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如何用悲观来拯救爱情 – 译学馆
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如何用悲观来拯救爱情

How to Save Love with Pessimism

很多事情容易让我们悲观
It’s easy to be pessimistic about many things:
地球的现状
the state of the planet
经济
the economy
人类的未来
the future of humanity
但 ,还有一个领域许多人对其保持着令人惊奇的乐观
Yet there’s one area where many of us retain a curious sense of optimism.
我们相信它, 数以百万的同胞们都在此行列
We have faith that, from among the millions of our fellow human beings out there,
我们可能一天之内就能够找到那个特别的人 , 一个对我们独特 , 适合我们
we will one day be able to locate a Very Special Person, a being uniquely well suited to our
的脾性 ,品味,以及愿望, 这个人就好像是
temperatements, tastes and aspirations; someone who will feel like the missing bit of the
我们最深处自我完整版的遗失的那一部分, 这个人能使我们完整
complicated jigsaw of our deep selves – someone who can make us whole.
我们都知道找到他|她们并不容易, 有些人第一眼看上去很对, 但接下来
We know it won’t be easy to find them. So many people seem nice, at first, and then the
问题出现
problems emerge:
可能他有个非常烦人的姐姐
it turns out they have a very annoying sister…
或者他们对事情非常容易紧张 ,总坚持三个小时
or they are far too nervous about things; always insisting on arriving at the airport
到机场太早
three hours too early…
或对音乐的欣赏口味十分可怕
or they have appalling taste in music…
或者, 在结束一天忙碌的工作之后没有交流
or their conversation after a long day at work leaves a lot to be desired.
这就是我们为什么还在一直寻找, 要求更多的空间 , 休息, 然后离婚
That’s why we keep searching: calling for more space, taking a break, getting divorced,
在这些可能的未来线里移动
scrolling through future possibilities online…
尽管看起来我们要十分努力的提高自己的浪漫能力去寻找对的人
Though it seems like we must be very romantic to put such efforts into finding the Right Person
事实是, 我们对真爱永不停止的寻找是对爱的拒绝, 它是
in truth, our perpetual search is really a refusal of love. It is a guarantee
我们永远也不可能拥有一段成功的关系的阻碍
that we can never succeed at relationships,
因为到最后, 爱的最深处的秘密是, 没有对的人
because in the end, the deep secret to love is that there is no Right Person.
我们非常清晰的想象着一个完美的人, 但是 ,他们仅存在
There are perfect beings, we can imagine them very clearly, but – tragically – they exist
在空气中
only in the upper atmosphere…
永远着不了陆
…and never down here on the earth…
“对的人”的理论, 也是愤怒与狭隘的根源, 这让
It’s the insistence on people being Right that’s at the root of rage and intolerance, for
我们永不可能在我们相信我们已经很完美时不更加愤怒
we are never more furious than when we believe we had signed up to perfection.
就像人类这种动物的天性一样, 我们永远都在找寻一些
And given what the human animal is like, we can be guaranteed always to find something
不可能完全对的东西
that isn’t entirely right.
为了真实的浪漫, 真正爱的所需要的, 我们需要以下提到的一种极为重要以及少有的品质
To be really romantic, truly committed to what love requires, we need a vital and rarely mentioned quality:
一剂悲观的良药
a healthy dose of PESSIMISM
悲观使那些仅是外表完美的人, 在我们接触他们后也会了解他们
…Pessimism about what even the most perfect-seeming person will really be like once one gets to know them
以及包容我们在他们身上发现的 ,那些长期的 不可避免的小缺点
and with that pessimism comes forgiveness for the inevitably very long range of flaws that we’ll discover in them,
当然 ,他们也会在我们身上发现诸如此的东西
and they will – of course – discover in us.
寻找完美的人的积极态度就是,要我们承担抛弃所有人的责任
An optimistic search for the Perfect Person commits us eventually to throwing away everyone
我们永远只是好像遇到了
we are ever likely to meet…
然而事实上, 最适合我们的人是那些人不与我们
Yet in truth, the person who is really best suited to us is NOT the person who shares
所有的口味相符, 他|她与我们的口味相反
all our tastes, but the person who negotiates differences in taste intelligently and wisely.
志趣相投是爱的成功因素, 但不是前提
Compatibility is an achievement of love; it can’t be its precondition.
为了找到合适的爱情, 我们首先就要参加一个葬礼 ,把我们大量的希望深埋于地下
To be able to love properly, we have to attend a funeral first: we have to bury a lot of our hopes deep in the ground
这个葬礼是我们所作的最浪漫的事, 它会解放我们
That funeral is the most romantic thing we could ever do. It will liberate us to
到现实生活中来 , 以及帮我们在正常关系中容忍和使关系更加亲密
go back out into the world and have proper human relationships that can endure, and flourish.

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