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瞬间读懂你对面的这个人

How To Read ANYONE

在这个视频中 我将教你如何读懂人 具体点讲 我想
In this video, I’m going to teach you how to read anyone and specifically, what I want
教你六个方法 如果你认真思考并付诸实践的话
to do is give you six things that if you implement and think about these, you’re going to know
人们即使不告诉你他们的想法与感受 你也会知道
what people are thinking and feeling, without them even having to tell you, and that skill
这种技能是超赞的
is amazing.
你可以在许许多多各种各样的情况下使用这种技能 这是我们的终极目标
You can apply it in tons and tons of different circumstances and that’s the last piece. I want to
我想帮你学会如何运用自如这些技巧 因为这是在评论中我看到的很常见的问题
help you learn how to apply it, because a very, very common question that I see in the comments,
我喜欢那些留言 但最普遍的一个问题就是“查理 你怎么罗列这些魅力分类的呢?
and I appreciate those, but very, very common one is, “Charlie, how do you make this charisma
你怎样看出这些框架的?还有你怎么学到这些技能的?
breakdowns? How do you see the frameworks that you see and how did you learn this stuff?”
答案就是 从学习如何阅人开始 而这与
The answer is that I started by learning how to read people, that is so closely tied to
魅力分类的问题紧密相关 那么我想 为什么不在一个视频中把这俩问题都解决了呢
the question of the Charisma Breakdown. So, I figured, why not knock them both out in one video.
那么就让我们直接开始吧
Let’s go ahead and get started though.
若你想学读懂他人 第一件得掌握的就是
The first thing, if you’re interested in learning how to read other people, you have to get
读懂你自己 你需要提高自我认知 这远比
better at reading yourself. You need to develop a level of self-awareness that is far, far
了解他人难 但别担心 这只是自我认知中非常特定的一种
above most other people. But the good news is it’s a very specific kind of self-awareness.
这就是 你要留心 何时你会对他人形成看法以及
And that is, you have to notice when you are forming opinions about other people, when
在何时你会改变对人的看法?因为你试想一下 全球七亿人
you’re changing opinions about other people. Because if you think about it, there’s 7 billion
大部分人你都不了解 对吧?
people in the world, and you don’t have opinions on most of them, right?
你谈不上对他们信任或者不信任 喜欢或者讨厌 对你来说不带任何感情色彩
You don’t trust them or distrust them, or like them, or hate them. It’s just neutral
但在某些时候 从看到一陌生人 他们走到你跟前
to you. But at some point, between seeing someone who is a stranger, and then, having them
到开始一段交流 也许就聊五分钟
walk up to you, start a conversation, speaking for, maybe, 5 minutes, you’re going to form
大多数情况下 你会对他们形成很强的看法 或许就像这样:“你知道吗?我就是不信任
a very strong opinion in most times. And that’s gonna be, “You know what? I just don’t trust this
这人 他给我一种怪怪的感觉”或者“这人太赞了!我一定要
guy. There’s something about him that tipped me off,” or “This guy’s awesome. I would definitely
和他一起玩耍并花时间相处” 或者 也许你觉得这个人“哇!他们太牛了
hang out and spend time with him.” Or, maybe, it’s you know, this person, “Wow! How sharp are they.
我非常想和他们共事”
I would love to work with them.”
实际上 只过了几分钟而已 你还没有看过他们的简历
The truth is, only a few minutes have gone by. You haven’t seen their resume. You don’t
也完全不了解他们 他们所说的一切可真可假
know anything about them. Everything they’re saying could be true, false, or otherwise.
而你抓住的不过是细微的几点 如果你有很好的洞察力
What you’re picking up on are very, very subtle cues. And if you get good at noticing when
你就会更好地抓住要点 并识别出
you feel these things, you’re going to get better at picking up those cues and identifying
真正的他们
what they are.
所以 第一步:自我认知 你得知道你在什么时候对他人形成看法
So, Step 1: Self-awareness. You need to know when you are having opinions about other people.
第二点 现在我们要关注他人了 我们从最简单的开始
Second piece. Now we’re gonna bring the focus to others. We’ll start with the easiest and
那就是他们关注点在哪 对吧 注意力是极容易被识别出来的
that is where is their attention, right? Attention is very typically easy to identify. Most of
我们大部分人可以出于本能地做到 但我们就缩小到最基础的一点 眼神交流 对吧?
us can do it intuitively, but just to cover the basic things, eye contact, right? You
你能知道别人把注意力放在你身上了 还是他们虽然在和你讲话 但是
know when someone’s paying attention to you or rather they’re talking to you but they
东张西望 或者看看表 有这种情况吧?他们是想离开这儿
kind of looking over, they’re looking down at their watch, right? They’re trying to get out of there.
你靠直觉就可以看出而且感觉到了 另一件事就是有些人
You can tell that and sense that intuitively. The other thing that people–some people have
不容易感觉出他们身体朝向 所以当你想结束
a hard time sensing is where their body is, right? So, when you’re trying to get out of
一段话时 你可能开始身体倾移 “是的 好的 不错哦 听起来不错 好吧
a conversation, you might start to angle out, “Yeah, okay. Cool. Sounds good, all right.
再见” 然后你离开 对吧?
See you tomorrow,” and then, you’re gone, right?
同样的道理 若你在房间里 你想去和那边的某个人说话
Similarly, if you’re in a room, and there’s someone you’d like to be talking to over this
但你正和在这里的某人聊天 或许你会发现
direction, but you’re in a conversation with the person here, you might find yourself opening
你身体不自觉地做出离开的动作 你的跨部 你的脚 躯干
up without even thinking about it. So where your hips, where your feet, where your torso,
人们认为 事实是这(身体)所有的部分
people would say, the truth is this is the whole darn thing where different elements
你的身体朝向显示了你的注意力集中在何处 接下来最后一个
of your body are facing, is indicative of where your attention is. And then, the last
很重要的关乎注意力的事 就是你与之交流的这个人
thing for attention that is going to be important is, is the person that is talking to you or
或者你将要聊的人 你问的或者答的是与之相关的吗? 一个不切题的
that, maybe, you’re talking to, are you answering and asking engaged questions? A non-engaged
问题(就像这样):“啊哈 啊哈 赞诶 嗯有趣 是的 好”这不能称之为切题
question is “Uh-huh, uh-huh, cool. Uh, interesting. Yup, okay.” That’s not engaged.
一个切题的问题是与你们谈论的话题相关的 是附加部分 不一定
An engaged question relates to the thing that you’re saying. It’s an add-on. It doesn’t
非得是个问题 它可以是与故事相关的评论
have to be a question. It can be a comment that is related to the story you told. That
但这会表明注意力是否在你身上 所以
is gonna be very indicative of if you have someone’s attention or don’t. So that’s the
这就是冷静观察的第一件事 第二件事就是
first step of cold reading. Second thing, overall, is going to be, okay, are they giving
他们是否在关注我? 他们是否对展现在他们面前的东西感兴趣
me attention? Are they interested or disinterested in what is going on in front of them. Then
若不感兴趣我就精简话语对吧?因为我们现在知道他们是否对此话题感兴趣
we want to hone down a little bit, right? Because all we know now is interested or disinterested.
我们需要带有情绪 事实是 情绪
We need to get to some emotions. And the truth about emotions is that they are very, very
都集中体现在面部了
focused up here.
最容易发现情绪的地方就是面部 ——其他地方也可以 但是面部能展示出百分之八九十
The easiest place to find an emotion–there are other tells elsewhere–but 80 to 90% of
我把喉部也归为其中 因为音调
them are occurring here, and I include the voice box in this because tonality is going
也会有很大影响
to be huge.
具体点说 你要做的第一件事就是辨识你自己的表情
Specifically, the first thing you should start to do is identifying your expressions. We
正如我们知道的 我们都知道幸福 对吧?我们知道情绪 这些东西都不是问题
all know, you know happiness, right? We know these things. That’s not a problem. What becomes
让人觉得难以捉摸的是微表情 对吧?所以 当一个人有某种感觉
difficult for people are micro expressions, right? So, when someone is feeling a feeling,
但他们又在试图隐藏这种感觉的时候 举个例子 我们刚刚都看到了我脸上的幸福
but they’re trying to hide it. Say for instance, we just saw happiness on my face. Say that
比如 我在进行工作面试 然后刚刚得到了远超出我期待的提议
I’m in a job interview and I just got a job offer that is way higher than I expected,
但是我想保持低调 不想被别人知道 这时我可能会这样做
but I want to keep it on the down low. I don’t want them to know. At this point, what I might
他们说“噢 你的工资会是多少多少钱”“好吧听起来还不错”
do is they say, “Okay, you just got XYZ amount of money.” “Okay, sounds interesting.” And
接下来你会看到人们暴露即时心理反应 就一瞬间很小的表情
what you’ll do is you’ll see people lose momentary control and flash briefly and less big–right
现在是重点部分了 他们的情感 在千百种感情中
now it’s much teeth–the emotions that they’re feeling. And this is true for tons of different
这确实是重点
emotions.
就我自身来讲 我是在现实生活中学习的如何读表情 对吧
I, personally, got my experience learning how to read this in the real world, right?
我不需要寻找它们 我要做的是出去然后观察“好吧
I wasn’t necessarily looking for them, but what I would do is go out and see, “Okay,
看看人们脸上表现出了什么”这个时候我是无意识地这样做 然后
what’s going on with people’s faces.” This was unconscious at the time, and then, how
在做了那些表情后的下一秒他们会做什么?
do they behave immediately after that?
如果你想要上速成班 我自己没上过 但是我确实看到过
If you want a crash course on that, I haven’t done it myself, but I do see that there’s
网上微表情测试 还不错 它会引导你开始 或许
micro expression tests online. And they’re fine, it will give you a start, and, maybe,
然后你就开始将其运用于现实生活中 如果你对这些感兴趣 我会把它们的链接贴在描述栏里
then, you take it into the world. So, if you’re interested in those, I’m gonna link in the
但先不要马上就去做测试 因为事实是 微表情
description to that, but don’t go just yet, because the truth is, micro expressions and
不是最好的判定人们意识的方法
identifying them consciously is really not a huge part of how the best people who read
最好的方式是摸清套路
others do it. The best way that they do it is by identifying patterns.
所以又得扯到面试了 对吧?假定你在工作面试 有个人
So, job interview again, right? Say you’re in a job interview and the person across the
坐在桌子对面说“嗯 我看到你的简历了 额 我们随后会通知你结果 ”套路
table from you goes, “Okay, I see your resume. We’ll, uh, we’ll call you back.” Pattern.
你懂的 他们绝不会打电话给你的 对吧? 你去一个酒吧
You know that. They’re never gonna call you back, right? You go out into a bar, and I’ve
我就见过这样的事情 有个家伙用色眯眯地打量一女孩 对吧?模式论就在这儿体现了
seen this one. There’s a guy who’s leering and looming over a girl, right? Pattern right
她刚好要离开那里 你看这些就是不变的
there. She’s about to get the heck out of there. You see these very, very consistent
模式 我可以给你举很多例子
patterns, and I could list off a ton for you.
确实有实例 大量的实例可以说明这一点 所以
While there’s a finite number, there is a large finite number, so it’s not necessarily
我就不必给你举所有的事例了 那会讲起来没完没了的 我要做的是
worth it for me to do all of the patterns that will take forever. What I can do is teach
教你更好地辨别他们 以及怎样去预测他们的动作
you to start identifying them better. And the way that you do that is by making predictions.
这个对你辨识技巧特别特别有用
This is going to really, really hone your pattern recognition skills.
嗯 比如 我大概21岁的时候 开始去
So, for instance, when I was about, I think I was 21 because I was just starting to go
酒吧 那时候花大把时间出去浪是很新鲜刺激的事 但是
to bars, spending a lot of time going out is really new and exciting. But one of the
我通常会做的事就是 我会做很多猜想
things that I would do is I would go and I would make guesses, predictions about who
预测谁认识谁 对话怎么展开 那个女孩是否喜欢那个男孩 所以我走进去
knew who, how a conversation was going, if that girl like that guy. So I’d walk in and
我会说“你知道的 那群人 我猜 他们是一起来这儿的 因为那个女孩
I’d go, “You know, that group, I think that they came here together because that girl
拿了一杯饮料并递给了那个男生 稀松平常的样子”所以
just grabbed the drink and handed it to that guy as if it was no big deal.” So there’s
很明显 他们相互信任
clearly some trust there.
相反 另一群人也在那儿 两男两女 他们站成
On the other hand, there’s a group over here–two guys and two girls–and they’re standing with
这样就好像他们之间有条无形的线 无人越界 男生站一边 女生
this like invisible line between them. Nobody’s touching. The guys are on one side, the girls
站另一边 我觉得他们才认识 然后 我一个朋友出现了
on the other. I think they just met, and then, there’s the situation with a buddy of mine,
我记得 那是我刚开始擅长辨识 然后他说“你知道的
I remember, and I started to get good at seeing this, and he said, “You know, there’s this
这有个女孩 我见过她 而且我们相处得还不错 看样子有戏哦”然后我
girl. I met her and it’s going really well; looked like it was going well.” And then I
看到他对女孩壁咚 对那个女孩轻浮地抛媚眼
would watch as he rolled up and stood against the wall like this and leered over her, and
突然间 模式定律 她很愤怒 你猜到了 30秒后 她
all of a sudden, pattern, she’s about to bolt, and what do you know, 30 seconds later, she
离开了
leaves.
所以开始做些预测 会对你
So start making predictions. That is going to help you really, really good at this pattern
的辨识技能有很大帮助 真的 我极力推荐 我真的觉得对我而言
recognition stuff, and I cannot recommend that enough. I really think, for me, that
这真的是对我影响最大的 让我能预测事态发展 我想
was the biggest thing that enabled me to start seeing the stuff that was going on. I think
这个事接下来会发生 然后再看我是否正确
this is gonna happen next, and then see if I was right or wrong.
但事实是 这一切都是建立在你出去且细致地观察上的
But the truth of all of this is you have to go out and you got to be scientific about
因为你的预测模式 你懂这些东西 但是如果你不
it, because your predicting pattern, you’re seeing all these things, but if you don’t
在生活中去运用去实践 这一切都会变得无意义
start to apply it to your own life, and to experiment with it, it’s all gonna fall flat
且缺乏事实支撑 这个实验有趣的部分就在于他们证明你的
and it’s not gonna stick. And the interesting about experiments is that they prove you right
正确与否 这就是其中的科学性 因为我记得 我会出去然后我会
or wrong. This is the science part of it, because I remember, I would go out and I would
试着挑选不同的事情以及我朋友做的其他事
try to pick up different things and friends of mine who did other things as well.
额 举个例子 我的合伙人 本 你可能在其他视频中见过他
So, for instance, Ben, my co-founder, who you might have seen in other videos, had this
这家伙很会交际 也开朗 同时他也是一个大块头 人们都喜欢他
buddy, who’s very gregarious, outgoing, but who’s also a big dude, and people really liked
所以 本 当他第一次走进大学校园 他做的第一件事 他看见了这个人
him. So Ben, when he first got to college, when the first thing he did, he saw this guy,
他想要成为那样的人 希望(他自己出现也)得到那牛人得到的反响“嗯 他有220
he want to be more like him, get the reactions that he got, and he thought, “Okay, he’s 220
块肌肉 肯定是肌肉(让他这样受欢迎)”所以他去了健身房 很努力的锻炼
pounds of muscle; must be the muscle.” So he went to the gym, worked out really hard,
一年后 他40磅 不变的身高体型体重
and a year later, he’s put on 40 pounds. He’s the same height, same size, same weight, and
什么都没变对吧
nothing really changed, right?
没按照他的预想发展啊 然后他说“好吧 所以这没必要
It didn’t go the direction that he wanted. Then he goes, “Okay, so it’s not necessarily
保持这种体型 我觉得事实是他会交际开朗
the size, I think what it is is that he’s very loud and gregarious and outgoing, and
所以他开始提高说话音量 并变得更开朗 就在那一瞬 你看到了
so he started speaking more loudly, and being more outgoing, and all of a sudden you see,
好吧 这就是这种模式发挥作用了 在我生活中 有一个朋友
okay, that is the pattern that is making it work. In my own life, there was a friend of
我认为(他)有很好的眼神交流 我想啊“你知道吗 他有一双大眼睛
mine who I thought had great eye contact, and I thought, “You know what? He’s got big
所以也许是因为他的大眼睛让他有那么好的眼神交流”
eyes, so it’s probably because of his big eyes that he’s got such great eye contact.
在接下来的一周 不时地 聊天时我就想着这事(眼神交流)
And, for the next week, on and off, when I was in conversation and I thought about it,
我这样做的“好的 若我这样做(睁大双眼)会发生什么
I’d go, “All right, I want to see what happens, how people respond if I’d do the “big eye”
人们会怎么反应”
eye contact.
所以你跟我讲话时我会这样做“啊哈 好赞很不错呀 对吧?”而且
So you’d be talking to me and I’d go, “Uh-hmm. Awesome. That was so cool, right?” And I’m
我当时是讲话时双眼圆睁 像个神经病一样直到我朋友本说“伙计
doing this bug-eyed, insane, mad person look until Ben, my friend, goes, “Dude, what the
脑子秀逗啦 你到底在干嘛!”然后 好吧 我才知道那种方式是完全错误的
hell are you doing?” And, okay, I learned that that pattern was completely wrong. The
重点是你要学会不动声色地观察人们 如果你可以辨识
point of this is you can start to learn how to cold read people. If you can identify the
你自己的表情 你要假设什么是情绪的导火索 如果你可以
emotions you have, you’re gonna get some hypothesis about what’s driving emotions. If you can
开始预测并且读懂别人的表情 那么你就会变得擅长这门技巧 好的
start to predict and see them in other people, you’re gonna get good at knowing, okay, this
这个对话是关乎技巧的 将向好向坏发展 他们
conversation is about to tip. It’s gonna go well or it’s gonna go bad, they’re about to
真的有助于建立或者毁坏友谊 我的突破方式就是
really make friends or they’re gonna split. And then, the way that I make the breakdowns
我直接回去问“之前发生了什么?”所以我知道了我朋友
is I just go back and say, “What happened before that?” So I saw my buddy go out with
约的那个女生会和他分手 但他做了什么?那时我不知道
this girl who is about to split, but what did he do? I didn’t know it at the time, and
我只是把我看到的整合了“我天呐 他斜靠着墙
I only put this together later that it was, “Oh, my gosh, he leans up against the wall,
打量那个女生”毫无疑问 他的动作引起了女生反感“我得离开这儿”
looms over her.” Of course, that triggers a feeling of “I need to get out of here.”
所以有些时候 我在外时我会观察 (比如)我出去吃饭 然后我看到
So, sometimes, when I’m out, I’ll notice. I go out to dinner, right? And I’d see that
我一个朋友要讲故事了 我们要在一个小圆桌旁进行
one friend of mine will start to tell a story and we’ll be in a little circular table, and
桌旁每个人都会全神贯注地听 我会说“这个故事很有趣”但是
every single person there will pay attention. I’ll go, “This is an interesting story,” but,
说实话 我最感兴趣的是他怎么做到成为全场焦点 他怎么开始的
honestly, what interests me more is how the heck did he do that? What did he preface it
在他开讲之前发生了什么
with? What went right before he started talking?
同样的 那晚 另一个人在另一个人圆桌旁讲故事
And similarly, same night, somebody on the other side of the circular table tell a story,
平淡无奇 三句话后没人会再听
and it will just fall flat. It will either go three sentences in, and nobody will listen.
所以 我就是那样做的(观察别人言行并择善而从) 我觉得 那就是你可以成为
So, that’s how I do it. That, I think, is how you can become much, much better at not
不仅能更好地读懂别人 而且还可以知道怎么去学这些技巧 这样你可以
only reading people, but in how to learn what these triggers are, so that you can be more
抓住人心 更有吸引力 在生活中成为你理想中的自己
captivating, more interesting, more of the ways that you would like to be in your own
我想 我应该说这是最后一点
life. And, I guess, I should say this last thing.
关乎这方法非常非常重要的点是
A huge, huge underpinning of this channel and everything that we do is the idea that
不是所有人生来就具有或不具有魅力或者自信与否 这一切
you were not born charismatic or uncharismatic, confident or unconfident. All of those things
都是思维和行动的集合 所以 我必须说明的是若你不信
are an aggregate of your mindsets and actions. So, I just have to say that if you don’t believe
多看些我们的视频 你就会发现这是
that, go watch more of our videos, but that is a fundamental piece that is going to make
让一切成为可能的基础
all of this possible.
那么 视频到这儿就结束了 希望你们喜欢 若喜欢
So, that’s it for this video. I hope that you’ve enjoyed it. If you have, and you’d
想要看更多 请直接订阅我们的节目 若你这样做 你将
like to see more, please go ahead and subscribe to the channel. If you do, you’re gonna get
在你的主页看到我们的视频(推送) 你将在我们新视频推出时收到邮件提醒
our videos on your homepage. You’re gonna get an email whenever I put a new one up,
这样 你就不会错过任何精彩啦
and in that way, you will not miss anything that we do.
如果你有任何想说的想问的或想看的 直接
If you have comments, questions, things that you’d like to see in the channel, go ahead,
留言给我 我知道你们很多人都问过权力的游戏(电影)相关问题
write them down in the comments. I know a lot of you have asked for more Game of Thrones.
我将会加进来的 但(有什么需求)请告诉我哦 你想要了解更多关于魅力养成论或者
I’m gonna keep that on, but let me know, do you want more Charisma Breakdowns, or are
你想要加入更多的问答 你们的建议我都会采纳
you interested in more Q and A style like this? I’m game for whatever. These are nice
因为我可以很快的完成视频拍摄 但我也喜欢魅力养成论 所以 让我
because I can film them quickly, but I love the Charisma Breakdowns as well. So, let me
知道(你的需求) 我尽量调整
know. I’ll try to do a good balance.
希望你们喜欢这视频 下次见哦
I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.

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视频概述

来来来,读心术走起!预知后事如何,请听视频讲解。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Belinda

审核员

瞌睡虫儿

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLr1FImQ-JM

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