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《艾米的内心》情景喜剧

Inside Amy Schumer - Sitcom

(男人)完美的表演通常都是现场直播
(man) Perfect matches is filmed before a live studio audience.
(新闻播音员)今晚7:15时 你的丈夫是不是背着你
(newscaster) Tonight on the 7:15 news, is your husband cheating on you
和一个比你更火热性感的女人在一起呢?
with a hotter woman?
等等 什么鬼?
Wait, what?
(大笑)
(laughing)
(欢呼声和掌声)
(cheering and applause)
你欺骗我了吗?
Are you cheating on me?
(笑)嘘~
(laughing)Shhh.
女童子军们就要找上门来了
The Girl Scouts are comin’.
所以呢?-所以,我欠她们2000美元
So?So, I owe ’em $2,000.
(大笑)
(laughing)
(女生) 你好啊 有人在吗?
(woman) Hello, anyone there?
哦 上帝
Oh my God.
她们从后门进来了
They got in the back door.
(大笑)
(laughing)
拿着……用这个把自己藏起来
Here… Hide under this.
(笑声)
(laughing)
什么时候吃午饭?
When’s lunch?
(欢呼声)
(cheering)
原来是Amy
It’s just Amy.
我还以为是女童子军呢
I thought you were a Girl Scout.
多谢夸奖
Thanks.
我们要去航海吗?
Going sailing?
(大笑)
(laughing)
其实 我正在着手开始做点生意
Actually, I’m about to go take care of some business.
(大笑)
(laughing)
我好害怕
I’m terrified.
我觉得Ralphie对我不忠诚
I think Ralphie’s cheating on me.
和谁一起欺骗你? 一个甜甜圈吗?
With what, a doughnut hole?
(浅笑)
(slight laughter)
(欢呼声)
(cheering)
(高声吹口哨声)
(whooping and whistling)
你不敲门的吗?
Don’t you knock?
我们从来不敲门
We don’t knock.
邮递员惯例只按两次门铃
The postman always rings twice.
(大笑)
(laughing)
你今天看起来真漂亮 Amy
You look very nice, Amy.
我喜欢你的发型
I like your haircut.
(观众发出“喔”的声音)
(audience “ooooh”ing)
你不应该是送完信就走么
Aren’t you just supposed to deliver the mail
怎么还在这套近乎?
and not pickup lines?
别这样嘛
Come on.
你什么时候才肯答应和我约会呢?
When are you going to let me take you out?
嗯?
Huh?
(欢呼声和掌声)
(cheering and clapping)
你现在在这里已经是算和我约会了
Your breath’s already doing it from there.
(几声浅笑)
(a few laughs)
(欢呼声)
(cheering)
Candy!(一只狗)
Candy!
嘿!(观众:喔~)
Hey!(whooping)
有人看见Candy了吗?
Anybody see Candy?
Ralphie 他每天的生活都是这样的
Ralphie, every day of his life.
嘿 没错啊 但最好少说点这样的玩笑
Hey, uh, ease up on the fat jokes.
这不是我的台词吗
That’s my scripted line.
演 接着演
You’re blowing this.
嘿 今天穿了新的牛仔裤么?
Hey, are those new jeans?
真帅 我喜欢
I like ’em.
哦 没错 谢谢夸奖
Oh, yeah… Thanks.
你口袋里装了一面镜子吧
Is there a mirror in your pocket,
因为亮得我都能照见我自己了
because I sure can see myself in ’em.
(一个男人的清嗓子的声音)
(one man clears throat)
这意味着我们会滚床单
‘Cause that would mean that we would have had sex.
接着说 我们听着呢
(man) We heard you.
(Bonnie) 就没一个人听我说话吗
(Bonnie) No one is even listening to me.
我说Ralphie和别的女人私会了
I think Ralphie’s seeing someone else.
(大笑)
(laughing)
其实吧 我们都知道他是不会做这种事的
Well, we know it’s not his feet.
(男人) 不 可能会
(man) No.
他妈的今天到底怎么了!
What the (bleep) is going on today?
(唔呼呼~ 冲厕所的声音)
(hooting, toilet flushing)
嗨 各位 我刚刚在厕所拉了好多粑粑 因为我很胖 哈哈
Hey, everybody, I just took a huge dump ’cause I’m so fat.
(大笑)
(loud laughing)
Ralphie 对于一只巨头鲸来说
Ralphie, you’re not that fat.
你还不算太胖
For a sperm whale.
(观众不赞成得哼声)
(groaning)
为什么? 为什么?
Why? Why?
我才没说错 每次都拿他肥来当笑点你们这些人就喜欢些这样的玩笑
No, every joke is that he’s so fat and you guys love it.
(起哄声)他不肥 不肥 * *你
(booing)No, no, (bleep) you.
什么–不是这样的
What– no.
这个节目一点都不好玩
This show is not funny.
真令人讨厌
It’s disgusting.
首先 这个印度人就长得很讨厌
It’s a horrible depiction of an Indian man, first of all.
什么时候吃午饭?
When is lunch?
(满堂哄然大笑)
(uproarious laughter)

No.
你们都是**的小绵羊
You’re all (bleep) sheep.
这些玩笑一点都不好笑
These jokes aren’t funny.
你们就是习惯了这种套路 习惯了笑他们
You’re just used to the rhythms and laughing at them!
不!(观众高呼)
No!(crowd chanting)
你们要带我去哪?
Where are you taking me?
(欢呼声和掌声)
(cheering and clapping)
(尖叫声 开枪声)
(screaming, gun fires)
你是Amy?
Amy?
你看起来很不一样
You look different.
没错 你知道吗 我自己也感觉焕然一新
Yeah, you know, I feel different.
(大笑)
(laughing)
亲爱的 我有个坏消息要告诉你
Honey, I’ve got terrible news.
(喘气) 你 背叛我了吗?
(gasping)Are you cheating on me?
不是 是厕所坏了
No, the toilet’s broken.
(大笑)
(laughing)
我好害怕 卟啦-卟啦-嘣
I was so scared, jinga-binga-boom.
你解决不了它 哇哦-哇哦 (大笑)
You got nothing to bow-wawow-wowow.(laughing)
嘟吧–嘟吧–嘟吧
Dubba-lubba-dubba-chowm-chowm.
(大笑)
(laughing)
啦啦啦啦啦
La-la-la-lala-la.
(沉寂)
(silence)
嘿 吧嗒–嘣–吧–嘣
Hey, badda-boom-bop-boom.
(大笑)
(laughing)
啥时候吃午饭?
When’s lunch?
(欢呼 演奏音乐声)
(cheering, music playing)
(欢呼声越来越响亮)
(cheering grows louder)
为了帝国的荣光我们给你带来多摄像头的享受
This mandatory multi-camera enjoyment program has been brought to you for the glory of the empire.

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2Vz3PcS2mM

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