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如何不让别人的想法影响你

How To Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You At Work ✓

从下周开始 我们将更多地讨论硬技能 比如:项目管理
Starting from next week, we’ll talk about more hard skills, like; Project management,
风险管理 战略发展
risk management, strategy development.
但是这周 我们来谈谈大多数人会遇到的一个难题
But this week, I will have to shed some light on a problem that most of you suffer from.
那就是在工作时 你太过于在意其他人对你的看法
And that is the fact that; at work; you care too much of what other people think of you.
这样的情况有时会导致你失去幸福感 失去
This phenomenon sometimes results in you losing your happiness, you losing your “will”
尽全力做到最好的“斗志” 有时还会让你丢了工作
your fighting power to do your best, or sometimes it makes you lose your job.
你的取悦倾向达到一定阶段 会极大影响你的心理
Your human pleasing tendencies got to a stage that dictates your psychology and your performance
及工作表现
at work.
如果有人表扬你 你感觉很棒
If somebody praises you, you feel great.
如果他们批评你 你就会感觉不舒服
And if they god forbid they criticize you, then you feel horrible.
你的一天就被毁了
Your day is ruined.
如果说的就是你 就再多看会儿 因为在这个视频里 我们将会治好
If that is you, then stick around a bit more; because in this video, we are gonna cure you
你的取悦倾向 让你对工作中的批评免疫
of your human pleasing tendencies and make you immune to a criticism at work.
首先 我们来谈谈这样的现象为什么会发生
Let’s first talk about why this is happening.
为什么你会执着于取悦别人为什么当有人不喜欢你或不喜欢你的做法时
Why you are obsessed with people pleasing and why it wrecks your life when somebody
你的生活就变得一团糟
doesn’t like you or what you do.
为什么在工作中被表扬就高兴 被批评就沮丧
Why you are happy when you get praises and discouraged when you get criticism at work.
在你心里 你已经创造出一种心理形象 即你如何看待自己
In your mind, you have created this mental image of how you perceive yourself, of who
你是谁 你能做什么 你可以取得什么成就
you are, what you are capable of, what you can achieve.
这不是一个问题
This is not a problem.
我们都构想了这样的自画像 关于我们是谁
We all construct that image of who we are.
但是问题在于 你不断地寻找这幅图像的验证
But, the problem is; you are constantly looking for validation of that image.
你想证明你的图像是正确的
You want proof that your image is accurate.
你希望这个证明来自你的团队成员 你的经理 你的属下
You want this proof to come from your team members, your managers, from your subordinates.
你依赖于他人的看法
You are dependent on the opinion of others.
这就是你犯的错误
And that’s where you make the mistake.
你的自我感知并不取决于他们怎么看你
Your perception of yourself is independent of how they perceive you are.
我将进一步解释这个问题
I’ll explain this a bit more.
没有哪个人的哪种看法能够融合所有的观点
There isn’t a single perception of a person that unites all the viewpoints.
如果你想要有个更快乐的职业生涯 那就是你要接受的
And that’s what you need to accept if you want to lead a happier career.
我现在可以立刻上街 问十个不同的人
I can go out on the street right now and ask 10 different people of what they think of
如何看待我们这个时代最伟大的领导者之一 巴拉克·奥巴马
one of the greatest leaders in our time Barack Obama.
我敢说十个人有十个不同的看法
I am confident I’ll receive 10 different perceptions of himself.
有人认为他是个好的领导者 为了人民的福利而奋斗 为了人人平等而努力
Some will think he was a great leader, fought for the good of humanity, equal rights, and
而有人会认为他是个软弱的领导者 把国家卖给强盗银行家
some will think he was a weak leader who sold the country to banksters.
所以 关键点是什么呢
So, what is the key takeaway here?
关键点就是 当你意识到你的自我感知不依附于
The key takeaway is that the moment you realize that your perception of yourself is independent
别人怎么看待你时 然后你就会意识到
from what people think of you, then you will realize that there is simply
自己不需要去寻找对自我感知形象的验证
no reason to look for validation of that perception.
所以
So,
下一个问题是 解决方法是什么
the next question to follow is what’s the solution.
解决办法不是很简单
The solution isn’t very simple.
我将花五分钟来解释
And it’ll take me about 5 minutes to explain it.
所以 请耐心看下去
So, please be patient.
工作时 你需要开始对于你是谁 以及你可以做什么感到自信
You need to start feeling confident of who you are and who you can be at work.
你就像一条河
You are like a river.
随着表扬与批评 你向西流一些 向东流一些 但你依然流向
With praises and criticism you go a little west a little east, but you still go towards
大海
the ocean.
一条河不会因为遇到一座山而停止流动
A river doesn’t stop because it encountered a mountain.
它会绕过这座山而继续流动
It goes around it.
一个坚信自己的人并不真正需要反馈意见
A person who is truly grounded with himself or herself doesn’t really need feedback.
不论是正面的还是负面的
positive or negative.
我知道这听起来很有争议 但请先跟随我的思路
I know this is controversial, but just bear with me.
你应该早就知道自己的弱项与强项
You should already know your weaknesses and your strengths and your shortcomings,
并且不需要反馈意见
that you won’t be in a situation where you need a feedback.
你早就知道自己的能力和潜力
You already know your capabilities and your potential.
一旦你在工作时达到这种自我认知的水平 你很快就会发现那些反馈意见
Once you reach that level of self-realization at work, you will quickly find that the feedback
无论是从经理还是从属下那里得到的 都是没用或多余的
you receive from your managers and subordinates are pretty much useless or redundant because
因为你早就知道了
you should already know them in advance.
自己如何去创造一个强有力的生活和职业生涯
That’s how you create a powerful life and a powerful career.
你必须成为自己最大的支持者 最大的批评者
You have to become your biggest support but also your biggest critique.
理查德·费曼说过 “第一原则就是你必须诚实对自己
I’ll quote Richard Feynman here; “The first principle is that you must not
因为人最容易自欺”
fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool”.
一旦你看清自己 你会更好地理解我的话
You’ll understand me a lot better once you start reaching your self-realization.
希望会很快
Hopefully very soon.
一旦到达了那个境界 你将意识到你收到的十之有九的反馈
Once you are there, you’ll realize for yourself that 9 out 10 feedbacks you receive are completely
完全没用或多余
useless, or as I said before, redundant.
这样 你也许会错过那一个以前没有注意的
With this approach, maybe you will potentially miss out on that 1 valuable feedback that
有价值的反馈
you weren’t aware of before.
但是 至少 你将自己从九个没用的反馈中解救出来
But, at least, you are saving yourself the distraction that comes from 9 useless ones.
这是一个权衡取舍
It’s a trade-off.
是一个你需要做的决定
It’s a decision you need to make.
表扬和批评对你来说都是问题
Praise and critism are both problems for you.
你有两种方式可以选择 我选方式A
Look, there are 2 routes you can take, Route A is my way.
足够坚信自己 你就可以不被批评或表扬所影响
Be grounded enough so you are not affected by either the critics or the praises.
你充分自信
You are grounded.
你真正地知道你是谁
You truly know who you are.
你每次都尝试去做得更好
And you try to do better every single time.
方法B是 过被表扬和批评影响的生活
Route B is, live your life affected by the praises and criticism.
我知道得到表扬的感觉极好
And I know receiving a praise feels awesome.
即使是暂时的 也感觉很棒
Even if it’s temporary, it feels great.
你的大脑释放出多巴胺
Your brain releases Dopamine.
让你感觉到高兴
You feel happy.
然而 当有人批评你时 大脑也会释放一种压力激素
But at the same time, be prepared to receive a stress hormone; cortisol when somebody critizes
皮质醇
you.
你不能选择想要哪种激素
You can’t pick and choose which hormones you want.
所以方法B是一个非常分心的游戏
Once you open that door, it’s a very distracting game.
你要么完全忽视表扬和批评
You either completely ignore them both.
要么你准备好被分心 而且有时批评会影响你的情绪
Or you be prepared to get distracted and sometimes emotionally wrecked by critiques.
我选择方式A 我选择独立
I choose Route A. I choose independence.
工作时 没有人能影响我 经理 主管 总裁 甚至董事会成员都不能
No one around me at work can have such a power over me. Not my manager, not my director, not my CEO, no one, not my board members.
你能提出反驳我的观点是 嘿 我爱我的生活
Now, the counter argument you can present to my stand is that hey I love my life.
每天 我在工作时都得到很多赞扬
I get a lot of praises everyday at work.
我很棒
I am awesome.
我有一个辉煌的职业生涯
I have a brilliant career.
那么 我会说 可能你该提升自己了
Then, I would say, it’s probably time for you to step up then.
因为你的水平已经超越你的工作所需 甚至超过你的老板
It means you have outgrown your role or even your employer.
如果你得到的所有反馈都是正面的表扬 那么你的水平
If all the feedback you get are positive ones, the praises, then you are a league below where
就超出你所在的位置
you should be.
你将AC米兰或者巴塞罗那足球俱乐部放在一个业余联盟中 他们获得的全都是表扬
You put AC Milan or FC Barcelona in an amateur’s league all they’ll receive is praises.
他们一路轻松取胜 获得冠军
They’ll win the championship without a single loss.
因此 如果你是那种情况 我保证它不会持续很久
So, if that’s you, I guarantee you that it’s not sustainable.
然后你会迎来对你来说具有挑战性的阶段
There’ll come a time in your career when you are challenged to your bits and you’ll
你会更多地接受批评而不是表扬
receive more criticism than praises.
也许你不得不换掉你的雇主 一个新的经理会到来
Maybe you’ll have to change your employer, a new manager will come…
谁知道呢 或许还有另一种可能
Who knows… or another possibility is that…
你将失去你的技能
you will lose your skills.
有一句谚语 “你身边的人决定了你是谁 你将成为谁”
You know there is a saying “Who you spend time with is who you become”.
无论怎样 情况都不可能一成不变
The point is, one way or another it’s not sustainable.
当这种情况发生变化的时候 你的心理会承受不了
And when that happens, it will destroy your psychology.
因为这么多年来 你已经适应了从正面的反馈中获得
Because all those years, you have conditioned yourself to get your energy and motivation
能量和动力
from positive feedback.
你潜意识地去重视反馈意见
You have conditioned your subconscious mind to value feedback.
你当然会这样 因为全部都是正面的赞扬
Of course you would, it’s all positive.
何乐不为呢
Why wouldn’t you?
所以 可想而知
So, it must be true.
为什么当情况改变 你会变得一团糟
And that’s exactly why you’ll be a total mess when the tide turns.
我见过很多类似的例子
I see this a lot.
每次一个新成员到普华永道报到 如果那个新人
Whenever we get a new member to our team at PwC Consulting, if that person is joining
来自一个非管理咨询背景
from a non-management consulting background.
他就惨了
He is wrecked.
我们工作的强度是不可比的
The level of intensity we play is not comparable to anything out there.
因此 在他们的生涯中 他们与前任雇主一起取得了叹为观止的成就
So, in all their lives, they achieved amazing things with their former employers, be it
比如保洁 联合利华 高盛投资公司 谷歌
P&G, Unilever, Goldman Sachs, Google.
他们取得很多成绩 他们只收到了正面的赞扬
They achieved a lot and they received nothing but praises.
因此 他们习惯了这些
So, they got used to it.
他们加入了一个咨询公司 生活变得天翻地覆
They join a consulting firm, and their life turns upside down.
他们大多数都熬不过一年
Most of them don’t even survive the first year.
在我们办公室中 我看见五十多岁的人失声痛哭
I’ve seen men in their 50s crying out loud, in the middle of our office.
这个人曾是谷歌的副总裁
The guy was a former VP in Google.
那么 解决措施是什么呢
So, what’s the solution to this.
我该怎样解决这个问题
How do I solve this problem?
你现在就需要达到一个自我认知的境界
You need to come to a self-realization right now.
你要明白 不能一直寻找对自我心理形象的验证
You need to acknowledge that the current strategy you are using, the strategy of seeking validation
这个策略是很糟糕的
of your self-image is a crappy one.
是时候改变了
And it’s time to get rid of it.
你需要承认 得到别人的表扬自己感到快乐
You need to acknowledge that the happiness that comes from receiving praises, is also
同理 得到批评时也会感觉难受
the very reason why you feel sad when you receive criticism.
如果你训练自己对多余的表扬无动于衷
If you train yourself not to be happy with the unwanted praises, then only will you be
你也能够对批评带来的情感伤害免疫
able to become immune to the emotional wreck that comes with critism.
你不能够两者同时拥有
You can’t have it both ways.
你不能仅仅对表扬感到高兴 而对批评不感到伤心
You can’t just be happy with praises and not be sad with criticism.
我想讨论一下最后一个问题
I want to talk about one final topic.
这个视频剩余的时间特别适用于那些善于分析的人
The remaining of the video will be of extra interest to those of you who are more analytical
而不是依赖直觉的人
than intuitive.
最糟的一种反馈是在每一次客户展示之后
The worst kind of feedback that I reject at all times is the ones that I receive after
我每次收到这种反馈都会拒绝
every single client presentation.
在你的案例中 如果你是销售 可能是个推销说辞 或者你经常做的
In your case, it may be a sales pitch if you are in sales, or developing reports, handling
例如开发报告 处理会议
meetings, something that you do very often.
所以 其原因和一个叫做回归均值的概念有关
So, the reason for that has to do with a concept called Regression To The Mean.
这个现象是这样的 如果一个变量在起初测量时达到极值
What it is that a phenomenon that if a variable is extreme on its first measurement,
第二次测量时 变量接近平均值
it will tend to be closer to the average on its second measurement.
简单来说 事物随着时间的流逝
Or in more simple terms, it is a technical way of saying that things tend to even out
回归均等
over time.
例如 今天你做了次很棒的讲演
For example, you deliver a great presentation today.
意味着 明天 你很可能不会比今天做得好
That means you probably won’t be able to repeat it again tomorrow.
不是说突然之间 你忘了如何做很棒的讲演
It doesn’t mean all of a sudden you forgot how to deliver great presentations.
这只是事物发展的自然规律
It’s just the natural progression of how things work.
事物发展总是波动的
Things always work in volatility.
在我们做的每件事中 随机因素都起着关键作用
Random chance plays a key role in everything we do.
你总是朝向你的均值
You always fall back towards your mean average.
如果今天做的很糟 很可能明天会做的好些这就是问题之一
if you do horrible today, then you’ll likely do a lot better tomorrow. And here is one of the problems is.
所以 接受每次讲演的表扬或批评
So, receiving a praise or a critism for every single one of your presentations is ineffective
是无效且有害的
at best or detrimental at worst.
知道该做什么 不该做什么与始终高质量完成
Knowing what to do or what not to do is very different than being able to do it at such
是不一样的
high quality, all the time.
我见过太多例子
I see this all the time.
今天 大多数公司员工都是老好人
Majority of employees in today’s corporates are Agreeable-Givers.
什么意思
What does this even mean?
给予和索取是我们的动力
Giving and taking is the back of our motives, right?
你对其他人的期望是什么
What are your intentions toward other people?
你希望他们成功 还是希望他们失败
Do you want them to succeed or do you want to take them down, you want them to fail.
愉快的付出很好 很棒
And being agreeable is fine, is great.
但那只是取悦别人
It’s just about pleasing other people.
一直保持和谐关系 不发生争端
Being in harmony and getting along all the time without confrontations.
但是一直不求回报地付出是诅咒
But being highly agreeable as a giver is a curse.
因为你会变得失去主见
Because you end up becoming a push over.
每个人都希望你不仅仅是倾听者 而是能贯彻执行他们的建议
Everyone expects you to not just listen to them but implement all their suggestions and
和反馈
feedback.
朋友们 这也是搞砸一个职业的最简单方法
And that my friends are the easiest way you can screw up a career.
如果你处在管理层 情况更糟糕
This is especially horrible if you are in managerial positions.
我的建议是 不要成为一个事事点头的人
My advice to you is to become more of a disagreeable giver.
以最大的善意对待周围的人 无论是你的老板还是下属
Meaning, you still hold the best intentions for other people around you, be it your boss
尽力实现他们的所求 但同时要学会拒绝
or your subordinates, thrive to make them successful but at the same time be disagreeable.
有人带着反馈意见和建议来找你
Somebody comes up to you with feedback, or suggestions.
准备好拒绝
Be prepared to reject that suggestion.
结论是 一个真正相信自己的人是自己最大的
So, final thoughts; a person who is truly grounded is the biggest
表扬者和批评者 如果你能做到这些
praiser and the biggest critique of himself If you can achieve this, then everyone else
那么同事就只是路人甲(不需要在乎他们的建议)
at work becomes “just another ordinary human being.
然后你更快乐地工作 你的生活也会更快乐 你感到更加充实
And you start leading a lot happier life because you’ll be a lot happier at work, you feel a lot more fulfilled.
这个视频结束了
This video is done.
谢谢观看
Thanks for watching.
如果你从这个视频中受益 请分享给其他人
And if you benefited from this video, please remember to share.
分享即是关爱
Sharing is caring.
如果你在领英分享 记得在联系人中加我
And if you share in Linkedin, please feel free to add me to your connections.
任何问题都可以在评论中提出 我会尽快
And any questions, please put them in the comments and I’ll get back to you as soon
回复你
as I can.
下周见
See you next week!

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视频概述

如何对工作中的批评免疫,使自己的工作和生活更美好

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收集自网络

翻译译者

kelsey

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Khln3s5KSh0

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