Making friends is not easy,
there are these bothersome tasks of small talk,
awkward silences and lack of eye contact.
Rather than face this horror,
most of us stick to our group of friends
and simply avoid making new acquaintances
unless it’s totally necessary.
Yet, making new friends is incredibly beneficial.
Not only will it expand your social circle,
it will also help you develop your interpersonal skills.
By continuously adding new people to your social sphere,
you’ll develop stronger social skills
and learn how to be more likable.
And while likability has a lot to do with the way you look
what’s really important is how people feel
when they’re around you.
可爱的人是开放的 热情的 友好的
Likable people are open, welcoming and friendly,
signaling self-confidence, sincerity and trust.
The first things a new person will notice about you
你的肢体动作 你的眼睛 和你的面部表情
are your body, your eyes and the expression on your face,
and it’s essential for all three of these elements
to emit a feeling of openness.
Your posture can be divided into two categories:
open and closed.
Open body language exposes your heart and body,
signaling to others that you’re not only willing to communicate,
but that you’re enthusiastic about it.
As a result, when two people begin a conversation
with their hearts facing one another,
a powerful connection forms
and trust becomes more likely to solidify.
On the other hand,
closed body language protects the heart through gestures that
抗拒 沮丧 不耐烦和紧张的姿势来保护内心
express resistance, frustration, impatience and nervousness.
Crossed arms are one of the most common instances
of defensive body language, as crossed arms protect
one’s heart and therefore one’s feelings.
However, turning your body sideways relative to your conversation partner
can also evoke a similar feeling.
And body language isn’t just about, well, your body.
It’s also about your face and its expressions,
which can be open or closed as well.
比如 开放型的脸会微笑 并且有眼神交流
For example, an open face smiles and makes eye contact,
with a dynamic expression and raised eyebrows.
On the other hand,
a closed face is stern and avoids eye contact.
So, if you want people to trust what you say,
you need to be sure that your body is saying the same thing.
换句话说 你说话的内容 说话的方式
In other words, what you say, how you say it
and the signals your body sends while you say it
all need to be aligned.
If they’re not,
the other person will feel the discomfort held in your body
and both of you will feel unpleasant.
Just think of a friend telling you that he’s fine
while he looks away with crossed arms
and a tapping foot.
It’s not hard to tell that he certainlydoesn’t seem fine.
People tend to hire and even date people
that look like themselves, as well as those that
make them feel comfortable and safe.
This makes sense since we usually feel good
in the company of people whose behavior is
in sync and influences our own.
In fact, even if you don’t realize it,
you’ve been synchronizing yourself with other people
since the day you were born.
A baby’s body rhythm is synchronized with that of her mother,
and later in life, this tendency continues.
For instance, an adult’s taste in clothes
will often be influenced by that of his partner.
So, this synchronization is a major part of our lives
and is especially important when when it comes to building an immediate rapport.
But what exactly is meant by synchronization in this context?
Specifically, it refers to discreetly copying
and subtly imitating the gestures of your conversation partner,
手势和姿态 面部表情 呼吸及声音特点
as well as their body posture, facial expressions, breathing and voice.
To do so, you can either match the person exactly
or mirror them as if you were their reflection.
Synchronizing with your conversation partner’s voice
can be a particularly powerful tool,
especially if they speak in a quiet voice
and you tend to be quite loud.
Naturally, your partner will feel more at ease speaking
with someone who shares their same gentle tone.
In 1970, Richard Bandler and John Grinder,
the founders of the approach to communication known as Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP,
realized that their clients were capable of filtering the world through one of three different senses:
visual, auditory or kinesthetic.
Naturally, all people use a mix of these three senses,
but one always dominates, and knowing
which is prevalent in your conversation partner
can greatly affect your rapport.
People who are predominantly visual care a lot about how things look.
They generally tend to think in pictures,
dress sharply and talk very fast.
These people like to use expressions like
“how do you see yourself?”
or “I see what you’re saying.”
Auditory people love conversation,
他们有着流畅的 旋律般的 有表现力的声音
have fluid, melodic, expressive voices
and enjoy words as well as sounds.
As a result, they gravitate toward careers in broadcasting, teaching and the law.
They tend to say things like,
“sounds familiar”, “tell me more”
and “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”
Finally, kinesthetic-focused people
like solid things that they can feel.
They have lower voices, like textured clothing,
and tend to speak very slowly.
Often, they’ll use expressions like
“how do you feel about so and so?”
and “I’ll get in touch with her.”
By matching your responses
to a person’s dominant sense, you can
make them like you more in 90 seconds or less.
Endearing yourself to a new acquaintance
begins from the moment you meet one another.
The way another person feels around you
is key to making them like you,
which makes it essential to adopt a genuinely open attitude and willingness to connect.
Now go out there test and apply what you learnt today,
start making friends,
just watching and reading is not enough,
the best way to remember something is to practice it.
Anyway, don’t forget to subscribe
and thanks for watching.