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身体和意识是一对双胞胎 – 译学馆
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身体和意识是一对双胞胎

How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch

I grew up with my identical twin,
我和我的双胞胎哥哥一起长大
who was an incredibly loving brother.
他是我极其亲爱的兄弟
Now,one thing about being a twin is,
要知道 作为双胞胎中的一员
it makes you an expert at spotting favoritism.
让你在一件事情上成为专家 就是发现偏袒
If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie,
哪怕他的饼干只是比我的大了一点点
I had questions.
我都会提出质疑
And clearly, I wasn’t starving.
显然 我并不饿
(Laughter)
[笑声]
When I became a psychologist,
当我成为了一名心理学家后
I began to notice favoritism of a different kind;
我开始注意到另外一种不同的偏袒
and that is, how much more we value the body
那就是 我们对身体方面的重视
than we do the mind.
远远超过对心理方面的重视
I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology,
我花了九年时间来获得心理学博士学位
and I can’t tell you how many people
但我记不清有多少人
look at my business card and say,
看着我的名片说
“Oh — a psychologist. So, not a real doctor,”
哦 心理医生 那不是真正的医生啊
as if it should say that on my card.
好像这就应该写在我的名片上
[Dr.Guy Winch, Just a Psychologist (Not a Real Doctor)]
Guy Winch博士 只是个心理医生 (不是真正的医生)
(Laughter)
[笑声]
This favoritism we show the body over the mind —
我们在意身体比在意心理更多的现象
I see it everywhere.
随处可见
I recently was at a friend’s house,
最近 我去一位朋友家做客
and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed.
看到他们五岁的孩子准备上床睡觉
He was standing on a stool
他站在一个小凳子上
by the sink, brushing his teeth,
在盥洗盆旁刷牙
when he slipped
不小心他踩滑了
and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell.
摔下来的时候被凳子划伤了腿
He cried for a minute, but then he got back up,
他哭了一小会 随后就站起来
got back on the stool,
回到凳子上
and reached out for a box of Band-Aids
并且伸手够了一盒创可贴
to put one on his cut.
贴了一个在他的伤口上
Now,this kid could barely tie his shoelaces,
你看 这个孩子甚至还不太会系鞋带
but he knew you have to
可是他都知道
cover a cut so it doesn’t become infected,
必须保护好伤口 以免被感染
and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day.
大家也知道为了牙齿健康每天要刷两次牙
We all know how to maintain our physical health
事实上我们都知道如何保持身体健康
and how to practice dental hygiene, right?
也知道怎么保持牙齿清洁 对吧?
We’ve known it since we were five years old.
我们从五岁起就知道这些道理
But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health?
但是关于保持心理健康我们知道些什么
Well,nothing.
我们一无所知
What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene?
我们教给了孩子哪些关于情绪健康的知识
Nothing.
我们从未教过
How is it
为什么呢?
we spend more time taking care of our teeth
我们会花更多的时间保持牙齿健康
than we do our minds?
而不是保护心理健康呢
Why is it our physical health is so much more important to us
为什么对我们而言 身体健康远远比
than our psychological health?
心理健康来得更重要呢
We sustain psychological injuries even more often
我们承受的心理上的伤害
than we do physical ones,
比身体上的多得多
injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness.
像失败 被拒 或者孤独之类的心理创伤
And they can also get worse if we ignore them,
如果我们不管它们 创伤会进一步恶化
and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways.
并且严重影响我们的生活
And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques
是的 尽管有很多被科学证实的方法
we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries,
可以用来治疗这些类型的心理创伤
we don’t.
但我们不治疗
It doesn’t even occur to us that we should.
甚至也不觉得我们应该去治疗
“Oh,you’re feeling depressed?
噢 你感到抑郁啊
Just shake it off; it’s all in your head.”
别多想 肯定是你自己想太多
Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg:
那么 想象对一个断了腿的人这样说
“Oh,just walk it off; it’s all in your leg.”
走走就好了 不就是腿断了
(Laughter)
[笑声]
It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological health.
是时候去消除这种生理与心理健康之间的差距
It’s time we made them more equal,
是时候 像对待双胞胎一样
more like twins.
对两者一视同仁
Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist.
提到双胞胎 我哥现在也是一名心理医生
So he’s not a real doctor, either.
所以他也不是一名真的医生了
(Laughter)
[笑声]
We didn’t study together, though.
不过我们没有在一起学习
In fact, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life
事实上 我人生中最难的事就是
is move across the Atlantic to New York City
跨越大西洋 搬到纽约
to get my doctorate in psychology.
攻读心理学博士学位
We were apart then for the first time in our lives,
那是我这辈子第一次和我哥分别
and the separation was brutal for both of us.
这次分离对我俩来讲都很残忍
But while he remained among family and friends,
当他仍旧和家人朋友待在一起的时候
I was alone in a new country.
我独自在一个新的国家
We missed each other terribly,
我们彼此都很想念对方
but international phone calls were really expensive then,
但是那时的国际长途电话真的很贵
and we could only afford to speak for five minutes a week.
所以我们每周只能通话五分钟
When our birthday rolled around,
有一次 我们的生日快到了
it was the first we wouldn’t be spending together.
那是我们第一次不在一起过生日
We decided to splurge, and that week,
我们决定挥霍一次 在那一周
we would talk for 10 minutes.
我们计划通话10分钟
(Laughter)
[笑声]
I spent the morning pacing around my room,
早上我一直在房间里踱步
waiting for him to call —
等着他的电话
and waiting…
我等啊
and waiting.
等啊
But the phone didn’t ring.
可电话一直没有响
Given the time difference, I assumed,
考虑到时差 我猜测道:
“OK,he’s out with friends, he’ll call later.”
他应该和朋友在外面 晚点会打来的
There were no cell phones then.
那时候还没有手机
But he didn’t.
但是他没打
And I began to realize that
这时我开始意识到
after being away for over 10 months,
在我们分别了十个多月之后
he no longer missed me the way I missed him.
他不再像我想念他那样想念我了
I knew he would call in the morning,
我知道他明天早上会打电话过来
but that night was one of the saddest
但是那一晚是我生命中最难过
and longest nights of my life.
最难熬的夜晚之一
I woke up the next morning.
第二天早上起床后
I glanced down at the phone,
我看向我的电话
and I realized I had kicked it off the hook
我意识到在昨天来回溜达的时候
when pacing the day before.
听筒被我踢到了 没有挂好
I stumbled out of bed,
我蹒跚地从床上爬起来
I put the phone back on the receiver,
把听筒挂好
and it rang a second later.
没过几秒就有来电
And it was my brother, and boy, was he pissed.
是我哥打来的 天啊 他得多生气啊
(Laughter)
[笑声]
It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well.
显然他也度过了非常难熬的一晚
Now,I tried to explain what happened, but he said,
我尝试解释发生了什么 但他说
“I don’t understand.
我不明白
If you saw I wasn’t calling you,
如果你发现我没有打给你
why didn’t you just pick up the phone and call me?”
为什么你不能拿起电话打给我呢
He was right.
他说的没错
Why didn’t I call him?
为什么我不主动打给他呢?
I didn’t have an answer then.
我那时候还不懂
But I do today, and it’s a simple one
但是现在我知道 原因很简单
[Loneliness ]
孤独感
Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions

孤独感会制造深刻的心理创伤 扭曲我们的看法
and scrambles our thinking.
并且扰乱我们的思维
It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do.
让我们认为身边的人的关心都是装出来的
It make us really afraid to reach out,
让我们极其害怕与外界接触
because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache
因为你的心已经不堪重负
when your heart is already aching more than you can stand?
为什么还要去自讨心碎和拒绝?
I was in the grips of real loneliness back then,
我曾被深深的孤独所笼罩
but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me.
但是身边人来人往 所以我并没有意识到
But loneliness is defined purely subjectively.
但孤独感完全是一种主观感受
It depends solely on whether you feel
仅取决于你是否感到
emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you.
与身边的人在情感或社会关系方面缺少联系
And I did.
我当时就是这样
There is a lot of research on loneliness,
关于孤独有很多研究
and all of it is horrifying.
这些研究结果都很吓人
Loneliness won’t just make you miserable;
孤独感不仅会让你痛苦
it will kill you.
还可能致死
I’m not kidding.
我没开玩笑
Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death
长期的孤独感受会将早逝的可能性
by 14 percent.
增加14%
Fourteen percent!
高达14%啊!
Loneliness causes high blood pressure,
孤独感会引起高血压
high cholesterol.
高胆固醇
It even suppress the functioning of your immune system,
它甚至会抑制你的免疫系统
making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases.
让你变得体弱多病
In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together,
事实上 科学家已经对其作出总结:
chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity
长期的孤独感对于健康和长寿的危害
as cigarette smoking.
和吸烟一样严重
Now,cigarette packs come with warnings saying,”This could kill you.”
然而 烟盒上警示了“吸烟有害健康”
But loneliness doesn’t.
但是孤独感却没有
And that’s why it’s so important that we prioritize our psychological health,
这就是为什么要格外重视自己的心理健康
that we practice emotional hygiene.
并且要养成保持心理健康的习惯
Because you can’t treat a psychological wound if you don’t even know you’re injured.
如果你都不知道自己受伤了 还谈何治疗

Loneliness isn’t the only psychological wound
孤独并不是唯一一种
that distorts our perceptions and misleads us.
会扭曲看法 误导思想的心理创伤
[Failure]
失败感
does that as well
也带来同样的影响
I once visited a day care center,
以前我到访过一个日托中心
where I saw three toddlers play with identical plastic toys.
在那我观察过三个儿童 玩同一种塑料玩具
You had to slide the red button,
当你滑动盒子上的红色按钮后
and a cute doggie would pop out.
一只可爱的狗狗就会弹出来
One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it,
一个小女孩试着拉紫色按钮 然后又推了推
and then she just sat back and looked at the box
接着她就坐下来 看着那个盒子
with her lower lip trembling.
下嘴唇还在不争气的颤抖
The little boy next to her watched this happen,
旁边的小男孩看见这一幕
then turned to his box and burst into tears without even touching it.
接着看着自己的盒子连碰都没碰就大哭起来
Meanwhile,another little girl tried everything she could think of
同时 另一个小女孩孩尝试了各种她能想到的方法
until she slid the red button,
直到最后她滑动红色按钮
the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight.
可爱的小狗狗弹了出来 她开心的叫了起来
So,three toddlers with identical plastic toys,
所以三个儿童面对的是完全相同的塑料玩具
but with very different reactions to failure.
但他们面对失败表现却完全不同
The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button.
前两个孩子完全有能力滑动红色按钮
The only thing that prevented them from succeeding
阻止他们成功的唯一原因
was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not.
就是他们不相信自己能行
Now,adults get tricked this way as well, all the time.
这种情况同样也会出现在成年人身上
In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs
事实上 我们都有一套固定的情感信念模式
that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.
每当我们遭遇挫折和失败 就会触发它
Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure?
你清楚自己面对失败时的反应吗?
You need to be.
你最好去了解一下
Because if your mind tries to convince you
如果你的意识试图说服你
you’re incapable of something, and you believe it,
你无法胜任某事 而且你还信了
then like those two toddlers, you’ll begin to feel helpless
那你就会像之前那俩孩子一样 开始觉得无助
and you’ll stop trying too soon, or you won’t even try at all.
然后你很快会停止尝试 甚至再也不敢尝试
And then you’ll be even more convinced you can’t succeed.
然后你就更加确信自己无法成功了
You see, that’s why so many people function below their actual potential.
这就是很多人无法发挥真正潜能的原因
Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure
因为不知道什么时候 就失败了一次
convinced them that they couldn’t succeed, and they believed it.
让他们坚信自己不可能成功
Once we become convinced of something,
一旦我们认定了一件事情
it’s very difficult to change our mind.
再去改变想法就很困难了
I learned that lesson the hard way when
我是吃了苦头才学到这个道理的
I was a teenager with my brother.
少年时期 我和我哥哥一起出行
We were driving with friends down a dark road at night,
晚上我们和朋友行驶在一条很黑的路上
when a police car stopped us.
一辆警车拦住了我们
There had been a robbery in the area, and they were looking for suspects.
附近发生了抢劫 警察在搜寻嫌疑犯
The officer approached the car,
一个警察走近我们的车
and shined his flashlight on the driver,
拿手电筒照了照司机
then on my brother in the front seat,
然后照向坐在副驾驶的我哥
and then on me.
接着是我
And his eyes opened wide and he said,
这时他睁大了眼睛说道
“Where have I seen your face before?”
我在哪里见过你的脸
(Laughter)
[笑声]
And I said,
我回答
“In the front seat.”
在副驾驶
(Laughter)
[笑声]
But that made no sense to him whatsoever,
他根本听不懂我在说什么
so now he thought I was on drugs.
然后他就觉得我嗑药了
(Laughter)
[笑声]
So he drags me out of the car, he searches me,
所以他把我从车里揪出来 并且搜了我的身
he marches me over to the police car,
接着他把我押到警车那里
and only when he verified I didn’t have a police record,
直到最后他查证了我没有犯罪记录
could I show him I had a twin in the front seat.
我才有机会给他看我在副驾驶的双胞胎哥哥
But even as we were driving away,
即便是这样 当我们开走时
you could see by the look
你能从他的表情看出
on his face he was convinced
他仍然觉得
that I was getting away with something.
我肯定是个干了坏事的人
(Laughter)
[笑声]
Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced.
所以一旦我们确信了某件事 想法就很改变了
So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail.
在遭遇挫败之后 感到情绪低落和受挫很正常
But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can’t succeed.
但是你不能因此认定自己不可能成功
You have to fight feelings of helplessness.
你要对抗这种无助绝望的感觉
You have to gain control over the situation.
你要学会去掌控各种情况
And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins.
并且在这类负反馈开始前就将其打断

Our minds and our feelings —
我们的意识和情感
they’re not the trustworthy friends we thought they were.
并没有想象中那么稳重可靠
They’re more like a really moody friend,
而且非常情绪化
who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next.
翻脸比翻书还快
I once worked with this woman who, after 20 years marriage
我的一个女同事 经历了20年婚姻
and an extremely ugly divorce,
和极其不愉快的离婚后
was finally ready for her first date.
终于打算开始新的约会
She had met this guy online,
她在网上认识了一个男的
and he seemed nice and he seemed successful,
他看起来人很好 而且事业有成
and most importantly, he seemed really into her.
最重要的是 他看起来对女方很感兴趣
So she was very excited, she bought a new dress,
因此她非常兴奋 还买了新裙子赴约
and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink.
他们约在纽约的一个高档酒吧喝一杯
Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says,
约会进行了十分钟 男士就站起来说
“I’m not interested,” and walks out.
我对你不感冒 然后就走了
[Rejection ]
被拒绝
is extremely painful.
是极其痛苦的一件事
The woman was so hurt she couldn’t move.
我的女同事心碎到当场石化
All she could do was call a friend.
她只能打电话和朋友诉苦
Here’s what the friend said:”Well, what do you expect?
这是她朋友说的 你说你在期待什么呢
You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say.
你那么胖 又没啥有意思的可聊
Why would a handsome,successful man like that
他那样英俊的成功人士
ever go out with a loser like you?”
怎么会看上你这种货色呢?
Shocking,right? that a friendcould be so cruel?
非常震惊 对吧 朋友会这么冷酷无情吗?
But it would be much less shocking if I told you
但是听完我下面的话你可能就没那么震惊了
it wasn’t the friend who said that. It’s what the woman said to herself.
因为说这话的不是她朋友 正是女同事自己
And that’s something we all do, especially after a rejection.
这样的事我们都有过 特别是在被拒绝之后
We all start thinking
我们会回想
of all our faults and all our shortcomings,
自己的过错 自己的缺点
what we wish we were, what we wish we weren’t.
我们该怎样 不该怎样
We call ourselves names.
我们给自己起外号
Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.
或许不是那么刺耳 但我们都做过
And it’s interesting that we do,
我们的做法有点耐人寻味
because our self-esteem is already hurting.
此时我们的自尊已经奄奄一息
Why would we want to go and damage it even further?
为什么还要给自己雪上加霜?
We wouldn’t make a physical injury worse on purpose.
我们不会故意往身体的伤口上撒盐
You wouldn’t get a cut on your arm and decide,
要是胳膊上有个伤口 你不会说
“Oh! I know ,I’m going to take a knife and see
噢 好的 我要拿刀试试
how much deeper I can make it.”
我能把伤口捅多深
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why?
但我们总在加深自己的心理创伤 为什么呢?
Because of poor emotional hygiene.
因为我们淡薄的心理健康意识
Because we don’t prioritize our psychological health.
因为我们从来不重视自己的心理健康状况
We know from dozens of studies
很多研究表明
that when your self-esteem is lower,
低自尊
you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety;
会降低抗压能力 且更容易焦虑
that failures and rejections hurt more,
失败和拒绝对你的伤害也将放大
and it takes longer to recover from them.
恢复起来也更慢
So when you get rejected,
所以被拒绝时
the first thing you should be doing
第一时间必须做的事情
is to revive your self-esteem,
就是重振自我
not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp.
而不是去搏击俱乐部把自己打得血肉模糊
When you’re in emotional pain,
当你心理受伤时
treat yourself with the same compassion
要像一个真心朋友一样
you would expect from a truly good friend.
安慰自己和鼓励自己

We have to catch
我们得知道
our unhealthy psychological habits
自己有哪些不良的心理习惯
and change them.
并改变它们
And one of unhealthiest and most common is called
其中最不健康也最常见的一种
[Rumination]
叫做思想反刍
To ruminate means to chew over.
思想反刍就是脑海里不断回放一个场景
It’s when your boss yells at you
当你被老板训话后
or your professor makes you feel stupid in class,
或者教授让你当众出丑
or you have big fight with a friend
或者是跟朋友大吵一架
and you just can’t stop replaying the scene
你会忍不住反复回放当时的场景
in your head for days,
一想就是几天
sometimes for weeks on end. Now,
有时甚至要几周时间才能平息
ruminating about upsetting events in this way
当你不断回放令你沮丧难堪的事情时
can easily become a habit,
很容易发展成一种习惯
and it’s a very costly one,
这种习惯代价很高
because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts,
因为花大量时间去关注沮丧和负面的想法
you are actually putting yourself at significant risk
实际上就是把自己推向火坑
for developing clinical depression, alcoholism,
因为这可能会发展成抑郁 酗酒
eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease.
饮食失调 甚至是心血管疾病
The problem is,
问题是
the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important,
我们内心深处觉得这样做很有必要 无法自拔
so it’s a difficult habit to stop.
所以这是一个很难戒除的习惯
I know this for a fact,
我很清楚这一点
because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself.
因为一年多前 我自己就染上这个习惯
You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage 3 non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
我的双胞胎哥哥 被诊断出三期非霍奇金淋巴瘤
His cancer was extremely aggressive.
这种癌症发展很快
He had visible tumors all over his body.
我哥哥全身都长满了肉眼可见肿瘤
And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy.
他必须进行大剂量的化疗
And I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was going through.
我情不自禁的去想他所经历的一切
I couldn’t stop thinking about how much he was suffering,
我情不自禁的去想他所遭的罪
even though he never complained, not once.
可是他并没有抱怨过 一次都没有
He had this incredibly positive attitude.
他有令人难以置信的积极态度
His psychological health was amazing.
他的心理健康状态很了不起
I was physically healthy, but psychologically, I was a mess.
我呢 身体很健康 但心理很糟糕
But I knew what to do.
但我知道该怎么做
Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient
研究表明 转移注意力两分钟就能够
to break the urge to ruminate in that moment.
打破当下的思想反刍
And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought,
所以每当我感到担心 低落或有负面情绪的时候
I forced myself
我强迫自己
to concentrate on something else until the urge passed.
去关注其他事情 直到这种冲动消退
And within one week, my whole outlook changed
只用一周时间 我的视角就完全变了
and became more positive and more hopeful.
变得更积极更乐观

Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy,
我哥哥化疗九周之后
my brother had a CAT scan,
去做了CAT扫描
and I was by his side when he got the results.
他拿到结果的时候 我在边上
All the tumors were gone.
所有的肿瘤都消失了
He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go,
他还有三周的化疗没做完
but we knew he would recover.
但我们知道他肯定会痊愈的
This picture was taken two weeks ago.
这张照片是两周前拍的
By taking action when you’re lonely,
在你孤独的时候采取措施
by changing your responses to failure,
去改变你的失败应对机制
by protecting your self-esteem,
去维护你的自尊
by battling negative thinking,
去对抗消极的情绪
you won’t just heal your psychological wounds,
你不仅仅是治愈了心理创伤
you will build emotional resilience,
你的情绪的恢复能力也将得到提升
you will thrive.
你会变得更强大
A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene,
一百年前 人们开始关注个人卫生
and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent
仅在短短几十年内
in just a matter of decades.
人均寿命就提高了50% 可能还不止
I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically
我相信只要我们开始关注心理健康
if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.
我们的生活质量就会再有一次大幅的提升
Can you imagine what the world would be like
你能想象这样一个世界吗?
if everyone was psychologically healthier?
在那里每个人都有更健康的心理
If there were less loneliness and less depression?
会少一点孤独 少一点抑郁
If people knew how to overcome failure?
人们知道要怎么克服挫败感
If they felt better about themselves and more empowered?
自我感觉更好 更强大
If they were happier and more fulfilled?
人们更加幸福 也更加满足
I can, because that’s the world I want to live in.
我能 因为这正是我想要的世界
And that’s the world my brother wants to live in as well.
这也是我哥哥想要的世界
And if you just become informed
只要你去了解这些知识
and change a few simple habits, well —
并且改变一些简单的习惯
that’s the world we can all live in.
那这一切都将变为现实
Thank you very much.
谢谢大家!
(Applause)
[掌声]

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视频概述

我们习惯于失败时看低自己,感到孤独时封闭自己,在情绪低落时放任自己继续精神不振,这些非常有害!长久以来我们忽略自己的心理健康,如果人人都能调试好自己的心理状态,感觉更幸福更满足,这个世界会更加美好。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

王小方🎶

审核员

审核员MS

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI

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