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How To Stop Shyness in 60 Seconds

今天我要教你们的是 如何在60秒内不再害羞
Today I’m going to teach you how to eliminate shyness in 60 seconds.
毫不夸张的说 只要做完以下三步即可
Literally, that’s as long as it takes if you do these 3 steps.
So this is going to be useful to you if you’ve ever been out because I know I have.
And then, you, all of a sudden, just gotten trapped in your head.
And, maybe, some of you left the conversation, maybe it was that someone you did know entered.
无论如何 你无法在突然情况下表达自己
Whatever it was, all of a sudden,
你说出了愚蠢无比或无聊透顶 甚至不值得一提的话
the things that you have to say don’t seem as clever or smart or funny, or even worth expressing,
或是智慧或是有趣 甚至不值得一提 你不知道该把手放在哪里
and your hands, you don’t know where to put them.
不能放在这 放在那 你感到很不自在
You can’t put them here, you can’t put them here. It just feels uncomfortable.
我想帮你消除这个烦恼 不要犹豫 不要错过
So I want to help you dispel that, so that you don’t hesitate and wind up missing out
on opportunities to connect with people that you care about.
The first step is going to be this.
当感到害羞并且不知道把手放在哪时 你觉得自己
When that moment of shyness hits and the hands don’t know where to go,
没有任何有意义的事可说 一旦你发现这种情况 停止尝试做任何事
you feel that you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say, instantly,
recognize this and stop trying to do anything, and just exist.
事实上 是放任自己变得无聊
In fact, let yourself suck.
我这么说的意思是 你可以很无聊
What I mean by this is you can be boring.
When I feel this happen to me, it happens sometimes when I’m out at a bar or a club
我跟我的朋友们分开了 我感到孤独并且我真的
and I’ve been separated from my friends that I find myself alone and feeling like
不想跟任何人重新开始对话 但是我通常还是继续了
I don’t really want to jump back in the conversation with anyone,
“嗨 你真的 真的很有趣
but what I used to do was go, “Hey, you’ve got to; you’ve got to be fun,
这是你的YOUTUBE频道 你很有魅力
this is your YouTube channel and you’re on Charisma on Command, you got to do it,”
你得去做” 在那种时刻 我强迫我自己
and I’d force myself in that moment.
Giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds to stand there and go, you know what.
I’m gonna suck. I don’t feel like doing this right now.
It’s such an amazing reboot.
这个看起来就像是我出局了 然后我会让我的手垂在身体两边
So what it looks like is I’ll be out and I will, literally, my hands will drop to my side.
I’m not gonna smile. I’m notgonna make or create eye contact.
I might wander a little bit and I’m gonna do as little as possible.
这么做使我感到自由 因为害羞是
And what this does is it frees me because what shyness is
when you don’t feel like the thingsyou have to say are enough,
你不满意你要说的东西 你不满意你的感受
when you don’t feel like the ways thatyou feel is enough
或者不够自信跟别人交往 就有了害羞
or good enough to engage with other people.
当你允许自己无趣 也就相当于你做了最坏的打算
What happens when you allow yourself to be boring
is you give yourself that worst case scenario, right?
没有什么比在酒吧 俱乐部或是网络中出局更糟了吧
Nothing is worse than this out in a bar or club or a networking event, right?
要想不那样 就得做你自己 对我来说
And what that does is it eliminates the need to perform anything, and for me,
this only takes 20 to 30 seconds before I feel myself reset.
And all of a sudden, I don’t feel like I should do anything after about 20-30 seconds;
(这时候)我有点想要社交 因为我很无聊
I kind of feel like I want to because, now, I’m boring myself.
Well, I just go home.
But at this point, you know you fully reset when you feel that switch from “I’ve got to,
我需要去做”变成 “我现在有点想要”时 你已经完全重启了
I need to do this,” to “I kind of want to now.”
Caveat here, this doesn’t mean that you pull out your phone and you text on your phone for 30 seconds.
That’s the opposite.
你试着让自己看起来很忙 对吗
That’s you trying to look busy, right?
That’s the opposite.
不是要你离开酒吧 或是站在这里装酷
It doesn’t mean that you go up against the bar or stand there and try to look cool,
you try to look powerful.
实际上 你要从别人的看法中解脱出来
You actually release the judgements of everybody else.
If they’re gonna think you’re boring–totally fine,
but you don’t try to look like anything.
You let yourself just go slack.
深呼吸30秒后 你会觉得大不一样
Breathe deep, 30 seconds later, you’re going to feel a massive difference,
and that’s when step 2 comes in.
这一步 就是重复第一步
So this is the Reboot Step 1.
第二步就是 当我们开始步入正轨后 像我之前说的
Step 2 is when we want to get started on the right foot and you’ve heard me say this before,
重启最好的办法是不加入谈话中 据我个人经验
but the best way to do this is not necessarily to jump in a conversation,
接下来 你要听从你自己的身体
but in my experience, is to go to your body.
害羞的麻烦就是 你脑海中有声音对你说
The problem with shyness is that the voices in your head that are telling you
你要说的东西不够好或是你应该闭嘴 你的双手
that what you have to say isn’t good enough or that you should just shut up,
that your hands are in the wrong place.
这些声音比你说话的声音更多 而且更大声
Those voices are more numerous and louder than your actual voice.
You’re not speaking–your interior, not exterior.
我们需要你逃离大脑的控制 给身体一个好的去处
We got to get you out of your head and the body is a great place to go.
I focus on three things.
I’m normally concerned with my arms.
当然 我需要动一下它们
I need to move these guys around, for sure.
我的声音 我说的声音是指我的发声器官从上到下
My voice, and when I say my voice, I mean my whole vocal apparatus
我的隔膜 盆骨底
talking down through my diaphragm, through the pelvic floor.
呼吸越深 共振越低 我感觉越良好
The deeper I can breathe, the lower I can make my resonance, the better I’m going to feel.
最后我要动我的脸 眼睛和
And then, of course, lastly, once I’d get these things going, my face, my eyes, and my smile.
我做这些 取决于环境
The way I do this depends on the environment.
如果我在俱乐部 我会去我可以活动的地方 并且把这些事都做了
If I’m at a club, I want to go to a place where I can move and
尽可能的活动 舞台为我准备了
make all of these things be as vibrant as possible;
that’s the dance floor for me.
我走向舞台跳20到30秒 我发出声音 我会向
So I go to the dance floor, 20-30 seconds, I dance, I will make noise,
我的朋友大叫 随便怎样
I would yell to my friends, whatever it is.
That’s going to make me feel better, that’s going to make me smile, right?
做20到30秒 我心情变好
20-30 seconds of that, I’m in a great mood.
What if I’m not at a club? What if you’re not at a club?
Because we feel shy in lots of places.
比如说 你在办公室 做到你可以做的程度
Well, let’s say you’re in an office, do it to the degree that you can.
如果你在办公室 你正在开会 然后你 “好吧 我感到羞涩
So if you’re in an office, you’re sitting in a meeting, and you’re, “Okay, I’m feeling shy.
Reset. Okay.”
Arms–my arms need to open up.
出去 暴露你身体的内侧 让它过去吧
Go out, expose the underside of your body, just let it go.
如果不是你的身体 你就去暴露你手臂的内侧
So, if not your body, if you’re gonna expose the underside of your arm,
that’s gonna make you feel a little bit more at ease.
你的声音 尽你所能 如果你有什么想说就去说 但
Your voice, to the degree that you can, if you have anything, try them in,
如果你办不到 你可以嘀咕 或是深呼吸
but if you can’t, you can just hum it or breathing deep.
这将会涉及到我所发现的这些动作的关键 实际上
That’s going to engage sort of these vibrational things that I have found are key,
actually, to feeling good.
然后 最后是面部
And then, lastly, the face.
如果有人在说话 你可以看他们的眼
If somebody’s talking, you can look them in the eye.
你可以用积极的 微笑或眼神给予反馈
You can send positive, you know, feedback, with your smile, with your eyes.
That kind of stuff is going to get you back to a place that you want to be.
最糟的情形 三个人在聊天
Worst case scenario, you’re in a 3-person conversation.
另外两个人在聊天 你感觉自己已经完全出局了
These two people are talking and you just feel completely left out.
你没办法跟他们任何一个人聊 你没办法成为焦点 你该怎么办
You can’t touch any of them, you can’t get big, what do you do?
Well, what you can.
你可以伸懒腰 对吗
You can stretch your arms, okay?
That’s step 1, not bad.
如果必要时用你的声音 你可以主动去听
With your voice, if you need to, you can actively listen.
“对 很酷
“Oh, yeah, cool.
Oh, he hadn’t said that to me. Interesting, right?”
You get your voice going.
你可以动 我告诉你 这会很有效
You get your vibrations going and I’m telling you, it makes a difference.
当然 你的眼睛 你的微笑 用眼睛看他们
And, then, of course, your eyes and your smile, look them in the eye
give them some active feedback with this.
你动的越多 你感觉越自在
The more that you move, the more easy that is going to feel.
这三样事情到位了 接下来就是第三步
So you get all of these three things in place, which brings me to step 3.
我们基本上花光了所有时间 一半时间准备 另一半
We’ve used up, basically, the full minute;first half is 3 set,
第二个半钟通过舒展身体 让我们感觉自在
second half is getting ourselves off on a good foot by getting into the body,
通过回到身体感觉更自在 第三件事是封闭起来
the third thing is sealing it, because we don’t want to go back into our head.
所以封闭起来 我们找最近的可以聊天的人
So, to seal it, we find the most receptive, nearest person that you can go speak to,
你可能想要 先在开始前准备一下
and,typically, you want to use something that is prepared beforehand.
我的意思是 我不希望你受大脑的控制
And what I mean by that is that I don’t want you to going back into your head
“该死 我现在在说什么
and going, “Crap, what do I say now?
What do I say to him on the networking thing?
It’s so dumb to ask what you do.
I know what he does.”
Don’t go back in your head.
提前为这些情况做准备是好的 你要找到
So, typically, it’s good to have prepared for these situations
对你来说很平常的事 来挑起话题
that you find yourself something common that you can say to strike up conversation.
It didn’t depend wherever you are.
When I was in Costa Rica, I was 19 years old when I arrived there.
I was a shy kid.
我一点西班牙语也不会 老实说我发现跟别人交流很困难
I didn’t speak, really, any Spanish, and I have found it hard to connect, quite frankly.
但是我不经意间做了一件事情 我问别人问题因为我想这么做
But one of the things that I did inadvertently was I would ask people
太坏了 在我已经知道我要去的地方时 我找别人问路
because I wanted to so bad, I would ask for directions when I already knew where I was going.
我在去教室打印店的路上问别人:“你好 你知道
So I would be on my way to the photocopierat a class and say,
“hey, do you know where the photocopier is?”
当我这么做时 有趣的事情发生了
And something interesting happened as I did this.
有些人只是跟我说 我应该练习我的西班牙语
Some people would just tell me I got to practice my Spanish.
然而有些人会告诉我路 然后带我去并且问我
Some people, though, would tell me, and then, walk with me and ask me questions
我来自哪里 我的工作是什么 晚上我愿不愿意出来和他们一起
about where I was from, what I was doing, and,
hey, did I want to come out and hang out to the bar with them that night?
我发现 因为在这个小镇 我很不一样
And what I found was, because I was just a different kind of person in this small town.
这个小镇叫埃雷迪亚-我去的拉乌尼翁 在评论中我写了 如果你们也去过那里
It was called Heredia–I went to La UNA, write it in these comments if you’ve been there.
I’m sure some of you have.
但是我发现因为我的不同 人们努力跟我接触
But what I found was that because I was different, people were trying to reach out to me.
现在 我告诉你两个你不知道的不用准备的短语
Now, I get that that’s not what you have,
在95%的情况下 对你有帮助
but what I can give you are two killer prepared lines that are gonna help you in most situations, like 95%.
第一 如果这人你不认识 很简单 走近他们
First one is, if you do not know the person, and that’s very simple,
这时你已经不再害羞去说:“你好 怎么样 我觉得
you walk up to them, at this point, you’ve broken your shyness to say,
“hey, what’s up? I don’t think I’ve met you yet.
我叫查理 你叫什么名字
I am Charlie, may I have your name?”
效果如何 “我觉得我们之前没见过” 很有力量
And what that does, that “I don’t think I’ve met you yet,” is so powerful.
你可以说:“嗨 你好” 前一句有效果 但是这句更好
You could say, “Hi,” that works, but this is better,
因为在很多人我认识 人们都在招呼的情况下
because what that communicates is I know a lot of people here
人们相互问好 就有话题聊了
and this is an environment in which people are saying hi,
so you should be polite and friendly.
这句话真的真的 很有效果
It works very, very well.
Take that one, use it with people you don’t know.
如果你跟你认识的人聊天 或者你之前见过的人
If you’re in conversation with people you do know, or maybe someone you just met, and
你不用再一次介绍自己 最简单的就是用一个短语
you can’t re-introduce yourself, one of the very simple things is to just take the phrase,
“你好 听起来很奇怪 但是…” 然后说你想要的
“hey, this is totally random, but…” and then say whatever you want,
具体的说爱好 说你喜欢的东西
and specifically, speak to a passion, speak to something you like.
说你喜欢书 你酷爱别人也读过的一些书
So, say you like books and you’re fascinated by the kinds of books that people read,
在交谈中 你可能说:“你好 你最近有读
which you might say is in conversation,
“hey, this is totally random, but have you read any good books lately?”
我通常喜欢问别人:“你好 你最近
I always like to ask people, right?
or “hey, this is totally random, but have you actually seen any good movies?
我最近一直在找 想在这周末看 ”
I’m looking for one that I should see this weekend.”
不管怎样 选你感兴趣的 因为接下来谈话的主题
Whatever it is, pick something that you’re interested in because, then,
that topic of conversation is more likely be the one that you’re interested in.
So, that is how you break shyness.
我想告诉你 在你不自在的时候 你可以做的事情
I wanted to give you something just for this situation when you’re actually uncomfortable.
这些事情 你可以提前做好
I realize there’s things you can do beforehand.
你需要控制这个谈话 但是你越是离开你的大脑
You’ve got a whole conversation at this point to handle,
留在你的声音中 害羞就会消失 对吗
but the more that you are out of your head and in your voice,
害羞就会消失 对吗
shyness will disappear, right?
你不再感觉害羞 当你不再是你自己 只有当你评价自己
You cannot feel shy when you are exterior to yourself,
猜测别人怎么评价你 这就会打破这个情形
only when you are judging yourself and wonderinghow other people are judging you,
and this is meant to break that state.
所以 我希望你觉得有用
So, I hope that you found it helpful.
如果你对 在60秒获得自信 感兴趣的话 我可以在60秒
If you are interested in 60 seconds to get confident,
I have like 60 seconds to get to most of the emotions that I want to do,
我可以转换任何情绪 像苦恼 取决于我自己想怎么样
and there are tweaks, depending on where I’m trying to go,
但是如果你对自信心好奇 在这些视频之前的视频
but if you’re curious in confidence that’s something that I use before these videos.
我在出门时我会做的事情 在我公开演讲时
This is something that I do when I go out, this is something that I would do if I,
you know, were speaking publicly.
如果你想知道 点击链接
If you want to get that, go ahead, click the link, the box here.
如果你在用手机 点击“i”按钮 就会弹出白色头像
If you’re on mobile, click that little “i” button that will pop up, the white guy.
转到不一样的页面 在那里你可以删掉你的邮件
It’s going to take you to a different page where you can drop your email and
it will show you that video–Things That You Can Do in 60 Seconds to Be Confident.
如果你喜欢这个视频 请订阅频道
If you’ve liked this video, please subscribe to the channel.
帮助你有更多技巧 比如增加我们魅力
It’s gonna help you get more tips like this on a weekly basis,
那些最有魅力的人做了哪些事 让他们如此有魅力
plus our Charisma Breakdowns of the most charismatic people,
the things that they do thatmade them so much more charismatic
比世界上99%的人更自信 你也可以做的事情
and confident than 99% of the world; the things that you can do too.
所以 订阅吧
So, go ahead, subscribe.
在你的首页就可以获得这些 我相信我能跟你发邮件
You’ll get that stuff on your homepage, and, I believe that I can send you an email,
I’m not sure, whenever we do a new upload.
我希望 你们觉得有用
So, I hope that you guys have found this helpful.
I hope that this tip is good.
我知道害羞真的真的是一件让人很气馁的事情 我应对过很多次
I know shyness can be a really, really daunting thing;
在我人生中 我已经经历过太多次了
I’ve dealt with it a lot in my own life,
这个视频不是要将害羞 完全从你的生活中消除
and this isn’t intended to eradicate it from your entirety of your life,
而是当它出现时 你可以阻止它 这是我觉得
but it is how you can stop itin the moment when you have it,
which I find is really the thing that most of us want to do most.
我希望你们觉得有用 期待在下一个视频中看到你们
So, I hope that you found this helpful and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.