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如何让别人敞开心扉 – 译学馆
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如何让别人敞开心扉

How To Get People To Open Up

这里是激励胶囊 欢迎收看交友课程
Improvement Pill here. Welcome to the bee friend course.
就在几个月前
So just a couple of months ago
我和一个网上遇见的熟人
I met up with an acquaintance of mine
见了一面
that I had met online
虽然这是我们第一次
and even though this was the first time
和对方面对面谈话
we ever spoke to each other in person,
这场对话最后以谈论关系而告终了
we ended up talking about relationships.
他讲了他的恋爱生活
He told me about his dating life
和他与未婚妻的感情
and his relationship with his fiancee,
仅用了十分钟
and within just 10 minutes
他就几乎要告诉我
he had already disclosed to me
他在重新考虑
how he was having second guesses
最近的这场订婚
regarding his recent engagement
他对结婚心生怀疑
He was having doubts about getting married.
而且他几乎对我说
And he literally said to me,
”哥们儿 这事我没告诉过任何人
“man, I haven’t told anyone this,
包括我的朋友 我的同事
not my friends, not my co-workers,
当然还包括我的未婚妻 任何人都没说过
definitely not my fiancee, not anyone.
我也不明白为什么 但就是想告诉你”
I don’t know why, but I felt like I wanted to tell you.”
这种事经常在我身上发生
Stuff like this happens to me all of the time.
人们会告诉我
People tell me things that they
他们不常和别人分享的事
don’t usually share with others,
秘密 激进之见
secrets, radical opinions,
过往的创伤 诸如此类
past traumas, things like that.
而且 由于我能让人
And because I’m able to get people
对我这样敞开心扉
to open up to me like this,
我们的关系能稳固发展
these relationships thrive
而且我们的友谊
and we usually become good friends
往往能够维系多年
for years down the line.
今天我将为你具体展示
Today I’m gonna show you exactly
如何让人对你敞开心扉
how you can get people to open up to you,
从而在你的人生中构建更深刻
so that you can create deeper
也更有意义的人际关系
and more fulfilling relationships in your own life.
你其实只需做两件事
And there’s really only two things you have to do.
首先 你需要学着降低过滤标准
First, you have to learn to reduce your filter.
想想看 我们不敢
If you think about it, the reason why we are scared
说某些话或做某些事的原因
to say certain things or to act in certain ways
是我们害怕面对他人的反应
is because we are afraid of how others will react.
我们害怕被取笑
We’re scared of being made fun of,
害怕看起来傻
of looking like a fool,
害怕被视为格格不入
of being branded as an outcast.
所以 我们往往会把大部分想法
So we tend to keep a lot of our thoughts,
主意和感受 藏在心里
ideas and feelings bottled up inside.
我们不谈论
Instead of talking about things
真正想谈论的事情
that we really want to talk about,
而是装上了“过滤器”
we put on a filter and we spend
花大量时间谈论琐事
most of our time conversing in small talk.
我们谈论天气
We talk about things like the weather,
上的课 昨晚的体育赛事之类
our classes, last night’s sports game,
因为这些话题都很安全
because these are all safe topics,
但我们却都在暗地里
but secretly deep down inside
寻找着那个特别的人
we’re all looking for that special someone –
那个我们可以与之分享
someone who we can share
天马行空的脑洞的人
our strange thoughts and ideas with.
如果你学会这种做法
Now if you come along
从一开始就表现出
and you show them from the start
你不在乎对方是否尽善尽美
that you don’t really care about being a perfect snowflake
你并不斟词酌句
that you don’t really filter yourself
而且你愿意谈论那些
and that you are willing to talk about things
不被社会认可或视为异端的话题
that are deemed as socially unacceptable or strange,
那么人们就会想要对你敞开心扉
then people will want to open up to you.
他们会觉得 “哇 这个人
They’ll think, “wow, this guy doesn’t really
不太在乎社会的看法
care too much about what society thinks,
所以和他谈论
so it should be safe for me to talk to him
我埋藏心里已久的话题 应该没有问题”
about things that I’ve been bottling up inside.”
你想成为那种人
You want to be that guy,
想告诉对方你并没有什么过滤标准
you want to show them that you don’t really have a filter,
而做到这一点非常简单
and it’s pretty easy to do this.
你只需分享一些
All you have to do is share something
被认为有点奇怪的
that is considered to be sort of weird,
有点不合常规的东西
something that is slightly out of the norm.
比如 我有时候会告诉别人
For example, I will sometimes tell people about
我不会坐马桶
how I don’t sit on toilets
有趣的是 我会在做工作时蹲在马桶上面
Fun facts I squat on top of them when I do my business
为什么呢?因为我还小的时候
Why? Well, it’s because when I was a kid,
我很不喜欢我的屁股
I just didn’t like the cold feeling
碰到马桶的冰冷触感
of my butt touching the seat
但事实证明
but it turns out
我们人类本就该
that we humans are meant
to use the toilet in squatting position.
以蹲姿使用马桶
这样做的好处多多
There are a ton of benefits,
但这里不做赘述
but let’s not get into that too much here.
你可以自己研究一下
You can look into that on your own time.
我想表达的是
The point I’m trying to make is that
当你分享像这样有点奇怪的事情时
when you share something that’s sort of strange like this,
人们会本能地想
people will instinctively react by thinking,
“哈 这人真怪”
“huh, that’s weird.”
但内心深处 他们也想
but deep down inside they’re also thinking,
“哈 这个人并不
“huh, this guy doesn’t really
在乎他人的想法
care too much about what others think,
所以我也可以谈论一些
so it should be okay if I talk about some of the stuff
我一直压抑在心中的事情
I’ve been bottling up inside as well.
我可以放松 不用那么斟酌我的用词和想法”
I can relax and filter less my words and thoughts.”
我们有必要指出 有一条分界线
Now it’s very important to note that there is a fine line
存在于“被视为一个去掉过滤标准的人”
between being seen as someone who has a reduced filter
和“被视为一个单纯非常疯狂的人”之间
and being seen as someone who is just plain old crazy,
而这都取决于你的感知价值
and it all depends on your perceived value,
这个概念曾在之前的视频里提到过
which is a concept we talked about in a previous video.
一种差异存在于
There’s a difference between that
住你隔壁的失业人士
unemployed guy who lives next door
上门和你讨论见到的外星人
coming up to you and talking about seeing aliens
和一个像知名科学家
as compared to someone like Bob Lazar,
鲍勃·拉扎尔的人
who’s a well-known scientist,
上门和你谈论
coming up to you and
看到的外星飞船之间
talking about seeing an alien spaceship.
如果你的价值过低
If your value is too low,
人们只会觉得你是个疯子
people will just think that you’re crazy.
他们会尽可能远离你
They’re gonna try their best to get away from you,
所以 如果你只能在价值足够高时
so you should only reduce your filter and say weird things
降低过滤标准
if your value is high enough,
也就是保持卫生
which means having proper hygiene,
有相当的社会认同
having a decent amount of social proof
意味着人们知道你有朋友
meaning that people know you have friends,
穿着得体 身材匀称
dressing decently well, being in decent shape
能够保持目光接触 等等
being able to hold eye contact, etc.
你的价值越高
The higher your value is,
人们就越能包容
the easier it is to get away with
你发出的奇怪言论
saying weird and strange things.
在介绍你为了让他人敞开心扉
Now, before we dive into the second thing you have to do
而要做的第二件事之前
in order to get people to open up to you,
我想先简要向你介绍一个我们的新项目
I want to quickly tell you about a new program of ours –
“习惯养成者挑战”
the habit builder challenge.
因为 众所周知
Because as we all know,
你能在人生中切实看到任何进步的唯一方法
the only way you’ll actually see any progress in your life
无论是健康 财富 总体上的幸福
whether it’s your health, wealth, overall happiness
还是你的人际关系
or even your relationships,
是通过培养正确的习惯
is if you build the right habits.
你无法单纯通过上交友课
You won’t suddenly become asocial butterfly
就成为一名交际花
just by watching the bee friend course.
但愿这一点很容易理解
I wish it was that easy.
对吧?因为你必须付诸行动
Right? Because you actually have to go out there
培养和别人聊天的习惯
and build a habit of talking to people.
如果你想获取
So if you’re interested in receiving news
我的这个习惯养成项目的信息
about this habit building program of mine,
你只需点击下方描述框中的链接
all you have to do is sign up for our email list
注册我们的邮箱
by clicking on the link in the description box below.
好 让我们回到正题
All right, let’s get back to the topic at hand.
在你通过说一些
Now, after you’ve shown someone
不合常规的话
that you don’t really have a filter
来向对方表示你没有什么过滤标准之后
by saying something out of the norm,
你仍需引导这次对话
it’s still up to you to guide the conversation in a way
使之最终让对方敞开心扉
that will eventually get them to open up.
大多数情况下 人们就是不会谈论
See, most of the time people just won’t talk about things
那些埋藏心底多时的话题
that they’ve been bottling up for months or even years
除非你鼓励他们这么做
unless you prompt them to,
这也正是为何你要做的第二件事
which is why the second thing you have to do
是提出正确的问题
is ask the right questions,
不是什么问题都行哦
and not just any question.
我个人喜欢在很多对话中
There is a special type of question that I
用一种特定的问题
personally like to use a lot in conversations.
我喜欢称其为“假定问题”
They’re what I like to call assumption questions.
这种问题是基于观察
All it is is when you make an assumption
对某人做一种假定
about someone based on an observation
并看看是否正确
and see if it’s true or not.
回到我们视频开头举的例子
Going back to the example from the beginning of the video,
在我和熟人聊天的时候
when I was having the conversation with my acquaintance
我发现他在提到最近的订婚时
I noticed that he had a very monotone expression on
会流露出一种非常单调的表情
when talking about his recent engagement,
于是我说 “我得对你说实话
so I said, “I’m just gonna be honest with you man,
你在提到订婚的时候
you don’t really sound that excited
好像并不那么兴奋
about the engagement.
是不是有什么烦心事啊?”
is there something bothering you?”
这样的假定问题说明了两点
Assumption questions like this do two things.
首先 它表明你在认真倾听
First, it shows that you are really really listening,
因为 要想
because the only way
做出这样的假定
you can make an assumption like this
你必须百分百
is if you are paying 100%
集中于对方的话
close attention to what they were saying
以及对方说话的方式和肢体语言
how they were saying it and their body language.
你如此全神贯注的事实
The very fact that you’re paying this much attention
表现了你真的很在乎他们所说的话
shows that you genuinely care about what’s being said
而人们非常喜欢这一点
and that’s something that people really really like.
这会让他们心情大好
It makes them feel good.
其次 这能让他们作出反应
The second thing this does is it causes them to react.
如果你的假定不对
If your assumption is wrong,
他们会本能地想纠正你
they will instinctively want to correct you.
对方可能会说
He might say something like,
“哦不 我不是不兴奋
“oh no, it’s it’s not that I’m not excited,
我只是飞机坐了太久有点累…”之类的
I’m just tired for my long flight here…” yada yada.
此时 你可以单纯接受这条信息
In this case, you can simply take that information
转而进入另一个话题
and branch off into another topic.
你可以谈谈如何倒时差
You can talk about how you recover from jet lag too.
随便你
It’s up to you.
但我发现 如果你真的集中注意力了
but what I found is that if you’re really paying attention,
大多数时候 你其实是
you’ll actually be able to make
有能力作出正确假定的
a correct assumption most of the time.
而当你的假定正确时
And when that happens, when your assumption is correct,
他们几乎都会开始敞开心扉
they will almost always start opening up,
因为这是让他们打开那个瓶子
because this is the cue for them to open up that bottle
释放出不知压抑了多久的
to let out all those emotions and thoughts
情绪和想法的线索
they’ve been holding in for who knows how long.
好 我们都知道谈论我们的问题
Right, we all know that talking about our problem
有助于减轻随之而来的压力
helps relieve the stress that comes along with it
而通过作出正确假定
and by making a correct assumption,
你其实是在告诉他们
you’ve essentially told them,
“嘿 我是你倾诉这个话题的最佳人选
“hey, I’m the perfect person to talk to about this subject.
“我没有什么过滤标准
I don’t really have a filter,
“所以我应该不会评判你
so I probably won’t judge you.
“而且最棒的是 在这场对话中 我非常关心你
And to top it off I care about you in this conversation.
“所以我是你倾诉的最佳人选”
So I am the perfect candidate for you to talk to.”
这就是你让对方敞开心扉的方法
And that’s how you get someone’s open up
即降低过滤标准
by reducing your filter
和提出假定问题
and asking assumption questions.
你在这段视频中学到的知识非常有用
Now, the information you learned in this video is helpful,
而且也能奏效
and it will work,
但到头来 如果你不采取行动
but at the end of the day, it doesn’t mean anything
并将其转化成习惯的话 这个方法也毫无意义
unless you take action and you turn it into a habit.
如果你想让他人对你敞开心扉
You’ve got to build a habit of talking to people,
就必须养成和他人聊天的习惯 对吧
if you ever want to get people to open up to you, right?
所以 如果你想了解更多有关习惯养成者挑战的信息
So, if you want to learn more about the habit builder challenge
和其他我们将在未来
and also other future programs
发布的项目与服务
and services we’ll be releasing
请务必点击下方描述框内的链接
make sure you click on the link in the description box below
注册我们的邮箱
to sign up for our mailing list.
此外 观众朋友们 敬请期待
Besides that, guys, stay tuned.

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视频概述

两个聊天小技巧,让对方吐露埋藏在心底已久的故事。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

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审核员

审核员#LY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKO6MidWggs

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