Have you ever been out in a group of people just start to say something
or tell a story and then somebody cuts you off?
Maybe it was a friend, but it really doesn’t matter,
因为不管他是谁 突然间 你的脑子就会卡壳
because whoever it was, all of a sudden, you get stuck in your head;
you don’t know how to get back into conversation
and it can really sap your confidence.
If this has happened to you,today I have good news
because we are going to be sharing with you six tips
to make sure that it doesn’t keep happening.
And in order to help me with this video,
I am bringing in the other half of Charisma on Command and my best friend, Ben.
Now, Ben has been with Charisma on Command since the very beginning;
he’s not been on camera because he’s been doing a lot of the business stuff,
but in order to hit our goal of making twice as much content,
he is going to start sharing the content that he’s been helping me with since the beginning.
so in order to get this going, here is Ben.
So the first thing I see all the time is a misuse of pregnant pauses.
Pauses are great;
it can be a way to hook people that are listening
and it can create rapt attention on you in suspense especially in stories,
but, you have to put your pauses in the middle of your sentences.
If you just put all your pauses at the end of your sentences,
you’re creating an opportunity to get cut off especially in a group where everyone’s excited.
As soon as you brake for too long and people think you’re done talking,
someone else is going to jump in,
not because they don’t want to hear you, but because they think you’re finished.
还有 第二件事 要兴奋
Okay, the second thing — be excited.
Now humans have mirror neurons.
That means that your listeners are going to reflect
whatever emotion you are displaying when you’re speaking.
You get the most interesting day in the world,
but if when you tell people about it,
你缺乏趣味 讲话慢吞吞 也没有手势
you’re boring and you’re slow and you’re not gesticulating,
and you’re monotone, you’re going to lose the attention of everybody.
So if you want to tell a story and you want people to pay attention to you,
you have to act excited and you have to convey excitement.
第三点 超明显但也一直有人这么做 讲大声
Third one, super obvious but I see it all the time — be loud,
I don’t mean shout.
但不要轻声轻语 不要低头看脚 而且要有手势
But don’t whisper, don’t look down at your feet, and you have to gesticulate.
Be loud with your body and with your words just so that people can hear you,
so that people aren’t talking not because they don’t want to hear you
but because they don’t even know you’re talking.
You’re in a loud bar and only the people right next you can talk,
so a group of six becomes two groups of three,
and now you feel like people aren’t listening to what you have to say.
Now the fourth thing — you have to act like you deserve to be heard.
无论谁 或是凯文·哈特 威尔·史密斯还是巨石强森
It doesn’t matter who it is; it can be Kevin Hart, Will Smith, The Rock —
when they’re in a group especially in an excited group of people,
in an interview or friends whatever it is, a panel on a stage,
people will want to talk and so they’ll be speaking,
what they’re saying will trigger something in the listener,
and someone will jump in to interrupt.
What happens is for a brief moment in time, two people are speaking,
both really charismatic people,
they just speak like they expect to be listened to,
所以一直讲话 说完了 停下来看着彼此
so they’ll keep talking, finish what they’re saying, and then stop and look at the person.
If every single time that you’re in a group,
someone makes a noise, and you stop talking and look at them,
you’re going to get destroyed;you’re going to get interrupted all the time.
所以呢 说下去 要觉得有人愿意听你讲话
So speak like you think you deserve to be heard.
The flip side of this is it can be dangerous if you abuse it,
so don’t be a bully and do share the spotlight once you’re done talking.
And the fifth thing is be tight. Don’t ramble.
because if a story is amazing in two minutes but boring in five minutes,
you have to keep it tight,
讲关键 说重点 情节起伏有序 见好就收
hit your spots, hit your punchlines, get your highs and lows then be finished.
A conversation isn’t a monologue, right?
You’re not an actor on a stage so you say your thing
but then let other people speak by keeping it tight.
The truth is, how you speak is often more important than what you talk about
especially when it comes to group dynamics, captivating a group, and not getting interrupted.
But there are a couple things that if you do talk about them, you’re even less likely to get interrupted
and you’re more likely to have everybody hang on to what you’re saying.
Now I think there’s three things that really can kill it and make sure that you never get interrupted.
The first is talking about things that make people feel good, right?
So these can be compliments, these can be stories that are fun,
and these can be things that are funny and have people laughing.
If you have people that are listening to you feeling good, they’re going to want to keep listening to you.
如果你讲的事情无趣 让人有压力 或者听着令人恼怒的话
If you talk about things that are boring or stressful or aggravating to hear about,
then obviously, people are going to want to cut you off
just to switch to something that’s more fun for them and makes them feel good.
Now that doesn’t mean that you can’t complain
especially about something that’s happening in your life
that you want people to connect with you on or relate about or,
you know, you just want to get something off your chest,
but, instead of just coming to a group and dumping it on them,
and just complaining which nobody likes complainers,
wrap it in a story; wrap it in something that’s riveting.
So if your boss did something shitty,
要这么说“天啊 你们一定得听听 今天上班时候……”
go, “Oh my god, you guys need to hear this. I walked into work today and…”
buh buh buh buh buh, now tell them your story after you’ve hooked people,
tell them the ups and downs of your day,
and create a listener experience that’s more enjoyable
even though what you’re talking about isn’t positive.
The third thing is related to them, right?
If you’re in a group of people
and you know they love sports or they love a certain TV show
or they love talking about philosophy,
you talk about that thing,
and you’re way more likely to have them engaged, right?
If you grab a bunch of people that really like sports and start talking about politics
or you grab a bunch of people that really like politics
and you talking about sports, you’re going to lose the group.
Now, there’s a really easy way to kind of make anything that you’re saying
seem like it’s for the group
and that’s by just starting with a quick, “Oh my god, you’re going to love this…”
You say, “Oh my god, you’re going to love this…”
then you go into what you’re going to say,
the listener feels like it’s for them; they’re going to be more engaged.
One last thing that I really think is important to get across,
it’s not the end of the world if you get cut off.
The truth is, in a group conversation
especially with a bunch of friends who are excited, everybody gets cut off.
It could be some great conversations
with an incredible dynamic of people jumping in and out and sharing with each other, right?
If this happens to you all the time then, hopefully, these six tips are helpful.
Maybe one of them or two of them or all six of them resonate with you
and you can see how you’re not doing that thing.
But you’re going to get cut off occasionally
and that’s not the end of the world so don’t take it personally.
It’s not necessarily reflection of you; it’s just how group conversations go.
So I hope that you guys enjoy those tips on
how to not get cut off in groups of people.
And I hope that you take those tips and use them because they really do work.
Now one of the things I’m extremely excited for is the fact that
now we can make twice as much content
coz we have both Ben and my brain working on creating it,
and the good news is that means that we need your feedback, we need your advice,
so if there’s any topics that we haven’t covered that you would like to see,
write them in the comments.
如果有你想看的角色 比如过气的名人 告诉我们
If there’s any characters you’d like to see, broken down famous people, let us know.
另外 这是本 第一次出镜
In addition, this is one of Ben’s first time on camera.
He’s done a lot of speaking from the stage but rarely, on camera,
this is pretty much the first time for him
so if you have a feedback that you’d like to give him in the kindest way possible,
please leave that in the comments below.
Also, we’re going to have a lota lot more content coming out on Instagram
so if you want to follow us there @CharismaOnCommand
or you can follow my personal one
where I do all kinds of random stuff,
including my attempt at becoming a musician,
你可以关注我 @CharlieHoupert 或本 @IAmBenAltman
you can follow me @CharlieHoupert or Ben, @IAmBenAltman.
If you enjoyed this video and you want more every single week,
now twice a week,
If you enjoyed this video and you want more every single week, now twice a week,
and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.