Like it or not, we have all been awkward
无论你喜不喜欢 我们都曾在
at different points in our lives.
人生的不同阶段感到过尴尬
And sometimes that awkwardness gets in the way
有时候 尴尬会阻碍我们
of connecting with other people,
与他人交流
or even just feeling confident in ourselves.
甚至会打击我们的自信心
But awkwardness doesn’t have to be the end of the line.
但尴尬并不一定会使谈话结束
In fact, if you handle yourself well,
事实上 如果处理得当
you can turn awkwardness, whether it’s just a moment
不论它是一个时刻或是一个事件
or a way of being, into confidence,
都能把尴尬转化为自信
which is what we are covering in this video,
这就是本视频所要讲的内容
featuring Tom Holland.
以荷兰弟为例
Now I’m not saying that Tom Holland is an awkward guy.
并不是说荷兰弟是个尴尬的人
Always, I’m saying that he is very skilled at
我想说的是他是一个很会将
turning those more difficult moments around.
尴尬转换为自信的人
So first off,
那首先
you can improve both your self-confidence
在任何情况下
and other people’s perception of you
调整你的肢体语言
in nearly every situation
都可以提升你和对方的自信
simply by adjusting your body language.
还能让别人对你更多了解
For instance, Tom is able to convey
例如 在聊天中 荷兰弟能够
a sense of comfort and ease while he speaks
运用遵循三秒眼神交流法则
by following the 3 second rule of eye contact
和将目光转向不同的人
and shifting his gaze to various people.
让人感觉舒适自如
And you have to go through an exam
你必须通过考试
process to get into this school,
才能进入这所学校
which obviously I didn’t do,
然而很显然我没能做到
um… and she said, “Hey, man, what’s your deal?
她就问 “嘿 伙计 你是怎么回事
How are you here?”
你是怎么来这儿的？”
I was like, “Well, let me tell you my secret.
我说 “ 好吧 告诉你一个秘密
I’m actually um…I’m actually spider-man.”
我其实 我其实是蜘蛛侠”
The 3 second rule of eye contact says that
3秒眼神交流原则是指
instead of looking down or away
不要向下看或目光游离
or awkwardly staring at someone for way too long,
也不要奇怪地盯着一个人看太久
give everyone in a group
而是与在场的每一个人
at least three seconds of eye contact
进行至少三秒钟的眼神交流
before moving to the next individual.
再将目光转向下一个人
Now of course, this number isn’t exact every single time,
当然 这里的三秒也不是绝对的要求
but it’s the amount of time
但这个时间长度
that generally makes someone feel included in a conversation.
通常能让人在一段谈话当中获得参与感
If you’re listening to someone speak,
如果是一对一的交流
more continuous eye contact is totally appropriate
那么更多更持续的眼神交流会非常合适
since there’s one person speaking.
因为当场只有一个人在说话
But the 3 second rule is an easy way to capture an audience,
即使你在讲话时有些许紧张
even if you’re a bit nervous while speaking.
3秒钟是抓住你观众注意力的最好方法
You’ll also notice that Tom tends to show his palms
也许你也会注意到 荷兰第说话时
and gesticulate frequently while he speaks.
经常使用手势去沟通
Go through an exam process to get into this school,
通过考试 才能进入那所学校
which obviously I didn’t do…
而很显然我没有
It was like a couple hundred thousand.
大概有几十万
Oh, that’s a lot. Yeah.
噢 那太多了
I was like, “this is amazing!”
我说 “这也太惊人了”
Not only do his gestures
恰当的手势
make his comments more intriguing to listen to,
不仅使他谈话更加有趣
but in revealing his palms specifically,
而且通过一系列特定的摊开手掌的方式
he avoids a trap that awkward and nervous people
他避免了容易尴尬紧张的人
fall into all the time.
总是会踏入的雷区
When you hide your palms,
当你收起手掌时
it sends a subconscious signal to the other person
这种行为向别人传达出一种
that you may be keeping something from them.
你可能下意识对他们隐瞒着什么
And that can result in making you come across as less trustworthy.
而这会导致别人认为你不值得信任
So get your hands out of your pockets,
所以 请把手从口袋里拿出来
especially when things get uncomfortable,
尤其当情景不是那么舒适时
and don’t grip the podium if you’re giving a speech
还有 不要在演讲时抓着讲台
or a chair if you are seated.
也不要在坐着的时候抓着椅子
Reveal your palms,
当你摊开手掌
and you will immediately come across
便会立刻给人
more confidently and more trustworthy.
更自信 更值得信赖的印象
Now the overarching rule that you can see
现在你能从荷兰弟所有的肢体语言中发现
in all of Tom’s body language that is excellent for anytime
最重要的法则
you’re put into a difficult or awkward situation,
那就是无论何时陷入尴尬境地
be that karaoke, dancing or even just giving a speech,
包括K歌 跳舞或者只是演讲
is commitment.
都需要全心投入
Check out Tom’s rendition of Rihanna’s Umbrella.
请看荷兰弟对口型表演的蕾哈娜的《雨伞》
Dressing up like Rihanna and dancing provocatively
装扮成蕾哈娜的样子 跳着性感舞步
would make most men freeze
这会把大多数男士吓傻
and become extremely rigid.
还会变得极其僵硬
It’s that fear of being judged or criticized
这就是害怕被评头论足的恐惧
that causes them to subconsciously
导致他们下意识地
limit their range of motion and even facial expressions
限制了自己的动作幅度甚至面部表情
so as to draw less attention to themselves.
从而无法全神贯注在自己身上
Unfortunately, it’s exactly that limited expression
不幸的是 正是这种局促的表达方式
that signals discomfort
发出了不适的信号
and creates an awkward experience for everyone present
使得在场的每个人 尤其是观看的人
and especially the people watching you.
陷入尴尬的局面
But by committing fully from his dance moves
但如果你全身心放在舞蹈动作
to his facial expressions,
面部表情上
a scenario that could go terribly becomes one
这段本来很尴尬的场景
where Tom’s confidence shines through
成为了荷兰弟最富有自信的演出
and you see the same principle at
你会发现杰克·布莱克
play with Jack Black.
也遵循着同样的原则
I just have been watching the show back stage,
我刚刚在后台看了演出
– and everyone has such good moves – Yeah
– 每个人都跳的很好 – 是的
– I was feeling the pressures, I…
– 我感觉到了压力……
– I gotta bust out some moves on the way down there. – Yeah
– 我下去的时候要做出些动作 – 是啊
– so I don’t really have the moves – No, you do
– 所以我真的没有舞步 – 不 你有
– but I make up for it with just like commitment.
– 但我很投入地在做 这也算弥补了
So if you do something goofy,
所以如果你做了一些傻事
whether it’s on purpose or by accident,
不管有意还是无意
your best bet is to go all of the way.
你要相信这会很不错的
Paradoxically by embracing awkward situations fully,
恰恰相反 如果你敢热情迎接那些令人尴尬的场景
you show more confidence than every other person on the sidelines,
你反而会比其他人展示出更多的自信
which brings us to the times
即使别人强行让你尴尬
when awkwardness is forced on you.
这也能有用
For instance, when friends are teasing you.
比如 当朋友们和你开玩笑时
Now in the past we’ve covered how to handle
在往期视频 我们已经讨论过如何处理
more malicious attempts to make you look bad,
那些想让你出丑的不轨意图
so you can check out our Russell Brand
所以你可以搜索拉罗素·布兰德
or Robert Downey jr. videos
或罗伯特·唐尼的视频
to see what to do in those cases.
看看这些情况下该怎么做
But it is very likely that especially if you are a guy,
但很可能 尤其如果你是男生
your friends are going to tease you,
你的朋友会取笑你
and it’s not necessarily out of malice.
这并不一定是出于恶意
If you handle these situations poorly,
如果你处理不好这些情况
you can become the forever butt of the joke.
你就可能会成为永远的笑柄
Handle them well, and you can exude confidence
而如果处理得当 你就能散发出自信
and become a leader in your group.
并成为团队中的领导者
So in those situations
所以在这种情况下
where the teasing isn’t in bad faith,
只要不是恶意的嘲笑
a great first step is to just take up more space.
一个很好的办法就是“添油加醋”
– It’s their time
– 该他们了
– I didn’t know your name was Tom
– 我不知道你叫汤姆
– … to put my thigh next to his thigh.
– 我要把我的大腿放在他的大腿上
– Oh yeah, okay, now I can see.
– 好了 我现在看到了
You’re being warm in your expansive gestures,
你夸张的肢体语言显示出你很热情
even touching your friends,
甚至是你的朋友也被感染了
but you’re also showing that you’re not afraid
但这也表示
to take control on a physical level.
你毫不害怕肢体接触
There’s absolutely no sort of
这些动作和
implied threat or violence here,
暴力威胁没有一丁点关系
but these gestures still
但是这些接触还是
subconsciously signal to the group
潜意识地告诉你的朋友们
that you’re not someone that they should pile onto.
你可不是一个好欺负的人呢
Second, rather than resisting the joke
第二 与其据理力争
or even shooting back a zinger of your own,
拒绝对方的调侃
a very powerful technique
一个非常有效的办法就是
is to simply laugh with the group.
跟着大家一起笑
[laughing] – Sorry.
– Man in black
（大笑） – 对不起
– 那个穿黑衣服的男人
Every 20 seconds we just wipe him.
我们每20秒打他一次
[laughing] [applausing]
（大笑） （鼓掌）
– He’s very young.
– 他太嫩了
[laughing]
（大笑）
Your friends get their aim, which was laughter
你的朋友调侃你 只是为了找乐子
and you get to show that
你要表现得
you can separate who you are
你可以把自己
from the aspect of you that is being teased
和被嘲笑的自己区分开来
whether it’s your haircut, your clothes,
无论是你的发型 着装
something you did in the past.
还是过去做过的事
You realize that those things don’t define who you are,
你要知道 那些东西并不能定义你是谁
so it’s easier to look at them
所以只需要抱着一种幽默的心态
with an element of humor.
去看待它们就好
This is a critical mindset
这是一种非常重要的心态
which we’ll touch on more later,
以后我们会进一步讨论
but just know for now
但现在你要知道
that this is actually what separates the people
这就是那些
who constantly get teased
经常被人取笑的人
from the ones that the group just kind of gives up on.
和那些被群体抛弃的人的区别
If they laugh with it,
如果被调侃的人跟着大笑
it goes away in most cases.
那么这件事也就过去了
But for now, to make laughing at yourself
但是现在 为了让自嘲
even more powerful,
更进一步
you are going to want to double down on the joke.
你可能要加倍开玩笑了
This might initially feel like
一开始你可能会觉得
it makes you more the laughingstock,
这让你更像个笑柄
but if you try it, you will realize that
但如果你试试 你会发现这实际上
it actually puts you back in control
能让你重新
of the conversation. Just watch.
控制谈话局面 看好了
[noise] – like your ears
– Oh…
（噪音） – 就像你的耳朵
– 噢
[noise] Major shade
（噪音）
True fact, in the spiderman costume
真的 穿着蜘蛛侠的服装
they actually considered gluing my ears up
他们实际上考虑过把我的耳朵粘起来
[laughing] because they stuck out so much.
（笑） 因为他们太突出了
What’s amazing here is that
令人惊奇的是
you’re transforming a moment
你正在改变一个
where people might have laughed at you,
人们可能会嘲笑你
making you feel uncomfortable into one
会让你从感到不舒服的时刻
where you are showing your
转变成为让你表现
good humor and confidence.
良好的幽默和自信的时刻
You amplify a joke and spread the laughter.
你讲了一个笑话并传播了笑声
And if you’ve just cracked the best joke,
如果你刚刚讲了个最棒的笑话
people will be listening and reacting to you
人们就会开始倾听并对你做出反应
so you can then take the conversation
所以你就能以你喜欢的方式
wherever you like.
开始这场谈话
Again this is specifically for friends
这是特别为支持你的
and people who have your back.
朋友和家人所准备的
If you feel like the teasing has crossed the line,
如果你感到玩笑过度了
check out one of our other videos
搜索一下我们其他的视频
to learn how to deal with someone
学习怎样处理和某人
who’s crossed into bully territory.
开玩笑过度的情况
And this brings us to our third major point.
这就引出了第三个要点
If you are an awkward person,
如果你是容易自嘲尴尬的人
chances are the people around you
很可能你周围的人
have some pretty embarrassing stories
脑子里都有你的
of yours in their brains.
一些令你尴尬的事
So rather than let those be narratives told about you,
所以 与其让别人讲述你的故事
which may draw laughter at you,
这会让你成为笑柄
it’s incredibly useful to know how to tell a gripping story,
不如学会如何讲述自己尴尬的故事
so friends ask you
这样朋友们就会来问你本人
to tell your own embarrassing stories.
那些让你尴尬的事情
When this happens,
如果这样的话
it shows a supreme level of confidence
这就展示出一种无与伦比的自信
since you are the one comfortably and comically
因为只有你可以非常舒适 诙谐地
relating what most people
提及那些让大多数人
would be embarrassed about. For instance,
觉得尴尬的事情 举个例子
I have to wear a thong, underneath and other than that, that’s it.
我当时不得不穿一条丁字裤
You know, the first time they ever gave me the thong
他们第一次给我丁字裤的时候
You know, like it, “Put this on.” I was like, ” No.”
对我说 快来 穿上这个
Why would I wear a thong. I never like it.
我说不要 为什么我要穿丁字裤啊
Yeah, you have to, cuz it makes the suit look better.
是的 你必须穿 这会让你的服装更好看
And I’ll never be the same. Never be the same again.
我再也不会像以前一样了 再也不一样了
Now telling good stories is a huge topic,
现在 讲好故事是一个很棒的话题
but there is a couple of things that Tom demonstrates
但荷兰弟也
that will take your stories to the next level
这将让你的故事更上一层楼
so that you become the one
这样你将成为那个
in charge of your own narrative.
能够掌控自己故事的人
First off, it’s likely the case
首先 可能会出现
that your body language won’t always be ideal
你的肢体语言不会很理想
and that is totally fine.
但这并没有关系
But as you begin a story,
当你开始讲故事
activate the confident body language tips
要调动我们第一点提到的
that we mentioned in the first point,
肢体语言
especially if the story involves self-deprecation.
尤其如这个故事包括自我嘲讽的成分
This has the obvious effect of commanding
这将会有显著成效
the attention of the audience,
对于掌控观众的注意
but it also is how you signal underlying confidence
但这也是你表达潜在信心的方式
while telling stories where you literally
当你在讲故事的时候
may be insecure or bumbling.
你可能会缺乏安全感或者笨手笨脚
Watch how Tom does it here.
看看在这里他是怎么做的
I was useless. Like, I was trying to find her pulse.
我很没用 就像这样 我正试图找她的脉搏
I don’t know how to do that.
但我并不知道怎样做
I was like, “She has no pulse!”
我说：她脉搏停止跳动了
oh no, she does, she does.
哦不她还活着她还活着
– I just don’t know how to do that. – I will check it out
我只是不知道该怎么做 我检查一下
Second, up the emotional impact
第二 通过选择高影响力的词汇
by choosing high impact words.
来提升情感影响力
It is no secret that good stories
好的故事能让人感觉是事实的夸张版本
can feel like exaggerated versions of the truth.
这已经不再是什么秘密了
People need a reason to listen to a longer story
人们需要一个理由来倾听更长的故事
and incorporating words that have emotion
而结合那些富有情感的词语
packed into them by their very nature
是一种非常简单的方法
is a simple way to get people paying attention
这能使人们集中注意力
so that you are not left talking to an audience
这样你就不会让你的听众
who isn’t engaged with what you are saying.
对你说的话不感兴趣
In my family I went to Hawaii in January.
在一月份 我和家人去了夏威夷
– Very nice. It’s a… – “Amazing trip”

– 非常棒 这是个 – 震撼的旅行
I wasn’t living at home.
我并没有在家里住
I rented a house near the studio with my friends
我和我朋友在离家近的地方租了一个房子
which i think was the best summer of my life
我认为这是我人生中最棒的夏天
because football was coming home.
因为橄榄球比赛就要来到家乡了
I woke up. I panicked.
我醒来 又变得惊慌失措
– It was like, ” Oh my god. I’m so sorry.
这就像 我的天 我很抱歉
I didn’t mean to ghost you.” – Yeah
我并没有打算吓唬你
– And he didn’t… He obviously didn’t reply for ages
他没有 很明显 他已经很久没有回复了
cuz of the time difference in LA. – Yeah
– 因为洛杉矶的时差 – 是的
So that was maybe the most stressful day of my life
所以那可能是我一生中压力最大的一天
when I thought my relationship with Downey was over.
我以为我和唐尼的关系已经结束了
You’ll also get your audience more engaged
如果你在你的故事中融入角色
if you embody the characters in your story.
你也会让你的观众更加投入
This means body language
这就是身体语言
acting out the events of the story,
表演故事中的事件
as well as matching their voice type
以及匹配他们的声音类型
and even their accent.
甚至他们的口音
But the funny thing is the director
但有趣的是 导演
got too excited at times and was like
有时太激动了 比如
“Tom, can you, can you climb up that wall
汤姆 你能不能 你能不能爬上那堵墙
and then so a double back flip off here onto there?”
然后从这里翻到那里?
– I’m like: No – Oh, yeah
– 我就像这样：不行 – 是的 哈哈
Obviously you are unlikely
很明显 你不太可能
to have a dialect coach like Tom
有像荷兰弟这样的方言教练
and you’re probably not as good as accents.
而且你可能不像口音那么好
It’s OK and since even the attempt goes a long way
这没什么 即使是尝试在他的故事中间
towards creating humor in the middle of his stories,
创造幽默也有很长的路要走
but perhaps most importantly
但也许最重要的是
to these awkward stories
对于这些尴尬的故事
and to everything else that we have covered
以及我们在谈到尴尬时
when it comes to awkwardness
所涉及到的其他一切
is the mindset that you go into it with.
都是你的思维方式
If you have the right mindset,
如果你有正确的心态
you don’t need to have the
你不需要在每一种情况下
exact technique in every situation
都有精确的技巧
since it makes those charismatic habits flow naturally.
因为它能让那些有魅力的习惯自然地流动
And see this
来看看
99% of the awkward situations you will encounter in your life
你一生中99%都可能会遭遇的尴尬场景
are made worse because you’re fighting to be perceived in a certain way.
都是你因为你执意要争出个对错 而变得更糟
If you would just let go of managing people’s opinions,
如果你不去管别人的意见
most of the awkwardness would disappear.
大部分的尴尬就会迎刃而解
So if you’re ever feeling awkward, just ask yourself
所以 如果你觉得尴尬 就问问你自己
what perception am I fighting right now?
我现在所对抗的是什么感觉
And then relax and knowing
然后放松下来
that it’s only a perception of you
明白这只是一种感知
because your deepest confidence
因为你内心深处的自信
is not based in controlling the perceptions of others
不会来自于他人的看法
but embracing the truth of who you are.
而是知道自己究竟是怎样的人
And just so you know, you are not perfect.
还要明白一点 你并不是完美的
There’s always going to be things about you for others to criticize or tease
永远都会有人批评你 调侃你
or for you to feel embarrassed about.
或者让你感到尴尬
It’s in recognizing those less than perfect facts
而是认识到那些不完美的事实
and liking yourself anyway,
并且喜欢自己
the true confidence is generated.
才能产生真正的自信
So if you can tune in to that truth that like anyone else,
所以 如果你能像其他人一样接受这个事实
you sometimes do dumb, embarrassing
你有时也会做一些蠢事 让自己尴尬
or silly or regrettable things.
或者后悔
you’re going to handle stressful situations,
你有时会犯愚蠢的
social blunders and criticism
尴尬的社交错误
without having to feel awkward.
这不用感到尴尬
So embrace the truth kinda like Tom.
只需要像荷兰弟一样接受事实
And I don’t know what I can say.
我不知道我能说什么
I don’t even know how to react
我甚至不知道如何对
to what Tom just said there.
荷兰弟说的东西作出反应
ya, I mean I’m really young.
我真的是太年轻了
What did I just say?
我刚刚说了什么？
You said spiderman’s in Space.
你说太空中的蜘蛛侠
– Oh that thing, right, yeah. It’s very awesome. – Yeah

– 噢 那个 对 非常棒 – 是啊
[laughing] [applausing]
〔大笑〕 〔鼓掌〕
If you want to level up your charisma fast,
如果你想更快地提高你的领导力水平
I would definitely recommend checking out
强烈建议大家搜索
our course Charisma University.
我们《Charisma University》的课程
The course gives you both
这个课程既能
the actions and the mindsets
使你改变心态也能使你采取行动
that lead to massive leaps in your charisma,
让你的魅力大幅提升
so the people around you
所以你会发现
from your work to your social life
无论是你的工作还是生活
are going to find themselves
你周围的人都会
drawn to your presence and your confidence.
沉迷于你的表现和你的自信
Now the course is set up so that you spend
这个课程已经推出了
20 minutes a day on it for 30 days.
大家每天花费20分钟 观看30天就可以了
You’re doing one small thing every single day
你每天都在做一件小事
that builds easy but sometimes
这件小事可以让你养成一些
counterintuitive charismatic habits
简单但下意识地产生魅力的习惯
and that’s all while ingraining those mindsets that make those good habits
而且这些习惯会在将来
just happen naturally in the future.
自然而然地形成
So if you want to join
所以如果你想加入或者
or you’d learn more about that course,
学习更多关于这些的课程
you can click on the screen here
你可以点击屏幕
or in the description below.
或者下面的简介
This course is truly the most actionable
这个课程绝对是
and fastest resource
我制作过的提升领导力的
that I have ever made for maxing out your charisma.
最有效最快的课程
So if that’s something that you’re interested in,
如果你对这些东西感兴趣
I hope to see you on the inside.
我希望你可以加入其中
Either way, I hope that you enjoyed this video
最后 希望你喜欢这个视频
and I will see you in the next one.
下个视频再见