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结婚完全指南

How to Get Married

几个世纪以来
The way we get married
人们的结婚仪式并没有太多改变
has changed very little for centuries.
但我们对婚姻生活的期望
But what we expect from marriages
已发生了翻天覆地的变化
has changed beyond recognition.
关于婚姻失败的原因
We know so much now
我们知之甚详
about why marriages go wrong.
但是关于婚姻仪式本身
But so little of that knowledge ever
我们却了解不多
makes it into the wedding ceremony itself.
所以我们下定决心
That’s why we’ve decided to
重新设计婚礼仪式
redesign the marriage ceremony,
加一些新的仪式
creating a modern event.
使它更具有实际意义以及精神价值
That’s more realistic and more psychological.
它是一对夫妻
And therefore better able to help a couple
共度余生悲欢的基石
with the joys and sorrows of life together.
人们仍对典礼和仪式满怀憧憬
People still long for ritual and formality.
婚姻依然是大事
A wedding remains a big deal.
婚礼的服装和现场的布置
And it’s good to reflect that
可以体现出它的重要性
in the dignity of the clothes and the setting.
让我们一起来见证
Let’s listen in on what happens
我们设计的婚礼仪式吧
in our designed marriage ceremony.
今天我们因一场庄重的仪式聚集于此
We are gathered today for a solemn event.
我们满怀希望
Profoundly hopeful.
历经艰难
But infinitely difficult.
终于得以在此庆祝艾米丽和西蒙的婚礼
We’re here to celebrate the wedding of Emily and Simon.
没有任何问题的婚姻
A good marriage is not one from which
并不是美满的婚姻
troubles are magically absent.
双方可以发现并接受问题
It is one in which troubles are faced
一起面对才是美满的婚姻
with insight and generosity.
婚礼仪式有一系列礼节
There are a series of rituals in the wedding ceremony.
婚礼由缺点自白仪式开始
Things kick off with what’s called the ritual of humility.
对一段美好的感情来说
Humility is probably the most important emotion
谦逊可能是重中之重
for the success of a relationship.
谦逊者会对自己的不足
Humility starts with an ample,
有一种充足 精确
accurate and sorrowful recognition
悲悯的识别
of all one’s failings.
谦逊中充满歉意与谦虚
It is filled with apology and modesty.
谦逊不是将自己的缺点包装成迷人的样子
It doesn’t pretend that floors are
不是为自己的古怪做辩解
charming quirks or excusable oddities.
谦逊是一种坦白的承认:
It contains an open admission that
我们希望自己虽与他人不同 却能更好
we wish we were different and better.
西蒙 你承认
Simon, do you admit that
你是个失败而不完整的人 但并非一无是处吗
you’re a failed broken human being, not in every way.
但某种程度上你非常认真地
But in some ways so serious that
将艾米丽当作你的责任
you will at points be a grave burden to Emily.
是的 我承认自己不完美
Yes. I admit I am failed and broken.
在今天来这里之前
Before coming here today,
经过仔细的思考
freely and openly and after careful reflection,
列出了你所发现的自身的不足
you have listed your failings as you recognize them.
条目如下
You’ve listed them in this book.
这是你列出的清单
This is your book of imperfections.
今天你愿意在这里 当着我 你的伴侣
Would you now before me, your partner and your guests,
以及所有客人的面 读出你对自己的评价吗?
read some of what you have stated in your own words?
我承认我不擅长
I acknowledge that are not good at
成熟地表达自己的感情
communicating my feelings maturely.
我不会直言心中烦恼
I won’t say what’s bothering me,
只会生气
but instead sulk.
我希望你能懂我的心事
And expect you to read my mind
在你不理解我时变得恼怒
and get furious at you and you can’t.
我有时会变得很自我
I can be quite self-involved.
可能我会忍不住猜想
I tend to assume that
你是否开始厌烦我的某些缺点
if you’re upset it’s something about me,
我会因为一些微不足道的小事猜来猜去
I get jealous even over small incidents
然后变得小气令人厌恶
and become petty and hateful,
而不是直接说出我怕失去你
instead of showing that I’m afraid of losing you.
伴侣双方都承认自己有很多缺点
Both partners admit to their multiple faults,
毕竟自以为是是爱情最大的敌人
self-righteousness is, after all, the great enemy of love.
我们每个人并非完美无缺
Neither of us is fully sane or healthy,
我们会用宽广的胸怀
we are committed to treating each other
善良和美好的期望
as broken people
去接受对方的不足
with enormous kindness and imagination
共同经营我们的婚姻
when we could manage it.
这些缺点并不古怪
There is nothing odd about
是普通又普通的人之常情
this couple beyond the ordinary oddness that is everyone’s lot.
他们只不过是
They’ve merely put into words
将我们持续罪过中的错误与失败
the errors and failings
诉诸于语言
of which we are all continuously guilty.
我们都是残缺不全的
我们愚昧着
还将愚昧下去
我们都难以相处
我们生气 愤怒
因自己的错误而责备他人
有奇怪的痴迷 并且失信于他人
我们共聚于此 使错误加身的你少些孤单
我们从不知道所有细节
但我们能理解
下个环节是宽容仪式
Next comes what we call the ritual of charity.
宽容是爱心
Charity is at the heart of love.
宽容意味着体察对方细微的担忧
Charity means finding the least alarming,
不易察觉的恐慌
least panicked view of
来解释他人必定行之有因
why the other is acting as they are.
宽容能看到侵犯背后的恐惧
It sees the fear behind the aggression.
愤怒深处的孤独
It sees the loneliness at the root of a sulk.
宽容意识到蔑视别人是由于自己的羞愧
It recognizes how shame can make a person defiant.
内心的担忧可以转化成极度刺耳的言语
And how a hidden worry can unleash excessive harshness.
你们现在愿意交换宽容仪式礼物吗?
Will you now exchange the ritual gifts of charity?
新人正在互相交换
The couple are exchanging photographs
儿时的照片
of one another from childhood.
我们自然而然地向孩子流露出疼爱之心
We naturally act towards a child with a spirit of love.
我们经常发现自己很难对成人宽容
We often find it hard to adopt towards adults.
而交换儿时的照片象征着一种承诺
This exchange of childhood images symbolizes a commitment
承诺以善意对待对方
to treat one another with the kindness
毫不犹豫地以对待孩子的温柔对待对方
one wouldn’t hesitate to show a child.
体察对方如此频繁地拒绝长大成人的理由
But so often refuse grown-ups.
我会待你如对待孩子般温柔
I will place this child version of you
这是我对你的爱的中心
that was the center of my love.
我会试着将你的错误
I will try to see your faults
看成你过往经历的苦难的后果
as a consequence of troubles in your past.
我会小心看顾你内心那个破碎的孩子
I will look after the broken child within you.
你的伴侣曾经年幼
而在面对某些事情上
他们依然是当初的那个孩子
当你破口大骂
你就是在对那个年幼的孩子歇斯底里
当你背叛这段感情
你就是在背叛那个单纯的少年
当你苛责他时
你就是在苛责那个囿于所见的孩子
经营一段感情
需要耐心 容忍和温暖
最后要交换戒指 从此走进婚姻殿堂
Lastly comes the exchange of rings and a spousal valve.
满怀理解 恐惧 以及期待
Knowing all this, fearing all this, hoping all this,
你们愿意当着大家的面承诺结为夫妇吗?
will you in front of us all vow to wed each other?
你们愿意彼此分享
Will you agree to share your lives with
生命中的不足 悲伤
all the restraint and sorrow that will be involved,
以及欢喜 善意 友谊吗?
as well as the joy and the kindness and the friendship?
我们愿意
We do.
现在我宣布你们结为夫妇
I now declare you’re married.
[掌声]
[Applause]
曾经
现在
或者将来
我们的婚姻会变得不那么完美
但是我们可以学习
并恢复和提高婚姻的质量
愿你们的智慧有所增加
愿这场婚姻终成圆满
我们全心全意地
将最美好的祝福送给你们
[掌声]
[Applause]
无挑战 不婚姻
No marriage is ever without serious challenges.
但是以婚礼开始一场婚姻
But starting a marriage with a wedding ceremony,
象征着对婚姻挑战的积极应对
that’s alive to these challenges.
婚礼仪式会给我们一些温和的忠告
And gives us some gentle guidance
教我们如何避免婚姻中的挑战
on how to avoid them
帮我们步入婚姻的正途
helps us to get off on the right footing.
《结婚完全指南》这本书里
If you’d like to buy the book How to Get Married
有我们的详尽婚姻指导
which has our full marriage service in it,
有给准备或者已经步入婚姻殿堂的人士的忠告
along with advice on preparing for and managing marriage,
如果你想购买的话 请点击屏幕下方的链接
please click the link on screen now.
如果你觉得我们的帮助确实有效
And if you’d like our help in actually
请留言谈一下自己的婚姻体验
putting on your own marriage service,
或者可以通过简介里面的链接直接联系我们
please contact us by the link in the description.

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视频概述

迈入婚姻殿堂,是人生中重要的一步,人们别出心裁地让婚礼隆重而不失新意,然而如何经营婚姻大事,还是一个避免不了的世纪问题。

听录译者

Felicity

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员 RN

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hAa9BIGNpU

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