从下周开始 我们将更多地讨论硬技能 比如：项目管理
Starting from next week, we’ll talk about more hard skills, like; Project management,
risk management, strategy development.
But this week, I will have to shed some light on a problem that most of you suffer from.
And that is the fact that; at work; you care too much of what other people think of you.
This phenomenon sometimes results in you losing your happiness, you losing your “will”
your fighting power to do your best, or sometimes it makes you lose your job.
Your human pleasing tendencies got to a stage that dictates your psychology and your performance
If somebody praises you, you feel great.
And if they god forbid they criticize you, then you feel horrible.
Your day is ruined.
如果说的就是你 就再多看会儿 因为在这个视频里 我们将会治好
If that is you, then stick around a bit more; because in this video, we are gonna cure you
of your human pleasing tendencies and make you immune to a criticism at work.
Let’s first talk about why this is happening.
Why you are obsessed with people pleasing and why it wrecks your life when somebody
doesn’t like you or what you do.
Why you are happy when you get praises and discouraged when you get criticism at work.
在你心里 你已经创造出一种心理形象 即你如何看待自己
In your mind, you have created this mental image of how you perceive yourself, of who
你是谁 你能做什么 你可以取得什么成就
you are, what you are capable of, what you can achieve.
This is not a problem.
We all construct that image of who we are.
But, the problem is; you are constantly looking for validation of that image.
You want proof that your image is accurate.
你希望这个证明来自你的团队成员 你的经理 你的属下
You want this proof to come from your team members, your managers, from your subordinates.
You are dependent on the opinion of others.
And that’s where you make the mistake.
Your perception of yourself is independent of how they perceive you are.
I’ll explain this a bit more.
There isn’t a single perception of a person that unites all the viewpoints.
And that’s what you need to accept if you want to lead a happier career.
I can go out on the street right now and ask 10 different people of what they think of
one of the greatest leaders in our time Barack Obama.
I am confident I’ll receive 10 different perceptions of himself.
有人认为他是个好的领导者 为了人民的福利而奋斗 为了人人平等而努力
Some will think he was a great leader, fought for the good of humanity, equal rights, and
some will think he was a weak leader who sold the country to banksters.
So, what is the key takeaway here?
The key takeaway is that the moment you realize that your perception of yourself is independent
from what people think of you, then you will realize that there is simply
no reason to look for validation of that perception.
the next question to follow is what’s the solution.
The solution isn’t very simple.
And it’ll take me about 5 minutes to explain it.
So, please be patient.
工作时 你需要开始对于你是谁 以及你可以做什么感到自信
You need to start feeling confident of who you are and who you can be at work.
You are like a river.
随着表扬与批评 你向西流一些 向东流一些 但你依然流向
With praises and criticism you go a little west a little east, but you still go towards
A river doesn’t stop because it encountered a mountain.
It goes around it.
A person who is truly grounded with himself or herself doesn’t really need feedback.
positive or negative.
I know this is controversial, but just bear with me.
You should already know your weaknesses and your strengths and your shortcomings,
that you won’t be in a situation where you need a feedback.
You already know your capabilities and your potential.
Once you reach that level of self-realization at work, you will quickly find that the feedback
you receive from your managers and subordinates are pretty much useless or redundant because
you should already know them in advance.
That’s how you create a powerful life and a powerful career.
You have to become your biggest support but also your biggest critique.
I’ll quote Richard Feynman here; “The first principle is that you must not
fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool”.
You’ll understand me a lot better once you start reaching your self-realization.
Hopefully very soon.
Once you are there, you’ll realize for yourself that 9 out 10 feedbacks you receive are completely
useless, or as I said before, redundant.
With this approach, maybe you will potentially miss out on that 1 valuable feedback that
you weren’t aware of before.
但是 至少 你将自己从九个没用的反馈中解救出来
But, at least, you are saving yourself the distraction that comes from 9 useless ones.
It’s a trade-off.
It’s a decision you need to make.
Praise and critism are both problems for you.
Look, there are 2 routes you can take, Route A is my way.
Be grounded enough so you are not affected by either the critics or the praises.
You are grounded.
You truly know who you are.
And you try to do better every single time.
Route B is, live your life affected by the praises and criticism.
And I know receiving a praise feels awesome.
Even if it’s temporary, it feels great.
Your brain releases Dopamine.
You feel happy.
然而 当有人批评你时 大脑也会释放一种压力激素
But at the same time, be prepared to receive a stress hormone; cortisol when somebody critizes
You can’t pick and choose which hormones you want.
Once you open that door, it’s a very distracting game.
You either completely ignore them both.
Or you be prepared to get distracted and sometimes emotionally wrecked by critiques.
I choose Route A. I choose independence.
工作时 没有人能影响我 经理 主管 总裁 甚至董事会成员都不能
No one around me at work can have such a power over me. Not my manager, not my director, not my CEO, no one, not my board members.
你能提出反驳我的观点是 嘿 我爱我的生活
Now, the counter argument you can present to my stand is that hey I love my life.
I get a lot of praises everyday at work.
I am awesome.
I have a brilliant career.
那么 我会说 可能你该提升自己了
Then, I would say, it’s probably time for you to step up then.
It means you have outgrown your role or even your employer.
If all the feedback you get are positive ones, the praises, then you are a league below where
you should be.
You put AC Milan or FC Barcelona in an amateur’s league all they’ll receive is praises.
They’ll win the championship without a single loss.
因此 如果你是那种情况 我保证它不会持续很久
So, if that’s you, I guarantee you that it’s not sustainable.
There’ll come a time in your career when you are challenged to your bits and you’ll
receive more criticism than praises.
Maybe you’ll have to change your employer, a new manager will come…
Who knows… or another possibility is that…
you will lose your skills.
有一句谚语 “你身边的人决定了你是谁 你将成为谁”
You know there is a saying “Who you spend time with is who you become”.
The point is, one way or another it’s not sustainable.
And when that happens, it will destroy your psychology.
Because all those years, you have conditioned yourself to get your energy and motivation
from positive feedback.
You have conditioned your subconscious mind to value feedback.
Of course you would, it’s all positive.
Why wouldn’t you?
So, it must be true.
And that’s exactly why you’ll be a total mess when the tide turns.
I see this a lot.
Whenever we get a new member to our team at PwC Consulting, if that person is joining
from a non-management consulting background.
He is wrecked.
The level of intensity we play is not comparable to anything out there.
因此 在他们的生涯中 他们与前任雇主一起取得了叹为观止的成就
So, in all their lives, they achieved amazing things with their former employers, be it
比如保洁 联合利华 高盛投资公司 谷歌
P&G, Unilever, Goldman Sachs, Google.
They achieved a lot and they received nothing but praises.
So, they got used to it.
They join a consulting firm, and their life turns upside down.
Most of them don’t even survive the first year.
I’ve seen men in their 50s crying out loud, in the middle of our office.
The guy was a former VP in Google.
So, what’s the solution to this.
How do I solve this problem?
You need to come to a self-realization right now.
You need to acknowledge that the current strategy you are using, the strategy of seeking validation
of your self-image is a crappy one.
And it’s time to get rid of it.
You need to acknowledge that the happiness that comes from receiving praises, is also
the very reason why you feel sad when you receive criticism.
If you train yourself not to be happy with the unwanted praises, then only will you be
able to become immune to the emotional wreck that comes with critism.
You can’t have it both ways.
You can’t just be happy with praises and not be sad with criticism.
I want to talk about one final topic.
The remaining of the video will be of extra interest to those of you who are more analytical
The worst kind of feedback that I reject at all times is the ones that I receive after
every single client presentation.
在你的案例中 如果你是销售 可能是个推销说辞 或者你经常做的
In your case, it may be a sales pitch if you are in sales, or developing reports, handling
meetings, something that you do very often.
So, the reason for that has to do with a concept called Regression To The Mean.
What it is that a phenomenon that if a variable is extreme on its first measurement,
it will tend to be closer to the average on its second measurement.
Or in more simple terms, it is a technical way of saying that things tend to even out
For example, you deliver a great presentation today.
意味着 明天 你很可能不会比今天做得好
That means you probably won’t be able to repeat it again tomorrow.
It doesn’t mean all of a sudden you forgot how to deliver great presentations.
It’s just the natural progression of how things work.
Things always work in volatility.
Random chance plays a key role in everything we do.
You always fall back towards your mean average.
if you do horrible today, then you’ll likely do a lot better tomorrow. And here is one of the problems is.
So, receiving a praise or a critism for every single one of your presentations is ineffective
at best or detrimental at worst.
Knowing what to do or what not to do is very different than being able to do it at such
high quality, all the time.
I see this all the time.
Majority of employees in today’s corporates are Agreeable-Givers.
What does this even mean?
Giving and taking is the back of our motives, right?
What are your intentions toward other people?
Do you want them to succeed or do you want to take them down, you want them to fail.
And being agreeable is fine, is great.
It’s just about pleasing other people.
Being in harmony and getting along all the time without confrontations.
But being highly agreeable as a giver is a curse.
Because you end up becoming a push over.
Everyone expects you to not just listen to them but implement all their suggestions and
And that my friends are the easiest way you can screw up a career.
This is especially horrible if you are in managerial positions.
My advice to you is to become more of a disagreeable giver.
Meaning, you still hold the best intentions for other people around you, be it your boss
or your subordinates, thrive to make them successful but at the same time be disagreeable.
Somebody comes up to you with feedback, or suggestions.
Be prepared to reject that suggestion.
So, final thoughts; a person who is truly grounded is the biggest
praiser and the biggest critique of himself If you can achieve this, then everyone else
at work becomes “just another ordinary human being.
然后你更快乐地工作 你的生活也会更快乐 你感到更加充实
And you start leading a lot happier life because you’ll be a lot happier at work, you feel a lot more fulfilled.
This video is done.
Thanks for watching.
And if you benefited from this video, please remember to share.
Sharing is caring.
And if you share in Linkedin, please feel free to add me to your connections.
And any questions, please put them in the comments and I’ll get back to you as soon
as I can.
See you next week!
从下周开始 我们将更多地讨论硬技能 比如：项目管理