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怎样赢得别人的尊重 – 译学馆
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怎样赢得别人的尊重

How To Get Respect Without Being A Bully - Jordan Peterson

人们常认为获得尊重
We often think that getting respect
和争强好胜密切相关
and being aggressive go hand in hand.
因为不幸的是 在学校甚至是在工作场合
Because unfortunately, it’s often the bully that gets the most respect
往往是那些仗势欺人的人最受尊重
in the schoolyard and even in the workplace.
但是乔丹·彼得森却诠释了另一种
But Jordan Peterson is an exemplar of a different way
获得大众尊重的可能性 所以在本视频中
to generate massive amounts of respect so in this video,
我们将会探讨他所做的三件不用
we’re going to explore three main things that he does
仗势欺人就能使人们尊重你的事……
that force people to respect you without being a bully. …
但你无法强迫我尊重你
but you can’t force me to respect you;
那是不可能的 好吧
it’s just not possible. Okay,
或许不是强迫
maybe not forced.
而是使人更加有可能尊重你
But perhaps make people much more likely to
那么我们就切入正题
respect you so let’s dive into it.
“不急着否认他人观点”是彼得森博士做的第一件事
The first thing that Dr. Peterson does is called”pacing your reality.”
这样即使他与你意见不合
So even when he doesn’t share your beliefs,
他也能表示他理解你为什么
he shows that he can understand why you
会那样认为
might think the things that you do.
比如 乔丹有宗教信仰 但是听听他是如何谈论无神论的
For instance, Jordan is religious but listen to how he speaks about atheism.
坦白说 成为一名
There’s a good case to be made for atheism.
无神论者是很有可能的
I mean let’s make no bones about it
因为在某种意义上你可以说三四百年来
because you could say in some sense, there’s been 300-400 years
有许多杰出的科学家
of brilliant scientists who’ve been
在致力于为
doing nothing but laying the foundation for
客观实证无神论打下基础
an objective empirical atheism.
约翰认为在他不赞同的观点里
Jordan grants that the side that he does not agree
也会有他十分认可的论点
with has really strong points in his favor.
如果你想要说服某人
And this might sound counterproductive
这听起来可能会产生反作用 但是实际上却让人们更加容易改变想法
if you’re trying to persuade someone but it actually makes people more open to changing their mind
因为在任何讨论中 最难做的事情就是
because in any discussion, the absolute hardest thing to do
承认你可能是错的 因为这可能被人认为你很愚蠢
is to admit that you might be wrong and risk appearing dumb.
这就是为什么有时候在争论激烈的时候 对对方说一句“你的观点很有道理”
That’s why sometimes saying things like,”Hey, you raise a great point,”
或者 “我很理解你为什么这么认为” 是如此的重要
or”I totally see why you see things that way,” is so important if you find yourself in a heated argument.
它能让对方即使改变了想法
It lets the other person not feel dumb
也不会感觉自己很愚蠢
if they wind up changing their mind.
这就是彼得森博士不发号施令 也能够让人们
This is how Dr. Peterson can get people to open up to his views
听取他意见的原因
without having to push them around.
你可以把这个与标准政治讨论做对比
You can contrast that with the standard political discussion
就像在这个视频中 双方基本上是在相互
where two sides basically just yell their points of
喊叫自己的观点
view at one another like in this clip.
如果你努力工作 如果你受过教育
If you work hard, if you get educated,
如果你为人正直 那么在美国你就能成功
if you’re an honest person — you can make it in America.
如果你住在一个贫穷的街区
If you live in a neighborhood where people are poverty is endemic,
努力工作和受到教育就会变得更加困难(同时说话)
it’s harder to work hard, it’s harder to get an education— [Talks at the same time]
在这样的讨论中没有人会改变主意
No one changes their mind from a discussion like this so
尽管大家都想通过提出非常犀利的观点
even though it might be tempting to quote-unquote win an argument
压倒对方来赢得所谓的争论
by making really incisive points that make the other person look dumb,
但你必须要意识到 如果你不去肯定他们立场上的一些观点
you have to recognize that it actually makes them less likely to change their behavior,
只会让他们更倾向于坚定自己的立场
if you don’t also validate something about their position.
现在 有趣的是 乔丹在他日常的演讲中
Now, interestingly, Jordan peppers in many instances
举了很多细微调整的例子
of mini-pacings into his normal speech.
例如 他提到在他说话的时候你可能在思考的事情
For instance he mentions what you might be thinking while he’s saying things.
看着吧
Just watch.
对那些拥有一切 可能获得更多的人
To those who have everything, more will be given;
和那些一无所有 一切都可能被拿走的人
and from those who have nothing, everything will be taken.
这是一个真实险恶的环境但它意味的是
It’s really a vicious statement but what it means is
当你走下坡路的时候 你会越走越快
as you go downhill, you go downhill faster and faster. …
在养老院里和老人相处
for working with old people in old-aged homes,
规则是—不要做任何
the rule is — don’t do anything for
老人们可以自己做的事
the residents that they can do themselves.
你心想 “哇哦 那太冷酷了”不 不是
You think,”Well, that’s pretty harsh.” No it isn’t.
你是在帮助他们保持他们的独立
You’re helping them retain their independence. …
这样他才会伸出双手再次展翅飞翔
then he stretches out and he’ll go fight again
所以抗抑郁药对容易受骗的人有效
so antidepressants work on lobsters
你心想“嗯 谁在乎呢?”这就像在说“不 不 不”
and you think,”Well, who cares?” It’s like,”No, no, no.”
乔丹提出了一个假想的问题
Jordan will even raise a hypothetical question
你可能也有同样的疑惑
that you might have and then answer it. …
这个问题是
and the idea is
如果你可以做到那件事 你将超越悲剧
that if you can do that you will transcend the tragedy
听起来好像 “哈 怎么可能真实发生” 嗯
and it’s like,”Well, could that be true?” Well,
大多数人赞扬意志坚强的人
most people admire tough competent people
所以它至少还有一些真实性
so you know it’s at least a little bit true.
特别有趣的是一旦彼得森博士
What’s especially fascinating is that once Dr.
完全推翻你原来的立场
Peterson has completely reversed her initial position,
他会尽力让你觉得自己不愚蠢
he’s extra careful to not make you feel stupid about it.
因为另一个人需要保存面子
The other person needs to be able to save face
所以他会不止一次的提到他不是在反驳
so he mentions one more time that he’s not attacking.
就是说我明白你的意思并且
I mean I get your point and I’m
我一点也不想诋毁它
not trying to denigrate it in any sense;
这是一个复杂的问题
there’s a complex issue here.
这就是为什么那么多人
That’s partially why so many people have
被彼得森博士改变想法的部分原因
had their minds changed by Dr. Peterson.
他并不是想让他们觉得自己愚蠢
He’s not trying to make them feel dumb;
而是想要帮助他们 教导他们
he’s trying to help them, to educate them.
对比在YouTube上引用的“own”汇总
Contrast that with the quote-unquote”own” compilations on YouTube
当一个人试图做反对观点的时候
where one person tries to make the opposing
反驳的争论看上去要多蠢有多蠢
side and the opposing argument seem as stupid as possible.
……他们反对墨西哥人 他们反对犹太人 黑人 少数民族——
…they’re against Mexicans, they’re against Jews, black people, minorities—
所有这些纳粹党在哪?
Where are all these Nazis?
-每个地方-噢
Everywhere. Oh,
我们来快速扫描一下 现在来看看 哦
let’s do a quick pan and now let’s see them. Oh…
没有
nope.
这里有一个……没有 好吧
There’s one… nope. Okay,
所以他们不在这里 在哪里呢
so there’s none here so where are they?
……有时候会出现这种情况
…which sometimes results in this —
这不一样
It’s not the same.
你是对的 你是正确的 它确实不一样
You’re right. You’re 100% right. It’s not the same.
你不需要哭
You don’t have to cry.
我知道那很难 不
I know it’s hard. No,

look.
来这边 真的
Come here, honestly.
当你的立场占上风时
It can be tempting to laugh when your side gets one-up
你可能会忍不住想笑
on someone from the other side
但是当你让别人感到智商受辱时
but when you make people feel stupid,
没有人真心想改变他们的想法
nobody actually changes their mind
并且当他们感到你像一个胜利者时
and while it might feel like you’re a winner,
事实上对行为的改变完全没用
you’re actually completely ineffective at changing behavior.
所以如果你的目的是让世界变得更好
So if your goal is to make the world a better place,
学习彼得森博士
be like Dr. Peterson;
尽你所能去理解他人所想
do your best to understand people’s perspectives
然后给予他们信任
and give them credit
让他们尽可能自己去弄明白 尽管你不同意他们的观点
for doing their best to figure things out even if you disagree.
接着到第二点——乔丹会持续不断的说故事
On to the second point — Jordan is constantly telling stories
分享有趣的花边新闻来吸引听众的注意力
and sharing interesting tidbits to keep his listeners’ attention and he flows quickly
并且他说很多不同的事情时节奏很快
between a lot of different things.
接下来的这些点仅需三分钟就可以做到
These next clips are all just taken from a span of about three minutes.
……如果你打架足够好
…if you’re competent at fighting,
这确实会降低
that actually decreases the probability
你去打架的可能性
that you’re going to have to fight
因为某个人推了你
because when someone pushes you,
你可以自信地回击
you’ll be able to respond with confidence
这在一定程度上解释了为什么Jung相信
and that’s partly why Jung believed that it was necessary
融合人的阴暗面对人类多么重要
for people to integrate their shadow.
例如当你研究纳粹德国时期
When you study Nazi-Germany
或者前苏联
for example or you study the Soviet Union
特别是斯大林当政时期 问问自己 “嗯
particularly under Stalin and you’re asking yourself, “Well,
这些作恶者像什么”——忘记受害者
what are these perpetrators like?” — forget about the victims —
让我们看看这些作恶者
let’s talk about the perpetrators,
答案就是——他们就像你一样
the answer is — they’re just like you.
这是一个面对
It’s a matter
你最不想面对的事的问题
of facing the thing you least want to face
接下来这是个老生常谈的故事
and there’s this old story
亚瑟王让骑士们出去寻找圣杯
in King Arthur where the knights go off to look for the Holy Grail.
在短短几分钟的时间里 总共有五个不同的点
That’s five different topics all in the span of just a few minutes
你就会注意到他们都是听众感兴趣的
and you’ll notice that they’re all of interest to the listener. First,
首先 你对武术感兴趣 然后
you have that interesting fact about martial arts and then
他会把它升华到一个更大的
he takes it to a larger
每个人都能体会的历史情境
historical context which everyone kind of understands
最重要的是 他会向你展示如何在生活中应用它
and then most importantly, he shows you how it applies to your life.
这里有两个关键点——第一是
Two main points here — first is
情节跌宕起伏 自然流畅的演讲
that winding nature of his speech
它会使人们保持紧张与兴趣 现在
which keeps people on their toes and interested. Now,
你可能之前有过这样的经历
you may have experienced someone who does this poorly
某些人在很糟糕地谈论他们脑海中随机出现的事情
talking about every random thing that comes
然后很快你就丧失了兴趣
into their mind and completely losing your attention.
彼得森的方法有效是因为
Peterson’s approach works
他一直把所有的事与你们——听众联系在一起
because he is constantly relating everything back to you — the listener. Now,
现在 这个重点放在
this focus
制造事物与你们的联系 这也是
on making things relevant to you is also the reason
他在很多故事中转用第二人称的原因
that he switches to the second person in so many of his stories. …
你不用认同他们中任何一人
you don’t identify with either of those;
你知道他们都很必要
you know that they’re both necessary,
你知道你需要接受并忍受他们
you know that you have to live with both of them,
但是你会认同
but you identify with
这种一直胜过你本身的能力
the capacity to continually transcend what you are.
至此 这些是非常平常的魅力特质
So far, these are pretty common charisma traits
你可能在其它低谷期也见到过
and you might have seen these before in some of our other breakdowns.
但至少在我们频道 乔丹有一个
But there is one that is at least on our channel
完全不一样的特质 并且也像他的一张名片
completely unique to Jordan and it’s kind of his calling
——那就是他对原型的利用
card — that is his use of archetypes.
原型的基本概念是
The basic idea of an archetype is
它是一个使很多人类产生共鸣的想法
that it’s an idea that resonates across
不管情景是否不同
a wide swath of humanity despite differing conditions.
这有些像一个基本的人类故事
It’s kind of like a foundational human story
一些我们能直观的理解 记住并且走近的事
so it’s something that we intuitively understand, remember, and move towards.
原型经常来自于
Archetypes are often encapsulated
神话故事和某些最有名的现代故事
in fairy tales and some of the most popular
属于我们这个时代的故事
stories of our age which is why you
所以我们一直听到彼得森谈及
‘ll hear Petersen reference them all the time. …
那是
that’s the witch
《汉塞尔和格蕾泰尔》中女巫 她把孩子们养胖然后吃掉
in Hansel and Gretel who fattens up the kids and eats them.
你们有多少人看过迪斯尼的《睡美人》?
How many of you have seen Disney’s Sleeping Beauty?
在特定的情景外 很难理解他
It’s very difficult to understand Jung outside of a narrative context
所以今天我将带你领略《狮子王》
and so I’m going to walk you through the Lion King today.
女人与神秘且好斗的男人邂逅然后驯服……
The woman encounters this mysterious and aggressive male and tames… …
这是就我而言我会讲的女英雄故事
that’s the female hero myth as far as I can tell;
它就是《美女与野兽》
it’s Beauty and the Beast.
使用带有原型的故事的目的
The point of using archetypal stories aside
除了用一个有趣的方式引用迪斯尼电影
from being a fun way to reference
更重要的是他们与人们之间深层次的联系
Disney movies is that they connect with people on a deep level.
他们的直观感受很真实 并且如果你能
They intuitively feel true and if you could relate a point
在说明自己观点时引用原型故事
that you’re trying to make to an archetypal story,
你会更有说服力
you are going to be more persuasive.
这确实是彼得森如何能够
That’s actually how Peterson is able to
提出毫无吸引力的打扫房间的建议
take the unappealing advice of clean up your own room
并且使它成为一条被数千人
and make it into a piece of advice that probably thousands
接受的建议
of people have applied.
现在对于那些不熟悉
Now for those of you unfamiliar
他套路的人 清扫房间
with his work, cleaning up your room
就是字面上的意思 但实际是说
is meant literally but also to say
你需要清理自己的琐事
that you need to clean up your own mess
在你跟别人讲所有
before you go telling other people all the things
别人需要为你调整的事之前
that they need to fix for you.
表面上它确实是毫无
It’s really not appealing advice
吸引力的建议 这也是为什么
on the face of it which is why
我们那么多人把妈妈让我们做事当耳旁风的原因
so many of us ignored our mothers when they told us to do it.
但是这是彼得森引出建议的方式
But here is how Peterson leads into this advice.
你们可能都看过匹诺曹 关于……牵线木偶
You probably have all watched Pinocchio and Pinocchio is about how… …marionette;
他的一举一动都被外力操控
someone who’s whose strings are being pulled by forces
不管他是否同意 但这是在他成为一个个体之前
beyond his comprehension but it’s the situation of the undeveloped individual.
……盖比特是仁爱的父亲——一个仁爱的象征
…Geppetto who’s a benevolent father — so a benevolent symbol,
一个仁爱文化的象征
a symbol of benevolent culture,
把木偶当儿子然后向星星许愿
makes a puppet his son and then wishes on a star.
现在的星星是指在天上发光的
Now a star is something that glitters up
这里说的星星有更深远的含义
in the sky and it’s and it’s associated with the transcend—
我不能完全
I can’t grab all
形容好但差不多是这样
of this in one clip and that’s kind of the point.
如果彼得森只是告诉人们“关注自己 在你告诉别人怎样生活之前首先整理好自己的房间”
If Peterson had just told people,”Focus on yourself. First,clean up your room before you tell other people how to live,” well,
嗯 那他就跟励志海报没什么区别
he’d have been about as effective as a motivational poster.
但是把建议放在一个原型故事里
But in couching this advice inside of an archetypal story,
他就让它真正与人建立联系并改变了人们的生活
he makes it truly connect and actually changes people’s lives.
那就是为什么我认为讲好故事这个能力
That’s why I think the ability to
是最被低估的超凡魅力
tell a good story is the most underrated charismatic trait.
如果你可以在原型结构上构建故事
If you can build the story in an archetypal structure,
那就更好了
that’s even better.
这是一个大话题
Now this is a big topic and one
我可能花了一个多小时
that I spend probably over an hour on
在Charisma University的课程上 但是现在
in Charisma University course but for now,
我要在视频描述里链接几个
I’m just going to link to a few storytelling
我们之前做的讲故事的视频
videos that we’ve done in the description
如果你想在这方面了解更多 欢迎点击观看
below if you want more on this.
我真心提一个更重要的点
I do want to touch on one more point though.
彼得森不靠成为恶霸赢得尊重的要点
And that’s that Peterson can win respect
那就是因为他鼓励对话
without being a bully because he encourages dialogue.
目前他被大众熟知的视频之一
Now one of the first clips that put him
也是他播放量最高的那次
on the map and his most viewed to this date
是一次激烈的争吵 在这个视频里
was a heated argument and throughout this clip,
当学生陷入比赛式的争吵时 他安抚了他们
he calms students then when they start getting in shouting matches with one another.
女声:……因为他们没有融入社会
Female voice:…because they’re not integrated into society.
女声:我们不是要寻求特殊对待 我们是要
Female voice: We are not looking for special treatment; we are looking
女声:让我们自己融入社会 并且如果你们拒绝……
Female voice: to be able to integrate ourselves into society and if you refuse…
他认真聆听这些不用喊叫来向他倾诉的学生
He also pays careful attention to the students who do engage him without screaming.
[学生轻声说着]
[Student softly speaking]
把所有加起来你会发现
Add all this up and what you realize is that perhaps
你们从彼得森博士身上学到最重要的是
the biggest thing you can learn from Dr. Peterson is that
如果你想要别人尊重你
if you want people to respect you and
且你不想用一种跋扈的方式得到
you don’t want to do it in a domineering way,
你就需要考虑别人 考虑他们的现实
you have to consider the other person, you consider their reality
把它放入你的演讲中
and you pace it in your speech;
考虑他们注意力的跨度
you consider their attention span
在吸引人的故事中隐藏要点
and you wrap your points in engaging stories;
考虑他们可能也会教你一些事
and you consider that they may have something to teach you
所以要与他们沟通而不是冲他们吼 现在
so you speak with them rather than shout at them. Now,
在视频中我们很关注尊重
we focused a lot on respect
但实际上那仅是
in this video but that’s actually just one
4种能让
out of four emotions that are going to
不同文化背景的人产生不可思议的第一印象的情感之一
create an amazing first impression on anyone cross-culturally. Now,
如果你很好奇其它三种情感
if you’re curious with the other three emotions
你想去营造
that you want to create
给人大吃一惊的第一印象
in that person are to make an amazing first impression,
我做了一个专门的视频
I made a video on that
详细分解了4种情绪
that breaks down what those four
这样你就可以开始利用它们
emotions are so that you can start using them
制造迷人的第一印象
today to consistently make killer first impressions.
如果你想要看到这些
If you want to see those,
欢迎点击视频描述里的链接
go ahead and click the link in the description,
填写你的邮箱 就能看到那个视频 并且
drop your email in the box and you will get access to that video. Also,
因为我们在不断发展
as we’ve grown it has
我也越来越难回复
been harder and harder for me to respond
所有YouTube上的评论
to all the YouTube comments
但是现在我有一个解决办法
that we get but I do have a solution now
就是在我发布视频后的
and that is that for the first hour
第一个小时
after I upload a new video, I
我会回复你们的评论
‘m going to be responding to your comments
所以尽情写给我 无论你是正在看
so feel free to write in if you’re watching this or
或者你想下次继续观看
if you want to catch me next time,
点击订阅 然后开启提醒闹钟
go ahead and click Subscribe and then click that notification bell
这样你就可以尽快收到
so that you get an announcement as soon
视频上线的通知 也欢迎留言评论
as the video goes up and you can write me in the comments.
这样 我们就可以交谈对话!哇吼!
That way, we can converse and dialogue! Whoo-hoo!
不管怎样 我希望
So anyways, I hope
你能喜欢这个视频并且我很期待下次与你相见
that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

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视频概述

本视频将告诉你除了用暴力赢得别人口头上的尊重,如何真正得到发自内心的尊重。以及如何在与人交谈时让他潜移默化地接受你的建议和观点。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

审核员

审核员 D

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsQLksbfDSo

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