最新评论 (0)


How to Understand Sexiness

说到性 理论上我们生在无拘无束的时代
When it comes to sex, we are – in theory – living in wildly liberated times.
So you’d think it would easy to feel at ease owning up to certain sorts of sexual desires.
但对于大部分人来说 这个世界并不能包容恋物癖
But for most of us, the world doesn’t actually feel that generous about fetishes.
It’s very tricky to talk about many of the things that turn us on – especially with our partners.
我们的恋物癖可能特别奇怪的 不正常的或是不合时宜的
Our fetishes can seem deeply weird, perverse or politically incorrect.
所以我们保持沉默 这不仅仅是对于我们在乎的人
So we stay quiet. And it is not only the reactions of others
which cause us anxiety. We might at times ourselves worry there’s something a bit wrong with us.
为了更加自信 我们应该提出个有关性的哲学问题 我们的恋物癖意味着什么
To get more confident, we should get philosophical about sex and ask: what do our fetishes really mean?
Why do we even have them?
The good news is that the things that turn us on are in fact really very logical and
hardly ever simply odd or twisted.
Here is how it works: Every fetish or sexual obsession is really
an imagined erotic solution to a real world anxiety.
Let’s look at some very common turn ons through this theory:
对大部分人 制服诱惑是个让人兴奋的主要方法 特别是医生 护士 消防员和飞行员
People in uniforms are for many of us a major turn on, especially doctors, nurses, firemen and pilots.
明显的证据 情色网站上满满都是制服
Tellingly, erotic websites are full of uniforms
What’s going on?
就像制服常常能让人兴奋 制服之所以那么激动人心是因为有潜在的渴望
As so often with turn-ons, uniforms are exciting because there is an underlying anxiety around them.
我们有多少次被身着制服的人轻视 被忙碌的医生忽视
How many times we’re belittled by people in uniform: ignored by a busy doctor,
被英雄般的消防员认为是卑微的傻子 被飞行员觉得胆小……
made to feel like lowly fools by the heroic fireman, intimidated by the pilot…
权力总是与我们无缘 无法满足我们的欲望
Authority is frequently hostile to us and frustrates our desires.
但是通过性 我们可以反转那些场景制服便进入了我们的游戏
But in sex, we can reverse this situation. Here uniforms can be invited into our games.
The uniform still stands for authority. But now authority has moved to our side, paying
us exactly the right kind of attention.
飞行员 不会保持面无表情 而是激动地和我们在一起
The pilot, far from being impassively at the controls, is thrilled to be here with us,
她不再是空客A380的冷面机长 而是我们的伴侣和朋友
she is no longer a stern-faced controller of the Airbus A380, but our collaborator and friend.
The busy sensible doctor is no longer just stern and responsible, only interested in
blood sugar levels and kidney functions: he wants us to have fun.
A real world ideal is being sketched in sex: we’re being invited to imagine what authority
权力帮助并保护着我们 而非阻碍或是威胁我们
might like if it helped rather than hindered us, reassured rather than intimidated us.
性是代表着力量 组织 整洁 和
Sex is hinting at a utopia where strength, organisation, neatness and order would be
有着让我们更加安逸 放松 可触及的秩序的理想国度
there to make us feel more at ease, more relaxed and truer to ourselves.
We are taught from a young age that we must become independent. We live in an individualistic
我们生活在反对依赖 推崇独立成熟的个人主义文化之下
culture that constantly vilifies dependence and pushes us towards an ideal of solitary maturity.
但有些人会因另外的东西而兴奋 : 完全被动的服从
But some of us are excited by something very different: the idea of submission, of being
也许是成为某人的奴隶 放弃自治
totally passive, perhaps becoming someone’s slave, surrendering all autonomy and just
letting another person do everything and anything to us.
Being a ‘slave’ means that someone else will know exactly what we should do, will
别人为我们负全责 替我们选择
take full responsibility, will take choice away from us.
并且奇怪的是 我们并不屈服于长者
This is curiously nice, because we’re not surrendering to any old person, we’re surrendering
我们屈服于那些完美的 贴心的 关注我们兴趣的人
to someone who is good and kind and interested in our pleasure. The delight we take in surrender
我们以受虐为乐 这暴露了保持控制欲有多难

reveals how hard it is always to have to be in control – how much we long for someone
else to take charge fully sometimes, as a relief from the pressures of daily life.
在现实世界中 有很多重要的任务需要依靠个人能力而不是恐吓威胁
In the real world so many crucial tasks actually depend on one’s capacity not to be daunted
by suffering. Taking on the masochistic role rehearses – in erotic play – a fundamental
idea, that of being good at suffering, of being willing and able (and even at time eager)
to “take it”: to be strong because one has invited someone to call one a stupid bastard or a bitch.
这是所有性幻想中一个共同特征 他们不会这样做——当然这真正
It’s a common feature of all sexual fantasies that they do not – of course – genuinely
解决了他们寻求兴奋点的问题 但是我们不必担心 如果
solve the problems from which they draw their excitement. But we shouldn’t worry if the
幻想在现实中不能真正解决问题 我们寻找的只是一个简单的
fantasy fails to solve the problem in reality. What we’re looking for here is simply a
方法 去对欲望和情欲的释放解释和感同身受
way of explaining and sympathising with the desire and the erotic relief.
我们一般不允许自己霸道地对待任何人在我们心中 我们可能
We’re not generally allowed to be very bossy with anyone. In our hearts, we might like
非常苛求和坚持 我们可能会实行绝对的服从
to be very demanding and insistent. We might like to enforce absolute obedience on all
对那些公然反抗我们的人 但是我们知道严格和专制是多么糟糕 我们必须
those who defy us. But we know how bad it is to be too strict and tyrannical. We have
温柔地行事 每时每刻
to go gently – all the time.
但是在性游戏中 我们主导的意愿会使之放松 某人把自己
But in a sexual game, our will to dominate can be let loose. Someone puts themselves
双手奉上并要求我们按照自己的喜好去做 多么的荣幸啊!
in our hands and asks that we do with them as we please. What a deep honour!
他们让我们大声喊 盛气凌人 发号施令——正如我们一直不敢做的
They allow us to shout, bully and order us around – as we otherwise never dare to.
现在这命令只能被高兴地接受 你可以变得强大 苛刻和坚持
And now the commands are met only with delight. You can be as strong, harsh and insistent
像你喜欢的样子 可以肯定另一个人也很享受
as you like, safe in the knowledge that the other person is going to be just fine.
在外面做又会怎样呢?在公园里 电梯里 或者在派对后面的厕所里…
Why can it be such a turn on to do it outside? In a park, an elevator, or the toilets behind the party…
又一次 它愈合了日常生活的创伤
Again, it’s to do with healing a wound from daily life.
通常情况下 我们觉得自己必须谨慎 举止得体:在电梯
Normally, we sense that we have to be guarded, on our best behaviour: out there in the elevators,
公共广场、购物中心、车库前院 甚至自然环境
public plazas, shopping centres, garage forecourts of the world. Even nature is seen as quite
hostile – a cold, dangerous place where enemies may set upon us.
但是在外面玩的性游戏中 我们能证明公共领域不像想象中那么具有威胁性
But in the sex games we play outside, we can prove that the public realm is not as threatening
我们按自己喜欢来表现 表现我们的欲望 即使
as we had supposed. We can behave as we’d like. Show our desires, and survive. And if
其他人不同意 也不能阻止我们 我们已经强大到可以无视他们
other people disapprove, that can’t stop us, we’re strong enough to disregard them.
Public sex civilises the wilderness and the lonely formal places of the city.
It lets us feel more at home in the world.
一个人能分析几乎所有的恋物癖并发现共同结构 焦虑和
One can analyse almost any so-called fetish and find similar structures: an anxiety and
相应的解决方案 连接此的色情电荷
a corresponding solution, to which an erotic charge has become connected.
就像这样 性爱场面可以被我们自己解释 而且关键是
Looked at like this, sexual scenarios can be explained to ourselves – and, crucially
对于出现在我们生活的人们 是那么理性和合乎情理的
to other people in our lives – in fairly rational, sensible terms.
Ee can explain how our fear of being responsible became oppressive, and
这就是为什么我们会喜欢在脖子上系上狗项圈 以及为什么我们对权威感到害怕
therefore why we enjoy being put in a dog collar. Or why we were afraid of authority,
and therefore what fun it is to be examined by a doctor in bed.
就像我们现在讲的 我们希望对性爱的口味可以不用那么害羞
By talking like this, we can hope that sexual tastes will become less a little shameful
没有威胁 而且我们的性爱游戏应该按照他们自己的方式
and a little less threatening – and our erotic games in their own way, a lot more
logical and sane.