Today I’m going to teach you how to eliminate shyness in 60 seconds.
Literally, that’s as long as it takes if you do these 3 steps.
So this is going to be useful to you if you’ve ever been out because I know I have.
And then, you, all of a sudden, just gotten trapped in your head.
And, maybe, some of you left the conversation, maybe it was that someone you did know entered.
Whatever it was, all of a sudden,
the things that you have to say don’t seem as clever or smart or funny, or even worth expressing,
或是智慧或是有趣 甚至不值得一提 你不知道该把手放在哪里
and your hands, you don’t know where to put them.
不能放在这 放在那 你感到很不自在
You can’t put them here, you can’t put them here. It just feels uncomfortable.
我想帮你消除这个烦恼 不要犹豫 不要错过
So I want to help you dispel that, so that you don’t hesitate and wind up missing out
on opportunities to connect with people that you care about.
The first step is going to be this.
When that moment of shyness hits and the hands don’t know where to go,
没有任何有意义的事可说 一旦你发现这种情况 停止尝试做任何事
you feel that you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say, instantly,
recognize this and stop trying to do anything, and just exist.
In fact, let yourself suck.
What I mean by this is you can be boring.
When I feel this happen to me, it happens sometimes when I’m out at a bar or a club
and I’ve been separated from my friends that I find myself alone and feeling like
I don’t really want to jump back in the conversation with anyone,
“嗨 你真的 真的很有趣
but what I used to do was go, “Hey, you’ve got to; you’ve got to be fun,
this is your YouTube channel and you’re on Charisma on Command, you got to do it,”
你得去做” 在那种时刻 我强迫我自己
and I’d force myself in that moment.
Giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds to stand there and go, you know what.
I’m gonna suck. I don’t feel like doing this right now.
It’s such an amazing reboot.
So what it looks like is I’ll be out and I will, literally, my hands will drop to my side.
I’m not gonna smile. I’m notgonna make or create eye contact.
I might wander a little bit and I’m gonna do as little as possible.
And what this does is it frees me because what shyness is
when you don’t feel like the thingsyou have to say are enough,
when you don’t feel like the ways thatyou feel is enough
or good enough to engage with other people.
What happens when you allow yourself to be boring
is you give yourself that worst case scenario, right?
Nothing is worse than this out in a bar or club or a networking event, right?
要想不那样 就得做你自己 对我来说
And what that does is it eliminates the need to perform anything, and for me,
this only takes 20 to 30 seconds before I feel myself reset.
And all of a sudden, I don’t feel like I should do anything after about 20-30 seconds;
I kind of feel like I want to because, now, I’m boring myself.
Well, I just go home.
But at this point, you know you fully reset when you feel that switch from “I’ve got to,
我需要去做”变成 “我现在有点想要”时 你已经完全重启了
I need to do this,” to “I kind of want to now.”
Caveat here, this doesn’t mean that you pull out your phone and you text on your phone for 30 seconds.
That’s the opposite.
That’s you trying to look busy, right?
That’s the opposite.
It doesn’t mean that you go up against the bar or stand there and try to look cool,
you try to look powerful.
You actually release the judgements of everybody else.
If they’re gonna think you’re boring–totally fine,
but you don’t try to look like anything.
You let yourself just go slack.
Breathe deep, 30 seconds later, you’re going to feel a massive difference,
and that’s when step 2 comes in.
So this is the Reboot Step 1.
第二步就是 当我们开始步入正轨后 像我之前说的
Step 2 is when we want to get started on the right foot and you’ve heard me say this before,
but the best way to do this is not necessarily to jump in a conversation,
but in my experience, is to go to your body.
The problem with shyness is that the voices in your head that are telling you
that what you have to say isn’t good enough or that you should just shut up,
that your hands are in the wrong place.
Those voices are more numerous and louder than your actual voice.
You’re not speaking–your interior, not exterior.
We got to get you out of your head and the body is a great place to go.
I focus on three things.
I’m normally concerned with my arms.
I need to move these guys around, for sure.
My voice, and when I say my voice, I mean my whole vocal apparatus
talking down through my diaphragm, through the pelvic floor.
呼吸越深 共振越低 我感觉越良好
The deeper I can breathe, the lower I can make my resonance, the better I’m going to feel.
And then, of course, lastly, once I’d get these things going, my face, my eyes, and my smile.
The way I do this depends on the environment.
如果我在俱乐部 我会去我可以活动的地方 并且把这些事都做了
If I’m at a club, I want to go to a place where I can move and
make all of these things be as vibrant as possible;
that’s the dance floor for me.
我走向舞台跳20到30秒 我发出声音 我会向
So I go to the dance floor, 20-30 seconds, I dance, I will make noise,
I would yell to my friends, whatever it is.
That’s going to make me feel better, that’s going to make me smile, right?
20-30 seconds of that, I’m in a great mood.
What if I’m not at a club? What if you’re not at a club?
Because we feel shy in lots of places.
比如说 你在办公室 做到你可以做的程度
Well, let’s say you’re in an office, do it to the degree that you can.
如果你在办公室 你正在开会 然后你 “好吧 我感到羞涩
So if you’re in an office, you’re sitting in a meeting, and you’re, “Okay, I’m feeling shy.
Arms–my arms need to open up.
出去 暴露你身体的内侧 让它过去吧
Go out, expose the underside of your body, just let it go.
So, if not your body, if you’re gonna expose the underside of your arm,
that’s gonna make you feel a little bit more at ease.
你的声音 尽你所能 如果你有什么想说就去说 但
Your voice, to the degree that you can, if you have anything, try them in,
如果你办不到 你可以嘀咕 或是深呼吸
but if you can’t, you can just hum it or breathing deep.
That’s going to engage sort of these vibrational things that I have found are key,
actually, to feeling good.
And then, lastly, the face.
If somebody’s talking, you can look them in the eye.
You can send positive, you know, feedback, with your smile, with your eyes.
That kind of stuff is going to get you back to a place that you want to be.
Worst case scenario, you’re in a 3-person conversation.
These two people are talking and you just feel completely left out.
你没办法跟他们任何一个人聊 你没办法成为焦点 你该怎么办
You can’t touch any of them, you can’t get big, what do you do?
Well, what you can.
You can stretch your arms, okay?
That’s step 1, not bad.
With your voice, if you need to, you can actively listen.
“Oh, yeah, cool.
Oh, he hadn’t said that to me. Interesting, right?”
You get your voice going.
你可以动 我告诉你 这会很有效
You get your vibrations going and I’m telling you, it makes a difference.
当然 你的眼睛 你的微笑 用眼睛看他们
And, then, of course, your eyes and your smile, look them in the eye
give them some active feedback with this.
The more that you move, the more easy that is going to feel.
So you get all of these three things in place, which brings me to step 3.
我们基本上花光了所有时间 一半时间准备 另一半
We’ve used up, basically, the full minute;first half is 3 set,
second half is getting ourselves off on a good foot by getting into the body,
the third thing is sealing it, because we don’t want to go back into our head.
So, to seal it, we find the most receptive, nearest person that you can go speak to,
and,typically, you want to use something that is prepared beforehand.
And what I mean by that is that I don’t want you to going back into your head
and going, “Crap, what do I say now?
What do I say to him on the networking thing?
It’s so dumb to ask what you do.
I know what he does.”
Don’t go back in your head.
So, typically, it’s good to have prepared for these situations
that you find yourself something common that you can say to strike up conversation.
It didn’t depend wherever you are.
When I was in Costa Rica, I was 19 years old when I arrived there.
I was a shy kid.
I didn’t speak, really, any Spanish, and I have found it hard to connect, quite frankly.
But one of the things that I did inadvertently was I would ask people
太坏了 在我已经知道我要去的地方时 我找别人问路
because I wanted to so bad, I would ask for directions when I already knew where I was going.
So I would be on my way to the photocopierat a class and say,
“hey, do you know where the photocopier is?”
And something interesting happened as I did this.
Some people would just tell me I got to practice my Spanish.
Some people, though, would tell me, and then, walk with me and ask me questions
我来自哪里 我的工作是什么 晚上我愿不愿意出来和他们一起
about where I was from, what I was doing, and,
hey, did I want to come out and hang out to the bar with them that night?
我发现 因为在这个小镇 我很不一样
And what I found was, because I was just a different kind of person in this small town.
这个小镇叫埃雷迪亚-我去的拉乌尼翁 在评论中我写了 如果你们也去过那里
It was called Heredia–I went to La UNA, write it in these comments if you’ve been there.
I’m sure some of you have.
But what I found was that because I was different, people were trying to reach out to me.
Now, I get that that’s not what you have,
but what I can give you are two killer prepared lines that are gonna help you in most situations, like 95%.
第一 如果这人你不认识 很简单 走近他们
First one is, if you do not know the person, and that’s very simple,
这时你已经不再害羞去说：“你好 怎么样 我觉得
you walk up to them, at this point, you’ve broken your shyness to say,
“hey, what’s up? I don’t think I’ve met you yet.
I am Charlie, may I have your name?”
效果如何 “我觉得我们之前没见过” 很有力量
And what that does, that “I don’t think I’ve met you yet,” is so powerful.
你可以说：“嗨 你好” 前一句有效果 但是这句更好
You could say, “Hi,” that works, but this is better,
because what that communicates is I know a lot of people here
and this is an environment in which people are saying hi,
so you should be polite and friendly.
It works very, very well.
Take that one, use it with people you don’t know.
If you’re in conversation with people you do know, or maybe someone you just met, and
you can’t re-introduce yourself, one of the very simple things is to just take the phrase,
“你好 听起来很奇怪 但是…” 然后说你想要的
“hey, this is totally random, but…” and then say whatever you want,
and specifically, speak to a passion, speak to something you like.
So, say you like books and you’re fascinated by the kinds of books that people read,
在交谈中 你可能说：“你好 你最近有读
which you might say is in conversation,
“hey, this is totally random, but have you read any good books lately?”
I always like to ask people, right?
or “hey, this is totally random, but have you actually seen any good movies?
我最近一直在找 想在这周末看 ”
I’m looking for one that I should see this weekend.”
不管怎样 选你感兴趣的 因为接下来谈话的主题
Whatever it is, pick something that you’re interested in because, then,
that topic of conversation is more likely be the one that you’re interested in.
So, that is how you break shyness.
我想告诉你 在你不自在的时候 你可以做的事情
I wanted to give you something just for this situation when you’re actually uncomfortable.
I realize there’s things you can do beforehand.
You’ve got a whole conversation at this point to handle,
留在你的声音中 害羞就会消失 对吗
but the more that you are out of your head and in your voice,
shyness will disappear, right?
你不再感觉害羞 当你不再是你自己 只有当你评价自己
You cannot feel shy when you are exterior to yourself,
only when you are judging yourself and wonderinghow other people are judging you,
and this is meant to break that state.
So, I hope that you found it helpful.
如果你对 在60秒获得自信 感兴趣的话 我可以在60秒
If you are interested in 60 seconds to get confident,
I have like 60 seconds to get to most of the emotions that I want to do,
我可以转换任何情绪 像苦恼 取决于我自己想怎么样
and there are tweaks, depending on where I’m trying to go,
but if you’re curious in confidence that’s something that I use before these videos.
This is something that I do when I go out, this is something that I would do if I,
you know, were speaking publicly.
If you want to get that, go ahead, click the link, the box here.
如果你在用手机 点击“i”按钮 就会弹出白色头像
If you’re on mobile, click that little “i” button that will pop up, the white guy.
It’s going to take you to a different page where you can drop your email and
it will show you that video–Things That You Can Do in 60 Seconds to Be Confident.
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So, I hope that you guys have found this helpful.
I hope that this tip is good.
I know shyness can be a really, really daunting thing;
I’ve dealt with it a lot in my own life,
and this isn’t intended to eradicate it from your entirety of your life,
而是当它出现时 你可以阻止它 这是我觉得
but it is how you can stop itin the moment when you have it,
which I find is really the thing that most of us want to do most.
So, I hope that you found this helpful and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.