Today, I want to share with you, what has been probably the most impactful thing that I’ve learned in the last several months
一年里 我为此感到兴奋 因为我很充实
if not year and I’m excited for it because it has a lot to do with
我一直在想 是什么阻挡了你的魅力 自信 和自我成功
what I think is the number one thing that stops you from being your most charismatic, confident, and successful self—
and that thing that is stopping you is yourself.
It is your own mind
more than anything that is happening in the external world that gets in your way.
For instance, you’re going to give a presentation —
it’s not the audience, it’s not the person on the stage—
it is the thoughts in your head that are making you,
maybe, have your hands shake, feel like your voice is quaking
and then ultimately sabotage you.
所以 做介绍也好 坚持减肥也好
So whether it’s with presentations, sticking to a diet,
开公司啊 建立关系啊 之类的
building of business, creating relationships — whatever it is —
If you can get your thoughts supporting you
and your feelings backing you up
rather than having them fight you.
You’re going to find that your goals are just… they’re downhill —
you’re going to get there eventually versus.
If they don’t, your thoughts don’t support you,
you’re up on a mountain and you’re going to have a really hard time
getting there so let’s just get into it.
I want to start with belief.
I never realized how important your beliefs are towards shaping your world.
I really do now think that
your beliefs are probably the most powerful mental personal development tool that you have at your disposal.
And if you don’t buy into this,
just think of what religious belief has done to shape our world and it’s still doing to shape our world.
人类 为了宗教 甚至愿意战斗至死 或者杀人
People, for the religious, clearly are willing to fight to die — they’re willing to kill.
另一方面 他们也愿意拯救别人 不是吗？
On the other hand, they’re willing to save lives, right?
They’re willing to dedicate their lives to other people
depending on which direction the religious beliefs send them down.
And you might not realize this
but your beliefs have the same power on you every single day.
It’s just that they’re not written in a book
so you can’t translate how clearly your beliefs are resulting in the person that you are in the way that you feel.
The other problem is you probably never sat down and thought,
“嘿 我可以选择自己的信仰啊” 你就是这样想的
“Hey, I can pick my beliefs,” so that’s just something that happened to you.
In fact, the way that beliefs happen which is the first point I want to make —
beliefs form from associations to pain and pleasure.
And these typically occur when you’re a young kid so
带着信念 你会焦虑 是不是？
you take the belief that… anxiety, right?
When you go into a social situation,
you might believe that social situations are difficult, right?
社会情境会带来拒绝 痛苦 为什么呢？
The social situations can create rejection and pain — where does that come from?
典型的原因可能是 当时你是个小孩子 你兴冲冲地
Typically, this comes from — when you were a small child, you went up,
you talked to a group of other kids and they rejected you.
Or you walked into a group of kids and you had a great time,
but when you came back to mom and dad, mom and dad yelled at you for running away.
Whatever happened at some point in your life, pain got linked up to socializing
which resulted in a feeling of negativity when it came to socializing
这种信念 会让你觉得社交令人烦扰 我根本不擅长社交
and that’s the belief, that socializing is bad or that I’m not good at socializing.
Now why did that happen?
你的大脑 思想 整个神经系统都在保护自己
Your brain, your mind, your whole nervous system is trying its best to protect you.
So when two things happen at the same time and they create pain,
it’s going to create an emotion that keeps you away from that pain, hence anxiety.
Your anxiety is actually to protect you from the pain that you might have felt when the kids rejected you
or you came back to your parents and they yelled at you.
It is your body doing its best to stop you from feeling pain and to create pleasure.
And I know this sounds insane because anxiety is a miserable feeling,
嫉妒令人痛苦 还有不安全感 懒惰也让人感觉不好
envy is a miserable feeling, insecurity, laziness — these all feel bad.
My point is that something in our lives typically happen
这时我们会想“唉 我真难过 但这点小伤小痛算什么呢”
that made us think that, “Well, this might be bad but there’s something worse,”
and that is what I want to help you change today.
So think of a belief that is stopping you from getting what you want —
maybe laziness is stopping you from succeeding in your business,
maybe anxiety is stopping you from feeling confident,
and going and getting the boyfriend or girlfriend that you like — whatever it is —
思考你拥有的一种情绪 一种信念 或者一种情境
think of a feeling that you have, an associated belief, and a situation.
And I want you to go through… we’re going to work on shifting this and then shifting this entire area of your life in the next few minutes.
The first thing is this — you want to recognize the positive intent.
And I just went through how anxiety can actually come from a positive intent
but let’s take another — for instance, laziness.
I was originally struggling with laziness.
I haven’t been filming as much
and it’s because there was a positive intent to that which is
I only wanted to make one really great content
而且我以为 花更多的时间 我就能做到
and I thought if I took more time, I could do it.
I also was enjoying spending time with my friends on the beaches of Brazil
and time spent creating videos took away from that.
So when I look through the laziness
that has stopped me from making YouTube videos, there’s a positive intent there.
And what I want you to do is write down your positive intent that is associated with that negative feeling
and then when you have it, say,
“谢谢你 哥们儿 谢谢你尽力保我周全”
“Thank you, brain. Thank you for doing your best to keep me safe.
It sounds like you got a little bit confused but I appreciate you always supporting me.”
It does help to acknowledge the positive intent
but now we need to shift it — we need a new association.
I’m just going to stick with the example of my laziness with creating videos.
What you need to do now, and this is probably the most powerful part,
is associate a tremendous amount of pain to not changing —
meaning you need to associate a ton of pain to staying anxious,
to staying envious, to staying lazy —
so for me, I had to go down and write all the things that this not-creating made me do.
It made the YouTube channel not grow as fast, it affected my income,
it made me feel like I wasn’t contributing as much to the world, it let people down —
and as you go through these will have different amounts of impact on you.
Quite frankly, financially and YouTube channel growing didn’t have impact me
but when I felt like I was letting you guys down
that there were people out there who need this stuff and I wasn’t delivering,
that created a hurt in me and that’s what you’re looking to do in this situation.
Another quick story — how quickly this can happen
and how I just want you to broadly find the things that are making you feel that pain.
几年前 我和本去了一个酒吧 这是一个关于魅力的例子
I was out at a bar years ago, beginning of Charisma on Command with Ben.
然后我走进酒吧 看到喜欢的姑娘 我告诉了本
And I walked into the bar, saw a girl that I liked, and I told Ben.
I said, “Man, she’s pretty.”
He said, “Go talk to her,” and I started to and then I realized
she was surrounded by six or seven guys that she was there with —
I have no idea why and immediately, I didn’t want to talk to her.
And I said and I was just like, “Ah, I’m going to talk to someone else.”
本说“哦 加油 哥们 上去搭讪她 你也许能约到她”
Ben said, “Oh come on, man. Go up and talk to her. You might get a date with her.”
好吧 他奉行唯乐原则 那很不错
Okay, he’s going with the pleasure principle, That would be nice.
我想“不 不值得 我还是和其他人搭讪吧”
I thought, “Nah, not worth it. I might go and talk to someone else.”
他说“快点 哥们 要不你会后悔的”
He said, “Come on, man. Like, you’re going to regret this.”
“我了解你 如果你不做 回家你就会悔青肠子”
“I know you. If you don’t do this, you’re going to beat yourself up when you get home.”
Okay, there’s the pain principle.
I thought, “Yeah, but I still don’t really want to go throught with this.”
And he probably threw out six or seven more things before he finally got me
because there’s always, with people, one leverage point.
对我来说 做不让你们失望的视频 才是重要的
For me, doing these videos, it was feeling like I’m letting you guys down.
In this situation, Ben said,
“You’re supposed to be Charisma on Command. You’re supposed to teach people
“在这种情况下 如何自信 如何有魅力”
how to be confident and charismatic in the moments where they don’t feel it
and you’re telling me you’re not going to go do this?”
And in that moment, everything shifted in my brain.
仍然 对 额 我还是不想去
Still, yes, it was… I was, ugh, I didn’t want to do it
but there was no way that I was not going to at least try
and so within the next thirty seconds, I walked up,
introduced myself to the guys and eventually met this girl —
point not being that I got a date because I didn’t or that we hit it off because we didn’t.
The point is that you need to find that strongest leverage point
so go cast a wide net.
When you’re thinking about laziness and you’re trying to stick to a diet.
不要说“好吧 我是练不出腹肌了 我不会得到这个女孩的”
it’s not just, “Okay, I won’t get the abs or I won’t get the girl.”
Maybe you won’t respect yourself, maybe your business won’t do as well,
maybe it will impact your income —
you’ve got to cast a wide net to find where that piece is that really impacts you.
对我 对许多人来说 都不想让别人失望
For me and I know for a lot of people, it’s letting other people down — that’s one of the most impactful things.
So that’s the second step — write all the ways it’s going to cost you
and then in bold, if you’re writing it, the number one thing that really hurts
that really gets you moving.
第三 如果你有所改变 你会想完整地叙述改变的欢乐
Third, you want to go through and talk about the pleasure that is there if you change.
所以 如果你把焦虑转化成自信 有什么好处呢？
So if you flip your anxiety into confidence, what can you get?
突然 你会交更多朋友 约到自己喜欢的人
All of a sudden you can make more friends, you might get a date that you like,
you’re going to be a good example for all the other people
who might feel anxious and can look to you —
Whatever it is, spend some time doing the same things here.
As I went through why I’m not creating videos and I thought,
“哦 天啊 我是有影响力的 大家会发邮件来肯定我”
“Oh my gosh, I can make an impact. I’ll get to read more nice emails from people.
It’s going to help a lot more people in the world.
Maybe I’ll actually get to be like some of the people that I really admire
like Tony Robbins.”
I know that’s a lofty goal —
But when I look at that, that inspires me.
but when I look at that, that inspires me.
There needs to be something that you can sit there and that gets you moving
so you’ve got a really strong pain principle — a really strong pleasure principle.
These are the foundations of changing your feelings.
And I will tell you,
如果一日两省吾身 或一日三省吾身 或者早晚各一次 这样几天后
if you review this twice a day, three times a day, maybe morning and evening, for a handful of days,
most beliefs take a couple of days of just reviewing these really, really strong principles to completely change.
And I know that I did it with the business
and I’ve worked more in the last couple days without even having to review this
than I have previously in weeks.
但无论如何 你能改变自己的焦虑 嫉妒
Whatever it is for you — you can change that anxiety, you can change that envy,
you can change that laziness and, again.
This is crazy for the impact that it can have on your life because when you shift your feeling,
you totally shift the actions that you take
and when you shift the actions that you take, everything changes.
So I hope that you guys have found this helpful.
If you have, I’m going to be doing much, much more on it.
I don’t know exactly what direction it’s going to go.
I imagine that eventually there will be a course on it
because what I’m realizing is that
there’s these beliefs but they form spider webs of belief systems
当你想放弃一种信念 你会犹豫不决“嘿 我就是不能和别人正常交谈”
and while you might remove one belief that says, “Hey, I can’t go talk to people,”
something else could get in there that still intercepts you and you can’t always see it.
所以我要做的就是 找出系统的方法 重建我的信念体系
So what I’m trying to do is come up with a systematic way to restructure my belief systems
so they get me moving the direction I want,
so that I’m getting the help that I want, so that I’m getting the friends that I want,
to building the business I want and impacting the world in the way that I want.
If you guys are interested in that, go ahead, click on the description link below.
I’m going to have a link to our email list
and what I’m going to do is probably send to you a couple of surveys
to see what types of things here that you’re interested in rewiring,
what new beliefs you would like to have, and what areas you’re struggling with
so that eventually, if this does become an online course,
it is the most all-encompassing course that it could possibly be.
So if you’re interested in that, go click the link below.
Either way, the other thing I should say is that,
because I’m trying to do more of these videos.
I am, this Thursday, going to do a live Q&A.
I do not know how I’m going to get the technology to work
but it’s going to be 5 p.m. — that’s 5 p.m. Eastern Time — 2 p.m. Pacific
周四是 我不知道具体是哪一天 但是是两天后的事儿了
this Thursday which is I don’t know which day but it’s a couple days from now.
And I’m going to make it work.
请大家提问 我会待一段时间 相信会很有趣
You guys send in your questions, I’ll stay on for a while, and it should be fun.
If you’ve enjoyed this video, go ahead and click the button here to subscribe.
Make sure you click the notification bell below
because I don’t think YouTube is sending it out to everybody as much anymore.
If you want to learn more about this, go to whatever link over here.
点击 加入我们的邮箱名单 或了解详情
Click that, you’ll join our email list or in description
and of course, I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.