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如何使内向外向的性格发挥作用?

How to make Introvert Extrovert relationships work

这一对奇怪的夫妻 他们的关系既内向又外向
The odd couple, having an introvert, extrovert relationship,
所以你已经成功地完成邀请 首次约会
So you’ve successfully made a past the asking out, first date
并且开始了解你所处恋爱关系的阶段
and getting to know you phases of a relationship.
祝贺你!
Congratulations!
但当你和一个不完全内向的人谈恋爱
But now that you are in a relationship with someone who is not a totally introvert,
你会怎么做呢
what do you do?
你怎样使这段关系顺利发展?
How do you make it work?
对大多数人来说
For most,
一个理想的伴侣既不是完全内向或外向
an ideal partner is neither a full introvert or extrovert,
而是有双重人格的人——既外向又内向
but rather an ambivert, someone in between.
我曾与一个真正内向的人约会 而我们两个都像与世隔绝的隐士
I’ve dated a true introvert and we were hermits together,
这么说可能会破坏隐士的志向
which I guess defeats the purpose of being a hermit.
但大体上就是我们都逃避外部世界
But basically it meant that we avoid the world together
也从不走出自己的舒适区一步
and never stepped outside of our comfort zones.
我也曾与一个真正的聚会型外向者约会
I’ve also dated a true life of the party extrovert,
当然你可以想象 我们并不是很搭
and as you can imagine that was not a good match.
我一直都不舒服并且坦白地说感觉自己是他的负担
I was continuously uncomfortable and frankly felt like a burden to him.
谢天谢地我现在已经结婚了 并且婚姻越来越稳定
I’m thankfully married now and it’s going strong.
内向的人处理类似情况时 参考
For introverts, dealing with the similar situation,
下面是我怎样和一个既不是内向到隐士也不是外向到聚会动物型的人保持关系的技巧
here is how I maintain a relationship with someone who is neither a hermit nor a party animal.
找到共同的乐趣
Finding mutual fun.
作为一个内向者我有很多特殊的方式能给自己的精神充电
As a introvert I have certain activities that recharge me spiritually.
包括远足 骑自行车 阅读 打电动游戏 看电影或电视
These including hiking, biking, reading, playing video games and watching movies or TV.
幸运的是 我的另一半也喜欢这些活动
Luckily, he likes all these activities, too.
共同的兴趣在任何关系中都很重要
Mutual interests are important in any relationship.
还没到内向这一层面之前 我觉得你的伴侣
Before an introvert, I think it is particularly important that
喜欢做一些可以给你充电的事情尤其重要
your partner likes doing some of the thing that recharge you.
这样的话你在想分享的时候就能分享
This way you can share those moments when you want to.
找到个人兴趣
Finding individual fun.
我的伴侣也有其他乐趣
My partner also has other interest
包括那些吓坏我的东西
which includes things that terrify me,
它们使我不舒服 总之就是不属于我的乐趣
make me uncomfortable, and in general, are just not fun for me.
比如 他玩一个角色扮演游戏
For instance, he runs an RPG,
就是和一帮朋友一起玩角色扮演
which means role playing game with a group of friends.
如果加入 我就不得不假装成一个角色
If I paticipate, I have to pretend to be a character.
我不得不匆忙地考虑我这个角色要做的和应该做的
I have to think of things my character would and should do on the fly
对整个团队有益的事情
that will benefit the rest of the group.
结果我弄砸了
I suck at it.
整个全程我都像一个巨大的累赘
And I spent the whole time as a huge stress ball
害怕说出愚蠢的话而让整个团队失望
afraid of saying something stupid and disappointing the rest of the group.
我已经意识到这个游戏对我来说一点也不好玩
I’ve been come to the realization that this is zero fun for me.
于是我们决定他自己一个人来做
We decided that he will do this on his own.
我第二个建议是
So my second recommendation is to
每个人要有自己的兴趣爱好 活动等
each have your own interests, hobbies and activies
并且给对方完成这些活动的空间
and to give each other space to do them.
他现在有了自己的角色扮演小组 而我有了自己的约会
He now goes to his RPG group and I have a date of myself.
要诚实
Being honest.
这点要花费一点时间才能做的足够好
It took a while to get comfortable enough to do this,
但最后我和我的伴侣讨论有关成为一个内向的人
but I finally talked to my partner about being an introvert.
我和他分享了对我来说可能很难的事情
I shared with him things that can be hard for me
结果我就被避免进入声音大的 外向的 向外开放的场合
and what it does to me to be placed in loud, outgoing, extrovert situations.
对于那些不影响我们生活的事情
For something that has no impact on our life,
我们共同决定避免接触它们
we mutually decided to avoid them.
比如我们不参与那些在大型商场中央问讯亭的人
For example, we do not engage with people at those kiosks to the middle of the mall,
我们躲着他们 只忙于自己的事
we skirt around them and go about our business,
因为他们很令我害怕
because they freak me out.
对于其他不能合理避开的事物
For other things that are not reasonable to avoid,
我们发明了一个信号系统
we developed a signal system.
我并不逃避和朋友出去玩或是在人群中凑热闹
I don’t want to avoid hanging out with friends or go to events with crowds,
但是我们发明了一些信号——能够让我巧妙地告诉他我需要休息一下
but we developed signals that would allow me to subtly tell him that I need a break.
可能是我到外面休息一会或者是找一个安静的地方
That might mean that I go outside for a little bit or find a quiet spot.
还可能意味着我需要离开而他可以留下
Or it might mean that I need to leave while he can stay.
我们之前全都应用过
We’ve worked it all out in advance so that
因此我没有因为找不到出口而从内心坍塌
I’m not having a meltdown internally with no way to get out.
令人舒适的安静
Comfortable silence.
对于一个内向者最好的伴侣就是能够经受令人舒适的安静的那个
A good partner for an introvert will be able to experience comfortable silence.
这是一种不需要每时每刻用动作或言语而在一起的能力
This is the ability to be together without a need to feel every moment with activity and words.
一段关系到达这一境界需要花费时间
It can take time for a relationship to get to this point,
但能够同时享受互相的陪伴并拥有自己的思想是很值得的
but it is rewarding to be able to enjoy each other’s company while also be in your own thoughts.
个人空间
Personal space.
找到这样一个人——可以在你需要空间的时候自信地给你空间
Find someone with the self-confidence to give you space when you need it
听到你需要空间的不会沮丧并亲自接受
and to hear that you need space without getting upset and taking it personally.
如果你和一个没有安全感的伴侣在一起 做到这两点要花点时间
This two can take time if you are with an insecure partner,
但是给一个内向的人空间极为重要
but it is vitally important for an introvert to have space.
你自己也应当有自己空间 且不必有罪恶感
and you deserve to have it without feeling guilty.
这当中的很多都需要时间
Much of this will take time,
对告诉你的伴侣真实的你是什么样的感到足够舒服
it will take time to be comfortable enough with you partner
要花费时间
to tell him or her about yourself.
发掘安静地坐在一起的快乐也要花费时间
It will take time to develop the joy of sitting in silence together,
拥有诚实地告诉彼此自己需要空间的能力也要花费时间
and the ability to honestly tell each other when you need space.
但是这为一段关系付出的努力并不会结束
But the work of the relation ship doesn’t end
只要你最终通过了笨拙的第一次约会
once you are finally past that awkward first date.
当你认识到和你的伴侣一起还可以给自己充电
And it worth when you realize that
一切都是值得的
being with your partner can recharge you, too.
希望你们喜欢本视频
And hope you enjoy the video,
喜欢就点个赞吧
leave a like if you did.
下次“来吧心理学”再会
And see you next time on Psych2Go.
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Don’t forget to hit that subscribe button.

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译制信息
视频概述

内向好还是外向好?介于两者之间?

听录译者

洛洛

翻译译者

海参崴

审核员

审核员HL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIE5_E-PN64

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