Improvement Pill here.
Are you someone who spends hours every single day
replaying the same bad memories over and over again in your head?
If so, then you’re in luck,
because in today’s video I’m going to show you exactly
how to get over your past mistakes.
Now in order for us to get to the bottom of this problem,
we have to first talk about why we think about the past in the first place.
See, the human brain is a very very powerful machine
with one main purpose, which is to keep you alive,
and it’s incredibly good at that.
We are the only species on this planet
that can project far into the future and also think back to our past,
and this ability has allowed us to outsmart the hundreds of other species
on this planet that are far stronger than us physically.
The main reason we think about the past is
so that we can prevent bad things from happening again.
Let’s say for example,
late one night you’re walking down a dark alley by yourself,
and you’re approached by a couple of guys.
They pull a knife out and ask you to empty your pockets.
Congratulations! You just got mugged.
Afterwards you’re gonna find yourself playing that event over and over again in your head
而且是这样做了几天 几周 甚至几个月
for days, weeks and maybe even months,
because even though you weren’t physically hurt,
that was still an extremely dangerous situation to be in.
You could have been seriously injured or even killed.
So your brain is gonna keep thinking about this event
until it figures out how you can prevent something like that from ever happening again.
Now this doesn’t only apply to physically dangerous events,
because the more common type of dwelling we do nowadays
is on mentally dangerous events.
Let’s say for example, you have a crush on a girl at work or in school.
After a couple of months, you finally muster up the courage
to tell her how you feel,
but she turns you down in a rather harsh way.
Even though this event didn’t harm you at all physically,
it does cause a lot of mental pain.
Experiments have been conducted where they discovered that
being rejected lights up the same pathways in your brain as physical pain.
So it turns out that rejection does hurt literally.
And because of this your brain is gonna see this event
as something you need to prevent from happening again in the future,
and it’s going to keep dwelling on it until it figures it out,
and it does so in a simple three-step process.
The first step is by figuring out the why.
Why did she reject you so harshly?
Was it because you took too long to ask her out?
Was it because you did so in a very awkward manner?
Was it because you’re not attractive enough?
You need to figure out a why.
Once that’s sorted out,
step number two is coming up with a solution.
If she rejected you because you’re awkward,
then a solution might be to fix your social skills,
especially when it comes to talking to girls.
If she rejected you because you’re not attractive,
then the solution you might come up with
is to hit the gym and fix your diet
so that you can look better and be more attractive.
You need to come up with a solution that could
prevent this bad event from happening again,
which brings us to the third and final step,
seeing that it’s working.
You need to actually make progress and
see that your solution is getting you closer
to preventing that bad event or mistake from happening again in the future.
If your solution was to improve your social skills,
then you will eventually get to a point where some girls start saying yes to you,
and even though some will still turn you down,
they do so in a more polite manner.
Seeing this sort of progress will reassure your brain that you’ve solved the problem,
that the bad event or past mistake will become less likely to happen again,
and this will allow it to relax and think about other things.
Now if you’re someone who keeps thinking about your past mistakes,
then it’s because you’re stuck somewhere in this three-step process.
Some of us never figure out the why.
Maybe we really don’t know why something bad happened to us.
If that’s the case, you need to do your research,
look for clues and figure it out.
In the case of girls turning you down,
reading a book on dating or relationships
may shine some light on the answer.
You could even ask a friend for their honest opinion
on why the ladies don’t fancy you.
Or maybe we never figure out the why,
because we end up blaming something that’s out of our control.
有些人被拒绝后 会怪罪自己的身高 种族等因素
Some guys after getting rejected will blame things like their heights or their race
which are not things that you can change
and this prevents you from moving on,
because these are whys that have no solution.
You can’t change your ethnicity.
You need to figure out a why that is something that you have control over.
Moving on, some of us get stuck trying to figure out the solution.
If you have no idea how to solve something, simply google it.
Chances are there is a book or video out there
that tells you exactly what you need to do.
You just have to find it.
Use the power of the internet to your advantage.
And finally some of us never see progress.
It may be because you never actually applied the solution to your life,
which could be because of numerous reasons, such as an identity issue,
not believing that you are worthy of change,
being in a bad environment that prevents you from changing,
having an addiction, or plain old laziness.
Whatever it is, you need to actually try and follow through with your solution.
Another reason why you might not be seeing progress
may be because the solution you decided on is ineffective,
which does happen from time to time,
because not every solution you come up with is going to work.
Everyone is different.
And because something worked for someone else
doesn’t mean it’s 100% going to work for you.
In this case you need to simply try and test out different solutions
until you find one that actually allows you to make progress.
By unstucking yourself from wherever you are in this three-step process,
you will allow your brain to do its job.
You will have successfully taken steps to preventing
the past mistake or bad event from happening again,
and because of that, your brain will finally be able to let that memory go,
and that’s how you get over your past mistakes.
本集视频由 Audible 团队赞助
This episode was brought to you with the help of the guys at Audible.
If you’re stuck trying to figure out the why
or the solution part of getting over a past mistake,
你就应该考虑使用 Audible 的服务
then Audible is something you should really consider,
because the answers you’re looking for are almost always found in books.
如今 我读的书几乎都是在 Audible 上听下来的
Nowadays I do just about all of my reading by listening to books on Audible,
mainly because it allows me to read in places where I can’t physically pull out a book,
such as when I’m working out, commuting somewhere,
or even when I’m doing my grocery shopping.
Chances are the answers you’re looking for is somewhere on the platform.
You just have to take advantage of the convenient time
that we live in, and go look for it.
Go to www.audible.com/ImprovementPill
或者将 “ImprovementPill” 发送给500 500
or text the word “ImprovementPill” to 500 500
to get a 30 day free trial right now.
This will give you one free Audiobook
以及两本 Audible 原创作品
and two free Audible originals every single month.
And besides that guys, stay tuned!