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如何停止怀念前任

How to Stop Feeling Nostalgic for an Ex

After considerable agony, we’ve left a relationship.
在经历了巨大的痛苦后 我们分手了
We’re on our own now
现在我们单身了
and, when we can bear to be honest, it’s a little harder than we expected.
但老实讲 分手后的生活比我们想象的要难一些
We aren’t going on many dates;
我们不再经常约会
the central heating broke down last week;
上周集中供热系统坏了
the shopping is proving a hurdle.
购物便成了一种障碍
In idle moments, we find ourselves daydreaming,
在无所事事的时候 我们发现自己在做白日梦
returning fondly to certain occasions in the recently concluded relationship.
天真地回到上段恋爱中的某些场景
There was that wintry weekend by the sea:
在海边 一个寒冷的周末:
they looked adorable walking on the beach in their thick scarf.
他们戴着厚厚的围巾在沙滩上散步 看起来很可爱
We fed the seagulls and drank cheap white wine from paper cups on the seafront
我们喂海鸥 在海边喝着纸杯里廉价的白葡萄酒
and felt connected and happy.
彼此心意相通 无比幸福
We’re newly conscious of the charm of so many things
我们重新发现了琐事的魅力
that seemed ordinary at the time
尽管在那时看着很普通
Ccoming out of the supermarket,
从超市出来
putting everything away in the fridge and the cupboards;
把所有东西放在冰箱和橱柜里
making soup and toasted cheese and watching television on the sofa.
煮汤 烤奶酪 在沙发上看电视
With these thoughts in our minds, we feel weepy and tender
这些回忆在脑海中挥之不去 让人想哭 感觉脆弱
And at points distinctly tempted to call the ex up again.
然后那时 就特别想给前任再打通电话
They would, we suspect, allow us back,
我们以为 他们会和我们复合的
or at least give us a hearing.
或者至少会接电话
What can we make of our feelings?
我们要怎样理解我们的心情呢?
It might be that we have realised a genuine mistake.
可能我们已经意识到了一个真正的错误
But it’s even more likely
但更有可能的是
that we are in the grip of a characteristic mental habit of the newly single,
我们被恢复单身后 所特有的心理习惯控制
facing the vertigo of independence: nostalgia.
面对单身的晕头转向 这都是因为:怀旧
In the middle of the nineteenth century,
19世纪中叶
Britain underwent industrial and scientific revolutions
英国经历了工业和科技革命
that transformed old settled ways of life,
这些革命改变了过去居民的生活方式
ripping apart communities,
打破了城区之间的壁垒
throwing people together in large and anonymous cities
将人们扔在一个个大而不知名的城市里
– and dislocating the loyalties and certainties once offered by religion.
颠覆了宗教曾经提供的忠诚和确定性
In a search for ways to soften the confusion,
在寻找缓和混乱的方法时
artists and thinkers began to imagine what a better world might look like
艺术家和思想家开始设想一个更美好世界的样子
– and in certain circles, the search turned towards the past
在某些圈子里 他们的研究转向了过去
and more specifically,
更具体地说
towards the perceived wisdom, coherence and contentment of the Middle Ages.
他们转向了中世纪的智慧 条理性和幸福感
While railway lines were being laid down across the land,
当地面铺满了铁轨
and telegraph cables under the seas,
海底接上了电缆时
members of the artistic class celebrated the simple, innocent communities
艺术界在颂扬 他们认为十二三世纪就出现了的
that they proposed had existed in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries.
朴素和单纯的社区
Art works depicted handsome uneducated but happy labourers,
他们的艺术作品描绘了慷慨大方 未受教育但快乐的劳动者
cheerful villagers celebrating harvests
热情快乐的村民庆祝丰收
and kindly lords and ladies ministering to the deserving poor.
仁慈的贵族和女爵士关照应当得到帮助的穷人
There seemed to be no violence, alienation, fear or cruelty.
这儿似乎没有暴力 疏远 恐惧或残暴
No one minded not having much heating
没有人发现房子里不够暖和
or subsisting on a meagre diet of oats and the odd piece of lard.
或者他们只吃燕麦和奇怪的猪油
It had, it was alleged, been very much easier back then,
据说 过去的生活简单得多
in the thatched cottages and pious stone churches.
只有茅草屋和虔诚的石头教堂
At the heart of the nostalgic attitude is a disregard for why things ever changed
怀旧态度的核心是无视事物为什么改变
– and might have needed to do so.
或者无视改变的必要性
For the nostalgic, the past never required alteration or development;
对于怀旧者来说 过去从来不需要改变或发展
history moved on but for no sane reason.
历史会继续前进 却没有合理的原因
The complexities of the present moment are in this sense deemed wholly accidental.
按照这个理论 当下的混乱被认为完全是偶然的
They are not the tricky byproducts of a legitimate search for growth and progress
他们不是合法寻求发展中产生的棘手副产物
away from what must have been at some level, despite the odd delightful occasion
一定程度上 这些混乱是不可忍受的预先安排 即使其中有一些零碎的愉快时刻
(perhaps at harvest time or on a midsummer morning), an intolerable previous arrangement.
( 也许是在收获季节或仲夏的早晨 )
The nostalgic can’t accept that the present, whatever its faults,
怀旧者无法接受 不管是什么错
came about because of inescapable difficulties with the past.
现在 都是过去避免不了的难题的产物
They insist that we had already once been perfectly happy,
他们强调 人类曾经非常幸福
then mysteriously changed everything for the worse
然后莫名其妙地把一切变糟
because we forgot we had been so.
关键就在于 我们忘了自己曾经的样子
Relationships can find us reasoning no less selectively.
恋爱中 我们的推理也是有选择性的
Here too. It can feel as if we must once have been content
一样的 它会让我们觉得我们曾经很满足
and then grew ungrateful through error and inattention.
然后因为错误和疏忽而变得忘恩负义
Yet in locating profound satisfaction in the past,
然而 在寻找过去的极度满足感时
we are crediting our earlier selves with too little acumen.
我们对曾经的自己的评价过低
The truth about what a relationship is like is best ascertained
确定一段恋爱的真相
not when we are feeling low six months or a few years after its conclusion,
不是在结束后的六个月或几年后 我们情绪低落的时候
but from what we must have known when we were in its midst;
而是当我们身处其中 就明白了一切之时
when we were most familiar with all the facts upon
当我们对所有的事实心知肚明
which we made our slow and deliberate decision to leave.
我们缓慢而慎重地决定离开
The specific grounds for our dissatisfactions tend to evaporate.
完成我们不满的具体原因往往会消失
We edit out the rows, the botched trips, the sexual frustrations, the stubborn standoffs…
我们删掉了争吵 糟糕的旅行 性生活不满 固执的僵局……
The mind is a squeamish organ.
大脑是一个易受惊的器官
It doesn’t like to entertain bad news
它不喜欢接受坏消息
unless there is a highly present danger to be attended to.
除非当前有高危险需要注意
But knowing our amnesiac tendencies,
但由于我们知道自己失忆症的秉性
we can be certain that profound unpleasantness must have existed,
我们可以肯定 极度不愉快的情况一定存在
for there would otherwise have been no explanation
否则就没有理由
for our decision to rip our situation apart.
做出割裂彼此关系的决定
We would never have needed to act
我们永远不会需要采取行动
if things had ever remotely been as gratifying
如果事情曾经那样令人满意
as we are now nostalgically assuming they were.
就像我们怀旧时 对过去幸福的假想一样
The portrait we are painting of the relationship
我们为恋爱绘制的画像
is emerging not from knowledge, but from loneliness and apprehension.
不是因为存在过的现实 而是因为孤独和恐惧
Furthermore,
此外
our sense of ourselves as people who could be satisfied with what was on offer
我们认为 自己对所有的赐予都心满意足
is as untrue to our own nature
这与我们的本性不符
as is the fantasy of a modern urban dweller
就像现代城市居民的幻想一样
who dreams they might find enduring happiness in a medieval wooden hut.
他们梦想着在中世纪的木屋里找到持久的幸福
The solution to the problem of satisfying our needs
解决我们的需求问题的办法
is not to hallucinate that they don’t exist.
是不要幻想它们不存在
It is to square up to them
而是要正视它们
and use every ingenuity we’re capable of to devise workable solutions for them.
并利用我们一切的聪明才智 设计可行的解决方案
We should trust not what we feel now,
我们不要在悲伤的时候
in our weepy disconsolate state,
相信自己内心的感受
but what we must have known then.
而应该相信我们曾明白的东西
A simple rule of thumb emerges:
一个简单的经验法则出现了:
we must invariably trust the decisions we took
我们必须始终相信自己做出的决定
when we had the maximal information to hand upon which we made them
在手头拥有最多信息时做出的决定
– not when we have emotional incentives to change our minds
而不是在有情绪诱导时 改变自己的主意
and mould ourselves into a caricature of an easily-gratified creature.
并把自己塑造成讽刺画中一个容易满足的生物
There were persuasive reasons,
那些极具说服力的理由
even if – in our sadness – we now can’t remember a single one.
在悲伤时——我们一个也记不起来
Returning to the past wouldn’t make us content,
回到过去不会 让我们高兴
it would merely – at great cost to all involved
爱情里的所有人都付出了巨大代价
– remind us of why change was in the end so necessary.
它只会提醒我们 为什么在最后做出必要的改变
We need to accept that good things did exist,
我们必须同意 美好的事物确实存在
but that they were no proper solution
但对我们某些正当合理 紧急的需求来说
to certain of our well-founded emergent needs.
它们并不是最优解
It means accepting that we are as complicated and as difficult to satisfy as we are
这意味着要接受自己很复杂 难以满足的本质
– and that the way forward is to accept our characters
只有接受我们的本质 才能继续前行
rather than assume a simplicity we could never live up to.
而不是假想我们永远达不到的纯粹简单
We should have the courage of,
我们应该要有勇气
and be ready to pay the full price for our true complex natures.
准备为我们真实的复杂天性付出全部代价
Love is a skill that we can learn.
爱情是一项可以学的技能
Our relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm
我们的恋爱手册指导我们
through the key issues of relationships
冷静处理恋爱中的关键问题
to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck.
以保证爱情的成功 而不是取决于好运气
For more click the link now.
更多详情 请点击连接

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视频概述

分析了缅怀前任的原因以及缅怀前任时我们的心理和行为。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

乏善

审核员

审核员LG

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GScIO3KkpZ4

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