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与任何人都能轻松自信聊天的方法

How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence

Thanks for watching a Northwest.
感谢观看Northwest
Our next guest says she can teach us
我们下一位嘉宾说她可以教我们
how to make dazzling conservation with anyone we meet.
怎么和人进行有趣的聊天
We welcome back the author of Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101
让我们欢迎《人体测谎与肢体语言101》的作者
Vanessa Van Edwards.
瓦妮莎·范·爱德华兹
Now Vanessa, I just had to pull you away from a conservation with Cabby over there.
瓦妮莎 我只能打断你和Cabby的聊天拉你过来了
-Yes -Emm, but there for folks who have a hard time making conservation,
-是的 -对于那些和别人交谈有困难的人来说
there’s a science behind having a good conservation, right?
有一个轻松聊天的技巧 对吧
Yeah, and the good news is the science of conversation,
是的 好在这个聊天的技巧
it can be used in any situation.
可以用在所有场合
Whether it’s professional networking events,
不管是专业交流活动
business meetings, colleagues
商务会议 和同事交流
and also it’s the same for social,
还是一些日常的社交活动
parties, new friends, meeting in-laws for the first time.
比如参加派对 见新朋友 还有拜见公婆的时候
Luckily the science is the same
无论你是不是喜欢与人交谈
whether you love conversation or you don’t.
这个方法都是相通的
Okay so let’s talking about the first rule
好 我们来说说第一条原则吧
you say is your intention.
你说要有谈话目的
Yeah, and this is actually the one that we most often forget.
是的 其实我们经常忘记这一点
So the best conversations and the best conversationalists,
愉快的对话 健谈的人
they always set the intention for the conversation.
都是预先设定好谈话目的的
-And this helps ward against you know those awkward lulls or pauses. -Yeah.
-可以帮你避免无话可说的尴尬瞬间 -是的
That doesn’t happen when you set an intention.
有预设目的就不会发生了
So what I want you to think about before you meet someone,
在你见某个人之前
before you go to an event is
或者去参加某个活动之前
what do you want to bring from the event,
要考虑你想从这个活动中得到什么
what do you want to bring to the event.
想给这个活动带来什么
So are you there to get new business?
你去那是为了新的商机呢
Are you there to meet a significant other?
是为了见你的恋人呢
-Are you there just have a good time? -Yeah.
-还是只是为了开心而去的 -是啊
Are you there to learn something about someone?
或者是为了了解某个人的某些事
Just setting that minor intention.
只要设定这种小目的就行
I always do it on the car no matter where I’m going.
不管去哪里我都会在车上这样做
That helps you guide your conversation
它可以引导你的谈话
for the next few tips you’ll notice.
接下去的几个建议你就会发现
You need to have sort of that guiding drive
你需要这些小目标来引导你
to know what you want to talk about or ask next.
聊些什么 接下去要问什么
So set your intention before you even show.
在出场之前就想好目的
That’s kind of like a game plan, right? Making sure you have a plan.
这有点像比赛规划 保证你有一个计划
Exactly, exactly. It’s setting up your strategy for the night.
是的 就是为这个晚上制定一个策略
And again it could be as simple as I just want to laugh. I just want to have a good time
可以是简简单单的 我只是想开心 只想放松一下
because that’s gonna change the direction of your conservation.
因为这个目的会影响你话题的走向
Okay you talk about approach.
谈谈怎么接近别人吧
Yes, so when you think about conversation
好的 当你想开始聊天的时候
you usually think about the first line.
你一般会想我该怎么开头呢
But research shows that our first impression
有研究表明 当你听到一个人说话的时候
doesn’t happen when you first hear someone.
还不会产生第一印象
-It happens when you first see someone. -Mmm.
-当你在见到这个人的时候才产生 -嗯
So actually the best conversationalist, they always approach.
其实健谈的人通常都会主动接近你
They almost start their conversation on the approach.
他们在接近你的时候就开始聊天了
So what I want you to do is
所以我的建议是
anytime you’re about to initiate conversation
无论你什么时候开始聊天
or you’re about to go to someone and introduce yourself
或者你要向某个人介绍你自己
is set yourself up right.
你都要先站好
So the best first impression happens
好的第一印象
when you have nice open body language.
从得体的肢体语言就开始了
So you want your hands really visible, out of pockets,
要把你的手放在看得见的地方 不要揣在口袋里
not in touch into your purse, not behind your back
不要塞进包里 也不要放在背后
helps with our trust cues.
这样可以给人一种信任感
-Right. -And then having your shoulders down and back
-是啊 -然后让你的肩膀下沉 往内收
Anytime we turtle it signifies anxiety.
你要是缩着脖子就表示你很焦虑
So shoulders down and back.
所以肩膀要往下沉 往内收
And then your smile is actually your opening line.
你的微笑才是真正的开场白
So when you smile at someone,
当你面对着别人微笑的时候
-it warms them up. -Right.
-它能让人放松 -是的
-To them going oh this person is about to talk to me. -Right.
-他们就知道 这个人准备和我说话了 -对
It gets them sort of already going,
这让他们觉得交流已经开始了
it’s like your opening line a little bit, your smile.
你的笑容就有点开场的意思了
Right, that’s a good idea
是的 那是一个好办法
and what would be a good opener?
那好的开场白呢?
Okay, so everyone asked me
好多人都问我
on what’s a good pickup line,
怎么自然的搭讪
what’s a good opening line.
好的开场白是怎样的
And there’s a huge research experiment
曾经有一个大型实验
that looked at almost every single pickup line
研究了各种开场白
all the different way we start conversation.
研究各种开始聊天的方法
Let me guess would it be a compliment?
让我猜猜 是说恭维话吗
First thing you say is I like that ring or those boots or that dress.
上来就说 我喜欢你的耳环 靴子还有裙子之类的
That’s compliments are great, second and third.
赞美是不错 但应该放第二或第三句
-The first one… -First one…

-那第一句呢 -第一句
First one is I know this is gonna sound simple,
第一句听起来其实很简单
-hello, how are you? -Oh.
-就是 你好吗 -哦
By far, that one by far.
到目前为止
And if you think about it. That’s actually
你想想 其实
you don’t really want to say something too intense
刚开始你一般不大想说话
when you first start.
特别是一些太热情的话
-That’s right. -You have this smile, you go up say, hey how are you?
-对啊 -你就微笑着上前 然后说 你好吗
I’m Vanessa whatever and then you go into what’s next.
我叫瓦妮莎 然后再继续说别的
And what’s the next part you already interested.
说你感兴趣的话题
So you don’t even say your name? The first…
一开始你甚至都不说你叫什么名字吗
-You can say hew how are you? I’m Vanessa. -Gotcha.
-你可以说 嘿 你好吗 我叫瓦妮莎 -我明白了
Hey how are you that hey how are you, hello how are you
就一句简简单单的 你好吗
it’s actually so nice cause it’s so easy and so natural.
其实非常友好 又简单自然
So don’t think of anything crazy,
不用去想什么复杂的东西
-just go with what’s simple. -Okay.
-就这么简单就行 -好的
And then what I want you to do is
然后我想让你做的是
look for what’s called conversation sparks.
找到谈话的亮点
So conversation sparks.
交谈的亮点
-This is the difference between a dazzling conversation
这就是有趣的聊天
-and kind of like a neh…conversation. -Right..
-和无聊的谈话之间的区别 -是的
So conversation sparks are…
聊天的亮点就像是这样
the nonverbal cue is when you’re engaging curiosity.
非语言的线索就是当你让人觉得好奇
When you’re engaging someone to go wow.
当你让某个人说 哇
This is…That’s really interesting.
这是非常有意思的
-and can I teach you the nonverbal signs of sparks? -Sure, sure
-要我教你发现亮点的非言语性标志吗 -好啊
So across culture, across genders, races,
这是超越了文化 性别 种族
there’s one thing that everyone does
每个人都会做的一件事
when they are super engaged and it’s the eyebrow raise.
当我们对一个东西非常感兴趣的时候会抬起眉头
-Oh. -So you just did it.
-哦 -你刚才就抬了
Just any time any time someone says something interesting,
不管什么时候听到有人说有意思的事情
we go oh.
我们都会抬起眉头
That’s what you’re looking for.
这就是你要找到的
You’re looking for the topics, the conversations, the stories
你要找的话题 对话 故事等等
that make them go “oh really”.
来让他们惊讶的说 哦 是真的吗
That means you’re really listening.
这就说明你是真的在听
That means you’re not going into the… boring.
表明你不会觉得无聊
So what I want you to think about is you set your intention right.
我要你去思考的是要设定好目的
So maybe your intention is
可能你的目的是
-to get to know your in-law better, right? -Okay.
-更好的了解你公婆 对吧 -是的
So what you’d be doing is asking questions
那你要做的就是问一些问题
you’re trying to look for likes, mutual likes.
比如问你们共同的爱好
Do you like this restaurants, vacations?
你喜欢这个餐厅吗 你喜欢这个假期吗
Do we have similar hobbies that we like?
我们有共同的爱好吗
And then you’re looking for that
然后你就找这种共同的话题
-oh I love the baseball game last night. -Right.
-哦 我喜欢昨晚那场棒球比赛 -是的
And then you know you’ve hit it, you’ve hit a spark.
然后你就知道你找到亮点了
And then you can go down that hole, on that rabbit hole in the conversation.
你就可以顺着这个话题继续聊下去
So you’re looking for the spark,
当你去设定你的目的时候
the eyebrow raise when you set that intention.
要找到亮点 能让人感兴趣的点
That’s what you’re looking for the whole time.
那就是你一直想找的东西
Okay, ending the conversation.
好的 那怎么结束一段对话呢
My husband and his family can never end.
我先生和他的家人总是说个不停
And I don’t know how they do it, but I…
我也不知道他们是怎么做到的
they can never end a conversation.
但他们就是聊得停不下来
It’s the funniest thing.
太有意思了
So we we don’t think about ending a conversation as important.
我们常常认为怎么结束对话并不重要
But actually your last impression is just as important as your first impression.
但其实最后的印象和第一印象是一样重要的
So here’s what you do.
你应该这么做
Here’s a really easy way if you ever want to end a conversation.
想要结束对话有一个很简单的方法
First, mention it’s called a future mention.
首先你要提起一件将来计划要做的事情
So hey what are you up to this weekend?
嘿 你这周末准备干什么呢
What are you doing later today?
你今晚准备干什么呢
-It actually shifts the focus from present to future. -Oh, yeah yeah.
-其实就是把重点从现在转移到将来 -哦 是哦
And then they talk about oh yeah this weekend you know gonna go to a…
然后他们就会聊这个周末的计划
gonna go to the hike in Forest Park. -Right.
-我们周末准备去森林公园徒步 -好的
That’s your cue to say: well it was so great speaking with you.
这时你就应该说 和你聊天很愉快
I wish you the best of luck on that hike. I hope it’s great fun.
祝你徒步顺利 希望那儿很好玩
So actually that future mention is a nice little tie.
所以说提到未来是一个很好的转折点
-Yeah. -And it’s a really clean nice polite way to thank them for the conversation
-是的 -这是一个简洁友好的方式感谢对方
and then wish them the best of luck on whatever their future and ever is.
不管他们接下来的计划是什么都祝他们好运
-That’s a good idea. -Easy.
-这是个好主意 -很简单
Let’s let’s say you’re at a party and you want to make sure that
比如我们在一个聚会上
someone feel comfortable coming up to you.
你想让过来和你聊天的人感到舒服
-What would be good body language? -Oh I love it.
-应该用什么样的肢体语言呢 -我喜欢这个话题
Okay so what you want to look for for yourself and others is the pivot out.
你要找的是身体朝向外侧的线索
So whenever you’re trying to approach two people or three people,
如果你想要靠近两个或者三个人的小群体
anytime they’re both facing each other, so their toes are aligned.
当他们面对面时 他们的脚是平齐的
You know they’re probably not open anyone else.
这就说明他们不想被外人打扰
-They’re having a conversation. Don’t interrupt them. -Don’t interrupt them.
-他们正在聊天 不要去打扰他们 -不要去打扰
So when you want to be approach or you want to approach someone else,
如果你想被接近或者接近别人
look for the pivot out.
就去找脚尖朝外的姿势
That’s when someone’s there talking to each other
也就是说当一个人在和别人聊天
but their body is actually angled out their toes angled out.
如果他们身体是侧着的或者脚尖是朝外的
-That means they’re much more open to approach. -They are available.
-表明他们很欢迎别人加入 -可以加入他们
And you want to do the same. So if you’re talking to someone
如果你正在和别人聊天 还想其他人加入
-you still want people to come up to you. -Right.
-你也可以这么做 -好的
Make sure you pivot out towards the room.
就让你身体朝向房间
That signals people that you’re open physically and literally.
告诉别人你真的欢迎别人参与进来
And I would guess to get off your cell phone.
我猜还有一点是要放下手机
Oh my goodness. I mean that I hope that that goes without saying.
哦 天啊 我希望那都不用提的
The worst thing you can do is…
你最不应该做的就是……
Now people…it’s a habit for a lot of people.
现在的人都有这个习惯
I mean they assume that they anybody can come up and talk to them.
他们以为谁都会上前去和他聊天
But if I see someone on their cell phone,
但如果我看到有人在用手机
I’m not gonna approach them.
我是不可能靠近他的
And the problem is is when we get nervous
不过问题是当我们开始紧张
and we have no one to talk to.
又没人可以聊天的时候
-What do we do? We’re like I’m pretend to text. -Right.
-我该怎么办呢 假装在发短信 -是的
So promise it’s this bad circle, you don’t have anyone to talk to.
这是一个恶性循环 没有人和你聊天
So you pretend to text, and then no one comes up to you.
你要是假装在发短信的话就更没人理你了
So what I would say is you’re much better off, going to get a drink,
我的建议是这时候你最好去拿杯喝的
always have something in your hand.
手里总拿着点什么
-It feels nicer to have something in your hand. -Right.
-手上拿着东西感觉会好很多 -对
And plant yourself right where people exist,
而且要站在有人的地方
the bar or the food.
比如说吧台或者食物旁边
Cause that’s the sweet spot,
因为那是最好的位置
-that’s where everyone’s like I have no one to talk to. -Right.
-没有人聊天的时候大家都去那 -是
So be that person who’s like,
所以最好能主动去聊天
hey, so what do you what do you drinking? What did you get?
嘿 你在喝什么呢
-Doesn’t this food look great? Hey hello how are you? -Yeah.Gotcha.
-这东西看起来很好吃吧 嘿 你好吗 -明白了
Plant yourself right there.
就站在那儿
Really good tips Vanessa.
非常好的建议
As always we want to tell folks if you like to find out more
如果你想了解更多 可以看看这本书
Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101, Vanessa Van Edwards.
《人体测谎与肢体语言101》 作者瓦妮莎·范·爱德华兹
Do you love this video?
你喜欢这个视频吗
Then give us some love in the comments.
在评论区告诉我们吧
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欢迎点赞和订阅我们的频道

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视频概述

凡妮莎教你如何与人聊天,比如如何开始,如何结束,如何判断能否加入他人的聊天。

听录译者

Hlq

翻译译者

Ivy

审核员

审核员FW

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMmnPpjtU7c

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