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约会时如何吸引对方 – 译学馆
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约会时如何吸引对方

How to Seduce Someone on a Date

与心仪对象的第一个约会
On a first date with someone we like,
当然 我们会想有一个美好的晚上
we really want – of course – for the evening to go well.
以下是交流过程中给你的各种建议:
There are many, varied bits of advice in circulation:
别只顾自己说
don’t do all the talking;
讲话轻松有趣 问问关于他们自己的事情 但别打探隐私
be funny and light; ask them about themselves; don’t pry;
挑家小餐厅例如意大利餐馆
select a small, perhaps Italian restaurant;
给小费大方些 穿双好鞋子
leave a generous tip; wear nice shoes.
可以理解的 我们都很紧张
We’re understandably being nervous:
我们会做一些奇怪和耍心机的事情:
we are trying to do something which is very strange and tricky:
诱惑另一个人
seduce another person.
并没有狭义上(和带有恶意)的
Not so much in the narrow and (potentially sinister) sense of
去引诱别人做爱的意思
trying to beguile them into having sex with us –
而是用更广义更基本的方式使对方喜欢上自己
but in a larger, more fundamental way of getting them to like us.
约会实质上就是面试 比我们平时承认的要多
A date is, in essence, an audition. Much more than we usually admit,
我们会试着把对方想象为将来的长期伴侣
we’re trying to imagine each other as prospective long-term partners.
诱惑 从更广更重要的意义来看
Seduction, in its larger more important sense,
是指逐步说服某人与我们这些花言巧语的应试者谈恋爱
means gradually persuading someone that we’re a plausible candidate with whom to be in a relationship.
那么问题来了 什么东西才能给予我们希望
The question then is: what are the things that might properly show us in this light?
要做什么才能取悦他们呢 首先最重要的有两点
What do we need to do to get them on board? There are two central priorities.
第一点是告诉别人我们很爱自己
The first is to show that we have a good relationship to ourselves.
不是说要讲自己有多厉害或过着精彩的人生什么的
This doesn’t involve saying how wonderful we are or what exciting lives we lead.
我们的文化暗示着 说某些话或许很性感 譬如说
Our culture hints that it might be seductive to say things like
「我爱巴黎的博物馆」或者「我在月色下的湖中游泳游得非常好」
‘I love Paris’s museums’ or ‘I am excellent at swimming in moonlit lakes’.
但这些说话都不能够表达出自己是愉快地
But such statements don’t really convey that we will be pleasant
(甚至是还能撑下去的)过着每一天 相反地
(or even bearable) to live with day-to-day. On the contrary,
要变成一位更有魅力的潜在伴侣
what makes us attractive as a potential partner
就要看我们有多了解自己的缺点
is the degree to which we can recognise our own failings.
并不是要这样展示我们的缺点:
It’s not that we should exhibit our flaws:
对服务员发火 开始哭诉着某位令自己失望的老朋友
getting furious with the waiter, starting to weep about an old friend who let us down or
或者在整个头盘都在唠叨那件好几年前工作上受到的侮辱
going on throughout the first course about an insult at work that happened years ago.
我们讲的是解放弱点取得彻底的胜利
This is weakness unbound, given total victory.
而真正的可爱迷人 令你十分安心的
What is really sweet and charming – that is, powerfully reassuring –
是能够完全操控住弱点
is weakness handled strongly.
比如说话时带点自信和幽默 能令你变得十分有魅力
For example, it can be hugely seductive to drop in, with an air of confidence and wit:
「你知道吗 来这里还让我怪紧张的」
‘You know, coming here made me a bit nervous’.
这显示出你的洞察力和力量
That’s a sign both of insight and strength.
并不是要单纯地表现得紧张(大口大口地喝鸡尾酒或者
We’re not simply being nervous (gulping down a cocktail or
疯狂称赞这里的摆设)
frantically insisting that the decor is wonderful);
尽管我们是有弱点的 但要清楚自己焦虑什么
we are vulnerable but have an overview on our anxieties
并有能力不费吹灰之力地处理这些焦虑
and the capacity to handle them lightly.
能同样令你增加诱惑力的 你可以顺道说
It can be equally seductive to mention, in passing:
「你可以想像 那样之后 我就有点会发自己脾气」
‘As you can imagine, after that, I had a little temper tantrum with myself’
要带着极度平静和笑笑的语调
but in a profoundly calm and smiling tone that
显示出你既能对自己有准确的判断 实事求是
indicates both an accurate ability to dislike oneself at points and
又能成熟地面对自己表现欠佳的时候 并从中学习和领悟
a mature ability to digest and learn from one’s less impressive moments.
流露自我的核心就是
At the heart of seductive self-revelation is the idea:
「当然 我是有点疯狂
‘I’m a touch crazy, of course,
但却理智得能以适度 又不歇斯底里的方式来告诉你」
but very much sane enough to tell you about it in a modest and un-hysterical way.’
要表现出我们十分了解自己不好的一面
We’re indicating that we have the best possible relationship with our own shadow sides.
第二点增加魅力的方法是表示出
The second hugely seductive move is to signal that
通常我们会觉得传达爱慕
It’s often imagined that it’ll be seductive to convey an air of adoration,
暗示对方很有魅力和很有修养 是很诱人的
to hint that the other strikes us as exceptionally attractive or accomplished.
但出乎意料地 如此直白的称赞是很令人忧虑的
But surprisingly, it is deeply worrying to be obviously adored,
因为每个人 都打从心底的知道自己不值得这样热情的称赞
because everyone, from the inside, knows very well that they don’t deserve intense acclaim,
他们通常会觉得失望 有时还会有点可怜
are often disappointing and sometimes quite simply pitiful.
所以诱惑是牵涉到以下两者的 一种是一方很喜欢另一方
So seduction involves suggesting both that one likes the other person a lot –
并已经清楚他们的弱点
and yet can see their frailty quite clearly,
而这些弱点是他们能接受的 并能温柔地宽恕他们
that one can cope with them and forgive them with gentle indulgence.
一种是在晚上快要结束的时候 开个温暖的小玩笑
One might, towards the end of the evening drop in a small warm tease that
暗示自己理解对方的不完美 我们会问
alludes to our understanding of some less than perfect side of them:
「我猜那之后你是躲在被窝里替自己难过的吧?」
‘I suppose you stayed under the duvet feeling a bit sorry for yourself after that?’
我们可以带着亲切的笑容去问
we might ask, with a benign smile.
这样的小动作可以暗示对方 我们喜欢他们不是因为
Such a gesture implies that we like another person not under a mistaken notion
误解他们是完美的 而是欣赏他们的弱点
that they are flawless but with a full and unfrightened appreciation of their frailties.
这样就会变得十分有魅力 因为
That ends up being powerfully seductive because it is,
首先是这令人感到十分安心 理想的方法是
first and foremost, reassuring. It suggests the ideal way that
我们会喜欢对方把自己列入认真交往的测试条件
we would like someone to view us within the testing conditions of a real relationship.
我们并不渴望被崇拜 而是想被了解和对方仍然喜欢和谅解自己
We crave not admiration, but to be properly known and yet still liked and forgiven.
此刻有很多事物令你觉得兴奋
Many things are in the moment exciting –
但是自我了解和大方才
but self-knowledge and perceptive generosity
是世界上最有魅力的事情
are the most properly seductive things in the world;
因为他们令你可以忍耐和别人一起的生活
because they are what make life with another person bearable.
他们预示着第一次约会后 那是我们所需要的
They are what indicate that we have what it would take
来展开一段漫长 兴奋 迷人
to embark on a long, exciting, beautiful
而又间歇地十分痛苦的旅程
and intermittently extremely painful journey beyond the first date.
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视频概述

比起穿什么衣服去什么餐厅更重要的是你的心态

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9OdeEzon_0

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