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如何识别具有“高冲突人格”的人 – 译学馆
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如何识别具有“高冲突人格”的人

How to spot high-conflict people before it's too late | Big Think Top Ten 2018 | Bill Eddy

如何识别具有“高冲突人格”的人
具有“高冲突人格”的人有趣之处在于
What’s interesting is high-conflict personalities seem to
我们可以给他们归纳出四个关键特征
we’ve really boiled it down to four key characteristics.
首先 或许也是最令人震惊的一点是
The first and maybe the most stunning is
他们会把一切责任推到别人身上
a preoccupation with blaming other people.
就像这样的说辞 “一切都是你的错”
It’s really,”It’s all your fault,”
你或许遇到过这样的人
—and you may have experienced this—
“我一点错都没有”
” and it’s not at all my fault”.
“完全与我无关”
That’s zero.
“我一丁点儿错都没有”
“My part of the problem is zero.”
“高冲突人格”的人就会这样说
And that’s how high-conflict people talk.
他们会说“你难道不明白吗?全是你的错”
And they’ll say,”Don’t you get it? It’s all your fault.”
第二个特征是“非黑即白的思想”
The second is a lot of all-or-nothing thinking.
“当然都是你的错了 就该我说了算”
“Of course it’s all your fault, but my way or the highway.”
他们看待问题的方式是
Solutions to problems are:
“一个人要么彻底是好人 要么彻底是坏人”
“There’s all-good people and there’s all-bad people.”
所以说 这种人持有非黑即白的态度
So they have this kind of all-or-nothing perspective.
第三点也很普遍 但不是一定出现
A third is often, but not always,
就是不加控制的情绪
unmanaged emotions.
你或许见过这样的场景
And you may see that;
有的人突然开始大吼 或者突然大哭
people that just start yelling or just start crying
或是怒气冲冲夺门而出
or just storm out of a room
这是我们看见的表象行为
—that kind of behavior we’re seeing,
但行为背后是不加控制的情绪
but it’s emotions that they’re not managing.
第四点是“极端的行为”
And the fourth is extremes of behavior.
我在《五种人格》书里提到过“90%原则”
And one thing I talk about in the book’Five Types of People’ is this 90 percent rule,
“高冲突人格”的人做的事是90%的人不会做的
that 90 percent of people don’t do some of the things that high-conflict people do.
所以 如果看到了一些令你感到震惊的行为
So if you see some shocking behavior and
即便这些人找了些借口
then the person makes an excuse for it,
那些行为通常都只是冰山一角
that’s often the tip of the iceberg.
隐藏在冰山下的就是 指责别人的想法
So it’s preoccupation with blaming others,
非黑即白的思想 不加控制的情绪
all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions,
还有极端的行为
and extreme behaviors.
以上就是“高冲突人格”的人具有的特征
That seems to be the pattern for high-conflict personalities.
这些是“高冲突人格”的人所具备的特征
People that have those we call high-conflict people.
但是提醒你一下 别告诉这些人你的看法
But, by the way, don’t tell them that you think that
他们会冲你发泄怒火的
—that’ll blow up in your face.
这些人很难搞的一个原因是
So target of blame seems to be why
他们有个“指责对象”
these folks can become so difficult.
如果你是那个被指责的对象
If you’re the target of blame
你的人生会被这种人毁掉
your life may be ruined by one of these folks,
这就是大家值得注意的地方
and that’s what people need to become aware of.
那么谈到“被指责的对象”
So the target of blame
五种“高冲突人格”中每一类型的人
each of these five high-conflict personalities
都倾向于把问题归结到一个人身上
tends to zero in generally on one person.
这个人可能会随时间发生改变
It could change over time
但他们总会把一个人视作所有问题的根源
but they see that person as the cause of all their problems.
所以他们会想控制这个人
And so they want to control that person
或者消灭他 毁掉 羞辱他
or eliminate that person or destroy or humiliate that person.
所有这些问题都归结在同一个人上
It’s a fixation on one person,
所有他们人生中遇到的问题
and all of their life problems
都会被情绪化地推给同一个人
they emotionally focus on that person.
你一定不会想成为这个人的
So you don’t want to be one of those folks.
怎么避免成为“被指责的对象”呢?
How to avoid being a target of blame?
首先 如果你在一个人身上发现了值得警惕的行为
First of all, if you see warning signs of this behavior
就离这样的人远点
don’t get too close to such a person.
你可能是他的朋友
You may be a friend,
但别成为最亲近的朋友
but don’t be the closest friend.
你可能是他的同事
You may be a co-worker,
但别成为最亲近的同事
but don’t be the closest co-worker.
因为通常来说 最接近他们的人
Because what seems to happen is the people they get really close to are the ones that
会最容易被视为“指责对象”
are most at-risk of becoming their targets of blame.
但被指责的对象可能是任何人
But it could be anybody.
他们只是倾向于选择亲近的人
They tend to target intimate others
和有权威的人
and people in authority.
“指责对象”可能是男友 女友 丈夫 妻子
So this could be boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives,
父母 孩子 同事 住得近的邻居
parents, children, co-workers, neighbors they get close to.
也可能是警察
It also could be police,
可以是政府机构或政府官员
it could be a government agency or government official,
也可以是上司 或者是公司老板
it could be their boss, it could be the company owner.
他们倾向于把亲密的人
So they tend to focus on intimate others
和/或有权威的人当作“指责对象”
and/or people in authority.
那么避免成为被指责的对象的方式就是
Now the way to avoid becoming a target of blame
离他们远点
is not getting too close to them
还有就是别和他们起冲突
but also not engaging in conflict with them.
他们经常会挑起矛盾
They often invite conflict,
比如说些冒犯人的话
like they’ll say outrageous things
你可能想说服他们 他们的想法是错的
and you may feel like you’ve got to persuade them that they’re wrong,
而这就引出我所说“别管这破事”
and that’s what I call a”forget about it”.
你就不要理会这些事了
Just forget about it.
你没办法让他们改变想法的
You’re not going to change their mind.
如果他们是那种难搞的人
If they’re a difficult person,
具有“高冲突人格”的人
a high-conflict person,
他们就是这样的人
this is who they are,
你在他们眼里可能根本不存在
and you may not really even exist for them.
就算你和他们争论 他们也不会有所改变
So if you argue with them they’re not going to change.
所以别让自己陷入麻烦
So save yourself the trouble.
一旦你试图挑战他们
But when people challenge them
他们往往就会开始针对你了
is often when they turn against you,
在他们“非黑即白”的世界里
and they see you in their all-or-nothing eyes
你就是彻底的坏人
as”all bad”.
你一定不想陷入这样纠结的关系里
And so you don’t want to have that kind of relationship.
所以如果你陷入了这样的私人关系 家庭关系
So if you’re in a personal relationship, family relationship,
邻里关系 工作关系之类的
neighbor, co-worker, et cetera,
你可以和这种人产生一定的关系
you can manage relationships with these folks,
但一定要保持距离
but usually at an arm’s length,
而且不要和他们起冲突
and don’t make it too confrontational.
不要和这种人说“你是高冲突人格”
Don’t say they have a high-conflict personality.
别和他们争论 或试图改变他们的想法
Don’t argue with them or try to convince them.
别试图让他们反省自己
Don’t try to give them insight into themselves.
你可以就这样说“哦 好吧 有意思
You can just say,”Oh well, that’s interesting.
我还有事 先走一步哈”
Hey, I’ve got to go now.”
你就说些类似这样的话吧
Something like that.

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具有高冲突人格的人都有哪些特征? 如何提前发现这样的人? 如何保护自己?

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