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如何安慰自己或他人?

How to Soothe Ourselves and Others

夜深人静
It ’ s the middle of the night,
想象一下 我们刚出生三个月
let ’ s imagine, and we ’ ve been on the earth for about three months.
一切都很懵懂
A lot is still very unclear.
感到很无助 刚能摇动自己的头
We areprofoundly helpless, barely able to move our
一切都需要别人照顾
own head and utterly at the mercy of others.
我们尚不能理解 自己痛苦或快乐的源头
The sources of our suffering and joy lie far outside our understanding.
每隔一段时间 我们就感受到强烈的需求
Hugely powerfulneeds pass through us at regular intervals
我们对此手足无措
and we have no way of making sense
更不用说
of them to ourselves – let alone of communicating
向他人传达我们的需求了
them reliably to others.
一分钟前 我们还蜷缩在黑暗中温暖酣眠
A minute ago, wewere asleep in a dark enveloping warmth.
现在 我们醒了 感到失落 孤独 不适
Now we’re awake, bereft, isolated and very uncomfortable.
肚子某处似乎有点疼
There seems to be a pain somewhere in our stomach,
但苦闷感更普遍
but the agony is more general;
我们感到孤独 十分悲伤
we are lonely and profoundly sad.
房间很暗 墙上有些神秘的影子
The room is dark and there ’ s a mysterious set
随机地出现又消失
of shadows on the wall that appear and vanish at random.
越来越恐慌 我们开始在黑暗中尖叫出声
In a rising panic, we start to scream out in the darkness.
什么也没发生
Nothing happens.
我们消停了一下 把气顺一下 又更大声的尖叫起来
We pause to recover our breath – and then scream even louder.
撕心裂肺
Our lungs strain with the effort.
仍然没人来 黑暗和孤独让人更加恐惧
Still nothing and the darkness and lonelinessgrow ever more threatening.
现在真的有些绝望了 这似乎
Now true desperation sets in; this feels
是一切美好和真实的终结 我们拼命尖叫
like the end of everything good and true – and we scream as if to ward
似乎在抵抗死亡 终于
off death. At last,
在我们绝望之际 门开了
just when it seems we could not go on any further, the door opens.
温馨的橙色光亮起
A warm orange light is turned on.
是个熟悉的面庞
It is afamiliar face.
他们微笑着 呼唤我们的名字
They smile at us, say the name they often use around us,
把我们抱起 贴近他们的怀抱
pick us up and put us against their shoulder.
我们听到熟悉的心跳声
We can hear a familiar
温暖的手爱抚着头顶
heart beating next to ours and a warm
轻轻地抚摸着
hand caressing the top of our head.
他们温柔地摇摆着我们 唱起温柔甜蜜的歌曲
They gently move us to and fro, and sing a tender, sweet song.
我们渐渐收起眼泪 破涕而笑
Our sobs start to abate, we pull a weak smile;
好像邪恶的魔鬼和可怕的怪物都被赶走了
it feels like the vicious demons and merciless goblins have been sent packing –
生活仍有盼头
and that life could be bearable after all.
(图片:母子图片)
Imageresult for mother and child painting Soothing
抚慰是人类对彼此可以做出的最友善行为
is one of the kindest gestures that humans ever perform for one another.
它一定近似爱的核心
It must lie close to the core of love
可以使人从想死的念头中萌发起
– and is what can make the difference between a desire to
忍耐的能力 奇怪的是
die and the capacity to endure. Awkwardly,
我们很难抚慰自己
it tends to be very hard to soothe ourselves
除非我们在童年
unless we have first – usually
被人抚慰过
in childhood – been properly soothed by someone else.
自我安慰的能力是从前经历的财产
A capacity for self-soothing is the legacy of a history of nurture.
如果我们在幼年经常被父母抱起
If we have been picked up enough times early on,
并在恐慌中有人充分地安慰我们
and sufficiently reassured in the midst of panic that we will
我们脑里就学会了抚慰人
make it, then one part
并能在照顾我们的人身上施展 最终
of the mind learns the art and can practice it on the other – and eventually,
也能抚慰其他人
on people outside us too.
遇到危机时 我们能克服恐惧
At momentsof crisis, we find ourselves able to access
战胜自我厌恶 解决问题
a voice that calms the waves of fear and theblows of self-hatred: we can sort this out;
我们会和人交流 人们明白
we ’ ll have a conversation with them; people understand;
如果他们不理解就算了
screw them if they don ’ t;
你最重要 你很好身具价值
what matters is you; you are good and valuable.
我们面对最糟糕的事件就像对待平常小事
We have available an unflustered, resolute
一样从容淡定
response as much to the most awful events as to routine panics.
我们相信自己能够承受 即使有事情发生
We have a faith that we can endure, that something will show up and
后果也不会太糟
that we don ’ t deserve the worst.
反思抚慰的艺术
Reflecting on the art of soothing may bring
我们就会发现我们大大缺乏抚慰能力
into focus just how much we are missing.
我们并不是无端的无能
We are not mysteriously deficient,
我们由那些自身没被抚慰过的大人们带大
we were brought up by adults who were themselves not soothed.
我们要对自己这部分缺失的心智
We need to grow
感到深深地同情
attentive and deeply sympathetic to the missingpieces of our psyche.
因为我们无法得益于抚慰
It is because we didn’t
生活比它应有的样子要艰难
benefit from soothing that life is so much harder than it should be;
现代生活中 苦涩的拒绝 令人害怕的社会媒体
that nowadays rejection is so bitter, social media is so frightening,
令人难以接受的否定 难以承受的模棱两可
disapproval feels so fatal, ambiguity is so unbearable,
睡眠不足 没有假期
sleep feels so unearnt, holidays are so worrying,
别人的漠不关心感觉格格不入
the carlesses of others feel so alien – and so many
我们有很多个日日夜夜濒临死亡体验
of our days and nights are rocked by what feel like near-death experiences.
(画面:母子)
Image result for mother and child
人们必须相信 总有可以把握的
painting There are – one must believe – substitutes
代替品和机会
and opportunities for catching up.
我们可以借助于音乐 日记 床铺 泡浴等 但是
We canhave recourse to music, diaries, beds, baths but,
最重要的是 其他人
most importantly, other people. However,
但是 要找到正好能够抚慰我们的那类人
seeking out the sort of people who can soothe
可能是最难的
us may be the hardest step.
我们也许将安抚的能力误解为软弱无知
We may mistakea capacity to soothe for weakness or naivety.
认为安抚者是傻瓜
We may take the soother for a fool.
我们时常需要安抚 却发现自己无法
We mayneed soothing so much, we find ourselves unable
恰如其分地提出请求
to ask for it nicely,
毫无帮助的大喊 或防卫式地退缩孤立自己
shouting counter-productively instead – or else we withdraw into defensive independence,
因为帮助似乎总无法及时到来
because help feels like it hasn’tcome soon enough.
那些急需安抚的人
Those in the greatest need
常常不知道自己缺少什么
of soothing often have no idea of what is missing,
无法清楚说出自己的需求
no sensible way of articulating their
当别人给予安抚时
need – and a dogged suspicion
又固执地怀疑别人的善念
of kindness were it to be offered to them.
我们应该努力
We should strive
不要总把事情想得比实际上
not to make things constantly scarier in our own minds
更糟糕
than they are in reality.
我们应该 常常安抚他人
We should offer soothing continuously to others –
相信我们脑海里那些让我们产生怀疑焦灼
and insist to the more sceptical and parched parts
的源头
of our own minds
也需要某天别人来安抚 来慰藉
that they too deserve one day to be the beneficiaries of kindness and reassurance.
谢谢观赏
Thank you for watching,
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Our calm prompt cards can help us find serentiy despite daily anxieties and fustraitions.
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视频概述

是否拥有安慰人的本领取决于我们在幼年时是否被妥善地安抚,即使缺失这部分能力,仍能后天有意识培养。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

人参

审核员

审核员 V

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI9eAbr3Bjo

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