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暗恋的颂歌

In Praise of Unrequited Love

人是务实的物种
We are a practical species,
我们提及爱情时
and when we think of love,
总会自然地关注这段关系的走向
it is normal to focus on the sort that goes places,
这种走向需要双方共同经营
that is mutual,
它促使双方建立恋人关系 甚至组建家庭
that leads people to form couples and perhaps one day households.
但有一种更独特的现实
But the more peculiar reality is
即人类爱情故事的很大一部分就是
that the greatest share of humanity’s love stories
一方情意暗投
have unfolded in a directionless form
然后在自己内心深处埋下暗恋的种子
in the recesses of the mind of only one party.
总而言之 至少可以说
It seems that we are –in aggregate at least –
我们首先会陷入这种不求回报的爱情
committed first and foremost to the unrequited version of love.
任何时候
At any point,
数以百万的爱情故事会被一个人默默编织着
millions of love stories are quietly being spun by one person
而他们的爱慕者
while the object of their adoration
完全不知情 无忧无虑地过自己的生活
goes about their business blithely unconcerned.
在火车上偶遇的陌生人
Someone watches someone else on a train,
在会议上偷偷多看了代表一眼
casts surreptitious glances at a delegate at a conference;
在商店不经意间回眸的顾客 这些都可能引起暗恋
carefully notes a fellow shopper’s manner in a grocery store –
然而地球还是照常转动
and the earth spins on undisturbed.
暗恋者很容易被忽视
Unrequited lovers are easy to dismiss
也很可怜
as not far from pathetic.
如果我们把人生计划得好一点 理智一点
If we were better designed and a little saner,
自然就不会对那些不准备与自己发展的人
we would of course never develop feelings for people
产生感情
who were not prepared to develop them for us –
也不会把时间浪费在不合理
nor squander our days on desires
或者没有实质结果的欲望上
without logical or practical outcome.
但是 若以更仁慈的眼光来看
But, looked at more benevolently,
暗恋会培养我们形成一种有益的 高尚的能力
there is something hugely salutary and noble about
就是做温柔的白日梦来娱乐自己
our capacity to entertain tender daydreams.
这举动能不给他人造成麻烦
It is a feat to be able to detonate powerful
还能引爆我们强烈的憧憬
longings without causing any inconvenience to other people.
人类的一个重大成就就是有做白日梦的能力
The ability to daydream is a significant human achievement.
不应该遏制人做白日梦的能力
Rather than wishing that we stop doing so,
一个不能白日做梦的人才让人担心
we should be worried by what might happen to us if we couldn’t daydream,
我们会面临这样的选择
if we were faced with the choice of either
要么接受荒芜的现实
accepting reality in all its barrenness
要么怀着不被接纳的欲望闯入他人的生活
or else of barging into the lives of others with unwanted desires.
而做白日梦是一个重要且巧妙的安全阀
Daydreaming is a vital and artful safety valve,
一方面可以顺从内心的想法
mediating between resignation on the one hand
另一方面可以释放自己的情感
and uncontained effusionson the other.
一路走来
Along the way,
暗恋给我们提供了一个时机
unrequited love provides us with an occasion
让我们能够锻炼自己的乐观主义倾向
to exercise our aptitudes for optimism.
在地球上生存了几十年
After a few decades on the earth,
我们很容易对人类产生憎恨
it is only too easy to start to hate our fellow
恨他们的平庸 自私 白痴
humans for their mediocrity, selfishness and idiocy.
但是一旦心有所爱
But with our beloved in mind, we can,
我们就能一度变得无限慷慨
for once, give free reign to a boundless generosity
一种只有上帝和新生儿的父母才持有的慷慨
that a god or the parent of a newborn might deploy.
我们会告诉自己找到了一个天使
We can tell ourselves that we have found an angel,
一个高尚的尤物
an exalted being,
在这种心境下 我们会觉得没什么比他们的绿眼睛更智慧
on the basis of nothing more than how wise their green eyes look
没什么比他们的酸奶酪午餐更精致
eyes look or how delicately they open their yogurt for lunch.
我们的结论带有妄想和夸大的成分
Our verdicts are a delusional exaggeration,
有许多实验证明人是令人失望的
but – given how much grounds there is to despair at the human experiment –
但人也是高尚的 可宽恕的
perhaps a noble and forgivable one as well.
这就是暗恋者的特权了
It is the privilege of unrequited love never to have to encounter
暗恋者从来不会面对现实相处带来的失望
the disappointment that follows from contact with reality.
我们对暗恋对象的了解
We are not after accurate knowledge
并没有那么精确
of what it would be like to coexist with this person.
我们不想知道
We don’t really want to know how
他可能会如何应对工作危机
they might behave in the midst of a crisis
或者他如何与父母度过周末
at work or over a holiday with their parents.
我们经受了很多这样的考验
We’ve been through enough such trials –
这些考验对我们有很好的教化作用
and the results aren’t edifying.
当然了
Of course they would,
我们与他们相处一段时间后就会发现
after a time in our arms,
他们没那么理想 和常人并无二致
prove less than ideal and a little more like everyone else we know.
这时我们会拒绝亲密接触
We may be denied intimacy,
因为我们认为他完美 甚至对他变得更完美持有无限的希望
but we are granted access to something arguably far nicer: boundless hope.
我们被一个人的外形或体形所吸引
We can attach to the form and figure of the person
但我们的渴望是无限的
we desire everything
我们想与真实的他接触
we so want to be true about human beings.
而暗恋对象就是我们欲望的载体
The beloved becomes the repository of every desire:
他们有独特的智慧 风趣 而且脾气好 颜值高
for a particular kind of intelligence, wit, temperament and outlook.
年龄越大 暗恋就越能激发我们的热情
The older we get, the more unrequited love brings us back into contact with a passion
我们希望暗恋是一种基本安慰
and hope that feels like an essential relief,
它让我们发现自己还能焕发活力 还能咯咯傻笑
like finding out that we can still run – or giggle.
暗恋对象在我们的想象中
In meditating on our beloved,
变成了一个理想人物
we’re not getting to know a real person;
我们自以为洞察了我们的理想爱人
we are gaining an insight into our ideals.
但某一天 或者就在不远的未来
One day, perhaps in the not too distant future,
我们会被思想警察环绕
we’ll be surrounded by a thought police
它会窥见我们的意愿 无情地向我们施加重担
that will look inside our minds at will and ruthlessly condemn for us
提醒我们这些千变万化的美景不过是白日梦
for all the phantasmagoria that goes on in them.
但至少在此刻
But for the moment at least,
我们能不受惩罚地幻想暗恋对象
we can have any thought we like withimpunity:
我们和他去葡萄牙度假
we and the beloved can go on holiday to Portugal,
生下4个可爱的小孩
can have four adorable children together,
彻夜在镇里的广场上跳舞
can dance in the town square all night –
而武装警卫永远不会发现我们
and the armed guards will neverknow.
很难和熟人分享我们正在经受的事情
It is hard to share with most acquaintances quite what we are going through.
但是那些对我们表示理解的朋友却可以成为我们特别感激的对象
But those who do understand become the targets of particular gratitude.
真正的朋友会纵容我们的蠢笨
A true friend will indulge our folly
并包容我们的这一闹剧
and be generous to our melodramas.
他们不会张嘴就让我们做检讨并严厉谴责我们
They will avoid the easy task of censoring and upbraiding us.
他们会充分照顾到我们的精神健康
They will have enough of an impression of our basic mental health
他们会绅士地看管我们 让我们从抑郁回到明智
to shepherd us only gently back to melancholic sanity.
暗恋这种剧情迫使我们发展出
Episodes of unrequited love force us to develop
一种针对自己的幽默感
a sense of humour about ourselves.
我们不可能把自己的暗恋结果想得太好
It is impossible to think too well of who we are in their aftermath.
暗恋必然会迫使我们走向一种基本的自我谦卑
Unrequited love edges us inevitably towards a basic humility.
最后我们确定这段感情真的是荒谬的
We are at last confirmed as truly ridiculous.
幸运的是 没人受到巨大的心理创伤
With any luck, no one gets hurt,
只不过是在人生的某个时刻
it is just that, for a time,
世界好像变得更加奇妙
the world seems a bit more wondrous,
更加振奋人心 更加充满福佑
more exciting and more blessed than usual.
暗恋是一种把渴望转换成具象的自然冲动
A natural impulse is to try to convert our longings into something more sensible,
它要么开始于一场恰当的风流韵事
either to start a proper love affair
要么就把它当作不配继续发展下去的白日梦任其夭折
or else to dismiss our dreams as too silly to nurture.
或许我们可以什么都不做
Maybe we should do neither,
就让这场暗恋顺其自然
but rather let the unrequited love exist on its own,
既别充分浇灌它 也别过分诅咒它
neither fully grown up nor wholly damnable,
既不对它怀着深深的恐惧 也不要故作淡定
neither deeply horrible nor quitesane.
暗恋只是一种具有复杂结构的思想
It is just the mind, a very complicated machine,
受渺小的自我存在驱使 推动
constrained by the narrowness ofexistence, turning its wheels,
然后被一种快乐和感官的幻象逗弄
tantalised by a vision of happiness and sensing,
暗恋非常正确又非常不可救药
quite rightly and quite hopelessly,
从而让生活产生了一种前所未有的充盈
that there could have been so much more to life than there ever will be.
感谢你们的观看
Thank you for watching,
请为本视频点赞 并关注我们的频道以获取更多信息
remember to like the video and subscribe to our channel for more.
我们的书《恋爱的悲伤》
Our book, Sorrows of Love,
教大家如何解决恋爱中不可避免的悲伤
helps us all handle the inevitable sorrows of love.

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视频概述

对一个人暗生情愫,是把这份爱意挑明,等着被裁决…还是不对他或她产生困扰,将爱意掩埋,让它带着夸张和美化,尘封成记忆里的一段美好…

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员YX

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4t4PliUmdI

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