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90秒内让他人喜欢上你 – 译学馆
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90秒内让他人喜欢上你

HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS BY NICHOLAS BOOTHMAN ANIMATED BOOK REVIEW

计划:做更好的自己
提高自己 拒绝平庸
交朋友并不容易
Making friends is not easy,
简单交谈时总会出现些令人讨厌的事
there are these bothersome tasks of small talk,
比如尴尬的沉默 以及缺乏眼神交流
awkward silences and lack of eye contact.
但多数人却不愿面对这种恐惧
Rather than face this horror,
而是坚持自己已有的社交圈
most of us stick to our group of friends
除非是不得已
and simply avoid making new acquaintances
否则不去接触新的朋友
unless it’s totally necessary.
但是 结交新朋友是一件非常有益的事
Yet, making new friends is incredibly beneficial.
它不仅会扩展你的社交圈
Not only will it expand your social circle,
还可以帮助你发展人际交往能力
it will also help you develop your interpersonal skills.
通过不断地结交新朋友 扩大社交圈
By continuously adding new people to your social sphere,
你的社交技能会越来越强
you’ll develop stronger social skills
并且学会如何变得更可爱
and learn how to be more likable.
虽然可爱与否跟你的外表有很大关系
And while likability has a lot to do with the way you look
但真正关键的一点是
what’s really important is how people feel
人们和你在一起时的感觉
when they’re around you.
可爱的人是开放的 热情的 友好的
Likable people are open, welcoming and friendly,
散发着自信 真诚和值得信任的气息
signaling self-confidence, sincerity and trust.
而陌生人首先关注你的一点就是
The first things a new person will notice about you
你的肢体动作 你的眼睛 和你的面部表情
are your body, your eyes and the expression on your face,
这三个方面都必须要
and it’s essential for all three of these elements
给人一种开放的感觉
to emit a feeling of openness.
你的姿态可以划分为两种类型
Your posture can be divided into two categories:
开放型和封闭型
open and closed.
开放型的肢体语言会敞开你的身心
Open body language exposes your heart and body,
告诉别人你不仅乐意与人交流
signaling to others that you’re not only willing to communicate,
而且你对此也很有热情
but that you’re enthusiastic about it.
所以 当两个人开始
As a result, when two people begin a conversation
敞开心扉坦诚交流的时候
with their hearts facing one another,
两人之间将会形成紧密的联系
a powerful connection forms
并且更有可能会加强对彼此的信任
and trust becomes more likely to solidify.
而另一方面
On the other hand,
封闭型的肢体语言通过表现出
closed body language protects the heart through gestures that
抗拒 沮丧 不耐烦和紧张的姿势来保护内心
express resistance, frustration, impatience and nervousness.
封闭型肢体语言最常见的例子之一
Crossed arms are one of the most common instances
就是双臂交叉 因为这样可以保护心脏
of defensive body language, as crossed arms protect
同时也封闭了人的情感
one’s heart and therefore one’s feelings.
除此之外 侧身面对你的谈话伙伴
However, turning your body sideways relative to your conversation partner
也会产生相同的(封闭型的)感觉
can also evoke a similar feeling.
注意 肢体语言不仅是指你的肢体动作
And body language isn’t just about, well, your body.
它也与你的面部及其表情有关
It’s also about your face and its expressions,
这也可分为开放型和封闭型
which can be open or closed as well.
比如 开放型的脸会微笑 并且有眼神交流
For example, an open face smiles and makes eye contact,
面部会有活泼的表情 且眉毛扬起
with a dynamic expression and raised eyebrows.
而另一方面
On the other hand,
封闭型的脸会很严厉 并且没有眼神交流
a closed face is stern and avoids eye contact.
所以 如果你想让人们相信你所说的
So, if you want people to trust what you say,
你就要确保你的肢体也在传达同样的东西
you need to be sure that your body is saying the same thing.
换句话说 你说话的内容 说话的方式
In other words, what you say, how you say it
以及你说话时肢体传达出的讯号
and the signals your body sends while you say it
都需要是一致的
all need to be aligned.
如果不一致
If they’re not,
对方就会感觉到你肢体语言不对劲
the other person will feel the discomfort held in your body
这样你们两个就都会感到不悦
and both of you will feel unpleasant.
比如一个朋友告诉你他很好
Just think of a friend telling you that he’s fine
但说这话时不仅目光躲闪 双臂交叉
while he looks away with crossed arms
还用脚打拍子
and a tapping foot.
这不难看出他其实不太好
It’s not hard to tell that he certainlydoesn’t seem fine.
人们倾向于雇佣那些跟自己像的人
People tend to hire and even date people
以及使自己感到舒服和安全的人
that look like themselves, as well as those that
甚至选择约会对象也是如此
make them feel comfortable and safe.
这很合理 因为别人行为若与我们步调一致
This makes sense since we usually feel good
并且也影响我们自己的行为
in the company of people whose behavior is
那么我们通常会感到愉悦
in sync and influences our own.
事实上 即便你没有意识到这一点
In fact, even if you don’t realize it,
但是自从你出生那天起
you’ve been synchronizing yourself with other people
你的行为就已经在跟其他人同步了
since the day you were born.
婴儿的身体节律是跟其母亲同步的
A baby’s body rhythm is synchronized with that of her mother,
并且长大后 这个规律还将继续存在
and later in life, this tendency continues.
举个例子 成年人的穿衣品味
For instance, an adult’s taste in clothes
通常会受到伴侣的衣品的影响
will often be influenced by that of his partner.
因此 这种同步是我们生命的一个重要部分
So, this synchronization is a major part of our lives
并且这点在建立交往关系上显得尤其重要
and is especially important when when it comes to building an immediate rapport.
不过在这个情况下 “同步”到底指什么?
But what exactly is meant by synchronization in this context?
明确地说 它是指谨慎地复制
Specifically, it refers to discreetly copying
和精细地模仿你谈话对象的
and subtly imitating the gestures of your conversation partner,
手势和姿态 面部表情 呼吸及声音特点
as well as their body posture, facial expressions, breathing and voice.
为此 你可以做得跟他们正好相称
To do so, you can either match the person exactly
或者像在镜像一样模仿他们
or mirror them as if you were their reflection.
做到跟谈话对象的声音同步
Synchronizing with your conversation partner’s voice
有时候会是一个很有用的技巧
can be a particularly powerful tool,
尤其是当他们说话声音很小
especially if they speak in a quiet voice
而你的声音显得很大时
and you tend to be quite loud.
如果你的声音跟他一样轻柔
Naturally, your partner will feel more at ease speaking
你的伙伴自然就会更加放得开
with someone who shares their same gentle tone.
在1970年 沟通方法“神经语言规划(NLP)”的
In 1970, Richard Bandler and John Grinder,
创始人理查德·班德勒和约翰·格林德发现
the founders of the approach to communication known as Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP,
客户们能够通过三种感觉之一来感知世界
realized that their clients were capable of filtering the world through one of three different senses:
即视觉 听觉和肌肉运动感觉
visual, auditory or kinesthetic.
当然 所有人都用这三种感觉来综合感知世界
Naturally, all people use a mix of these three senses,
但是其中一个总是占主导地位
but one always dominates, and knowing
而知道哪种对你谈话对象占主导
which is prevalent in your conversation partner
会大大影响你们的关系
can greatly affect your rapport.
视觉占主导的人会非常在意东西的外表
People who are predominantly visual care a lot about how things look.
他们一般倾向于通过图片思考
They generally tend to think in pictures,
他们衣着鲜艳并且语速很快
dress sharply and talk very fast.
这些人常用的表达包括
These people like to use expressions like
“你如何看待你自己?”
“how do you see yourself?”
或者“我明白你说的了”
or “I see what you’re saying.”
听觉占主导的人热爱交谈
Auditory people love conversation,
他们有着流畅的 旋律般的 有表现力的声音
have fluid, melodic, expressive voices
喜欢讲话和倾听
and enjoy words as well as sounds.
于是他们热衷于广播 教师和法律相关职业
As a result, they gravitate toward careers in broadcasting, teaching and the law.
他们倾向于说
They tend to say things like,
“听起来很熟” “多告诉我点”
“sounds familiar”, “tell me more”
以及“我不喜欢他说话的语气”
and “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”
最后 肌肉运动感觉主导的人
Finally, kinesthetic-focused people
喜欢他们可以感觉到的实物
like solid things that they can feel.
他们有更低沉的声音 喜欢纹理的衣服
They have lower voices, like textured clothing,
并且经常说话很慢
and tend to speak very slowly.
通常 他们会喜欢说
Often, they’ll use expressions like
“你觉得某某东西怎么样?”
“how do you feel about so and so?”
以及“我会联系她”
and “I’ll get in touch with her.”
通过把你自己的反应
By matching your responses
同对方的主导感觉匹配起来
to a person’s dominant sense, you can
你就能在不超过90秒内让他们喜欢上你
make them like you more in 90 seconds or less.
从做陌生人相互见面的那一刻就要开始
Endearing yourself to a new acquaintance
就让自己讨得一个他的喜爱
begins from the moment you meet one another.
对方在你身边时的感觉
The way another person feels around you
是使他们喜欢你的关键所在
is key to making them like you,
因此 沟通时采取真诚开放的态度和意愿很重要
which makes it essential to adopt a genuinely open attitude and willingness to connect.
现在就去实践下今天的所学吧
Now go out there test and apply what you learnt today,
开始结交新朋友
start making friends,
只靠看和读是不够的
just watching and reading is not enough,
记住一样东西的最好方法就是去练习
the best way to remember something is to practice it.
总之 别忘记订阅我们的频道哦
Anyway, don’t forget to subscribe
感谢观看
and thanks for watching.

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视频概述

你还在被社交恐惧症困扰吗?你还在因跟别人交流而感到尴尬吗?本视频从心理学角度深入浅出地帮你客服社交恐惧症,告诉你怎样快速得让他人喜欢上你,享受聊天的过程。快去交新朋友吧!

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视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=md61oy3dK78

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