Nine out of ten people watching this video are literally doing
the opposite of what would make people want to be around them,
want to get to know them, and fall in love with them.
By the end of this video, you will know if you are one of those people.
I recently needed to hire an outside company
to come into my organization and do a big piece of work.
We whittled it down to four different organizations
that came and pitched to us for one hour each
on why they should get the job.
What happened in each of these hours was depressing.
If you have ever been on a date without any chemistry
a boring business meeting
or listened to a tedious speech.
I want you to see
if my experience here explains why.
In each of these meetings,
these companies for the first thirty minutes at least of the hour,
talked about how their business started,
who the key players were in their business,
what companies they’ve worked with before
and what their process is for working with clients.
By the end of that whole spiel,
我感到无聊 沮丧 甚至有点生气
I was bored, frustrated, and even a little angry,
because what I really wanted to know, beyond all else,
is do you get me?
Do you understand my values?
Do you understand the soul of my company?
We didn’t end up going with a single one of those companies,
not because they weren’t qualified,
but because they didn’t connect.
See we as human beings
don’t care until we connect.
The crazy part about this is that
we’ve been taught to do the exact opposite of what works.
We’ve been taught to put our biography first,
and then worry about connecting,
and we’ve been taught this since we’re kids.
在学校 老师教我们走过去 握手 然后报自己的名字
At school we’re taught to walk up, shake hands, say your name,
but no one really cares about our name when we first speak to them.
It’s like going out and flirting, right?
When we think of a good moment of flirting…
Here’s what we think of,
we have this fun interaction with someone,
and a couple of minutes in,
when we realize we’re having fun,
one person looks at the other person and says,
“What’s your name?”
We say that now with curiosity, genuine curiosity,
because we care, we’re intrigued,
but when some guy comes up to you tonight out of nowhere and says,
“你好 我是Mark”“可是我才不管呢 Mark”
-Hey, I’m Mark.-But I don’t care Mark.
We don’t care about the name
until we care about the person,
until we feel there’s a connection.
People are taught all across the corporate world to go into pitch meetings,
and to talk about their company.
-Here’s how we started…
-Here’s our chief financial officer. He is…
We don’t care until we connect.
The speech world is filled with speeches
where people start the first five minutes of a speech with,
“Let me just explain a little to you about my backstory,
and where I started…”
When we get up and give a speech,
the first thing we should say is,
“Here’s something that will be useful to you.”
By the way, once I’ve made you care,
then I’ll give you my bio.
But before that, what does it actually matter?
If any one of those four companies had come in and said,
“马修 我知道你很忙 我们也一样”
“I know you’re busy, Matthew, and we’re busy too.”
“Let me just make sure that I understand the problem you’re trying to solve.”
“What you really need is x, y, and z.”
“对吗” “是的 太棒了”
“Is that right? Okay, cool.”
“所以你真正要达成的是 这个 这个 这个”
So what you’re really trying to achieve is this, and this, and this.
If they had started like that,
they would have made me the star of the show,
instead all of them started by making them the star of the show.
but we walk around life with this very childish mindset
” how is this about me? “
” How does this thing solve my problem? “
“How does this relate to something I know? “
We put ourselves at the center of everything,
and maybe it’s not childish, maybe it’s just survival,
maybe it’s a practical way of being,
because it’s about making sure
that we assess how everything’s relevant to us.
Think about it this way,
if I’m just the average person, and you come up to me.
In that moment I care more about me than I do about you,
but you want me to care more about you than I do about me,
In order to do that you have to start by reversing your instincts
in caring more about me than you do about you.
What that means is there is one simple trick that short circuits all of this.
If you wanna be important to somebody else,
start by making them the star of the show,
and relating what ever it is you’re gonna talk about to them and their experience.
What I’m always looking for are the distinctions
that completely transform someone‘s level of personal impact,
and this video I hope is an example of that to you
where it’s something that once you know,
it seems so obvious and so easy to switch,
but it runs so counter to everything we’ve been taught.
Now I know I’m not the only one who cares about this.
Within this giant community of people I have who are interested in dating and relationship advice,
I know there is a kind of sub-community within it of people who love when I talk about
anything that relates to thingsthat can make them better in their personal relationships,
things that can make them have more impact in business,
things that can help them grow their passions…
People love learning about how to be a master
when it comes to people and communication.
I know that many of you in that sub-community
are members of my Impact program,
and that is literally your favorite thing that I’ve ever done,
because it doesn’t just relate to dating.
It relates to your ability to make an impact, to persuade,
and have skills with people across the board.
Now even if you’re not a member of that program,
but you’re interested in this stuff.
I have something very special for you today.
I did a private closed-door training for a small group of influencers
on advanced techniques for connection, and making an impact.
An extension of what we’ve been talking about here today.
For the first time ever today I am unlocking that free training
so that anyone who is interested in this advanced stuff
can come and learn more about it.
All you have to do is go to this link, check it out.
I can not wait to see what you think of this.
This is very behind the curtain.
You’re gonna hear me talking about me.
You’re gonna hear me talking about my company.
You’re gonna hear me saying things that I don’t come to YouTube to say.
So click to watch that free training right now,
and I ask you one thing in return.
When you get there leave me a comment letting me know
how what you’re watching there applies to your life right now,
because I wanna learn more about the type of person that’s really interested in this stuff.
I’ll see you there.