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我做了几张很丑的桌子 – 译学馆
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我做了几张很丑的桌子

I made some pretty ugly desks

今天我不做劣质机器人了
So today I’m not gon na make a shitty robot
我要做个完全不同的东西
but something that’s like, kind of the opposite
一个既野蛮又传统的东西
which is both very wild and conventional at the same time
因为当你在做劣质机器人时
because when you make a shitty robot,
你在用机器人学中非常复杂的东西
you take something that’s like really sophisticated as in robotics
做成另一个烂东西
and you turn it into something terrible,
但我想用一些便宜无趣的东西
but I want to make something nice
制作个好东西
out of something that’s like kind of cheap and boring.
斯科特:我要化个妆吗?
Scott: I’m gettin a makeover?
你要化个妆吗?
You’re getting a makeover?
好啊 斯科特 我有很多电动工具和胶带
Yes Scott, I have lots of power tools and tape,
我们可以做点东西出来
we could figure something out
就像那卷胶带一样
Just like the little tuck in tape.
家……家……胶带 不
Cut tuck tape, No.
呃 我要为楼上的办公室做三张桌子
Uh, I’m gonna make three desks for the office upstairs
就用OSB 它也叫“噢 这种板子”
out of OSB also known as Oh, Such Board.
它是由木片 蜡和树脂压缩而成
It’s made by wood flakes that are compressed with like wax and resin
它是个特别便宜而且常见的建材
and it’s just like… super cheap and common build material,
但你看看它们
but when you look at them,
它们的图案看上去不错
they kind of have like a nice pattern
我想我应该把图案漆上去
I was thinking I would like paint the pattern
或者填点木片进去
or like fill some of the wood flakes in.
这可行吗?
Does that make sense?
事实上 可不可行不重要
Actually, it doesn’t matter if it makes sense
只要你还愿意看这个视频
As long as you don’t stop watching the video.
听上去我在威胁你们
Sounds like I’m threatening people.
就像我说的那样 我有电动工具和胶带
As I said, I have power tools and tape
我要用胶合板把这粘在一起
I’m just gon na glue this together with some plywood
因为这又脆又薄
because it’s a little bit thin and flimsy
我需要找点重物
I need to find like heavy objects
在等它晾干的时候压住它
to weigh it down with as it’s drying
直接把当前政治形势放在上面好了
Just gon na put the current political situation on top,
或是电影中忠犬死了那样
or like movies where a loyal pet dies
我的灵魂
my soul
我想 用灵魂应该能压得住它
I think that ought to weigh it down
干得漂亮
Good job
我喜欢做木工
Oh man, I love woodworking,
但每当我要给什么抛光的时候
but whenever I have to sand something,
我就想半途而废
I want to give up like half way through,
就是这种情绪
which was the same sentiment
让我只上了一年大学就退学了
that made me drop out of college after just a year.
好吧 这还是有点区别的
Okay, it was a bit more nuanced than that.
关键是我现在还得还助学贷款
But the thing is I’m still paying off my student loans,
说到这个 我就顺便进个Lumerit的广告吧
which also segues me into the sponsored message from Lumerit.
好吧 我只用了两句话
Yeah, I managed to go from sanding to college debt
就从抛光跳到了大学贷款
in like two sentences.
我不知道你觉得厉不厉害 反正我会
I don’t know if that impresses you but it impresses me
我很随和的
I’m an easy crowd
不管怎么说 Lumerit这个服务
Anyway, Lumerit is a service
让你负担得起大学并迅速毕业
that helps you graduate quickly and affordably
不论你是上了大学却和我一样辍学了
whether you try to go to college and you didn’t finish like me
或者你担心太贵了交不起学费
or if you’re just worried about how much it’ll cost,
他们会告诉你你多久能拿到毕业证
they help show you exactly how long your degree will take
还有要花多少钱
and how much it will cost
他们把每一步列成计划清单
And they make a list like step-by-step plans
保证你不用上对你毕业毫无帮助的课
to guarantee that you don’t take any classes that don’t count towards your degree
上在线课程 能让你拿到任何学校的毕业证
with online courses you can graduate from any school that you choose
你也不用买书
and you don’t have to buy any books
只要花上几秒 就能报名上课
and you can register for classes in just a few seconds,
你可以随时上lumerit.com/simone网站学习
and start at any time by going to lumerit.com/simone.
就是lumerit.com/simone
That’s lumerit.com/simone,
对 你没看错 就是我
which is me, in case you were wondering.
斯科特 你好
Hi, Scott.
行啊 你就呆在那吧
It’s fine, you can be up there.
我要给桌子上色
I’m just gonna paint the – the desks,
我到现在还奢望着它们会好看
I still have my hopes up that they’re gonna turn into something pretty.
斯科特:我每天早上都是这样告诉自己的
Scott: That’s what I tell myself every morning.
我也不知道我喜不喜欢它
I don’t know if I like it or not.
喂 我花了5个小时给它上色
Man, I spent like five hours painting this
所以我觉得我应该喜欢它
so I feel like I kind of just have to like it.
当你投入一件事时
You know when you invest in so much into something
你还有选择喜不喜欢的机会吗?
that you don’t have a choice whether you like it or not?
就像父母养小孩
Kind of like the parent of a teenager.
好吧 我要给另外两张桌子上色了
Okay, I need to paint the other two desks
我要上不同的颜色
and they’re gon na be different colors,
那样大概好看点
so maybe that would look better.
就多花点时间吧
Let’s just spend some more time on it
明早大概看起来就截然不同了
and then things might look different in the morning.
是她说的
That’s what she said
确实慢到不行呀
Yup, it’s super fucking slow.
我很喜欢用很基础的材料
I just really like taking very basic materials
就那种别人懒得注意的
and that people kind of don’t pay any attention to
弄点好东西出来
and trying to make them look nice,
就像我喜欢用印刷电路板制作艺术作品
like I love art made out of PCB.
只要有电路板那样的东西就行
You’ve got, like, a circuit board material and stuff like that works like
如果有人愿意花点时间瞧一眼
If somebody would just take a second and look at it and be
哦 我可以用这个做点东西
like hey, I can make something out of this
完工了
I’m done
三张桌子
Got three desks,
三张桌子全部抛光 粘合 边缘也都弄圆了
so all three desks are sanded and glued and the edges are rounded,
我给它们上了色 涂了亮光漆
I painted them and then put varnish on top
看看他们
and here they are
我把这叫做”碎冰”
I called this one Broken Ice.
这个有点像有脓的皮肤感染
This one is something to do with like a skin infection or like pus
就像脓泡
like pussy blister
这个词是不是写起来和那什么一样……天啊
Is pussy spelled the same way as.. oh fuck
那对我来说也太粗俗了
That might be too crude even for me
噢 我们就叫它”皮肤感染”吧
oh, let’s just call it like Skin Infection.
用瑞典语也行 这样听起来像宜家的家具
or like”Hudinfektion” in Swedish, so it sounds like IKEA furniture
这个忘了带卫生棉条上班
This one’s forgot to bring a tampon to work
好的 桌子都做好了!
Also, I’m all like”the desks are done!”
但它们显然没有桌脚
but they obviously still don’t have legs on them
不过我周一要去瑞典旅游了
But I’m traveling to Sweden on Monday
和我家人一起
to hang out with my family
以及我终于把游艇卖掉了
And also I’m finally selling my house boat
所以我可能没时间完成它们了
so I won’t have time to finish them
你们凑合着看看
You’ll just have to make do with really nice shots of them
它们放在肥料桶和垃圾桶上的照片
standing on like a compost bin and a recycling bin
你可以叫我
You may not call me,
劣机女王
not only the Queen of shitty robots,
或者高端家具女王
but also the queen of high-end furniture,
我也不懂
I don’t know. I don’t know.
虽然它们很丑 不过谁不一样呢
They’re kind of ugly but who isn’t?
就到这里吧
That’s all.
一旦完工我会去Ins发张照片
I’ll post a photo on Instagram once they are done,
不过你们最好别抱有太大期望
but don’t hold your breath for it.
好吧 再见
Okay, bye.

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视频概述

看机器人女王如何变身家具女王

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Zeitgeist

审核员

审核员B

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6Et6qvPiNw

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