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如何与“不是同一个圈子”的人交往

How to Talk to Someone Who is "Out of Your League"

如果你和我一样
If you are anything like me,
一想到要上去和你敬佩的人说话
you probably get pretty nervous about
或者介绍你自己
the prospect of going up and talking
你可能会变得非常地紧张
or introducing yourself to somebody you admire.
不论他是一名你喜爱的作家或者音乐家
Whether it’s an author you like or a musician,
或者是你工作领域令人尊敬的某个人
or just somebody who’s really well-respected in your field,
一想到你要上去和那个人说话
the prospect of going upand talking to that person
就感觉你会浪费他们的时间
can seem like you’re gon’na waste their time
因为他们看起来似乎和你属于完全不同的圈子
because it seems like they are in a completely different league from you.
即使你确实是这样认为的
but even if you do feel this way,
但是你大脑中可能有一些理性的部分
there’s probably some rational part of your brain
知道你可以逐步建立起勇气
knows you could just work up the courage
来与那个人交谈
to going talk to that person,
神奇的事情可能会发生
something awesome might happen,
即使你只是能够
even if it’s just being able to talk with somebody
与你尊敬的人交谈几分钟
you really admire for a couple of minutes.
这就是我为什么想在这个视频中分享一个
That’s why in this video Iwanna share a confidence hack
每当我要走上前去与某人交谈感到紧张时
that I use every single time I’m nervous
我都会使用的自信技巧
about going up and talking to someone.
这是一个简单的心态改变
This is a simple mindset change ,
至少对我来说可以马上运用
that at least for me can be implemented right away
并且之后也可以长久有效
and works permanently afterwards.
但是在我告诉你之前
But before I tell you about it,
我想先描述一下我开始使用它之前
I wanna first recount a time before I started using it,
一段我到现在还后悔的经历
which I still regret
时间回到我还在上大学的时候
Back when I was in college,
就在我大学南边的城市
there was a conference going on in the city
即将举行一个会议
just south of where my college was.
在那个会议上
And at that conference,
一个我非常 非常尊敬的作家
an author was going to be speaking
会进行发言
who I really, really admired.
因此 我开车到了会场
So I drove down to the conference,
买了入场票
I paid for my ticket
去看了他发言
and I went to see him speak.
后来有几个人排着队去找他交谈
And afterwards there were a few people lined up to go talk to him,
但是队伍不怎么长
but the line wasn’t super long,
因此我真的拥有一切机会
so I really had every opportunity in the word
去和他说嗨并介绍我自己
to go and say hi and introduce myself
也能和他有一个简短的交谈
and have a quick conversation with him.
事实上 我那样做了吗?
Now did I actually do that?
你可能猜到了问题的答案
Well, you can probably guess the answer to that question.
不 我没有
No, I didn’t.
相反 我去了会客室
Instead I went to the lobby,
我笨拙地闲逛了大约15分钟
I awkwardly hung out for about 15 minutes
然后就离开了
and then I left
原因是 首先
because, number one,
我完全把自己吓坏了
I completely psyched myself out.
我觉得他和我完全属于不同的圈子
I thought that he was in acompletely different league
和他交谈会完全浪费他的时间
and talking to him would have been a complete waste of his time
这样会打击我的信心
and shooting my confidence down in that way
这种想法让我不愿意和会议上的任何人说话
made me unwilling to talk to anybody else in the conference.
所以我确实是去看了他的谈话
So I did get to see his talk,
但是我也完全浪费了
but otherwise I completely squandered
我在那次会议上的所有机会
all of my opportunities at that conference
基本上我是空手而归
and I went home basically empty-handed.
现在 幸运的是这个故事有个完美结局
Now, fortunately this story has a happy ending
因为第二年 那个作家与他的几个朋友
because the next year thatauthor actually came back
回到了这个地方
into town with a couple of his friends,
来支持他们的图书之旅
Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Millburn,
Ryan Nicodemus 和Joshua Millburn
who you might know as the Minimalists,
你可能知道他们是极简抽象派艺术家
to support their book tour.
我最后也参加了这个图书之旅
And I ended up attendingthat book tour as well
那次我真的鼓起了勇气
and that time I actuallydid work up the courage
去和他以及和他一起的那两个家伙交谈
to go and talk to him along with those other two guys.
最后他们邀请我出去吃饭
And they actually ended up inviting me out for dinner,
因此 我可以一整晚都与他们交谈
so I got an entire evening to talk to them.
我最终鼓起勇气与他们交谈是因为
And that happened because on this occasion
我使用了我即将告诉你的技巧
I actually did use the hack that I’mabout to tell you about.
我喜欢称之为“Netflix规则”
And I like to call it the Netflix Rule.
这真的是一个很简单的规则
This is a really simple rule.
基本上每次当我要去和某个人
Basically anytime I’m nervous about
看起来与我是不同圈子的人
going up and talking to somebody
或者是看起来非常非常成功的人
who seems out of my league
交谈而紧张的时候
who seems really really successful,
我就会想他们在一天结束后会去做些什么
I think about what they’re going to be doing at the end of the day.
因为无论他们是多么的成功
Because no matter how successful they are,
无论他们现在做的事情有多么伟大
no matter how great the things that they are doing right now are,
在一天结束的时候
at the end of the day at some point,
他们会感到疲惫
they are gon’na get tired
他们会踢掉他们的鞋子
they’re gon’na kick their shoes off
他们也可能会坐下来
and they’re probably gon’na sit down .
看一些Netflix
to watch some Netflix
它可能是《变身国王》
It’s probably gonna be Emperor’s New Groove.
我的意思是 我不认为现在在这个平台上
I mean I don’t think there’s any other real legitimate choice
还有其他合法的选择
on the platform right now.
这有点离题了
That’s kind of beside the point.
任何人 无论他们多么成功
Everyone, no matter how successful,
无论他们看起来多么高不可攀
no matter how seemingly untouchable .
都是人
is human.
没有人是神
No one is a god.
每个人都会在飞机上放屁
Everyone farts on airplanes
并且希望没有其它人会注意到
and hopes no one else will notice.
我们都是人
We’re all human.
因此 “Netflix规则”对我来说
So the Netflix Rule for me
是关注人的共性的一种方法
is a way of focusing on those common human elements,
这些共性使我们更加相似而不是不同
the things that make us more alike than different.
现在 一旦我真的开始了交谈
Now once I actually do strike up that conversation,
我可能不会去谈论《变身王国》
I’m probably not gon’na talkabout Emperor’s New Groove,
可能不会去谈论冰淇淋或者在飞机上放屁
probably not gon’na talk about ice cream or farting on airplanes.
这些事物只是让人
These are just things that make the person
看起来更接近我脑海中的形象
seem more approachable in my head.
我关注这些事
I focus on these things
是为了去打破
to break down these barriers
我的大脑喜欢想象出来的障碍
that my brain likes to put up
以防止 当我鼓起勇气与我的圈子
to guard against some perceived, terrible scenario
相去甚远的人交谈时
that’ll happen if I dare to talk to this person
可能会出现的一些可怕状况
who’s so far out of my league.
另外
Side note though,
如果你想知道一旦你开始了谈话
if you do wanna know what to say
你需要说些什么
once you actually strike up that conversation,
通过谈论一些他们做过的事情
it’s probably a good idea to
或者是谈论他们刚才说过的话题
at least get the ball rolling
至少在有互动上
by talking about something that they’ve done
是一个不错的主意
or maybe the talk that they just gave
因为利用此情此景
because this is a good way of striking up a conversation
是个很好的开始对话的方式
that has some context in the moment.
除此之外
And beyond that,
你也可以在闲聊方面做得更好
you can also get better at making small talk.
如果你想在那方面的提升
If you want a good place to start
有一个好的开始
for improving in that area,
我的朋友Charlie有一个好的视频
my friend Charlie has a great video
它讲述了如果你是一个内向者 该怎么去闲聊
on how to do small talk, if you’re an introvert
我会在下方给出它的链接
which I’ll have linked in the description down below.
不过 总的来说 你的行为才是最重要的
Overall, though, it is yourdemeanor that matters the most
因为像对待普通人一样对待他人
because there is a huge difference between
与以崇拜的心态对待他人
approaching somebody as a human being
具有很大的不同
versus acting totally starstruck.
这带给我另一个启发
And that brings me to another good point.
“Netflix规则”也让与你交谈的那个人
The Netflix Rule makes theinteraction better
互动地很好
for the person talking to you as well.
人们不想被捧上神坛
People don’t wan’na be put on pedestals.
十有八九
Nine times out of ten,
那个你很害怕与之交谈的
that super successful person
超级成功的人
that you are so scared to talk to
只想有一个真诚的人际对话
just wants to have a genuine human conversation.
他们不想只是因为他们工作的性质
They don’t wan’na be separated or isolated
就被区别对待 或者被孤立
just because of the nature of their work.
他们想有真正的联结
They wan’na have really connections.
所以 如果你可以通过想象他们
So if you can use this mental image of them
会在一天结束的时候感到疲惫
getting tired at the end of the day
会在Netflix上看《变身国王》
and watching Emperor’s New Groove
以此来人性化他们
on Netflix to humanize them,
这场对话对他们来说也会变得更好
then the conversation is gonna go so much better for them as well.
这还有另外的益处
And there is yet another benefit here too.
即使这场对话很尴尬
Even if the interaction is awkward,
即使有点让人不舒服
even if it goes kind of poorly,
那个人还是会在今晚看Netflix
that person is still gonna go watch Netflix tonight
这也意味着即使我把对话搞砸了
and that means that even if I kind of screw the conversation up,
即使这有些让人尴尬
even if it’s a little awkward,
在这天结束的时候
at the end of the day,
他们不会想起我
they are not going to be thinking about me.
他们只会去看Netflix
They’re gonna go watch Netflix.
他们有自己的问题需要去解决
They’ve got their own problems,
他们有自己的生活需要去担心
their own lives to worry about.
因此这里只有二者其一的情况会发生
So really it can only go one of two ways.
要么这场对话非常棒
Either the interaction is awesome
也许因为那场谈话有一些很酷的事情发生
and maybe something cool happens down the line because of that,
或者这场谈话平淡无奇
or it’s forgettable.
他们会继续他们的生活
They move on with their lives
我也会继续我的生活
and I get to move on with mine as well.
这部分心态甚至
And this part of the mindset isn’t even limited
不仅仅局限在一对一的交流中
to one-on-one interactions either.
像公共演讲
It can also be useful for things like public speaking
或者任何你必须让自己置身其中的事情
or anything where you have to kind of put yourself out there
而你又害怕别人会怎么想你时 这个心态是很有用的
and you’re scared about what people will think.
事实上 写这个视频的脚本
In fact, writing this very video script was partly
是为了试图说服自己报名参加
an exercise in trying to convince myself to sign up
一个公共歌唱表演
for a public singing showcase
这件事发生在
that’s happening in a couple of month
我上声乐课的几个月后
since I’ve been taking vocal lessons.
我真的很害怕去做它
And I’m very scared to do it,
但是我必须告诉我自己
but I have to tell myself
要么表现得很好
either it’s going to go great,
要么被在场的每一个观众遗忘
or it’s going to be forgettable for every single person in that audience.
我必须提醒我自己
And I have to remind myself that
这里每一个优秀的表演者
every great performer out there,
无论他们是演讲者 作家 音乐家
whether they’re a speaker, an author, a musician,
在过去 他们也有过很平淡无奇的表演
they have a lot of forgettable performances in the past.
但是每一个表演都造就了他们的技艺
But every single one contributed towards their skills,
增加了他们的信心
contributed towards their confidence.
实际上 他们现在能光彩夺目
And the fact that they’re able to dazzle people now
能有很棒的交流互动
and have great interactions now
全都是因为之前的练习
is because of all that leg work that happened beforehand.
所以 无论这是一个与你很紧张的对象
So, whether it’s a one-on-oneinteraction with somebody
的一对一交谈
who you’re nervous to talk to,
或者是在舞台上的一次表演
or a performance on a stage,
记住这是一个简单的岔路口
remember that it is a simple fork in the road.
要么你让他们眼花缭乱
Either you dazzle them
要么他们忘记你
or they forget about you,
因为他们要去看Netflix的节目
because, well, they’ve got Netflix shows to go watch.
现在值得注意的是 培养这种心态
Now it’s good to note that cultivating this mindset
能帮助你建立更好的职业关系
can help you build better professional relationships
同时 能帮助你拓宽你的关系网
as well, help expand your network.
这是一个扩大你未来工作前景的好方法
That’s a great way to expand your job prospects in the future.
如果你在寻找更多的方法来做到它
And if you’re looking for more ways to do that,
然后你可能想要关注的另一个领域
then another area you may want to focus on
是你解决问题的能力
is your ability to solve problems
因为随着越来越多的工作和程序变得自动化
because as more jobs andprocesses become automated,
未来存在的机会
the opportunities that are gonna exist in the future
会越来越多地包含
are increasingly going to involve,
第一 社交技巧
number one, social skills,
第二 将不同领域的知识汇集的能力
but number two, the ability to pull knowledge from disparate fields
以及创造性地解决我们不曾遇到过的问题的能力
and creatively solve problems that wehaven’t seen before.
提高你在那个领域的技能的方式
And the way that you improveyour skills in that area
是通过练习
is through practice,
是通过解决日常问题
is through daily problem solving.
因为随着你在一个领域不断解决问题
Because as you solve problems over in one area,
你会在整体上变得更擅长于所有事情
you become universally better at it on the whole.
有一个能得到练习
And a great place to get that practice in,
同时也能深入学习数学 科学和计算机科学
while also learning about math,science and computer science
的好地方是“Brilliant”
in depth is Brilliant.
“Brilliant”是一个学习平台
Brilliant is a learning platform
Brilliant坚持在做每件事之前
that keeps the principle of active learning
都要主动学习的原则
at the forefront of everything they do.
所以不管你是否在上他们的深度课程
So whether you’re going through one of their in depth courses
比如金融量化交易中的微积分或数学
like calculus or math for quantitativetrading in finance,
计算机科学算法或者引力物理学
computer science algorithmsor gravitational physics,
或者你是否正在解答他们的每日问题
or whether you’re going throughone of their daily problems,
你会发现你必须马上
you’re gonna find yourself immediately having to
运用你的知识来解决实际问题
apply your knowledge and actually solve problems
而不是坐着听别人说教
instead of just sitting back and being lectured at.
在“Brilliant”的免费计划下
With Brilliant’s free plan,
你每天都会遇到全新的每日问题
you get access to brand new daily problems every single day
比如这个骰子的设计
like this one on designing dice
或者这个找到最高效的方法
or this one on finding the most
来传递能量
efficient way to deliver power.
你也可以进入非常详细的维基百科
And you also get accessthrough ultra detailed Wiki
观看很多例题 概念和描述
with lots of example problemsand concepts, descriptions
以及他们的公共讨论区
and their community discussion area.
如果你决定支付会员费
And if you decide to sign up for a premium subscription,
他们会打开所有的深度课程
they’ll unlock all of their in depth courses
以及过去几周所有存档的每日问题
along with the entire archive of daily problems from past weeks.
所以 如果你想开始免费的学习
So, if you wan’na start learning for free,
那么前往Brilliant.org/ThomasFrank 并注册
then head over to Brilliant.org/ThomasFrank and sign up
前83名通过此链接注册的人
and if you’re one of the first 83 people to use that link,
还可以享受20%的年费优惠
you’re also gonna get 20% off that annual premium subscription.
非常感谢Brian赞助这个视频
Huge thanks goes out to Brianfor sponsoring this video
并成为我的频道的支持者
and being a supporter of my channel
在我结束这个视频之前
and before I wrap this video up,
我有几件事要快速地宣布一下
I do have a couple of quick announcements to make.
第一 我再次招人
Number one, I am hiring again.
我想雇用一个动画师
I’m looking to hire an animator
与我和我的视频编辑一起工作
to work with both me and my video editor to
为这个频道设计一些动画游戏
up the animation game on this channel.
如果你能熟练掌握After Effects
So, if you are competent with After Effects,
如果你了解矢量插画
if you know Vector illustration,
如果你知道缓和曲线和安乐椅的区别
if you know the difference between an easing curve and an easy chair,
那么点击下方的链接申请吧
then go to the link and description down below and apply.
第二 如果你看过我在之前的视频里穿的
Secondly, if you ever lookedat that Never Stop Learning T-shirt
印有“永远不要停止学习”的T恤
that I’ve worn on previous videos and thought,
并且想:“哇 我也想穿着那件T恤去喝咖啡”
dang, Iwish I could drink coffee in that,
我有一些好消息和一些坏消息
Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you.
首先是坏消息
Bad news first.
如果你把咖啡倾倒在了那件T恤上
If you pour coffee into that T-shirt,
咖啡就不能喝了
it is not going to be very drinkable.
我想你可能会想要把衬衫里的咖啡拧到嘴里
I guess you could kind of like wring the shirt out into your mouth,
虽然不是很建议 但是
probably not advisable, but
好消息是我们现在有马克杯
the good new is we now have mugs
你可以到下方的链接中
and you can go to the link in the description down below
给你自己选一个这样的杯子
to get yourself one of those
这儿也有女士的T恤和杯子
as well as ladie’s tees and tanks,
它们现在都在商店里
they’re all in the store now,
如果你感兴趣的话 看看这些吧
so check those out if you are interested.
同样的 你可以点击这里来订阅这个频道
As always you can clickright there to subscribe to this channel,
以便及时查看新的视频
get new videos when they come out
点击那里可以免费得到一本我的书
and click right there to get a free copy of my book
它讲述了如何取得更好的成绩
on how to earn better grades.
你也可以在这个频道
You can also smash your face into your phone screen right here
看更多的视频
to watch one more video on this channel
或者点击这里查看我们最新的播客集
or check out our latest podcast episode right here
咱们下次再见
and I will see you in the next one.

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视频概述

当与你是不同圈子的人交谈时,你会紧张而踌躇不前吗?这儿有一个好方法来帮你解决这个问题。

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icbWjSC1AzI

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