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与缺乏安全感的老板共事宝典

How to Work with an Insecure Boss: The Harvard Business Review Guide

AMY GALLO: Of the many flavors of bad bosses out there,
AMY GALLO:在各种糟糕的老板中
one of the most common and most painful to work for
有一种老板最普遍 工作时也最让人头疼
is the insecure manager.
那就是缺乏安全感的管理者
Insecure bosses can be nitpicky micro-managers
缺乏安全感的老板可以是吹毛求疵的细节怪
or paranoid meddlers who make you question your every move.
或爱管闲事的偏执狂 让你质疑自己的一举一动
And if they see you as a threat,
而且如果他们把你看作是一个威胁
they may even try to damage your career.
他们甚至会竭力毁掉你的职业生涯
If you’ve ever doubted yourself
如果你曾经怀疑过自己
because your boss doesn’t have faith in you
因为你的老板对你并不信任
or shoots down your ideas without any explanation
或者不加解释就毙掉你的提案
or blames you for their lack of success,
再或者把他们的失败归咎于你
this video is for you.
那么这个视频就很适合你
和缺乏安全感的经理共事
So how do you know if you’re dealing with an insecure manager?
那么你怎么知道自己在应对缺乏安全感的经理呢?
Here are some common traits:
这是他们的一些普遍特性:
They’re overly concerned about what others think of them.
他们总是过度关注别人对他们的看法
They can’t make a decision or stick with one.
他们无法做出决定或坚持决定
They’re always highlighting their own expertise or credentials,
他们总是强调自己的专业知识或者资历
sometimes putting down others to make themselves feel better.
有时候批评别人让他们感觉更好
They require that every decision in detail have their approval.
他们要求每个决策的细节都要亲自批准
They don’t allow their team to interact with people from other departments or senior leaders
他们不允许自己的团队和其他部门的人员或上层领导交流
in an attempt to control the flow of information.
试图控制信息的流动
If you’re working with someone who fits that description,
如果你正和符合那些特征的老板共事
what can you do?
你能做些什么?
It is so tempting to retaliate or to push back or confront them
报复 反击或对抗他们
or even report them to their boss.
甚至向他们的老板打报告是很吸引人
But you shouldn’t do that.
但你不应该那么做
It is likely to backfire big time.
这样很可能引火上身
Once they sense that you have disdain for them or that you can’t be trusted,
一旦他们觉得你蔑视他们或是你不值得信任
they’re likely to amp up their defensiveness, making your life more miserable.
他们可能会提高戒心 让你的生活更加痛苦
Instead, you want to start by understanding what might
相反 你应该从理解是什么
be causing their self-doubt.
导致了他们的自我怀疑开始
Let me just say, for the record,
为准确起见 我只能说
a certain amount of self-doubt is completely normal.
一定的自我怀疑是完全正常的
At times, we all wonder if we can say nail that presentation
有时 我们都想知道自己是否能完美地完成报告
or if our coworkers think we’re smart.
或者同事是否觉得我们聪明
Insecurity crosses over into problematic behavior,
但是 当人们试着去隐藏或弥补
however, when people try to conceal or compensate
他们的自我怀疑的时候
for their self-doubt.
缺乏安全感就会变成问题行为
They end up resorting to the tactics I just outlined.
他们最终会采取我刚才概括的手段
This might surprise you, but research
这或许让你惊讶 但是研究显示
shows that people in positions of power
处在掌权地位的人
are more prone to feelings of insecurity.
会更容易感到不安
Think about it– all eyes are on them.
想想看——他们是所有人关注的焦点
They’re under a lot of pressure.
他们感受到了许多压力
They may fear being outed as incompetent
他们会害怕由于无法胜任而出局
or even losing their position of power.
或者甚至丧失他们的权力地位
Knowing that can help you reframe
了解这些可以帮助你重新界定
how you see their behavior.
你要如何看待他们的行为
For example, you may instinctively
例如 你或许本能地认为
think “my boss wants to destroy my career.”
“老板想毁了我的事业”
Or “my manager wants everyone else to look bad.”
或者 “我的经理想让其他所有人都变糟”
But go deeper, do they really want to destroy your career?
但深入思考一下 他们真的想毁了你的事业吗?
That’s unlikely.
这不太可能
More likely they’re nervous about losing their job,
更有可能是 比如在临近的裁员中
say, in an upcoming round of layoffs.
他们担心会失去工作
Or they think that by criticizing you–
或者他们认为 通过批评你——
sometimes harshly–
有时很刺耳——
they’re going to motivate you to perform better,
他们会激励你表现得更好
which will ultimately make them look better.
也会最终让他们的形象变好
OK, now that you have a better sense of their motives,
好了 既然你对他们的动机有了更好的了解
let’s improve the situation.
让我们来改善这种局面
Here are some tactics.
这里有一些策略
Tactic 1, remain patient.
策略一 保持耐心
Far too many bosses are overwhelmed, overextended,
很多老板都是不堪重压的 过度耗神的
underqualified, and/or undertrained.
无法胜任工作的 或是未受训练的
It’s quite possible that dealing with legitimate pressures,
很有可能的是 处理合理压力
like hitting year-end targets or dealing with tough clients
比如完成年度目标或与棘手的客户打交道时
is causing them to take their insecurities out on you.
导致他们把自己的缺乏安全感发泄在你身上
So exercise empathy.
因此 培养同理心
Remain patient.
保持耐心
Easier said than done, I know.
我知道说比做容易
But here’s a tactic that’s worked for others.
但有一个别人亲测有效的策略
Imagine your boss as a child who’s
想象你的老板是一个小孩
completely unaware of the harm they’re causing.
完全意识不到他们制造的伤害
That mental picture can help you keep your composure and stay calm.
这个脑海中的想象可以帮助你保持沉着冷静
Here’s another example, if your boss is riling you up,
再举个例子 如果你的老板激怒你了
excuse yourself for a moment to take time to compose yourself
就失陪一下 花点时间让自己平静
and calm down.
然后冷静下来
Controlling your anger can keep tensions down
控制你的怒火可以缓解精神紧张
and allow you to do your job.
然后让自己专注工作
Tactic 2, frame your work as a joint effort.
策略二 把你的工作设定为共同努力
Instead of competing with your insecure boss–
与其和你缺乏安全感的上司竞争——
pro tip, you’re probably gonna lose–
专业人士的建议是 你很可能会输掉——
figure out what their objectives are
不如弄清楚他们的目标是什么
and how you can achieve them together.
以及和团队一起完成任务的方式
This is about framing things as a joint effort.
这与把工作设定为共同努力有关
Start sentences with “we” as much as possible.
说话时尽可能以“我们”开头
Try saying things like “we’ve got this.”
试着这么说:“我们可以做到”
Or “it’s good that we’re in this together.”
或者说“我们一起做事很愉快”
And when you do succeed, share the glory.
当你完成任务时 要分享荣誉
Don’t in any way downplay your own efforts,
不要以任何方式让你的付出被轻视
but highlight the partnership.
而要强调合作
Acknowledging that you’re on the same side
承认你们是同一阵营
can build trust and diffuse your boss’s insecurities.
可以建立信任关系并平息老板的不安全感
Tactic 3, signal that you’re not a threat.
策略三 示意你并不是威胁
You want your boss to think of you as an ally, not a rival.
你应该让老板认为你是盟友而不是对手
It’s best to do this at the beginning.
最好一开始就这么做
But it’s never too late to reset the tone of your relationship.
不过想重设你们的关系基调永远不会晚
The key is to watch what you say and do
关键是留意你的言语和行为
so they don’t see you as even more of a threat.
这样他们就不会把你看作一个更大的威胁了
For example, saying something as simple
例如 说一些尽可能简短的话
as “I don’t understand that,”
像 “我不理解”
can feel like a challenge to their intelligence
会让老板觉得是对他们智商的挑战
even if you’re genuinely curious what they’re thinking.
即使你真的想知道他们的想法
A better way to say “I don’t understand that,”
更好表达“我不理解”的方式
may be “help me understand your thinking.”
或许是“帮我理解你的想法”
Or instead of saying “why are we doing it this way?”
或者 与其说“我们为什么要这样做?”
try saying something like, “do you mind sharing your thinking here?”
不如试着说“你是否介意在这和大家分享你的想法?”
Tactic 4, flattery works–
策略四 奉承是有效的——
as long as it’s genuine.
只要它是真诚的
Research on managers who feel incompetent
关于自认为无能的经理的研究
has shown that flattery– genuine flattery– really helps.
表明 奉承——真诚的奉承——的确有用
Like everyone else, your boss needs positive feedback too.
和其他人一样 你的老板也需要积极反馈
Many people worry about coming off as sycophants or suck-ups.
许多人担心会表现得像马屁精一样
I get it.
我理解
If compliments are not your thing,
如果你不适合夸奖他人
just express appreciation for something they’ve done.
那就只对他们的成果表达赞美
Even saying “thank you” preferably in front of others
即使是一声“谢谢” 最好在他人面前
can go a long way.
也很有帮助
You might thank them for giving you a high-profile project
你可以感谢他们给了你备受关注的项目
or making a connection for you in another department.
或者为你在其他部门取得联系
Buttering up your boss when they’re making your life miserable
当你的老板让你的生活很痛苦时
is probably the last thing you want to do.
赞美他可能是你最不想做的事情
But it’s in your interest.
但这符合你的利益
It’ll increase your influence and decrease your stress.
这会提升你的影响力并减少你的压力
Tactic 5, restore their sense of control.
策略五 让他们重拾控制感
Insecure managers who have trouble trusting others
缺乏安全感 难以信任别人的老板
often resort to micromanaging.
往往事无巨细
You can interrupt some of their meddling
你可以打断他们的干涉
by reassuring them that they’re in charge.
让他们安心 觉得一切尽在掌握
Your manager may be terrified of being out of the loop.
你的经理或许害怕变成局外人
So keep them up to date as much as possible.
所以尽可能多地让他们了解最新情况
And be transparent about what you’re working on
对你正在做的事和你正在交流的人
and who you’re talking to, especially
保持公开透明 尤其是
if it’s people in other parts of the company.
如果对方是公司其他部门的人
Schedule regular check-ins to keep your boss updated
安排定期的报告联系 向你的老板
on projects that they care about.
提供他们关注的项目的最新信息
Make them feel included in the process.
让他们觉得自己融入了这个过程
Over-communicating now will save you the effort
现在的过度沟通将节省你
of defending yourself later.
以后为自己辩护的精力
Another sneaky way to make them feel in control
另一种悄悄让他们认为一切尽在掌握的方式
is to frame your suggestions as questions.
是以问题的形式表达你的建议
Research shows that asking questions instead of giving answers
研究显示 能增强对方的控制感的
boosts the sense of control in the other person.
是提出问题而不是给出答案
So pose questions that start with “what if” or “could we”
所以 提出以“如果”或“我们能否”开头的问题
then invite your manager to share their thoughts.
然后邀请你的经理分享他们的想法
Instead of saying something like,
不要说这种话:
“I think we should roll this initiative out in all of our markets,”
“我认为应该在我们所有的市场推广这一举措”
try saying,
而要试着说:
“what if we rolled this initiative out in all of our markets?
“如果我们在所有市场推广这一举措会怎么样呢?
What would that take?”
需要付出什么代价呢?”
Or instead of saying,
或者 与其说:
“it’d be better if we took a slower approach here.”
“如果我们在这里放慢一点会更好”
You could say, “what if we built on your idea
不如说 “如果我们以你的想法为基础
and tried to slow it down a bit?”
再试着把速度放慢一点呢?”
Unfortunately, no matter how strategic you are,
不幸的是 不管你多么有策略
it’s unlikely that you’re going to cure your manager of their insecurities.
你是不太可能治好你经理的不安全感的
And that’s not your responsibility.
这并不是你的责任
And ultimately, if all of these tactics fail,
最后 如果这些策略都失败了
you may need to figure out how to set up boundaries
你可能需要弄清楚如何和他们划清界限
so you just interact with your boss less.
这样你就可以减少与上司的互动
Here’s a quick recap.
现在来快速回顾一下
Don’t retaliate or push back.
不要报复或反击你的上司
Their anxieties are likely to ramp up, not calm down.
他们的焦虑可能会加剧 而不会有所平息
Try to understand what pressures your manager is under
试着去理解你的经理承受的压力
or what’s causing their insecurity.
或是他们缺乏安全感的原因
Position yourself as an ally, not a rival.
把你自己定位为盟友 而非敌人
Pay your boss genuine compliments or express gratitude and appreciation.
真诚地夸奖你的上司 或表达感激与欣赏
Start sentences with “we” as much as possible.
尽可能以“我们”作为句子的开头
Keep them updated and be transparent about
让他们了解最新情况 要公开
what you’re working on and who you’re talking with.
你正在做什么 正在和谁交流
And schedule regular check-ins
安排定期的报告联系
where you can share progress on projects your boss cares about.
可以分享你老板关心的项目进展
And make them feel included in your work.
让他们感觉到参与了你的工作
Thank you for watching.
感谢你的观看
All of the tactics in this video are taken from my book
这个视频里所有的策略都取自于我的书
“Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone– Even Difficult People.”
《相处,如何与任何人共事—— 甚至是难相处的人》
If you’ve worked with an insecure manager
如果你已经和一个缺乏安全感的经理共事了
and you have a tactic to share, comment below.
并且有策略想要分享 请在下面评论
Also, let us know if you have a topic you want us
另外 如果你有话题想让我们
to cover in an upcoming video.
在接下来的视频中谈到 请告诉我们
Bye for now.
再见

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视频概述

缺乏安全感的管理者是什么样的?本视频介绍了如何与缺乏安全感的老板共事,如果你苦于应对这样的管理者,一起来看看有哪些策略可以改善你的境遇吧。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Olivia95

审核员

审核员CICL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9AhH0xnb3M

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