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给《X战警:天启》换个结尾

How X-Men Apocalypse Should Have Ended

他们会把你带走吗
Are they going to take you away?
当然不会 但是你很可能会死亡
No, of course not, but you’re most likely going to die.
什么 是的 包括你妈妈
What?! Yep and your mother too.
真的真的很遗憾
It’s going to be really, really sad.
为什么
But why?
因为要把我变成坏人他们要做些牺牲
Because they have to do something to make me evil again
哈哈哈(颤抖中)
Hahaha! (whimpering)
晚安 美梦 我的小宝贝
Nighty night! Sweet dreams, pumpkin.
嘿 你是哪个东西
Hey, who are you?
滚出我的房间 蓝脸
Get out of my rock out room, blue face!
笨蛋 没人会喜欢你的
No one likes you, stupid.
真的吗 你可以变成最棒的变异体
Really? This is the best mutant you can come up with?
呃 我一拍翅膀就能飞到你面前
Ummm… I’m gonna flap my wings so fast at you.
我需要厉害的变异体站在这一边 但是奇怪的是
I mean I need powerful mutants on my side and I have this weird thing where I
我只能找四个变异者并且鸟人你最好站在我这儿
can only use 4 and the best you can do is Birdman over here???
闭嘴
Shut up.
还有魔形女 可以变成任何人
Well there is Mystique, who can disguise as literally anyone.
而且那个夜行者可以瞬移到任何地方
And that guy Night Crawler can teleport anywhere
那个万磁王可以举起整个体育馆
Oh and Magneto, who lifted an entire stadium!
那个X教授可以心灵感应 他看起来是他们的老大
Or Xavier, who’s a telepath. He’s like their leader.
我的天 为什么我们不追随他们中的任何一个
Oh my gosh! Why aren’t we going after any of them??
随便选一个 不要紧哒
Just pick one, it doesn’t even matter!
离我老爸远点
Leave my father alone!
哈哈哈
Ahhhh!!!
你不应该被逮捕
You shall not arrest!
打赌你一定看不到这些怎么发生的
Bet you didn’t see that coming…
惊喜
Surprise!
什么 你希望金刚狼出现吗
What?! You were expecting another tacked on Wolverine cameo?
好吧是有点尴尬 你可能在想我是怎么来到这里的
Well this is awkward. You’re probably wondering how did I get here?
说实在的其实很简单
Well talking heads, that’s simple.
时间旅行
Time travel.
需要有人来救救它们
Someone has to save this franchise!
危险的火拼时间
Well, slicey dicey time.
你虽然以前没有机会救你的家人 但是现在你可以
You never had a chance to save your family before, but you do now.
这就是我来这里告诉你的事
That’s what I’ve come here to tell you.
那你呢 我来这里是因为我是你儿子
And you? I’m here because I’m your son.
什么
WHATTT?!?!
我有个儿子 太棒了
I have a son? That’s wonderful!
我必须告诉全天下的人 嘿 眼镜兄 我有个儿子
I must tell everyone! Hey, Glasses, I have a son.
我有个儿子 你有个儿子
I have a son!! You have a son?!
我有个儿子 我也有个儿子
I have a son!! I have a son!!!
Charles 你有儿子吗 不 Erik 现在不是时候
Charles, do you have a son? No, Erik, not at this time.
Mystique 你有儿子吗 呃呃呃
Mystique, do you have a son? Uhhh…
我有儿子
I have a son!!!
你们都是我的孩子
You are all my children.
闭嘴 天启
Shut up, Apocalypse.
不是什么事都有你
It’s not always about you.
等一下 等一下
Wait a minute, wait a minute…
我差点忘了些事
I almost forgot something
那我们走吧 平安无事
There we go. Safe and sound.
释放你的能量吧
Unleash your power!!
(尖叫声)
(scream)
我以为那个女孩会着火
I’m supposed to be the girl on fire.

(yelling)
(深呼吸)
(gasps)
噢 我是不是来早了
Oh, am I too early?
Kitty把我及时送回来了 我是真的有点困惑
Kitty sent me back in time and I’m really confused.
你刺中我了
You stabbed me
我应该怎么和Stryker再次结束
How did I end up with Stryker again?
我以为魔形女救了我 这怎么可能
I thought Mystique saved me? How’s is this even possible?

Ahhh…
你看起来真的很不一样
You look so different.
他是跟你一起来的吗
Is he with you?
我以为和你一起来的
I thought he was with you.
打住 有人可以带Jean去医院吗
Well, poop. Someone take Jean to a hospital.
我的天啊 恶魔回来了
Oh Lord, the devil has returned!
你个笨蛋 全部都出现的
You fools! All is revealed!
天启 你的目的是干什么
Jeez, Apocalypse, what is your deal?
所有东西都会掉下来
Everything will fall.
马上就要上演控制全世界 了
The whole world domination thing, it’s super played out.
我会清理掉地球的
I will cleanse the Earth!
你拥有所有的核武器 你却什么都没做
You had all the nukes and you did nothing with them.
天启 你不会想杀了所有人吧
Apocalypse, you don’t want to kill anyone.
不 我只会用沙子杀一些人
Nuh-uh! I’ve killed several people… with sand.
面对现实吧 你真正热爱的是帮助人们化妆
Just face it, your true passion is giving people makeovers.
真的是这样的 你让我的发型更漂亮了 事实上你真的让我们变的更美
That’s true! You totally redid my hair. In fact, you made us all look cooler.
你有没有考虑开个发廊什么的
Have you ever considered opening a hair salon?
发廊
A hair salon??
从毛囊开始 我会让你变得更美
And from the hair follicles, together we will make a better one!
是的
Yes!!!
嗨 Ivan Ooze 我是下一个 但要温柔点哦
Hey, Ivan Ooze, do me next. But be gentle.
好吧这是有点怪
Well that was weird…
没有想到的怪 好吧这是我今天所学到的东西
unexpected- weird- Well I for one learned something today.
我们有必要用自己的双眼去发现东西
It doesn’t matter if we don’t see eye to eye on certain things
有时候我们出去打仗 但是这不能证明我们能在一起
sometimes we are going to fight. But that doesn’t mean we can’t all join together
去打败强大的拥有神能的变异人
to try to destroy a powerful mutant with a god complex.
因为在最后的时刻 这个真的很重要 不是吗
Because at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters isn’t it?
把你对每个人憎恨转移到对变异人的憎恨
Diverting your hatred for each other and directing it towards a mutual hatred.
我不确定这样会不会更好
I’m not sure if that makes things better…
会变好的
Oh it does.
所以你们都同意嘛
So, you guys aren’t going to disagree anymore?
不 我们会骑着旋转木马来见我们的坟墓
Oh no, we will ride this merry-go-round to our graves!
在这之前我们会用时间旅行然后再重新来一次 哈哈
Just before that we’ll use time travel and start it all over again! Hahaha
哈哈是这样
He’s probably right! haha
永远不会停止的重启
Ah, never ending reboots…
你好 我是蝙蝠侠
Hey, I’m Batman.
所以你刚开始是个好人然后变成坏人最后再变成好人
So, you’re good then you turn bad then you turn good again.
我喜欢这样 你想要知道我神秘的身份吗
I like that. You want to know my secret identity?
哦不 她知道 aifred知道
Oh no, she knows!! Alfred, she knows!!

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