If you are anything like me,
you probably get pretty nervous about
the prospect of going up and talking
or introducing yourself to somebody you admire.
Whether it’s an author you like or a musician,
or just somebody who’s really well-respected in your field,
the prospect of going upand talking to that person
can seem like you’re gon’na waste their time
because it seems like they are in a completely different league from you.
but even if you do feel this way,
there’s probably some rational part of your brain
knows you could just work up the courage
to going talk to that person,
something awesome might happen,
even if it’s just being able to talk with somebody
you really admire for a couple of minutes.
That’s why in this video Iwanna share a confidence hack
that I use every single time I’m nervous
about going up and talking to someone.
This is a simple mindset change ,
that at least for me can be implemented right away
and works permanently afterwards.
But before I tell you about it,
I wanna first recount a time before I started using it,
which I still regret
Back when I was in college,
there was a conference going on in the city
just south of where my college was.
And at that conference,
an author was going to be speaking
who I really, really admired.
So I drove down to the conference,
I paid for my ticket
and I went to see him speak.
And afterwards there were a few people lined up to go talk to him,
but the line wasn’t super long,
so I really had every opportunity in the word
to go and say hi and introduce myself
and have a quick conversation with him.
Now did I actually do that?
Well, you can probably guess the answer to that question.
No, I didn’t.
Instead I went to the lobby,
I awkwardly hung out for about 15 minutes
and then I left
because, number one,
I completely psyched myself out.
I thought that he was in acompletely different league
and talking to him would have been a complete waste of his time
and shooting my confidence down in that way
made me unwilling to talk to anybody else in the conference.
So I did get to see his talk,
but otherwise I completely squandered
all of my opportunities at that conference
and I went home basically empty-handed.
Now, fortunately this story has a happy ending
because the next year thatauthor actually came back
into town with a couple of his friends,
Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Millburn,
Ryan Nicodemus 和Joshua Millburn
who you might know as the Minimalists,
to support their book tour.
And I ended up attendingthat book tour as well
and that time I actuallydid work up the courage
to go and talk to him along with those other two guys.
And they actually ended up inviting me out for dinner,
so I got an entire evening to talk to them.
And that happened because on this occasion
I actually did use the hack that I’mabout to tell you about.
And I like to call it the Netflix Rule.
This is a really simple rule.
Basically anytime I’m nervous about
going up and talking to somebody
who seems out of my league
who seems really really successful,
I think about what they’re going to be doing at the end of the day.
Because no matter how successful they are,
no matter how great the things that they are doing right now are,
at the end of the day at some point,
they are gon’na get tired
they’re gon’na kick their shoes off
and they’re probably gon’na sit down .
to watch some Netflix
It’s probably gonna be Emperor’s New Groove.
I mean I don’t think there’s any other real legitimate choice
on the platform right now.
That’s kind of beside the point.
Everyone, no matter how successful,
no matter how seemingly untouchable .
No one is a god.
Everyone farts on airplanes
and hopes no one else will notice.
We’re all human.
So the Netflix Rule for me
is a way of focusing on those common human elements,
the things that make us more alike than different.
Now once I actually do strike up that conversation,
I’m probably not gon’na talkabout Emperor’s New Groove,
probably not gon’na talk about ice cream or farting on airplanes.
These are just things that make the person
seem more approachable in my head.
I focus on these things
to break down these barriers
that my brain likes to put up
to guard against some perceived, terrible scenario
that’ll happen if I dare to talk to this person
who’s so far out of my league.
Side note though,
if you do wanna know what to say
once you actually strike up that conversation,
it’s probably a good idea to
at least get the ball rolling
by talking about something that they’ve done
or maybe the talk that they just gave
because this is a good way of striking up a conversation
that has some context in the moment.
And beyond that,
you can also get better at making small talk.
If you want a good place to start
for improving in that area,
my friend Charlie has a great video
on how to do small talk, if you’re an introvert
which I’ll have linked in the description down below.
不过 总的来说 你的行为才是最重要的
Overall, though, it is yourdemeanor that matters the most
because there is a huge difference between
approaching somebody as a human being
versus acting totally starstruck.
And that brings me to another good point.
The Netflix Rule makes theinteraction better
for the person talking to you as well.
People don’t wan’na be put on pedestals.
Nine times out of ten,
that super successful person
that you are so scared to talk to
just wants to have a genuine human conversation.
They don’t wan’na be separated or isolated
just because of the nature of their work.
They wan’na have really connections.
So if you can use this mental image of them
getting tired at the end of the day
and watching Emperor’s New Groove
on Netflix to humanize them,
then the conversation is gonna go so much better for them as well.
And there is yet another benefit here too.
Even if the interaction is awkward,
even if it goes kind of poorly,
that person is still gonna go watch Netflix tonight
and that means that even if I kind of screw the conversation up,
even if it’s a little awkward,
at the end of the day,
they are not going to be thinking about me.
They’re gonna go watch Netflix.
They’ve got their own problems,
their own lives to worry about.
So really it can only go one of two ways.
Either the interaction is awesome
and maybe something cool happens down the line because of that,
or it’s forgettable.
They move on with their lives
and I get to move on with mine as well.
And this part of the mindset isn’t even limited
to one-on-one interactions either.
It can also be useful for things like public speaking
or anything where you have to kind of put yourself out there
and you’re scared about what people will think.
In fact, writing this very video script was partly
an exercise in trying to convince myself to sign up
for a public singing showcase
that’s happening in a couple of month
since I’ve been taking vocal lessons.
And I’m very scared to do it,
but I have to tell myself
either it’s going to go great,
or it’s going to be forgettable for every single person in that audience.
And I have to remind myself that
every great performer out there,
无论他们是演讲者 作家 音乐家
whether they’re a speaker, an author, a musician,
they have a lot of forgettable performances in the past.
But every single one contributed towards their skills,
contributed towards their confidence.
And the fact that they’re able to dazzle people now
and have great interactions now
is because of all that leg work that happened beforehand.
So, whether it’s a one-on-oneinteraction with somebody
who you’re nervous to talk to,
or a performance on a stage,
remember that it is a simple fork in the road.
Either you dazzle them
or they forget about you,
because, well, they’ve got Netflix shows to go watch.
Now it’s good to note that cultivating this mindset
can help you build better professional relationships
as well, help expand your network.
That’s a great way to expand your job prospects in the future.
And if you’re looking for more ways to do that,
then another area you may want to focus on
is your ability to solve problems
because as more jobs andprocesses become automated,
the opportunities that are gonna exist in the future
are increasingly going to involve,
number one, social skills,
but number two, the ability to pull knowledge from disparate fields
and creatively solve problems that wehaven’t seen before.
And the way that you improveyour skills in that area
is through practice,
is through daily problem solving.
Because as you solve problems over in one area,
you become universally better at it on the whole.
And a great place to get that practice in,
while also learning about math,science and computer science
in depth is Brilliant.
Brilliant is a learning platform
that keeps the principle of active learning
at the forefront of everything they do.
So whether you’re going through one of their in depth courses
like calculus or math for quantitativetrading in finance,
computer science algorithmsor gravitational physics,
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you’re gonna find yourself immediately having to
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With Brilliant’s free plan,
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they’ll unlock all of their in depth courses
along with the entire archive of daily problems from past weeks.
So, if you wan’na start learning for free,
then head over to Brilliant.org/ThomasFrank and sign up
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you’re also gonna get 20% off that annual premium subscription.
Huge thanks goes out to Brianfor sponsoring this video
and being a supporter of my channel
and before I wrap this video up,
I do have a couple of quick announcements to make.
Number one, I am hiring again.
I’m looking to hire an animator
to work with both me and my video editor to
up the animation game on this channel.
So, if you are competent with After Effects,
if you know Vector illustration,
if you know the difference between an easing curve and an easy chair,
then go to the link and description down below and apply.
Secondly, if you ever lookedat that Never Stop Learning T-shirt
that I’ve worn on previous videos and thought,
dang, Iwish I could drink coffee in that,
Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you.
Bad news first.
If you pour coffee into that T-shirt,
it is not going to be very drinkable.
I guess you could kind of like wring the shirt out into your mouth,
probably not advisable, but
the good new is we now have mugs
and you can go to the link in the description down below
to get yourself one of those
as well as ladie’s tees and tanks,
they’re all in the store now,
so check those out if you are interested.
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