生存
Being alone meant death.
孤单一人 意味着死亡
So it was crucial that you got along with others.
所以在过去 与他人和谐相处至关重要
For your ancestors,
对你的祖先来说
the most dangerous threat to survival was not being eaten by a lion,
对于生存 最大的威胁不是被狮子吃掉
but not getting the social vibe of your group and being excluded.
而是无法与大家相处 被群体排挤在外
To avoid that,
于是 为了避免以上情况
your body came up with ‘social pain’.
你的身体进化出“社交疼痛”
Pain of this kind is an evolutionary adaptation to rejection:
这种痛苦是针对排斥 进化出的反应:
a sort of early warning system
一种早期的预警系统
to make sure you stop behavior that would isolate you.
来确保你停止那些会令你被孤立的行为
Your ancestors who experienced rejection as more painful
历过更痛苦的排斥的祖先们
were more likely to change their behavior when they got rejected
更可能在收到排斥时 改变自己的行为
and thus stayed in the tribe,
他们因此可以留在部落中
while those who did not,
而那些没有改变行为的人
got kicked out and most likely died.
会被踢出部落 且很可能死亡
That’s why rejections hurt.
这就是为什么被人排斥是痛苦的
And even more so, why loneliness is so painful.
更重要的是 这也是为什么孤独让人痛苦
These mechanisms for keeping us connected
这些让我们保持连接的机制
worked great for most of our history,
在大部分的历史中都起了很大的作用
until humans began building a new world for themselves.
直到人类们开始为自己建造一个新世界
2 现代世界的弊端
The loneliness epidemic we see today
我们今天所看到的孤独流行症状
really only started in the late Renaissance.
其实仅源起于文艺复兴后期
Western culture began to focus on the individual.
西方文化开始关注个体
Intellectuals moved away from the collectivism of the Middle Ages,
知识分子远离了中世纪的集体主义
while the young Protestant theology stressed individual responsibility.
年轻的新神学亦强调个人责任
This trend accelerated during the Industrial Revolution.
这一趋势在工业革命期间加速发展
People left their villages and fields to enter factories.
人们离开各自的村庄和田地 进入工厂
Communities that had existed for hundreds of years began to dissolve,
存在了数百年的社区开始瓦解
while cities grew.
与此同时 城市开始扩张
As our world rapidly became modern,
随着世界迅速地现代化
this trend sped up more and more.
这种趋势变得越来越快
Today, we move vast distances
今天 我们需要到很远的地方
for new jobs, love and education,
去寻求工作 爱人和教育
and leave our social net behind.
并把我们的社交网络抛在身后
We meet fewer people in person,
我们见面的人越来越少
and we meet them less often than in the past.
见面的次数也比过去少了
In the US, the mean number of close friends
在美国 人们拥有的亲密朋友平均数量
dropped from 3 in 1985 to 2 in 2011.
1985年为3人 2011年则下降为2人
Most people stumble into chronic loneliness by accident.
大多数人不经意地陷入了长期孤独
You reach adulthood and become busy with work,
当你成年后逐渐忙于工作
university, romance, kids and Netflix.
上大学 谈恋爱 照顾孩子 看电视
There’s just not enough time.
时间总是不够了
The most convenient and easy thing to sacrifice is time with friends.
与朋友相处的时间 总是最轻易被牺牲的
Until you wake up one day and realize that you feel isolated;
直到有一天你醒来 意识到你很孤独
that you yearn for close relationships.
并渴望拥有亲密关系
But it’s hard to find close connections as adults
但是作为成年人也很难再找到亲密关系
And so, loneliness can become chronic.
因此 孤独会演变成一种慢性病
While humans feel pretty great about things
当人类对某些事物感觉很棒时
like iPhones and spaceships,
像苹果手机和太空飞船
our bodies and minds are fundamentally the same they were 50,000 years ago.
我们的身体和思想基本与五万年前相同
We are still biologically fine-tuned to being with each other.
为了和他人相处 我们仍会本能地调整自己
3 孤独的危害
Large scale studies have shown
大量的研究表明
that the stress that comes from chronic loneliness
长期孤独带来的压力
is among the most unhealthy things we can experience as humans.
是人类能经历最不健康的事情之一
It makes you age quicker,
它让你衰老的更快
it makes cancer deadlier,
让癌症更加致命
Alzheimer’s advance faster,
让老年痴呆症发展更快
your immune systems weaker.
让你的免疫系统变得更加脆弱
Loneliness is twice as deadly as obesity
孤独的致命性是肥胖的两倍
and as deadly as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
与每天吸一包烟同等致命
The most dangerous thing about it is that once it becomes chronic,
最危险的是一旦它变成慢性
it can become self-sustaining.
它就会恶性循环
Physical and social pain use common mechanisms in your brain.
身体和社交的疼痛 对你的大脑作用的机制相似
Both feel like a threat,
两者都被视为威胁
and so, social pain leads to immediate
因此当社交疼痛对你造成伤害时
and defensive behaviour when it’s inflicted on you.
会立即触发大脑中的防御行为
When loneliness becomes chronic,
当陷入漫长的孤独中时
your brain goes into self-preservation mode.
你的大脑将会开启自保模式
It starts to see danger and hostility everywhere.
它开始发现危险和敌意无处不在
But that’s not all.
而不只这样
Some studies found that when you’re lonely,
一些研究表明 当你孤独的时候
your brain is much more receptive and alert to social signals,
你的大脑会更敏感 并更容易接收到社交信号
while at the same time,
与此同时
it gets worse at interpreting them correctly.
你的大脑很难去正确地解读它们
You pay more attention to others but you understand them less.
你更多地关注别人 却对他们了解得更少
The part of your brain that recognises faces gets out of tune
大脑识别面部表情的部分变得不灵光
and becomes more likely to categorize neutral faces as hostile,
更容易将面无表情辨别为恶意
which makes it distrustful of others.
导致你不信任别人
Loneliness makes you assume the worst about others’ intentions towards you.
孤独使你对别人的意图 做出最坏的假设
Because of this perceived hostile world,
因为你所感知到的世界充满敌意
you can become up more self-centered to protect yourself,
你会变得更加自我 以保护自己
which can make you appear
让你表现得比真实的你
more cold, unfriendly and socially awkward than you really are.
更冷漠 更不友善 更不合群
4 我们能做什么呢?
If loneliness has become a strong presence in your life,
如果孤独占据了你大部分的生活
the first thing you can do is to
首先你能做的是
try to recognise the vicious cycle you may be trapped in.
尝试分辨自己是否陷入了恶性循环
It usually goes something like this:
通常是这么发展的
An initial feeling of isolation leads to feelings of tension and sadness,
最初 孤立会引发不安与伤感
which makes you focus your attention selectively
这使你有选择地将注意力集中在
on negative interactions with others.
与他人消极的互动上
This makes your thoughts about yourself and others more negative,
让你对自己和他人的想法更加消极
which then changes your behavior.
并促使你的行为发生改变
You begin to avoid social interaction,
你开始逃避社交
which leads to more feelings of isolation.
从而导致了更多的隔绝感
This cycle becomes more severe and harder to escape each time.
这种循环越来越严重 每次都难以逃脱
Loneliness makes you sit far away from others in class,
孤独让你坐在班里远离别人的位置
not answer the phone when friends call,
不接朋友打来的电话
decline invitations until the invitations stop.
拒绝别人的邀请 直到没人再邀请你
Each and every one of us has a story about ourselves,
我们每个人都有自己的认知
and if your story becomes that people exclude you,
如果你认为别人排斥你
others pick up on that,
其他人就会察觉到
and so the outside world can become the way you feel about it.
那么你内心的认知会变成现实
This is often a slow creeping process that takes years,
这通常是一个慢慢蔓延的 花费数年的过程
and can end in depression and a mental state that prevents connections,
且最终通向由隔绝而生的抑郁
even if you yearn for them.
即使隔绝其实是你所向往的
The first thing you can do to escape it
想要脱离这种状态 首先你能做的
is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling
是接受孤独是一种完全正常的感受
and nothing to be ashamed of.
并没什么好羞耻的
Literally, everybody feels lonely
确切的说 每个人在人生中的某些时刻
at some point in their life,
都感到过孤独
it’s an universal human experience.
这是人类普遍会经历的体验
You can’t eliminate or ignore a feeling
你不能消灭或忽视一个感觉
until it goes away magically,
知道它悄然地消失
but you can accept that you feel it and get rid of its cause.
但你能接受自己对它的感知 并铲除根源
You can self-examine what you focus your attention on,
你可以自我审视注意力的集中点
and check if you are selectively concentrating on negative things.
自查是否过于关注负面的事情
Was this interaction with a colleague really negative,
刚刚与同事的是否是真的消极
or was it really neutral or even positive?
还是它其实是中立的 亦甚至是积极的?
What was the actual content of an interaction?
互动的实际内容是什么?
What did the other person say?
对方说了什么?
And did they say something bad,
他们说坏话了么?
or did you add extra meaning to their words?
还是你在过度解读了他们的语言?
Maybe another person was not really reacting negatively,
也许别人的反应并不是真的消极
but just short on time.
而只是赶时间
Then, there are your thoughts about the world.
那么 这些是你对这个世界的想法
Are you assuming the worst about others’ intentions?
你是否将别人的意图想的太坏?
Do you enter a social situation
你是否在进入一个社交场景前
and have already decided how it will go?
就先预判了接下来的发展?
Do you assume others don’t want you around?
你是否猜疑他人其实不希望你出现?
Are you trying to avoid being hurt
你是否为了避免被伤害
and not risking opening up?
而不去冒险打开心扉?
And, if so,
那么 如果是这样
can you try to give others the benefit of the doubt?
你可否尝试相信他们是“无辜”的
Can you just assume that they’re not against you?
可否只是设想一下他们并不是针对你
Can you risk being open and vulnerable again?
可否愿意冒着受伤的风险再次打开心扉
And lastly, your behaviour.
最后 你的行为
Are you avoiding opportunities to be around others?
是否在逃避与人相处的机会?
Are you looking for excuses to decline invitations?
是否在寻找谢绝邀请的借口?
Or are you pushing others away preemptively to protect yourself?
或是为了自我保护 而把别人推开?
Are you acting as if you’re getting attacked?
你表现得像正在受到攻击一般?
Are you really looking for new connections,
你是否真的在寻找新的关系
or have you become complacent with your situation?
还是对你的现状已经很满意?
Of course, every person and situation is unique and different,
当然 每个人和每种状态都是大不相同的
and just introspection alone might not be enough.
只是自我反省可能还不够
If you feel unable to solve your situation by yourself,
如果你觉得无法处理自己的情况
please try to reach out and get professional help.
请尝试主动寻求专业的帮助
It’s not a sign of weakness,
这并非软弱
but of courage.
而是勇敢的表现
However we look at loneliness,
不论我们从什么角度怎么看待孤独
as a purely individual problem
将它视作一个纯粹的个人问题
that needs solving to create more personal happiness,
需要解决它才能创造更多的幸福感
or as a public health crisis,
或视作一个公众健康危机
it is something that deserves more attention.
那么它应该得到更广泛的关注
Humans have built a world that’s nothing short of amazing,
人类创造了一个令人惊叹的世界
and yet, none of the shiny things we’ve made
然而 我们创造的美好事物中 没有一个
is able to satisfy or substitute our fundamental biological need for connection.
能够满足或替代我们连接彼此的基本生理需要
Most animals get what they need from their physical surroundings.
大多数动物从周边的物质环境中获取所需
We get what we need from each other,
而我们彼此需要
and we need to build our artificial human world based on that.
因此我们要以此为基础 创造人类新世界
Let’s try something together:
让我们一起尝试一些事情吧
let’s reach out to someone today,
今天 我们就去接触某个人
regardless if you feel a little bit lonely,
无论是因为你觉得有点孤独
or if you want to make someone else’s day better.
还是想让某个人的一天变得更好
Maybe write a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.
或许可以给许久没联系的朋友写封信
Call a family member who’s become estranged.
给逐渐疏远的家人打个电话
Invite a work buddy for a coffee,
请同事喝杯咖啡
Or just go to something you’re usually too afraid to go to
或者只是去做一些你平常害怕去
or too lazy to go to,
或懒得去做的事情
like a DND event or a sports club.
诸如龙与地下城活动或者运动俱乐部
Everybody’s different, so you know what’s a good fit for you.
人各有异 所以你自己知道哪种方式适合你
Maybe nothing will come of it,
也许不会有什么结果
and that’s okay.
但没关系
Don’t do this with any expectations.
不要抱着任何期望去做这件事
The goal is just to open up a bit;
目标仅仅是打开自己一点
to exercise your connection muscles,
去锻炼你的“社交肌肉”
so they can grow stronger over time,
他们会越来越强壮
or to help others exercise them.
或者可以帮助他人去锻炼
We want to recommend two of the books
我们想给你推荐两本书
we read while researching this video.
是我们调研本视频时读过的
‘Emotional First Aid’ by Guy Winch,
Guy Winch署名的《情感急救》
a book that addresses, among other topics,
其中有个话题是
how to deal with loneliness in a way
如何以一种有用且可行的方式
that we found helpful and actionable
来化解孤独
and’Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection’
以及John Cacioppo和William Patrick的
by John Cacioppo and William Patrick.
《孤独:人类天性以及对社交联系的需求》
It’s an entertaining and scientific exploration
这是一场令人愉悦且科学的探索
as to why we experience loneliness on a biological level,
关于从生物层面上 我们为什么要经历孤独
how it spread in society
它在社会上如何传播
and what science has to say about how to escape it.
以及科学地探讨如何去摆脱它
Links for both books are in the video description.
两本书的链接都在视频介绍里
Thanks for watching.
谢谢收看

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视频概述

每个人都会经历孤独,让我们去认识孤独的来源,常见的模式及危害,还有应对方式吧

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收集自网络

翻译译者

2Dan

审核员

审核员 EM

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA

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