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怎样应对生闷气的人 – 译学馆
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怎样应对生闷气的人

How to Handle Sulkers

这个话题不经常讨论 我们喜欢戴上阳光的面具
It’s not often discussed. We like to put on a sunny facade
但关上门后我们中的大多数进入了
but behind closed doors many of us go in for
一段关系中最悲剧的行为之一
one of the most tragicomic behaviors of relationships.
生闷气
Sulking.
闷气通常开始于一次不高兴大多数是因为一件客观的
A sulk typically starts over a disappointment. Most often over an objectively
很小的事情 Lars没有问Mille今天过得怎么样
rather small matter. Lars didn’t ask Mille how her day was.
Christine没注意到Lauret的新发型
Christine forgot to notice Lauret’s new haircut.
Woori在聚会上没有给Chung Ho足够的关注
Woori wasn’t paying Chung Ho enough attention at the party.
但接下来并不是争吵
but what follows isn’t an argument.
是可怕的沉默 家庭冷战
It’s an eerie silence. A domestic cold-war where enquiries as to
而询问“怎么了”遇到了一个果断无情的词“没什么”
‘what’s wrong?’ are met with by one resolute stony word
什么是闷气?它由两种东西组成
What is a sulk? It’s made up with two things;
不高兴和深层次的
disappointment and a deep-seated refusal
拒绝解释对什么不高兴
to explain what the disappointment is about.
我们为何不把那些令我们不快的事告诉我们的爱人呢
Why don’t we tell our lovers what’s upsetting us.
毕竟,我们一生中要向太多人解释太多的事了
After all, we explain so many things to so many people in the course my lives.
我们不解释 因为一种特殊的
we don’t explain because of a peculiar assumption
对爱的天性的假定
about the nature of love.
当和爱人在一起时,就算是平时很会说话的人
Even people who are very good with words might not when they’re with their lover
也不一定有心情解释太多
be in the mood to explain very much.
那么这一默认定律从何而来呢?
Where does this commitment silence come from.
这要追溯到我们第一次感知爱
It begins when we first learn about love.
在我们小的时候,我们不会也不必
When we were tiny we couldn’t and didn’t need to
向那些最爱我们的人直接表达自己的意图
make our intentions known directly to those you loved us best.
他们就能明白我们想吃什么
They knew what we wanted to eat just like that.
他们千方百计的去猜我们想要什么以确保我们过的舒舒服服的
They made sure we were comfortable. They took the trouble to guess what we wanted.
这无形中就给我们树立了一个范本
This gave us a template
但是对成年人的爱情的是什么样的
but deeply unhelpful on about what adult love
毫无帮助 在一段新关系的早期
might be like. In the early days of a new relationship
有一些令人愉快的时候 两个人
there are some blissful moment when two people understand each other without
不需多说便可理解彼此
needing to say very much.
他们神奇地在事物上达成共识 他们感受到与任何其他人都不同的联系
They magically agree on things, they sense a connection
但这基本上很将人引入歧途
unlike any other but this is ultimately very misleading.
实际上我们大家都
In truth all of us are
复杂的让人沮丧 为了期待他人长时间地理解我们
as adults bafflingly complicated.To expect someone to understand us long-term
而我们不需要解释和期待有人
without us having to explain is equivalent to expecting someone to work out
仅仅通过观察一座发电厂的外观就弄懂核裂变的原理等同
how nuclear fission works simply by looking at the outside a power station.
其他人没有依靠解释就弄不懂
For others not to understand this without explanation
不代表他们是邪恶的 只是因为他们是人
is no sign they’re evil, just that they’re human.
在退进闷气中前 我们应该经常赏光与伴侣
Before retreating into a sulk we should always do our partners the honour
开个小讨论会 爱情的一部分是接受
of a small seminar. Part of love means accepting the need to teach
和蔼耐心地教育他人我们是谁的需要
others in kind and patient ways about who we are.
同时 当我们不知不觉地生起闷气时
At the same time, when we unwittingly unleash a sulk
我们应该意识到生闷气的人沉默地可怕
we should realize that the sulker is being strange in silent
不是因为他们很苛刻 而是他们内心很恐惧
not because they’re mean but because at heart they’re scared.
他们可能在许多方面精明强干
They may be big and competent in many areas
而在那些人手中他们的内心肯定像个没有防卫能力的幼儿
yet inside they must be feeling like a defenseless baby in the hands of someone
那些人似乎并不知道如何去照顾他们。
who seems not to know how to look after them.
我们能给爱人最好的礼物是
The greatest gift we can give our lovers are
尽可能平静地向他们解释
explanations as calm as we can make them
用许多话描述我们真正是什么样的
using lots of words about what we’re truly like
处于一种疯狂的复杂与怪异中
in all a madness complexity and strangeness.

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