Do you wanna learn how to waste your life and be as miserable as you possibly can?
Alright then, watch this video carefully,
because this might be the difference between living
happily and enjoying every day
or living a life full of miserable sadness.
And misery is not just a destination.
It’s a bit like football:
a skill set that can be honed and perfected.
So in this video, based on the book:
How to be Miserable by Randy J. Paterson,
you will learn a variety of strategies grouped
into 5 easy steps to follow to become less happy.
Along the way,
you may discover that you have already mastered many of them
and practice them on a daily basis.
But you can always get better—or perhaps I should say worse.
First Become an Island unto yourself.
We are a social species.
Unlike bears, we are built to spend our time in groups.
Alone on the savannah, we would never have lasted long.
For most of human history,
we appear to have lived in tribes of around 75-150
and those who could not handle the complexity of the relationships would go off on their own.
Tigers need to eat, after all.
So here we have a great strategy to become more miserable.
Build an island.
Put up the fence, close the basement door, switch on the computer,
建起围墙 紧闭大门 打开电脑
and kid yourself that you have successfully replaced in-the-flesh social contact.
It is one of the most effective routes to unhappiness that exists.
Second, Take things seriously.
Very.. very seriously.
And take them personally. Keep yourself distant and unapproachable.
You don’t want to spend time with those inferior, inadequate, stupid or unpleasant people,
因为你才不想与那些差劲的 缺心眼的 愚蠢的 讨厌的人共度时光
which by the way should be everyone in your eyes,
just judge them as soon as you see them
and then remember keep your distance.
If you happen to be with someone,
and have to spend some time with them, complain.
Complain about anything and everything.
Complain about the weather, about noise, about your neighbors,
抱怨天气 噪音 邻居
and my favourite complain
about the government and the system.
Third, there are three times that matter.
The past the future and the present.
过去 未来 还有现在
Yeeeah.. Wwe don’t need the present.
Because you should spend most of your day thinking and living in the past
reminding yourself how bad things were,
and in the evening try to think and worry about the future,
about things that will most likely never happen, but still,
you don’t want to waste your day without worrying.
So play some scenarios in your head,
play the “what if” game.
I mean what if you can’t find a job after college?
And if you get sick?
What if you fail your exams next week?
And for bonus points try to do this right before going to bed
so you can maximize the misery from it.
Think of something that might happen tomorrow, something bad,
let your mind consume that.
Now roll over and slide gently off to sleep.
Good luck with that.
Fourth, one of the best ways to be miserable is to
relinquish your goals altogether,
thus becoming utterly directionless.
But if, like many people, misery is not your only goal,
then you can dissatisfy yourself with the way you approach your various missions.
Instead of setting SMART goals which stand for Specific,
Measurable, Actionable, Realistic and Time-Defined.
可测 可行 现实 有时限的机智目标
Set all of your immediate goals VAPID:
Vague, Amorphous, Pie in the Sky, Irrelevant and Delayed.
即模糊(V) 不成形(A) 杂乱(P) 跑偏(I) 拖沓(D)
Most ultimate goals are a long way off—
and if you allow yourself to focus on the smaller steps,
you will frequently find that you have succeeded.
This runs the risk of increasing your
enthusiasm to continue on the path you set for yourself.
Soo, be sure to never do that.
Instead, stubbornly attend to the ultimate goal.
If there are fifty steps in the process,
you will get forty-nine identical answers of “Not Yet.”
That way you can maintain the aura of failure for almost the entire journey.
This will make sure that your interest and motivation degrades,
and you are likely to give up long before you reach the finish line.
Fifth, and finally,
let fear paralyze you,
and please do not leave your comfort zone.
If you have the urge to do something new or make a change in your life,
immediately stop and let it pass.
Simply obey your impulses.
If your impulses say that
you should avoid dogs, heights, people, talking to your crush,
你害怕狗 害怕高 害怕人 害怕爱恋
enclosed spaces, traveling, asking questions,
害怕密闭空间 害怕旅行 害怕问问题
relationships, airplanes, tests, medical exams,
害怕爱情 害怕飞机 害怕测验 害怕医学考试
job interviews, and all potential humiliations.
Than do exactly that.
Avoid them at all costs.
We don’t want any kind of novelty or risks.
Stop growing, stop wanting more,
stop doing stuff and wait for the perfect moment.
Just lean back, be passive and let the time pass by.
You will do those scary things when you feel like it.
You know, maybe that’s a good idea.
Yeah, maybe.. maybe you’ll do better in the next life.
唉 就这样吧 或许你下辈子就能活得像样了