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如何让别人对你敞开心扉 – 译学馆
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如何让别人对你敞开心扉

How To Make Someone Remember You For A Lifetime

奥普拉·温弗瑞有种超能力
Oprah Winfrey has a superpower.
三十多年来 她访谈过的人
For over 30 years, people who speak to her
都情不自禁地向她敞开心扉
have not been able to help but to open up
和她分享喜怒哀乐
sometimes crying, expressing joy,
或袒露内心深处最脆弱的部分
or just showing the most vulnerable parts of themselves.
这就使得奥普拉长久以来
and it leaves Oprah making an
在人们心中的印象是“给人以支持”
impression that you know sticks with people for a long time.
正是由于这种能力 使得她净身价高达40亿美元
That ability propelled Oprah to a net worth of four billion dollars.
更不必说她的书屡登畅销书籍榜首
not to mention launching books to the top of the bestsellers list
她还接受了《菲尔博士》的采访
and Dr. Phil’s television career.
所以本期视频将深入挖掘
So in this video, we are going to explore
为何她是我在本频道提到过的
how and why Oprah is the best connector
最优秀的沟通者以及她如何做到的
that I’ve ever covered on this channel.
你将会学到怎么做才能让人
And you’re gonna learn how to live so that
自然而然对你敞开心扉和你交谈
people will naturally find themselves opening up and connecting with you.
你会成为交际高手的
That’s going to make it.
即使有的人只和你相处过很短时间
So that they might meet you just for a short time,
但是他们可能一生都会记得你
but could remember you for the rest of their life.
首先 奥普拉会为交流而布置场景 真的会布场
So, first of all, Oprah sets the stage to connect, literally.
和其他电视节目主持人不同
Unlike many other TV show hosts,
奥普拉以穿梭于观众席
she is famous for walking the aisle of studio audience.
以及与嘉宾共坐一席而著称
and for sitting on the same couch as her guests.
后来的节目里 她还走入受访者家中近距离采访
Later on, she would actually go into their homes for intimate interviews.
没有了譬如桌子之类的物体的阻碍
Now the lack of physical barrier, such as a desk
可以让两个人的联系趋于紧密
tends to make two people feel more connected
这就是为什么你在第一次约会中
And that’s why you’re more likely to find a spark on the first date.
你和约会对象挨着坐
If you sit adjacent to your date
比隔着桌子坐更容易擦出火花
Rather than being separated by a table.
这种无意识的阻隔也解释了
And it’s also why people don’t feel comfortable
为什么当交谈对象翘起二郎腿
When subconsciously block the other person by crossing their legs,
或有东西阻隔在彼此之间时 人们会感到不适
or by placing an object in between them.
在奥普拉的节目中
In Oprah’s case,
空间上的零阻碍
the lack of barriers enables
让双方更容易产生情感上的共鸣
both a sense of being emotionally connected
并且也为身体接触创造了可能
as well as an opportunity to connect physically via touch.
我爱你
I love you. Oh.
[观众欢呼]
[Audience cheering]
你特别特别特别棒
You are so so, so, good.
能被你叫来真是太开心了
So happy for you call.
-你变化真大-我爱你
-So this is a deal. -I love you.
[笑声]
[laughing]
-你真的特别特别棒 -谢谢你
-You’re so so so good. -Thank you.
特别特别棒 加油
So so so, come on.
你可以看到奥普拉会与人击掌 双手紧握
With Oprah, you’re gonna see high-fives, hand squeezes,
挽臂偕行 拥抱他人
walking arm and arm, hugs.
但要想真正领会她交流方法中
But to really grasp power important
身体接触的重要作用
touch in her style for communication,
你必须在相应的场景中体会
you have to see it in contexts.
我无法展示完整的片段
Now I can’t show all of these clips,
因为这个片段长达三分钟
because it’s three minutes long.
但我们可以迅速浏览
But take a look quickly at
奥普拉在和观众互动时有过多少次肢体接触
how many points of contact she has with the member from her audience.
我们都在庆祝我们的40岁
We’re all celebrating our 40th.
你的第九个孩子 来这儿
Your ninth baby, come here.
你的第九个孩子啊?天哪!
Your ninth baby? Oh my god.
是这样的 他怎么样?你现在几个月大了?
That’s it. How does it go? How many months have you now?
-我丈夫不在现场-真的不在?
My husband isn’t here. No, really?
你是不是一直想要个大家庭?
Did you always want a big family?
是的 没错!
That’s it! That’s it!
-太棒了!谢谢你!你的名字是?-凯瑟琳
Alright, thanks, what is your name? Katherine.
卡瑟琳三个月后将要再拥有一个新的宝宝了 难以置信!
Katherine is going to have a baby in three months, unbelievable!
但很不幸的是
It’s doubly unfortunate that
当今社会 新闻中报道了很多
there are so many cases of unwanted sexual touches
令人反感的性接触事件
coming up in the news in our culture nowadays.
这当然很好 因为我们曝光了这些阴暗
Obviously fantastic, because we’re illuminating that
但不幸的是一些纯粹的肢体接触越来越少
But an unfortunate side effect that these platonic touches are getting lost.
它们是能有效加强人与人之间的联系的
These are things that truly help to connect two people.
这就是人们为何会
It’s part for why people
快速而自觉地向奥普拉敞开心扉的部分原因
can open up so quickly and so consciously with Oprah.
关于身体接触更详尽的讨论
For more nuisance breakdown of touching,
大家可以观看我们制作过的克里斯的视频
You can check our video on Chris Hemsworth.
但是现在
But for now,
要清楚正是因为通过身体接触迅速削弱了
just know that this immediately lowers the sense of separation
奥普拉和访谈对象之间的距离感
between Oprah and the person she’s speaking to.
或许你还注意到了其它一些细节
You may have also notice something else that does that
比如说奥普拉眼神蕴涵的力量
which is how strong Oprah’s eye contact is.
她很擅长亲密接触和长时间的眼神交流
She is completely comfortable with intimacy and prolonged eye contact.
观察她在聆听史蒂芬·斯皮尔伯格说话时的表现
Just look how present she is when listening to Steven Spielberg.
一直向嘉宾展示自己正全神贯注地倾听
Showing him how he truly has her full attention.
有什么具体例子吗?
Any particular scene?
我觉得第一次的时候
I think the first time was when
他给出了很长很长而又重要的理由来说明
he gave his very very long and important explanation of
通过第十三条修正案来废除奴隶制的必要
why he needed to get the 13th Amendment to abolish slavery.
你可以看到奥普拉侧斜蹙眉
You could see Oprah squinting and furrowing her brow
向他人表示她正认真地倾听对方说话
shows the other person that she is actively listening to what they’re saying.
这些不只是显示魅力必须的手段
But these aren’t just charisma tactics to just be used
更是当你真的参与交谈
This is the result of what happens
并想要理解某人时 自然而然产生的结果
when you are truly present and trying to understand someone.
同样地 当你感受到他人全神贯注的聆听时
When you’re on the flip side receiving someone’s full attention
你也会感觉非常棒
it feels absolutely incredible.
为了充分证明 会在和他人的人际交往中感觉更好
Now to draw this point home that make the other person feel even better
奥普拉善于倾听
Oprah would often listen
然后会总结对方刚刚所说的话
and then summarize what the other person has just said.
以下面的短片为例
Take this clip for instance
当蕾哈娜谈论起她和父亲还有克里斯·布朗的关系时
When Rihanna was talking about her relationship with her father and Chris Brown.
你会注意到她对奥普拉重述总结的反应
And you will notice how she response to Oprah’s recap of what she just said.
我必须原谅他
I have to forgive him,
因为我还关心他
Because I cared about him still.
当我选择不再纠结的时候
The minute I let go of that,
我才觉得我又活过来了
I started living again.
你会与父亲和平共处
-You make peace with your father
没错
– Make peace with my father.
-然后也会和克里斯和好-是这样
– And then you’re able to make peace with Chris.- Yes, yeah.
因为你意识到你父亲的所作所为
Because you realized the connection between
和克里斯的所作所为之间的联系
What your father had done and what Chris had done.
由于奥普拉高度的全神贯注
Because of the intensity of Oprah’s full focus,
嘉宾通常会觉得奥普拉深深地体会到她们的感受
Guests often feel that she get them at a deep level
感觉和她会有某种程度程度上心意相通
They feel connected to her in some way
好像双方有相似的经历和理解
Like they share common life and understanding
奥普拉不仅是通过
Now Oprah doesn’t just imply
肢体语言建立联系和同理心
these connections and commonality with her body language.
她有时也会直率地说出
She straights up and calls them out
她所理解到的看法
with her guests as she sees them.
我特别激动 你知道我们之间有多像吗
I was so thrilled to realize how you and I are most alike
让我猜猜
Let me guess.
你也是个内向的人
You’re an introvert.
我就是内向的人!
I’m an introvert!!
我知道
I knew it.
你知道?
You knew it?
这个小细节其实比它听起来更有用
This small thing is much more significant than it may sound
罗伯特·西奥迪尼所著《影响力》一书中
In the book “Influence”of Robert Cialdini discusses
指出了 和他人感同身受
how feeling similar to someone is
是六大最好的说服手段之一
one of the sixth most powerful factors in persuasion.
这可以让两个人心灵相通
It puts two people in sync,
也有利于统一谈话节奏并进行引导
allowing for pacing and leading
这些我们在其他的视频里讨论过
which we discuss in other video that
我也会把视频链接放在下方简介中
I’m going to link to in the description below.
两个人心灵相通 呼吸可能会同步
Now people who are in sync may breathe in sync.
可能会有相同的走路姿态
They might move in the same way.
但最简单的辨别方式
But the easiest way to spot it
就是双方可以说完对方没说完的话
is that you can finish each other’s sentences.
奥普拉可以很快将嘉宾带入这种状态
Oprah has this phase blindingly fast with many of her guests.
看一下奥普拉采访休谟的后续片段
Watch the continuation of that clip in Theumer
– 我会在很多聚会中途离开一会儿- 休息一下
-Beening to the partys, we have to get up and leave.-Take a break.
– 去浴室待一会- 放空一下
-Just in the bathroom.-Recharge.
– 给心情充电- 我喜欢浴室
-Recharge.-I love the bathroom.
– 你也喜欢躲起来?- 我喜欢躲在浴室
-Love it?-Love to hide in bathroom.
在聚会上主人要活跃气氛
Where she gets ennergy from people
-她需要照顾来宾-对的 她要照顾所有人
-She feeds it -Right ,feeds of it.
-所以我们就……-我们就耗尽精力了
-And we suck dried-And I get …
-对的 你必须在这过程中出去休息一下-是的
-Yeah, you need to be taken out the party on the structure.-Yes
目前为止 我们所讨论的都是很有用的
All of what we’ve discuss up until now is very useful
但让奥普拉与众不同的是她的交往哲学
But what make Oprah truly exceptional at connecting is her philosophy.
人与人之间交流最重要的是
That the most important thing to uncover in an interaction
动之以情
is what moves people emotionally
她出名不是因为她高谈政治或言语幽默
She didn’t get famous discussing politics or by doing goofy skits.
她出名是因为她懂得如何让嘉宾激发情绪
She got famous by exploring what made her guests feel feelings
这就是为什么你会常听到她问这样的问题
and that’s why you often heae her ask question like these
为了实现梦想 你做过的最困难的决定是?
what the most difficulty decision you’ve had to make to fulfil your destiny?
你怎样形容你的童年?
How would you describe your childhood?
你是如何让自己振作起来的?
How did you manage to pull the pieces of yourself together?
你会注意到这些问题并不是来逗乐的
You’ll notice that these question aren’t small talk or banter.
这些问题是关于困难或是家庭
They have to do with hardship, with family.
还有一些你不想为外人道的事情
with the things we don’t want to tell people about ourselves,
因为我们害怕它们会让我们变得脆弱 无力 情绪化
because we’re afraid of how vulnerable raw and emotional they make us.
但是正是家庭 困境
But family, hardship,
梦想 以及让我们羞愧的事
our dreams, the things that we’ve ashamed of
这些一起造就了今天的我们
these are the things that often define who we are at our core.
为了说明梦想和家庭
And illustrate how powerful these ideas of
如何影响一个人
dreams and family can be to people.
我们可以看奥普拉采访詹姆斯·科登的视频
watch the clip of Oprah with James Corden.
事实上正是这个视频让我注意到她
This was actually the video that put her on my radar
因为她那与生俱来的魅力
as someone that had a true gift with charisma.
我推荐大家观看完整的视频
I recommend watching the whole thing separately
视频真的很精彩
because it’s really remarkable.
我的剪辑会让它逊色很多
And I gonna diminish the effect by editing it here.
这是一次很简短的采访
but this is a brief overview of an interaction that
时长不过两分半钟
lasts just two and a half minutes.
你第一次觉得自己有
When did you first realize
让人哭的能力是什么时候?
you have this power just to make people cry?
来吧 尽情发挥 释放你的能力
Go on. Give me your best. Unleash the power.
每个父亲对孩子都有某种期待
Every father has a dream for his children.
噢 别说了
Oh, shut up.
[观众笑声]
[audience’s laugh]
你心中的梦想是什么?
What is the dream that you hold in your heart?
你的梦想?
The dream you hold?
我只是想……
I just want…
这种场景并不是第一次发生
This scenario isn’t unique to Oprah.
她总能让嘉宾在她的节目里流泪
She’s been bringing people tears her whole career.
这是一种直击人心的能力
and it’s the ability to get to someone’s emotional core.
这也让她声名鹊起
and that really did to make her famous.
若你把目前所学的付诸实践
And if you apply what you’ve learned so far
你也能让人对你敞开心扉了
you’re gonna be able to get people to open up to a deep connection
这也会让你长时间受益
that will bond you to for a long time.
最后非常关键的一点是
But there is one final and very critical point.
当人们做出真实的情感流露
When people do get emotionally real,
当他们哭了 激动了 或是其它什么
When they cry, they get excited, whatever it is.
奥普拉不会尝试压抑这些情感流露
Oprah doesn’t try to defuse that tension.
她会投入其中 她允许嘉宾充分表达自己
She leans into it, she allows her guests express themselves fully.
但不幸的是 我们中的很多人却反着来
And so many of us unfortunately do the opposite.
别人哭时 我们会不自然地拍拍他们说
Someone cries we pat them uncomfortable saying
“好了 好了”
“there, there.”
希望他们就此打住
Hoping that they will stop,
逗他们开心 或是直接转移话题
or they get excited and redirect the conversation
因为他们的情绪与我们当前的氛围不合
because their enthusiasm doesn’t fit our current mood.
奥普拉在交往方面如此卓越
Oprah can connect people so brilliantly,
不仅是因为她能鼓励人们敞开心扉
Because she not only encourage them to open up,
还因为她能对嘉宾的举动予以肯定
she also validate them when they do.
她与嘉宾产生共情 并一道进入到情绪里
She’s empathetic enough to go there emotionally with them
她和他们一起分享开心和痛苦
she shares in their joy or their pain.
自那以后你就清醒了?
Have you been sober since?
是的
Yes, I have.
你好
Hello.
这值得庆祝!看看你现在多好
Let’s celebrate that. That’s where you are right now.
你现在的状态棒极了
Look at how great that is.
太棒了
Wow.
这也让我想哭了
It makes me cry too. It makes me cry too.
我懂 没关系的 这挺好的
I know, I know. It’s beautiful.
为什么我会对着你哭呢?
Why am I crying on Oprah?
简单说 人们在奥普拉面前感觉很舒适
In short, people feel comforta enough to
舒适到对她揭露自我 倾诉自我
be vulnerable and open up to Oprah
因为她会感同身受
because she will go there too.
事实上 你的体验她早就有过
In fact, she went there first;
在她脱口秀生涯早期
early in her talk-show career,
她透露自己在9岁时曾遭遇性侵
she revealed the sexual abuse that she suffered as a nine-year-old
更别提后来的许多煎熬和痛苦
not to mention a whole slew of other personal struggles
以前我并没了解这些事
that I wasn’t even aware of
当时我还是个孩子 没看过她的节目
as someone who didn’t watch her talk show as a kid.
正是由于她的坦率
And it was her openness that
让来参加她节目的嘉宾
paved the way for others to do the same
也敢于袒露内心
when they came on her show.
所以如果你想与人深入交往
so if you want to connect with someone deeply
想通过简单对话就让人对你敞开心扉
to get them to open up past the surface level small-talk,
让他们真正地记住你
and get them to really remember you.
你必须要投入到让他们情感触动的事物
You have to be fascinated by what moves them emotionally.
你要将重点放在你们之间的共同点
You have to focus primarily on what you share
而非不同点
rather than on how you different
你也要愿意袒露自己的内心
and you have to be willing to open yourself up,
这样对方才会同样对你敞开心扉
so that others feel safe doing the same with you.
这使奥普拉成为史上最棒的脱口秀主持人
That’s what made Oprah the biggest talk show star ever.
让她得到了上百万观众喜爱
It’s what endeared her to millions of viewers,
以及上亿的收入
and earned her billions of dollars
如果你按照视频中的建议做
and if you followed the advice in this video
这也会成为你的强大能力
it can be your superpower too.
今天视频的主题之一
Now, one of the themes of this video
是倾听的价值
is the value of being heard.
我没有夸大倾听的价值
It honestly can’t be overstated;
你也看到了 奥普拉对她的嘉宾影响多大
you see how deeply impacted Oprah’s guests are by her attention.
但不幸的是
What’s unfortunate is that
很少人在生活中得到了聆听
so few of us have the opportunity to feel heard in our lives
有时 即便是和密友
and sometimes it’s hard to share what’s going on
也无法分享你的事
in your life even with close friends
有时朋友和家人并不懂得如何给我们建议
sometimes those friends and family don’t know how to advise us
或是会因关系亲密反而给出不好的建议
or they give bad advice because they’re so close to us.
这也是为什么我找betterhelp赞助这个视频
That’s why I have asked better help to sponsor this video
我很热衷于betterhelp
and I’m very excited about it
因为它提供价格合适的私人在线顾问
because betterhelp provides affordable counseling
所以在家就能与持证治疗师沟通
from licensed therapists all from your home.
我本人曾用过这项服务
I’ve actually used this service myself
我也会将继续使用
and I’m going to continue to
因为每周和他人交流一次
because talking to someone once a week
会对我的生活产生积极意义
has had a positive impact on my life
而且还不麻烦 不用出门也可以
plus it doesn’t have this hassle of having to leave the house,
你只需在沙发上用手机或电脑和对方聊天
you can just chat from your couch using your phone or your computer.
本也报名了 而且收获颇丰
Ben also signed up and got a ton from it.
他真的很激动
He was actually pretty excited because
因为他认识到自己的焦虑感来自完美主义
he identified this sense of anxiety masquerading as perfectionism.
从那以后 他可以做到
And since then, he’s been able to take steps
执着于过去的错误
not to worry as much about past mistakes
也不要总是时刻追求完美
or trying to be so perfect all the time.
betterhelp可以帮你找到自身的盲点
BetterHelp can help you also find your blind spots.
若你觉得自己
so if you think that you might benefit
能从与人定期交流中获益
from talking to someone on a regular basis,
请登录betterhelp.com/charisma
consider checking out betterhelp.com/charisma
或是点击下方简介中的链接
or click the link in the description to get started.
只需回答几个问题
You just gonna answer a few questions,
便可为你匹配符合你情况的治疗师
so that they can connect you with the right therapist for your situation.
24小时内便可匹配完成
and then you’ll be matched within 24 hours,
随时可以取消治疗
and you can cancel anytime you want.
绝对保密 无需出门
It’s completely confidential, you don’t have to leave your house,
少许花费 受益良多
and it’s a small fraction of the cost of most other therapy options.
我和本都从中获益不少
Now, because both Ben and I got a lot of value from it,
我觉得这是一个绝好的机会
I think there’s a good chance
你将从中获益匪浅
that you will too and it’s absolutely the case that speaking
而且如果你正面对生活中的挑战
with a licensed therapist can have a big impact.
和专业咨询师交流绝对会给你很多帮助
if you are facing challenges in your life.
如果觉得betterhelp适合你 浏览网站并注册吧
So if BetterHelp sounds right for you, go ahead and check it out.
无论选择哪个 都希望你每天开心
Either way, I hope that you are happy,
爱你
much love from me, and
期待下次节目和你再会
I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

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视频概述

奥普拉是卓越的脱口秀主持人,她的许多成就至今无人超越。在她的节目中,她总是可以让嘉宾自然而然就对她敞开心扉。这其中都有什么秘诀?视频从奥普拉的节目中选取案例,详细解释了你应该怎么做才能和人沟通得更加深入。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

短尾龙

审核员

审核员_DB

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-ps2nfkAiA

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