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内向性格的人怎样聊天

How To Handle Small Talk As An Introvert

闲聊可能是种痛苦 对内向型人来说更是这样
Small talk can be a pain for some people, especially introverts
我们在其他视频里有提到过
now there is nothing wrong with laying playful banter
开个小玩笑并没有什么错
and we’ve covered that in other videos
但在这个视频中我们要讨论
but in this video we are going to discuss
如何让任何人包括内向的人
how anyone including introverts,
都擅长并快速深入闲聊
can become a master of quickly moving through small talk to something more
某些人可能会对画面中出现坎耶·维斯特
and for some people it is going to come as a surprise
感到惊讶
I am featuring Kanye West in this video
先说清楚 我没有说坎耶一定是个内向的人
To be clear, I am not saying that Kanye West is necessarily an introvert
他可能是也可能不是
Kanye may or may not be an introvert
但在吉米·坎摩尔最近对他的访谈中
but in his most recent interview with Jimmy Kimmel
我的确看到了一系列
I did see a number of behaviors that are typical of
内向型人不想参与闲聊的典型行为
an introverted type that doesn’t really want to engage in small talk
我觉得这是开启本期话题的一个很好的引子
and I thought that this could make a good jumping-off for the topic
首先 闲聊之所以对某些人来说难
so first off small talk can be difficult for people
是因为他们不知道何时参与聊天
because they don’t know when to participate
如果没人问他们问题
if there aren’t asked a question
他们就会觉得不该说话
they feel like they shouldn’t speak up
接着就是可怕而尴尬的沉默
and then the dreaded awkward silence ensues
直到另一个人开口解围
before the other person excuses themself
实际上 总是有微妙的开场白能使人参与闲聊
in reality there are almost always subtle openings and invitations to join in
注意下面吉米试图让坎耶发表评论的片段——
notice in this next clip the moments where Jimmy sets Kayne up to comment
我给你讲一个真实的故事
I’ll tell you a story and this is honestly true
几年前你送了我一双椰子鞋
the last time a few years ago you sent me a pair of Yeezy’s
打从出生以来 从没有这么多人
I have never in my life had more people
在我走到他们旁边时围上来和我说话
come up and talk to me than I was walking around in them
人多到让我觉得 太糟糕了 我必须离开
to the point like this is crap I got to get these off
大家在追赶我
people are chasing me
我很担心他们会打我一顿
I’m worried people are gonna beat me up
然后把鞋抢走
and take these usually people wait like
毕竟经常看到人们为了排队买这鞋 睡大街都愿意
they see them sleeping on the street waiting for these shoes
坎耶要么是没有领会这些开场 要么就是打定主意不接话
Now Kayne either doesn’t see those openings or chooses
但是如果你想把闲聊继续下去
not to take them but if you want to move
你应该接过话题
through small talk you actually should
接受这些调侃最简单的方法就是
the easiest way to create that initial banter
说出自己对别人的话有什么感受
is by saying how the other person’s statement makes you feel
例如 坎耶可以说
For instance Connie could have talked about
这双鞋如此受欢迎
how the popularity of Yeezys made him
让他感到不好意思 骄傲 受宠若惊……
feel embarrassed, proud,flattered……
总之任何感受都可以
literally whatever feeling he felt
这些都是能够让
those interjections are a simple thing that
一开始的对话顺利进行下去的小小润滑剂
makes early conversation move smoothly
例如 因为莱恩·高瑟琳在下个视频里的做法
for instance here is Ryan Gosling who I
我认为他可能是个内向的人
think might be an introvert doing that in this next clip
欢迎来到我们的节目 很高兴见到你
welcome to the program nice to see you
我在几天前的晚上去看了这部电影
you know I saw this film the other night
非常棒的电影 观影体验很棒
very good movie I really enjoyed it
–我可以抱抱你吗?–不行 不行
Can I hug you no no okay I mean I just I
–我只是觉得你太好了–哦 不不不
just think you’re the best oh no no no please
对话开始时 内向的人倾向于回答对话开始的问题
introverts also tend to take early conversational questions
例如 你怎么样 或者 你今天过得开心吗
like how are you doing or did you enjoy your day
并且按字面意思回答
and answer them literally
这并没有什么错
now there’s nothing inherently wrong with this but
但这样的回答会让对话很难进行下去
it can make it more difficult to get the ball rolling in conversation
因为这种回答非常简短 例如这个例子
because the literally answer is very short like in this example
孩子们坐在你肩膀很可爱
very very cute climbing on your head
–你帮他们打扮吗? 帮他们挑衣服吗?–嗯
do you dress them do you pick their outfits hmm
–你会啊? 那你觉得有意思么?–嗯
you do is that fun for you mm-hmm
–你为他们设计衣服吗?–嗯
do you design outfits for them mm-hmm
你真的设计了? 那孩子们喜欢吗?
You do? Do they love that?
我是说他们理解这个过程吗?
I mean do they understand that process
–你画下一些东西 然后这些画变成了他们的衣服–是的
so you draw something and then it becomes their clothes yeah
几周前 我女儿参加了一个为期五天的时尚训练营
my daughter went to a fashion camp for five days a couple of weeks ago
你可以看到对话已经有点止步不前了
you notice the conversation kind of just stalled
直到坎耶接过吉米的问题
until Kanye took Jimmy’s questions and made them into a
并把这个问题当成讨论其他事情的出发点
springboard to talk about something else
这里强调了一个重要的观点
which highlights a major point if you
如果你想把闲聊变成一个更有意义的对话
want to move through small talk into something a bit more meaningful you need
有时候你需要避免回答你被问到的问题
to not answer the questions you are asked sometimes
因为多数人经常提一些无聊透顶的问题
since most people often ask boring closed-ended questions
其实你的回答应该是和问题有关的
instead you should answer a more interesting question
但更有趣的事情
that is related to what you are being asked
这是坎耶在同一个采访中的做法
here’s Kanye doing it earlier in the same interview
你对说过的话有后悔过吗?
You ever regret anything you say
还是说你觉得
or is just like you just look at it like
“我说过了就说过了”
hey I put it out there it’s out there
“后悔没有意义”
there’s no point regretting it
我认为人们太在意过去
I think people focus too much on the past
这里有一个重要的心态
an important mindset here that absolutely
在你们的谈话中一定适用
applies to your conversations is that
如果你能使谈话更有趣
people will appreciate you not answering their literal question
人们会感激你没回答他们平庸的问题
if it makes the conversation more engaging
所以 假如你能从一个无聊透顶的话题
so if you move from a boring closed-ended question
引出一个趣事或笑话
to an interesting anecdote or a joke
你可确实帮了大忙了
you’re actually doing everyone a favor
毕竟 无聊突兀的回答后那尴尬的冷场
what feels worse is the awkward silence
让人感觉更加糟糕
that follows those boring abrupt literal answers
请仔细想一下 你去电影院看电影吗?
do you go to the movies come to think of it
–偶尔会看–好吧
once in a while OK
用很长的答案回答一个简短的问题
now giving a lengthier answer to a short question
可能会让你担心显得喋喋不休
might make you worried that you’re going to talk someone’s ear off
如果想避免给人这样的感觉
and if you want to avoid that
实际上你只需停顿 为观众创造一些互动机会即可
you can actually simply pause to create periodic opt-in points for the audience
这样的话 如果观众想听你继续说
this allows them to express if they’d like you to continue either by
就可以向你提问 或给你有意义的肢体语言
asking you questions or just giving you a intentive of body language
乔治·克鲁尼是个讲故事的高手
George Clooney, who is an excellent storyteller
他讲话时会停顿
does this to ensure
以确保自己不会在没人听的情况下一直讲话
that he doesn’t dominate group conversation with something no one wants to hear about
注意格拉汉姆是如何参与谈话并邀请乔治继续的
notice how there’s an interesting hook that Graham follows up on to invite George to continue
之后我以布拉德·皮特的名义给其他演员寄信
and then I would send letters to other actors from Brad Pitt
我以布拉德·皮特的名义给很多很多人寄了信
I’ve sent letters to lots and lots of people from Brad
–你谁也没有说?–对 我谁没有说
you don’t tell either I don’t tell either no I let them know
后来我说出来后他们的反应是这样的 开玩笑吧?
and then they’re like are you kidding me
你也可以这么做
you can do the same thing
一个创造互动话题的机会就是
one opportunity to create an opt-in point is
就是允许你正在讲的故事
by allowing stories that you tell to
被新参与进谈话的人打断
actually be interrupted when somebody new joins your group
就像侍者打断你的谈话让你点单的时候
like when a waiter interrupts conversation to take your order
如果这个正在听你说的人
if the person you’re speaking to
让你继续那个被中断的话题
asks you to continue where you left off
你就会明白 他们对这个话题感兴趣
you know that they were interested and
假如没有 你就应该转换话题
if not just move on knowing that you
而不要拿那些他们不感兴趣的东西让人厌烦
won’t be boring them with something they don’t care about
这就引出了最重要的一点
and that takes us to the biggest point
对内向的人来说 谈话的目的通常并不是闲聊和玩笑
for introverts,oftentimes small talk and banter isn’t the goal of conversation
而是进入一个双方都关心的谈话主题
it’s to arrive at a conversational topic that you both care deeply about
大多数谈话放任自流 只能停留在玩笑的阶段
most conversations left to their own devices though will stay in banter
所以你需要像这样有意识地把谈话方向
so you’re going to need to steer conversation away from that
从开玩笑引导向更深入的话题 像下面这样
banter in the direction of deeper topics on purpose like this
你好像忘了提这里
I have to get to I feel like you avoided this
–是的 喔 我知道–我是指这封面上写的话
Yeah oh I know I know.I mean I mean what it said right here on the cover.
我厌恶躁郁症 它太可怕了
I hate being Bi-Polar.It’s awesome
在这个例子中 坎耶想谈点心理健康方面的话题
in this case Kanye wanted to talk about mental health
所以他指着唱片封面来转入话题
so he pointed to the album cover as a nice segue
假如你想要做点类似的事
and if you want to do something similar
问问人们对于你关心的电影或新闻的看法
ask people their opinions on movies or news stories that you care about
举个例子 如果你是一个道德哲学辩论的爱好者
for instance if you’re a fan of moral philosophical debate
讨论一些流行话题比如《复联3》 能帮你轻松转入这个话题
something as popular as Avengers 3 can make an easy segue to talk about
例如讨论灭霸最终的道德选择
for instance the morality of Thanos endgame
另外 因为人们喜欢被问及他们的看法
alternatively since people love being asked their opinions
你还可以说 “关于……我想听听你的意见”
you can just say Oh have I gotten your opinion about X
把你感兴趣的话题填进去即可
and fill in the blank with the topic that you’re fascinated
这样你就没有必要花10分钟用无趣的对话
by that way you don’t have to spend ten minutes warming up
比如天气 球队 家人等话题来暖场
with dull conversation about weather or the sports team or how your families have been
你就可以有意识地将对话迅速转向
you’re purposely guiding the conversation steering quickly to a topic
你觉得真正有趣的话题
that you find genuinely interesting much
正如拉塞尔·布兰德在以下视频中的做法
like Russell Brand does in this next clip
根据我对你仅有的了解 你似乎对脱口秀不是太热衷
one of those ashes that I understand you’re not huge on talk shows
你不太喜欢闲聊
you don’t like small talk that much
我的确对闲聊比较感到惶恐 因为我的意识里
I do worry about small talk because in the back of my mind
闲聊时我会突然意识到
during some small talk I might suddenly realize that
我们是凡人 死亡终将到来 残忍的死亡
we are mortal and death is coming cruel death
冰冷的死神最终会到来
the icy hand the icy hand death cometh
所以 有时这种想法会让我不能集中精力闲聊
so sometimes that distracts me from the old small talk Stephen
这些对话使拉塞尔和斯蒂芬
that all leads to Russell and Stephen riffing on the
在谈话开始的几分钟内迅速谈到生命的终极意义
minutes from the start of their minutes from the start of their conversation
需要记住的是 这种方法之所以特别有用
and it’s useful to keep in mind here that this works especially well
是因为拉塞尔能够在他的深奥的演说中
since Russell is able to add moments of levity
插入轻松的时刻 因而对话没有过于沉闷
into his more profound rants without remaining too somber
现在文化让我们知道 生命没有意义
now culture tells us that there is no meaning
让我们知道 我们只是物质组成的
tells us we are but material
让我们知道 我们是只会不断消耗的受限于肉身的个体
tells us that we are individuals trapped in flesh only here to consume
有些人 不能忍受这样
and there are some people that just can’t bear that
所以他们吸食毒品来放飞自己
and so they take a little bit of heroin to unwind
拉塞尔可能不是一个内向的人
now Russell probably isn’t an introvert
讲完最后这点 我们的讨论就结束了
but this last point does round out what we discussed
首先 回应他人的言论
first reply to statements made by the other person
分享你的感受 用更长的答案来回答小问题
sharing how you feel and answer close questions in a lengthier way
更早地使得双方都更能参与对话当中
to make the early bits of conversation more engaging for both parties
第二 应用简单的引导语来有意地引导谈话
Second,use simple segues to steer conversation
朝着你更有兴趣的话题方向前进
towards topics that you have a deeper interest in
第三 保证每一个人都享受谈话内容
and third ensure that everyone is enjoying conversation by
增加几段风趣的表达来保证每个人都享受谈话
adding those moments of fun and of course
当然还要检查对方是否持续参与对话
by checking that the other person is continuing to opt in
是否持续提出问题 是否有眼神接触或肢体语言
with their own continued questions eye contact and body language
在奥普拉的视频节目里 我们已经学到
we’ve got more on those pieces of body language
很多表示对谈话感兴趣的身体语言
that convey interest in our video on Oprah
奥普拉是个主动倾听的高手
she is a master of active listening
我强烈推荐你去看看那个视频里
and I definitely recommend that you check that video out
有没有让你感兴趣的地方
if there’s something that you are interested in
所有我们谈到的内容都会帮你深入闲聊
now all of this will help you move through small talk
但不能保证
but it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that
你一定能给人留下很棒的第一印象
you’re going to make an amazing first impression
实际上 出色的第一印象需要有非常具体的
that actually requires have open for very specific emotions
情绪推进的顺序
in a particular order and if
假如你想更了解这些情绪是怎样的
you want to learn more about what those emotions are
我做了个视频 按照顺序详细讲解了这些情绪
I made a video detailing exactly what they are and the order that you need to go in
如果你想观看该视频 只需点击视频描述里的链接
so if you want to check that out just click link in the description
或者你在屏幕上看到的这个链接
or the one that you see on the screen now
你可在跳转后的页面 留下你的邮箱
it’s gonna take you to a page where you can drop your email and then watch a video
然后就可以观看详解那4种情绪的视频
breaking down exactly those four emotions
这四种情绪能够确保你每次都给人留下很好的第一印象
that guarantee an amazing first impression every single time
所以假如你想一直给人留下美好的第一印象
so if you want to consistently make those amazing first impression
请点击链接去观看视频
go ahead click that link now to check the video out
不管怎样 希望你能喜欢这个视频
either way I hope that you enjoyed this video
假如你喜欢它 并且一周后还想看更多新视频
you can go ahead and click Subscribe
你可以点击订阅我们的频道
if you liked it and want to see more in a week
我期待在下次视频见到你
I look forward to seeing you in that next one

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视频概述

性格内向的人,聊天有方法!

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员YZ

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFsgTa17Xwo

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