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怎样说服顽固的人

How to deal with stubborn people in your life

你曾经有没有想这样 嘣
– You ever feel like doing this, boom,
当在生活中你和一个固执的人相处
when you’re dealing with a stubborn person in your life?
这个人可能是你的爱人
Could be a someone you’re dating,
可能是同事 可能是老板
could be a coworker, could be a boss,
但要记住一点
just remember this,
我正在读威尔杜兰特的哲学故事
I was reading Will Durant’s story of philosophy
这是一本关于最伟大的哲学家亚瑟叔本华的书
about the great philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer.
叔本华在这本书里说
And he said,
关于无用的逻辑
the uselessness of logic,
他说没人真的会被逻辑说服
nobody’s ever convinced by logic he said.
如果你想要说服某人
If you want to convince somebody,
如果你想要改变他们的想法
if you wanna change our mind,
他说去吸引他们的需求
he said appeal to their desires,
满足他们的自身利益
their self-interest,
诱导他们的情感
their emotions.
你知道
And you know
这个适用于很多方式
this applies by the way
如果你是个企业家 你想要创业
if you’re an entrepreneur you want to start a business,
这些方法可以应用在你的所有营销中
this applies in all your marketing.
这就是为什么你看可口可乐
That’s why you see Coca-Cola
或者百事可乐(笑声) 他们的卡戴珊出演的广告
or Pepsi (laughing) their little Kardashian commercial
会出现
that came out,
他们过去尝试做的
what they were trying to do
和好广告做的事情
and what good advertising does,
都是毫无逻辑的
it’s not even logical.
比如在过去20年你可以看到
Like you see like for the last 20 years,
可口可乐一直在做广告
Coca-Cola been doing ads,
他们做了什么
and what do they do?
仅仅是名人喝着饮料而已
It’s just like celebrities drinking the drink.
毫无逻辑
There’s no logic,
他们没有说什么
they’re not saying,
比如说饮料中含糖分啊
well you know, this amount of sugar in it,
所以它很好喝
so it’s gonna taste good.
你知道 饮料中含有25克糖
We have 25 grams of sugar, you know.
他们没有在广告中说出来
They don’t do anything like that,
这跟数据无关
it’s not about statistics.
人们在情感上就被信服了
People are convinced emotionally.
叔本华说我们并没有远离
Schopenhauer says we are not far removed
我们的动物本能
from our animal instincts.
如果你在生活中遇见一个固执的人
So if you got a stubborn person in your life,
你不能让他们让步
and you can’t get ’em to budge
不能让他站在你的角度看问题
and see your side of the story,
或者你有自己的业务
or if you own a business
而且你在做一个产品市场调研
and you’re trying to market a product,
我不知道这里发生了什么
I don’t know what’s going on over here.
噢 是篮球场上的吹叶机
Oh, leaf blower on the basketball court.
你得停止使用逻辑
You have to stop using,
不要用太多逻辑了
stop using so much logic.
记住叔本华说的
Remember what Schopenhauer said,
逻辑是没用的
the uselessness of logic.
他没说它有几分用处
He didn’t say it’s kinda helpful.
他说它基本上没用
He said it’s basically useless.
很明显 世界上有一些人
Obviously there’s a few people out there in the world
能够通过逻辑实现目的
that you can reach through logic,
但很多人都不能 真的 所以想别的办法吧
but not many, not many, so move on.
找到他们渴望什么
Find out what they desire,
他们的自身利益是什么
what’s their self-interest,
他们想要什么
what do they want?
如果你有一个上司
If you have a boss,
不要要求他加薪
don’t ask him for a raise.
你知道 不要直接要求他加薪
You know, don’t ask him for a raise.
这是你的个人利益而已
That’s your self-interest.
比如 你知道
Say, you know what,
假设我得到更多的报酬
if I was getting paid a little more,
我打赌我会为你做这些事情
I bet you I would do x, y, z for you.
比如我会让你的工作更简单
Like I’d make your job easier,
或者说 不要一开始就提加薪
or don’t even start with the raise.
说 我能帮你使工作变得更简单
Say you know I’d like to make your job easier.
我有个想法 如果我来为你做了这件事
I got an idea, if I come in and do this for you,
你就可以早点回家
man, you’d be able to get home early.
你能赚更多的钱
You’d be able to make more money yourself,
然后说
and then say,
你知道该怎么做吗
you know what would make,
最后你只说
then at the end you just say,
你知道该怎么做更简单吗
you know what would make that a little easier,
如果我得到一些加薪
if I had a little raise.
我会更有动力为你做事
Then I’d be a little more motivated to do this for you.
人们都是爱自己的
People are in love with themselves.
但他们不会爱你
They’re not in love with you,
即使他们说他们会
even if they say they are.
就是那样 这很有趣
The end of the day, and this is it’s interesting,
我读过一项科学研究 我忘记他们怎么
I read a scientific study I forget what how they
做这个实验的
formulated this experiment.
但这个实验基本上是关于夫妻的
But basically it was an experiment about
报告说不管你怎么分析实验
couples, and it said no matter how you analyze it,
人们会爱自己胜过配偶
people love themselves more than their spouse.
即使他们确实非常爱他们的配偶
Even if they do truly have love for their spouse,
他们仍然更爱他们自己一点
they still love themselves a tad bit more,
几乎都是这样的
almost always.
有时会有例外 你知道 有孩子在时
The one exception sometimes with kids you know,
如果这里有火灾
if there’s a fire,
父母会牺牲自己去救孩子
parents will sacrifice themselves.
但如果你读了这本由理查德道金斯写的
But if you read the book The Selfish Gene
《自私的基因》
by Richard Dawkins,
他说这是因为
he says that’s because
他们的孩子有他们的基因
their genes are in their kids,
所以实际上他们是在救自己
so they’re really saving themselves
救孩子身上的DNA
through the DNA inside their kids.
无论如何 不要想的太复杂
Anyway, not to get too complicated there,
只要记住
just remember,
如果你对待固执的人
if you’re dealing with stubborn people
并且他们很棘手
and it’s not working out,
他们不会站在你的角度看问题
they won’t see your side of the story,
试试换个角度来看
change up the game, flip the switch,
关注他们
focus on them,
然后提出你的请求
and then bring up your needs last.
逻辑是无用的
The uselessness of logic.
你可能是对的
You might be right,
他们可能在做些不公平 不正义的事
they might be doing something unfair and unjust,
但如果你想使这些固执的人开窍
but if you wanna break through the thick skull of people,
迎合他们的需求
appeal to their desires,
找到他们真正想要的
find out what they really want,
帮他们得到它
and help ’em get it,
最后提出你的要求
and then inject your needs last.
无论如何 这是一个好方法
Anyway, it’s a good book.
我不是一个伟大的哲学家
I’m not a great philosopher,
但这是我这个外行人的看法
but that’s my layman’s version.

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视频概述

感情的力量是无与伦比的 它可以改变一个人的看法和观点

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