So you want to make a horror movie, well you came to the right place.
Why try to be original when you can follow the same cookie cutter recipe people have been following for decades.
Are you ready? here we go.
First of all, you need these characters.
A white virgin who has great grades in a perfect life.
A black friend who listens to gangsta rap exclusively and just loves to say:
哦 该死 不！
Oh hell no!
A blonde friend who can only really be described as a super slut.
And a preppy boyfriend who acts all macho but is really a ** at heart.
Next you need a villain.
We’re gonna go with a masked lunatic.
It doesn’t really matter what mask he wears
as long as as easy to reproduce as a silicon children’s Halloween costume.
他可以使用多种武器如刀子 链锯 爪子……
He can use a variety of weapons, such as knives, a chainsaw, claws.
But make sure he never uses a practical weapon such as a gun.
If he does, your movie will be over in about ten minutes.
You are allowed to place your character in one of two locations.
A nasty old cabin in the woods or rickety old house.
That’s it, no exceptions.
Would your film really gets going on the killer slicing and dicing,
there are several things that need to happen.
Number one, your characters need to split up.
– “We should split up.”- “you can see the door in this red one.”
Just down there.
We’re gonna have to split up to search this place.
I know it doesn’t make any sense, just trust me.
第二条 要是黑人加了警察 电影还会恐怖吗？
Number two ,what’s your movie be scary if the black called the cops.
不 一旦杀戮开始 务必保证手机都没信号
No, once the killing starts make sure your character’s cell phone has horrible connection.
The point of having a portable phone is that it works when you need it.
No, we can’t get any signal out here.
-Any signal?-No, nothing.
No bars, I hate the south.
Number three,you want to know what makes horror movies really scary?
Of course you do,jump scares.
恐吓者在哪里不重要 只要让他跳出来就行 他们每次都被这招给吓到
I don’t care where the characters are made jump out at them and buy them.
Of course I mean the audience.
An even better way to scare your audiences and make them think there’s about to be a jump scare.
and then fake them out.
Then immediately throw a creepy face right Adam gets them every time.
Number four make sure your characters lose control of their basic motor skills.
And can’t perform simple tasks such as opening doors and running without tripping over their own feet.
Number five, the order of death.
Obviously the black guy dies first followed by the super slut and then the boyfriend.
What about the virgin?You made me think.
Never kill her, I mean it.
Even if your villain has a butcher knife right up to her throat in the middle of a forest.
Find a way for her to make it out alive.
And finally number six, at the end of your film you can make the villain get killed,right?
Wrong. Even if he gets cut up into tiny little pieces with a chainsaw,
his living eye has to snap open in the last shot of the film.
if not how do you make a sequel.
or prequel or trilogy. If you want to keep the money flowing in, you got to keep your killer alive and that’s it.
Follow these simple instructions and you could have your own cookie cutter horror movie in no time.
Or I mean you could be creative with how you choose to scare people.
Ah… who my kid.