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直男教程:如何避免强行撩妹 – 译学馆
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直男教程:如何避免强行撩妹

How to Flirt Without Being Creepy

几周前 有一项关于“可怕”的研究
The first ever study of creepiness was done
结果真的非常有趣
just a few weeks ago and had a really interesting result,
内容是关于男女对“可怕”的不同理解
which is that men and women experience creepiness differently.
男人认为可怕的是剥制术 超自然现象
Men think of creepiness as taxidermy, as the supernatural,
恐怖电影 小丑之类的事物
scary movies, clowns, those sorts of things.
女人认为除此以外还有一个
Women have those same associations plus one more.
令人毛骨悚然的对象——男人
Women associate creepiness with men,
这也是我们今天做这个视频的灵感来源
and that was the inspiration for this video
因为我突然领悟到在每个男人生命里的调情过程中
because it dawned on me that somewhere in the course of every guy’s life as he’s flirting,
肯定会有某一刻让女生感到可怕
he has done something creepy.
我知道我也这么做过
I know I have,
因为我们和女性对毛骨悚然的定义是不同的
and the reason is because we don’t have the same understanding of creepy that women do,
所以我决定通过探讨那些男性令女性毛骨悚然
so I figured that by diving into the most common ways that guys are creepy
却不自知的最常见方式 来帮男性免除困扰
without realizing it, I can save you that trouble and, hopefully,
希望能带你避开搭讪歧途
take you off of the path you don’t want to be on.
你可能在做一件事
So the first thing that you might be doing
凭借我在维加斯多年经验 男性们经常在做这件事
that I see guys do all the time because I live in Las Vegas,
就是眼神交流
is with eye contact.
“可怕”通常遵循一条黄金法则
Creepiness typically follows a Goldilocks rule,
即过多和欠缺都是不好的
which is to say that too little and too much are both bad.
你需要把握好度
You need to get it just right.
我们都知道过度眼神交流看起来是什么样子
We all know what too much eye contact looks like.
就是醉汉看女孩的样子
It’s the guy who sees a girl and he’s drunk,
只是盯着看 对吧?
so he just stares at her, right?
或者那种直直盯着女生的脸
Or it’s the guy who gets right up in her face,
或者距离太近 侵犯到女生的私人空间
and he’s just too close he’s invading her personal space.
但是太少眼神接触也不礼貌
Too little though can be uncomfortable as well.
当一个男生从背后跳出来 往往会吓到女生
That’s when a guy comes up from behind a girl and approaches her,
女生大叫“哦 天啊 你在那里干什么啊?”
and just startles her, just “Oh, my god, what were you doing there?”
我经常在舞池里看到这种现象
I see this all the time on the dance floor.
一个男子会悄悄溜进来 然后在女孩儿背后磨蹭
A guy who kind of like slips in and starts grinding up behind a girl
而女孩根本不知道他在那里
without her really realizing he’s there,
然后男子突然冒出来 真是一个“大惊喜”
and all of a sudden, surprise, there he is.
所以眼神交流的规则就是
So, the rule for eye contact,
当你接近一个你感兴趣的女性时
when it comes to approaching a woman that you’re interested
眼神交流得足够 让她能意识到你的到来
is that you want to have enough that she can sense you coming,
但也不能太磨叽 不能人家看到你站在那里15分钟了
but not so much that she’s seen you standing there
你还没鼓起勇气向人家搭话
for 15 minutes working up the courage to talk to her.
我的意思是在第1次 第2次
What that means is that within the first 1, 2,
或者第3次你和她眼神交流的时候
maybe 3 times that you make eye contact with her,
你就需要上前搭话了
you need to go speak to her.
而我意识到实践起来很难
Now, I realize that this is hard
因为第一次眼神交流你心里会想“哇 那女孩很不错”
because first time can go, “Crap, that’s a pretty girl,”
第二次你会想“哦 天啊 我要说什么”
second time, “Oh, god, what will I say,”
第三次“哦不 她看到我了”
third, “Oh, no, she saw me,”
然后你就…第六次眼神交流后 你就完全不知所措了
and then you’re like, you know, six times later, you don’t know what to do.
那么在和女孩儿进行好几次眼神交流后
How do you train yourself to speak to a girl
你如何训练自己的搭讪技巧呢
once you’ve made eye contact just a few times.
以下是方法
Here’s how.
第一 当你去酒吧或者俱乐部玩儿的时候
Start, while you’re out in a bar or a club,
要和所有人进行眼神交流——
making eye contact with everybody —
职工 碗碟收拾工 男人 女人 不管是谁
wait staff, bussers, men, women, whoever it is.
你要进行一些眼神微交流
Make these little micro interactions of eye contact.
第二 露出微笑
Second, throw in a smile.
当你经过某人时 你可以对他露出微笑 是不?
So you walk pass someone, you give them a little smile, right?
第三 如果你想的话
Third, if you want,
你们还可以击个掌 挥手示意之类的
you can throw in a high five, a wave, whatever.
你这样做的目标首先是
And what you’re aiming for here, one,
从这些细微的交流中
is to feel, first off, internally comfortable with
内心感到非常舒服
these tiny, little interactions,
这样你就不必总是局促不安地盯着自己的脚了
so that you’re not just staring at your feet the whole time.
其次
And, second,
你可以看一下有多少人会回应你
it’s to see how many people you can get to respond in kind
因为当别人也回以微笑 击掌 挥手时
because every person who responds with a smile, a high five, a wave,
就代表人他在邀请你开始一场谈话
that is an invite to go start a conversation with them.
我要告诉你的是 这种方法你用的越娴熟
The way that you’re going to get good at this,
你就越能敏锐地从中得到微小的暗示
I will tell you right now, a little hint for you,
这时候你就会拥有更多的乐趣
is that the more fun that you’re having,
这些微交流也会进行得更加顺利
the better each one of these micro interactions will go.
如果不赶时间的话
If you’re having the time of your life,
几乎所有人都会非常乐意与你击掌
people are going to just, about 100%, want to high five,
比如问一句“嘿 你好吗哥们儿?”
whatever, “Hey, what’s up man?”
他们是非常乐意参加这种活动的
They’re going to want to be part of that.
如果你非常紧张又乏味地说一句“嘿”
If you’re really nervous and bored like, “Hey,”
没有人会回复你
nobody’s gonna respond to you.
那么开始做这些交流后
So, start doing that,
你就能直接和感兴趣 想特别交谈
then you can direct it towards the women that you’re interested
的女性进行交流了
in speaking to specifically.
现在你心情不错 站在那里 兴致勃勃
Now, you’ve gone up, you stand in there, you’re having fun,
然后一个女性吸引了你的目光
you see a woman, you caught her eye,
你对她微笑并且挥手示意
you smile, and wave.
如果她也回你微笑和挥手示意 事儿就成了
If she smiles and waves back, done.
说明她对你来电了 你可以上前搭讪了
She sensed you, you can walk up.
当你进行眼神交流时一定要面带微笑
Maintain eye contact while you’re going, with a smile on your face,
接下来说什么随便你
and say, god, just about anything.
最简单的就是“我们刚才的眼神交流好尴尬
An easy one to go is, “We just made awkward eye contact.
如果我不过来打个招呼的话
If I didn’t say Hi,
是不是很奇怪啊?”
it was about to get weird, right?”
开个小玩笑啦 你可以说“你好吗?我是查理”
A little joke, and now you’re talking, “What’s up? I’m Charlie.”
超级简单 我脑海中想到的第一句话就是这个
Super, super easy, I literally came up with that
但这句话其实很管用
on the top of my head, but that should work.
所以第一件事是——眼神交流
So, that’s the first thing–eye contact.
第二件事是
The second thing is you’re going to me
在某一时刻你是要参与到谈话中的 对吧?
in conversation at some point, right?
谈话可以有一百万种方式变得可怕
Conversation has a million ways to be creepy.
你可以以一百万种方式说错话
There’s a million ways you can do it wrong,
但是往往最常见的一种
but the most common one that I tend to see
就是说恭维话
is with compliments.
男性出去看到一个吸引人的女性
Men go out and they see a woman they’re attracted to —
这种事情在拉斯维加斯随处可见
this happens all the time in Vegas,
我无意中听到他们会这样说
I overhear it — and they say things like,
“哦 天哪 你是如此美丽 哇
”Oh, my gosh, you’re just so beautiful like, wow,
你的美丽我甚至不知道如何比喻
I don’t even know, we don’t
我们那里的女人可没你这么美
have women like you where I come from,
就…哇…你把我弄得蛮紧张的”
it’s oh, wow, I’m like you made me so nervous.”
本意是好的 但他们又一次非常紧张
And, again, well intentioned, they reallyare nervous.
他们不知道做什么
They don’t know what to do,
但是他们没有意识到每当你恭维他人的时候
but what they don’t realize is that every time you compliment someone,
你会增加他人的紧张程度
you increase the amount of tensionthat they feel.
如果你曾经受到恭维
And if you’ve ever been over complimented, perhaps,
恭维者或者是想要晋升的职员或者是刚来的实习生
by someone at work who wanted a promotion,
你就会想“好吧 这个人想要什么?
or an intern, it feels like, “Okay, what does this person want?”
他们拍我马屁是为了什么?”
Like what are they buttering me up for?
所以在说恭维话的时候
So you need to find a way to release the tension
你需要找一种方式去释放你的紧张
that you create when you compliment people.
你仍然可以恭维某个女性 事实上你也应该这么做
You can still compliment women, in fact, you should.
因为这是向她们表达你的好感的最有效方式之一
That’s one of the most effective ways to show them that you’re interested.
那么你应该做什么呢?
So what do you do?
你应该把制造紧张的恭维和笑话结合起来
You combine the compliment, which creates tension,
这样才能释放紧张
with a joke, which releases tension.
这个话题很基本
This is a big topic,
我们称这种技巧叫做推拉或者拉推话术 随便你怎么叫
it’s a technique called push-pull or pull-push, whatever you want to call it.
我有另一个YouTube视频专门讲这个
I have another video on it, it’s here on YouTube.
我会在简介里放上链接 或者在这里放个链接
I’ll throw a link in the description, a link up here,
里面有几个来自罗素·布兰德和克雷格·弗格森的例子
it’s got examples from Russell Brand,
非常棒
Craig Ferguson, really good.
请在本视频之后观看
Watch it after this one.
我们现在要讲第三件事情了 就是触摸
We’re gonna move on now to the third piece, which is touching.
这条黄金法则生效的条件
Goldilocks rule, again, in effect,
又是不能太多也不能太少
too much, too little, not gonna work;
做过头很明显不对
too much, obvious.
一名男子紧紧抓住一个女孩儿是非常具有侵略性的
A guy who’s grabbing the girl, being really aggressive, again,
这好像又是醉汉才会做的事情
tends to occur when guys are drunk.
但假如触摸过少的话 会让人觉得可怕 让人觉得有点诡异
Too little though, just as creepy and just as bad.
我对自己过去的做法深表内疚
I was guilty of this in the past for sure.
我会走过去和一个女孩儿搭话
I’d walk up, I’d be talking to a girl,
我觉得我对她有兴趣
and I feel like I’m kind of interested.
所以想看她是否也是如此
I want to see if she’s, you know,
她会回答我 然后我就会轻轻拍她的肩膀
she’s gonna respond and I’d like to tap her on the shoulder.
或者我们会一起拍一张合照
Or we’ll take a picture and I’d read over,
然后我就会轻轻握着她的手
I’d kind of like hold her hands as I gently laid
就像我之前把手非常轻地把手搭在她肩膀上一样
my hand on her shoulder very, very light.
这是非常可怕的
That’s creepy.
你绝对不能做这种事
You don’t want to be doing that
因为它某种程度上表明你是表里不一的
because that indicates some sort of incongruence in you,
我们稍后会更详细地讨论这个话题
and we’re going to talk a little bit more about that, but,
不过这个词很好理解
basically, incongruence is
表里不一就是你的言语和行为不一致
when what you’re saying and what you’re doing don’t match,
这会对女孩儿造成一种
which creates the impression
你有所隐瞒的印象
in her that you have something to hide.
这就是可怕的核心
That is the core of creepiness.
那么如何正确地触碰呢?
So, how do you touch the right way?
非常重要的是你得意识到
What’s really important here is
正确触碰的方式不止一种
that you realize there’s not just one way.
比如我住在拉斯维加斯 经常出去玩
I live in Las Vegas; I go out all the time.
如果你有一定社交敏锐性的话
If you have a certain level of social acuity,
你可以夸张一点 去拥抱一位女性
you could probably run up, give a woman a hug,
拉着她旋转 在舞池跳舞 这都没问题
grab her, spin around, dance with her on the dance floor, no problem.
但是我不会把这个方法推荐给
But, that I can’t recommend blanket
每个人
to every single person
因为如果你没有一定的社交敏锐性的话
because if you haven’t developed that sense of social awareness,
你可能会惹上大麻烦
you might run into serious problems.
所以最安全的方式是这样的 在搭讪之前
So the safest way to do this is to think of it like this, early in the interaction,
要先进行眼神交流
once you’re talking to someone,
尽管在人群中看起来这种方法十分套路
even as you’re like kind of maneuvering through the crowd,
而触碰她的胳膊一到三秒是合适的
any where from 1 to 3 seconds, somewhere on her arm,
在北美文化中 这种做法基本上是安全的
in North American culture, is generally safe.
你这样做没问题 不过火
You’re gonna be fine. That’s not too much.
还可以很好地试探出女方的接受程度在哪里
That’s a fine amount to see where her level of receptiveness is.
所以假如这是他的肩膀 这是我的手
So, if this is her shoulder, this is my hand,
我谈话的时候就会这样“嗨
while I’m talking I might go, ”Hey, me and
我和朋友们要去那边的酒吧里
my friends are gonna go over there to the bar,
你们想要一起吗?”
do you guys want to come with us?”
我把手放在她肩膀上 引起了她的注意
I rest my hand here, I get her attention,
然后就把手放下
I take it off.
或者我们击掌的时候 我握住她的手 她开始微笑
Or we high five, I give her a fist, she makes me laugh,
我会说“太棒了” 你们击掌时握手的时间要保持在两秒以内
I’d go, “It’s freaking awesome,” you and her high five, hold her hand for a second, 1, 2,
然后就放开
let it go.
这种程度上的触碰能给我非常关键的信息
That amount is going to give me the most crucial thing,
因为女方之所以感到你可怕
which is information, because creepiness
是因为你没有抓住这些社交线索
comes from not taking social cues.
在这一点上 我需要怀着容忍和开放的态度对她的感觉做出反应
At this point, I need to be receptive and open to how does she feel about that.
如果我说“咱们去酒吧吧” 她回答“当然没问题”
If I’d say, “Let’s go over to the bar,” shesays, “Sure,”
然后抓着我的手和我一起走向酒吧
grabs my hand and walks to the bar with me,
那么她明显触碰我的时候是舒服的 至少某种程度上是这样
she’s clearly comfortable touching me, at least, to some degree, which means,
下一次或许我可以给她一个拥抱
next time, maybe I’d give her a hug,
或许我们可以一起去跳舞
maybe we’d go to the dance floor.
但是如果我触碰一个女孩儿 我说“我们去酒吧吧”
But if I touch a girl and I’d go, “Hey, we’re going to the bar,”
然后她这样回答“呃 我们还是待在这里吧”
and she goes like that, and goes, “Yeah, we’re gonna stay here.”
这种反应很明显表明
That’s a pretty clear indication that, okay,
她和我在一起没有很舒服
she’s not feeling comfortable enough with
原因有很多 或许她生性冷淡
me for whatever reason, maybe that’s how she is,
或许她今天心情不好
maybe she’s having a bad day, maybe she
或许她只是不喜欢我t恤的颜色
just doesn’t like the color of my shirt,
在她不想触碰我的情况下
that she does not want me to be touching her, and
我有两种选择
what that means is one of two things.
A. 结束沟通
I can, A: end the interaction,
B. 在减少触碰的情况下再次搭讪
or B: go back to speaking to her with less touching;
看看我们是否能建立多一点联系
see if we can connect a little bit more, and then,
然后几分钟过后
in a couple of minutes, see how she feels
试一下她对3秒内的触碰之类的情况有什么反应
with a similar kind of, you know, 1 to 3 second touch.
如果情况还是没有好转怎么办?
If that doesn’t get any better, guess what?
你俩不配 溜呗
not a match, time to move on.
那么关于3秒内的手臂触碰
So, that is touching, 1 to 3
对方反应没问题的话你基本上就安全了
seconds on the arm, generally, you’re safe,
但是当然啦
but, of course,
你得及时捕捉女方的反应并据此作出反馈
pick up the feedback and act accordingly.
这时候女性可能感觉很可怕
This is where creepiness comes in.
因为男性强行撩妹而不自知
It’s the guys that don’t receive the feedback.
第四件事情 围困住女生
The fourth thing–trapping.
我看大多数男性都意识不到这个问题
This is the one I see guys most unaware of,
他们很难理解被围困的感觉 毕竟从没经历过
which is, again, it’s tough because you’ve never experienced this.
因为身为直男
But if you’re a guy,
你没意识到自己感兴趣的女性往往是那种
what you tend to not realize is that most of the women you’re interested
体格比你自己小的
in are going to be smaller than you,
这样打架时你才不会被揍 对吗?
they’re gonna lose in a fight to you, right?
而相对于男性来说 女性更矮更轻
They’re gonna be shorter, they’re gonna weigh less.
这些因素足以让男性对女性构成生理上的威胁
All of these things that make you a literal physical threat to them,
这就是为什么几千年来
this is why women,
女性对恐惧的感知进化得更发达
over thousands of years, have evolved this sense of creepiness.
她们会出于本能地觉得这种情况对自己来说不安全
It’s a visceral feeling of this might not be safe for me.
所以你可以想象一下
So you can imagine a time
虽然你们的谈话进行得非常顺利
where you’re trapping them physically in a small space even if you’re
但当你把女性围困在一个狭小的空间里时
just talking to them and the conversation is going great.
她可能会这样想
That it might make her feel like,
“哦 不行 我得离开这里”
”Oh, my gosh, I need to get out of here,”
除非她对你高度有好感才不会想逃走
unless she has a very high degree of comfort with you.
我见过这种事情 男孩和女孩相谈甚欢
So, I see this happen, a guy and a girl having a great conversation
然后男孩提出“咱们去那边坐吧”
and go ,”Let’s sit down over here.”
然后他们去了卡座 女方在前
They go to a booth, she slides in first,
男方在后 然后事儿崩了
he slides in second, and it’s ruined
因为他把她堵在卡座里
because, now, he has trapped her in this booth,
她一开始没注意 但是突然意识到了
and she doesn’t realize it, but all of a sudden,
就很惊慌“我需要出去一下”“我要去个洗手间”
she’s going, “I need to get out of here,” “I need to go to the bathroom,”
“我得去找我朋友了”“我不想待在这里”
“I need to find my friends,””I need to just not be here.”
同样的事情也发生在酒吧里 对吗?
The same thing occurs at bars, right?
一个女性在酒吧里 一个男性走上前
A guy walks up, a woman’s at a bar.
女人身后是酒吧墙壁 面前假如是我
Her back is to the bar here, she’s facing me, say,
现在我堵住了她的出口
I’m now, physically, blocking her exit;
更糟的是 如果我有两个朋友过来打招呼
worse, if two of my friends come out to say hi, now
现在她三个方向的出路都被堵死了
we’ve got a wall of guys blocking her exit.
这样不好吧?
That is no bueno, right?
所以 当谈到围困这一话题时 你要多加考虑自己的行为
So, when it comes to trapping, just be thinking,
你要把自己的背靠在墙上
put your own back on on the wall, put your
靠在小卡座里面 明白吗
own back on the inside of that little booth, right?
也就是让女性觉得她可以随时走掉
That is going to keep her feeling
这样你们才能如你所愿地继续发展下去
like she can walk away and it’s going to have you arrange the right way.
所以 不要困住她
So, don’t trap, a simple thing.
要确保你自己的出口
Make sure that you are the one who
比她的出口更难通过
is having a tougher time exiting than her.
要不然就会发展成我们常见的可怕的强行撩妹
That is the most common things I see about creepiness.
在这个简短的视频里
I could not possibly do the topic
我不可能详尽地教你如何调情 如何不变成怪蜀黍
of how to flirt or how to not be creepy just in this
但我希望本视频对你有用
short video, but I hope that you guys have found this helpful.
如果你想知道撩妹的其它方面
If there is other things that you’re interested about flirting, generally,
请到评论里写下来
go ahead, write them in the Comments.
我无意把本频道变成教人如何撩妹撩汉的频道
I’m not trying to make this channel a flirting channel,
但调情确实是
but it is, of course, an experience
一种大家在某一刻都有的经历
that all humans have at some point.
所以如果你有这方面的问题
So if there’s questions you have on it,
我很乐意在此为你解答
I do want to touch on them here.
如果你有一个直男的好奇心
If you’re curious, as a guy,
不知道和女生搭讪该说什么
what to say when you walk up to a woman because, you know,
不知道如何眼神交流
you got the eye contact,
如何操作以上建议
you know not to do all these other things,
而你非常想知道自己该说什么吗?
what do you actually say?
我们确实有另一个截然不同的视频
We actually set up a different video.
在YouTube上即可观看
This one’s off of YouTube, but
点击这里的链接就行
if you click the link here,
点击就能观看另一个视频了
it’s gonna take you to a different site.
用邮箱订阅后你可以在三个地方看到本视频
You drop your email on the thing and you can go watch this video on the three things that
我能把99%的对话智慧教给你
I say to start 99% of the conversations that I have.
它们非常基础 非常简单
They’re very basic, they’re very simple.
它们很有用 能以简单的方式实现有效沟通
They work and they get conversation rolling in an easy way.
所以如果你对它们很好奇 就来看一下亲自试试吧
So if you’re curious what those are, go ahead and do that.
当然了 没订阅本频道的朋友请记得订阅
Of course, if you have not yet, subscribe to the channel.
一般我们不会有太多这种有关约会的视频
Typically, we don’t do a lot of dating stuff like this,
但本视频讲到的事情我深有体会
but this is something that occurred to me because of this whole creepiness thing,
一些是我在拉斯维加斯常见的情景
and some of the things that I’ve seen in Vegas,
而人们经常会主动瓦解自己的魅力
but we do have Charisma Breakdowns.
我们还有一些回复头条评论的视频
We have this talking head style
我会在里面回答评论里提到的问题
videos where I answer your questions from the comments
教你如何在生活中更有魅力更自信
about how to be more charismatic and confident in your life.
所以那些没有订阅的朋友们
So, if you’ve not yet done so,
如果你想在主页上看到我们的视频
you want to see our videos on your homepage,
请订阅我们的频道
subscribe to the channel.
当然了 希望你喜欢本视频
And, of course, I hope that you’ve enjoyed this video
期待下次视频与你相会
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

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视频概述

本视频介绍了四大黄金法则,教直男如何避免撩妹误区。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

ABC

审核员

审核员YX

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVYuMhjk58o

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