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避免尬聊,如何能做到谈笑风生 – 译学馆
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避免尬聊,如何能做到谈笑风生

How to Never Run out of Things to Say - Keep a Conversation Flowing!

大家好 这里是实用心理学
Hey guys, Practical Psychology here
因为之前一些超赞的反馈
and I’m super pumped to bring back a
我很激动能够带来之前的合作者
previous collaborator due to some amazing feedback.
希望大家喜欢!
I hope you guys enjoy!
-哈喽 这里是Improvement Pill
– Hey, Improvement Pill here.
我为那些不知道我是谁的人
And for those of you guys who don’t know who I am,
组织了一个和实用心理学相似的频道
I run a channel very similar to Practical Psychology’s.
今天我们将要讨论的问题
And today we’re going to be talking about something
我相信你们很多人都有
that I’m sure a lot of you guys have problems with.
让我问你们一个问题:
Let me ask you a question:
你们有没有过很艰难的想一个话题的经历?
Have you ever had a hard time coming up with things to talk about?
你的大脑瞬间冻住了
Your brain ever just freeze and you end up with
然后就是一段又长又尴尬的沉默?
a long, awkward silence?
今天我要向你们分享四个超级有用的话题
Well today I’m going to be sharing with you four extremely powerful topics
能够让你和任何人谈论
that you can talk to just about anyone.
学习并使用这四个话题可以让你
Learning and using these four topics will allow you
和任何人建立密切关系
to build large amounts of rapport with just about anyone
还可以让你建立长期的朋友关系
and will also allow you to create long lasting friendships.
有一个简单的方法来记住这四个话题
An easy way to remember these four
通过首字母缩略词来记 我喜欢叫它FORD
is through an acronym I like to call”FORD.”
所以让我们直接进入正题吧
So let’s jump right into it.
F代表家人
F stands for Family.
每个人都有家人
Everyone has some sort of family.
家人是我们生活中不可或缺的一部分
They are an integral part of our lives.
他们是我们最先认识的人
They are the first people that we get to know,
所以在我们心中
and for that reason, we hold a special place
他们是很特别的
in our hearts for them.
多次研究发现
Studies have found time and time again that
当和陌生人分享有关家人的话题时
when people share family related matters with strangers,
他们能明显地感觉到亲近感
they feel significantly closer to them afterwards.
现在 和别人谈论家人时会出现的主要问题是
Now,the main problem with speaking about family
如果你坦率地询问他们的家人
is that it can sometimes come off very strong
这种目的感会表现的十分强烈
if you ask someone about their family upfront.
你应该做的是以某种方式拓展谈话
What you need to do instead is branch the conversation
这样关于家人的话题就会自然的提起
in a way so that the topic of family naturally pops up.
这里有两个方法可以做到
Here’s two way to go about doing this:
第一个是先谈论你自己的家人
The first is by talking about your family first.
比如说
Let’s say, for example, you’re at a
你在一个派对上和某个女孩说话
party and you’re talking with some girl, and you
然后你注意到在舞台上有一个
notice there’s a very loud, excited guy
非常吵 非常兴奋的人
on the dance floor.
你可以这样提起话题
You could say something like this:
“你看到那边那人了吗?
“You see that guy over there?
他让我想起了我的哥哥
He really reminds me of my older brother,
他总是充满能量 随心所欲
who’s always energetic and not afraid to let loose.
我觉得哥哥姐姐们总是这样
I feel like older siblings are always like that.
你有兄弟姐妹吗?”
Do you have any siblings?”
这样说的话 你们就可以直接将话题引向家人
By saying something like this, you direct the converstation towards family
而且你也主动地先打开话题
and you also make the initiative to open up first.
这样可以让她没有防备地
This gives her an opportunity to talk about her siblings
来谈论兄弟姐妹
without having to have her guard up.
如果她没有兄弟姐妹 你可以这样说
If she doesn’t have any siblings, you could say something along the lines of, “Oh,
“哦?你曾经有想过吗?”
do you ever wise you had one?” Again,
再一次将话题指向家人
the conversation is re-directed towards family,
而且这个转变看起来很自然
and the transition seems smooth.
第二个方法就是让别人谈论他们的家人
Now the second way to get someone to talk about their family
通过使用“不合理的推论”
is by using what are called”non-sequiturs.” Basically,
简单来说 是你对某人的假设
assumptions that you make about someone.
比如 假设你在酒吧遇到某人
For example, let’s say you meet someone new at the bar.
你可以这样说
You can say something like,
“你知道吗?你看起来来自一个大家庭”
“You know, you look like you come from a big family.”
像这样的不合理推论可以实现两件事
Non-sequiturs like this accomplish two things:
他们会产生好奇感 致使他们提出问题 例如
They create a sense of curiosity, leading to questions like, “Uhm…
“你为什么会觉得我来自大家庭?”
why do you think I come from a big family?”
这样有时候也会引起听者来纠正你的陈述
They also sometimes cause the listener to correct your statement.
也许他们不是来自大家庭
Maybe they don’t come from a big family,
然后他们开始谈论
and they start talking about it.
也许他们确实来自大家庭
Maybe they do come from a big family,
然后他们开始谈论细节
and they go into details about it.
第二个点是O
The second topic is O,
代表着职业
which stands for”occupation.”
有人说我们生命中45%的时间都在职业上
They say that 45 % of our lives are spent on our occupation.
无论是在上学 还是在工作
Whether it be at school, or at work,
它绝对是我们生活中的一大部分
it’s definitely a big part of our lives.
谈论某人的职业实际上非常普通
Speaking about someone’s occupation is actually very common.
这被认为是表面水平的谈话
It’s considered surface-level conversation.
你可能听过这些台词
You’ve probably heard lines like,
很多次
“What’s your major?”
“你主修什么?”
dozens of times before.
谈论职业的关键是
The key to speaking
不要停留在这些表面的问题
about occupation is not to dwell on these surface-level questions
相反地 你要快速转移到更深层次的谈论中
and instead quickly jump into a deeper conversation.
比如说你正在约会
For example, let’s say you’re on a date,
你问她的工作
and you ask her what she does for a living.
她说“我是一名老师”
She says,”I’m a schoolteacher.”
许多人会犯接下来的错误 他们会说“那你教哪门课?”
A lot of people make the following mistake; they go,”Okay, what subject do you teach?” “Okay,
“你在哪所学校教书?”
what school do you teach at?” “Okay,
“你教多大的孩子?”
how old are the kids you teach?”
当你问一个又一个问题时
When you ask question upon question,
你就进入了“面试模式”
you enter what’s called”interview mode,”
这会让听者很不舒服
and it’s very uncomfortable for the listener.
你应该做的是在你问另一个问题之前
What you want to do instead is to add a comment
加上一个评论
before asking another question.
例如 我们假设
For example, let’s say she says, “Oh,
她说:“我是一个老师”
I’m a teacher.”
你可以这样说
You could say something along the lines of, “ Wow,
“哇 你知道吗?在我小的时候
you know, when I was younger,
我总是想当一个老师
I always wanted to be a teacher.
因为激励别人让我觉得十分满足”
There’s something about inspiring others that’s very fulfilling.”
像这样说的话
By saying something like this,
在你问她下一个问题之前
you’re adding a little bit about what YOU feel
你加上了你自己对她的职业的一点想法
about her occupation before asking the next question.
相比于“哦 你在哪所学校教书?”
This leads to significantly deeper topics than, “Oh,
这样就可以引向更深的话题
what school do you work at?”
当你遇到一个陌生人 先谈论职业通常是最好的选择
When meeting a stranger, talking about occupation first is usually the best bet.
这是因为在这四个话题中
This is because out of the four topics,
职业是最多被谈论的
occupation is talked about the most.
他们在谈论职业时觉得非常舒适
They feel extremely comfortable talking about it.
下一个话题是R
The next topic is R,
它代表着娱乐
which stands for”recreation.”
每个人有这样那样的娱乐活动
Everyone has some sort of recreational activity.
它可以是一种兴趣
It could be an interest,
或是一种爱好 有时候甚至会是某种让他们十分着迷的事情
or a hobby, sometimes it’s even something that they’re very passionate about.
和谈论职业相似 你应该在问表面问题时
Similar to talking about occupation, you want to ask surface-level questions
从中加入自己的评论
while adding comments in between.
这里有一个简单的方法将谈话引向娱乐
An easy way to lead a conversation into talking
那就是询问
about recreation is by simply asking,
“你喜欢做什么?”
“What do you like to do?”
是的 我知道这是陈词滥调 但是却很有用
Yes,I know it’s cliche, but it works very well.
有时候谈论娱乐会比
Recreation can sometimes be a little
谈论职业有一点难
bit harder to talk about than occupation,
因为你常常会遇到某些人
because oftentimes, you’ll meet someone who
他喜欢做些你根本不了解的事情
likes to do something you know nothing about.
别担心 因为在这些情况中
Don’t worry, because in these cases,
你该做的是用以下的思路
all you have to do is approach the conversation
来处理谈话
with the following mentality:
为什么这个活动对他或她那么刺激?
Why is this activity so exciting for him or her?
比如说你遇到这么一个人 他告诉你他喜欢攀岩 但是你从来没做过 你可以类似这样说
Let’s say for example you meet someone who tells you they like rock climbing and you’ve never done it before, you could say something along the lines of, “Oh,
“哇 那很酷啊
that’s cool, I’ve always thought
我一直觉得攀岩是个有趣的运动
rock climbing was an interesting sport.
你为什么这么喜欢它?”
Why do you like it so much?”
像这样的问题能让另外一个人觉得
Questions like these really make the other person feel
你在认真听他们的话
like they’re being listened to.
他们也就会尽可能地让对方
They also allow the other person to really dive deep
真正了解他们为什么会那么喜欢
and explain to you why they enjoy their
他们的娱乐活动
recreational activity as much as they do.
最后一个话题是D
The final topic is D,
它代表着梦想
which stands for”dreams.”
毫无疑问 这是你可以和别人谈论的
Without a doubt, this is the most powerful topic
最有力的话题
you can talk to someone about.
每个人都有他们正在追求
Everyone has a dream that they are pursuing
或是希望自己可以追求的梦想
or wish they could be pursuing,
现如今 这个话题特别强有力
and this topic is especially powerful nowadays
因为大部分普通人都没有开始追求他们的梦想
because the average person does not get to pursue their dream.
这常常是因为在这个社会
Oftentimes it’s because there is very little support
他们很少能得到支持
found in our society.
大多数人都被周围所有人告诉说要找常规的工作
Most people are told to just get conventional jobs
而不是追求他们热爱的东西
instead of pursuing their passions by everyone around them,
包括他们的家长和朋友
including their parents and friends.
所以如果你向前并且展示你对他们的梦想表示支持
So if you step in and show that you are supportive
他们会开始喜欢你
of their dreams, they begin to think very fondly of you.
梦想常常是人们最难敞开心扉谈论的
Dreams are oftentimes the hardest things to get people
这也是为什么
to open up about, and this is why
它是我喜欢和别人提起的
it’s the last of the four topics
四个话题中的最后一个
I like to bring up with someone.
为了得到真正有意义的回答
You want to make sure you’ve built a sufficient amount
在你将话题引向梦想之前
of rapport before leading the conversation towards dreams
你要确定你们已经建立了足够的融洽关系
in order to get truly meaningful responses.
所以我会和你们分享两个技巧
So I’ll share with you guys two tricks
我个人会这样来将谈话引向梦想
that I personally use to redirect the conversation towards dreams.
第一:通过谈论他们的娱乐活动
Number 1: Sometimes you’ll get an
有时候你会得到一个
idea of what a person’s dream is,
关于他们梦想的信息
by talking about their recreational activity.
如果他们提到他们喜欢画画
If they mention that they like to draw,
他们的梦想可能是有一天成为一个画家
their dream might be to become an artist one day.
所以第一个技巧是使用这些信息
So the first trick is to use this information
然后做出一个有根据的猜测
and make an educated guess.
所以对于喜欢画画的人 你可以问
So for the person who likes to draw, you might ask,
“你有没有想过成为一个画家来生活?”
“Have you ever thought about becoming an artist for a living?”
正如你所见 这可以轻易引向更深的谈话
And as you can see, this can easily lead to deeper conversation. Now,
第二个方法-我最喜欢的方法-
the second way – my most favorite way –
可以让别人开口谈论他们的梦想的
to get someone to open up about their dreams,
就是谈论更大的蓝图
is to talk about the bigger picture. Now,
这是什么意思呢?
what does that mean? Well,
比如 我在一个约会中
sometimes I’ll be on a date,
我和一个女孩在花园里走路
and I’ll be walking with a girl through a park
然后我就会看着夜空说
and I’ll just look at the night sky and say,
“看看上面 宇宙是这么广阔
“Just look up there, the universe is so vast.
这么大 我觉得我们的生活应该更有意义
It’s so big. I feel like our lives have more meaning
而不应该仅仅是朝九晚五的工作
than just working a 9-to-5.
你曾经幻想过完成一个
You ever dream of accomplishing something bigger
比你现在做的事更大的事业吗?
than what you’re doing right now?”
是的 这很俗气 但我还要说 它很有用
Yes,it’s super cheesy, but again, it works.
它将谈话内容重新引向梦想
It redirects the conversation to dreams.
我也喜欢问这样的问题
I also like to ask questions like,
“在你死之前你想做些什么?”
“What’s something you want to do before you die?”
我喜欢问和我周围事情有关的问题
I like to make the question relevant to the things happening around me.
也许我会和某人在书店
Maybe I’ll be at a bookstore with someone,
然后我看到了一个死去的人的传记
and I see a biography of someone who’s passed away.
或者和某人在公交车上
Or maybe I’ll be on the bus
然后我们经过一个墓地
with someone and we’ll drive past a cemetery.
就这样
And there you have it,
这些是你可以向任何人谈论的四个话题
these are the four topics that you can talk to anyone about.
这也同样是我过去在挨家挨户推销时
These are the same four topics I used back
使用的四个话题
in the day when I was a door-to-door salesperson.
在那些日子里
In those days,
我必须和完全陌生的人在一个小时内
I was forced to build a large amount of trust with absolute strangers
建立一个强烈的信任
in under an hour,
然后说服他们把社会保障号给我 以便于信用核查
and convince them to give me their social security number for credit checks
还有他们的信用卡信息 以便于实际消费
and their credit card information for the actual purchase.
所以我可以以这四个话题起誓
So I can swear by these four topics.
如果你们喜欢这个视频
If you guys enjoyed this video,
请关注我的节目Improvement Pill
please check out my channel Improvement Pill
可以得到更多相似的概念和想法
for more similar concepts and ideas.
如果你想得到更多关于这个节目的信息
– Leave a comment below if you’d like more
请在下方留言
of Improvement Pill’s stuff on this channel.
然后去观看你们还没有看过的视频
And go check out his videos if you haven’t already,
那些视频真的很棒!
they’re freakin’ amazing!
谢谢观看和更多订阅
Thanks for watching, and subscribe for more.

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视频概述

利用黄金话题:家庭,职业,娱乐还有梦想来打开别人的话匣子,从此聊天不再尴尬。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Aoede

审核员

审核员 GK

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU-ibdHkz4Y

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