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如何和控制欲强的人相处

How to Deal with Manipulative People

如何与控制欲强的人相处
How to deal with manipulative people.
想象一下你有一个这样的朋友 你很喜欢他/她
Imagine you have a friend, you love your friend,
但是你意识到一些问题:
but you realize a few things.
他们总是得到他们想要的
They always get what they want,
却击溃你的自信并总是扮演受害者的角色
tear down your confidence and always play the victim.
这意味着什么?
What does this mean?
这可能意味着你的朋友是一个情感操控者
It might mean your friend is an emotional manipulator.
那么你该怎么办呢?
So what do you do? Well,
好啦 你很幸运
lucky for you,
我们已经给出一些建议以确保你不被玩弄
we’ve provided some tips to make sure you don’t get played
也希望最终能够帮到这些控制别人的人
and can hopefully help them in the end.
第一条 制止受害者言论
Number one: Stopping the victimhood.
也许你注意到无论发生什么
Maybe you notice that your friend always plays the victim,
你的朋友总是扮演受害者的角色
no matter what happens.
有时候他们也许根本不知道他们哪里做错了
Sometimes they might actually not know what they’re doing
因此也不为他们的行为负责
wrong and thus don’t assume responsibility for their actions.
有时他们是故意的
Sometimes they’re doing it on purpose.
这时候的行为就是操控性的
This is when the behavior is manipulative.
这时候你要做的就是保持轻松和积极状态
What you do in this case is to keep things light and positive.
慢慢让他们领悟犯错是正常的
Slowly let them know that it’s okay to make a mistake
然后他们就能开始为自己的行为负责
so they can start to accept responsibility for their actions.
创造公平的竞争环境
Leveling the playing field.
如果你告诉这个朋友你过了糟糕的一天
If you tell this friend you had a bad day
他们会忽视并告诉你同一天内
they’ll brush it off and tell you
他们经历季风的时间和
about the time they experienced a monsoon and
外来物种的入侵
an alien invasion in the same day.
这些操控者通过打击别人和缩小他人的问题和成就
These manipulators get their confidence
而获得自信
by putting others down and belittling other people’s issues and successes.
这时候你要做的就是保持诚实
What you have to do here is to be honest.
告诉他们“嘿 我很感谢你告诉我你的故事
You tell them”Hey, I appreciate you telling me your story,
我也很高兴你能引起自身共鸣
and I’m glad you can empathize,
但是我只需要一些建议或安慰或倾听者
but I just need some advice or comfort or someone to listen.
通过接纳操控者正在做的事
By accepting what the manipulator is doing you
你就能摆脱掉他们伤害你的力量
‘ve taken away their power to hurt you.
减轻负担
Lessening the load.
控制欲强的人假装自己无能
These people pretend to be helpless and always put you
并总是把你放到底端 把所有的压力都放到你身上
on a pedestal which puts all the pressure on you.
你可以反抗的方式就是慢慢地
The way you can combat this is to slowly put them
把他们放到做决定或掌控的位置
into positions of decision-making or power.
告诉他们 总是你领头来承担来自他们的压力
Tell them that you’re uncomfortable with the weight they put
这种感觉很不舒服
on your shoulders by making you the leader all the time.
一开始他们可能会发飙 但渐渐地他们就会感激
At first they might be mad, but slowly they may appreciate,
感受到被平等对待 并喜欢采取行动
feel equal, and enjoy taking action.
相互谈论一下
Talk about it.
传统的情绪操控者被称为“三角者”
The classic emotional manipulator is known as a triangulate
他们为了得到他人的支持会说出任何话
They’ll say anything to get someone on their side.
通过使人们相互竞争 他们会破坏人际关系 甚至会破坏家庭
They’ll break relationships, and even families by pitting people against each other.
他们拥有的支持越多 就觉得拥有的权利越多
The more support they have, the more power they feel they have.
制止这一过程的最好办法 就是打开沟通的渠道
The best way to stop this, is to open channels of communications.
无论这个“三角者”说了什么 都要一直保持着和朋友和家人的交流
Keep talking to your friends and family no matter what the triangulator is saying.
这样的话无论他说了什么
This way you’re all on the same page,
你们之间的意见都是统一的
no matter what the manipulator says.
保持自己的立场
Stand your ground.
如果你遇到的是一个对所有人 所有事都无所顾忌的操控者
This is difficult if you’re dealing
做到这点就会比较困难
with a manipulator that steamrolls everything and everyone.
就像绿巨人一样
Like the Hulk,
操控者有时会使用愤怒甚至暴力而在争吵中打败你
manipulators can sometimes use anger and even violence to blast you out of an argument.
你不能问问题 因为他们一直在大喊大叫
You can’t ask questions because they yell and yell.
可能会很吓人 但是你要保持冷静
It might be scary but, keep calm,
保持你的立场 别被推倒
stand your ground and don’t be pushed over.
等到他们喊到疲惫后 再好好地和他们谈一谈
Wait for them to get tired of yelling and then have a proper discussion.
远离操控者也很有用
It also works to walk away from the manipulator,
尤其是当你感觉到有肉体上的危险时
especially if you feel that you’re in physical danger.
保持适度的怀疑
Healthy skepticism.
如果你的操控者总是要使自己和自己的生活显得完美
If your manipulator always has to make it seem they and their life is perfect,
不要相信
don’t buy it.
如果他们说错了话 就指出来
If they say something wrong call it out.
不要指出他们的所有错误 但要点破他们那套胡诌
Don’t point out all their flaws, but call out that bull.
每个人都是不完美的
Nobody’s perfect and knowing our
而了解自己的缺点是我们成长的唯一途径
flaws is the only way we can grow
改变措辞
Change your language.
一段关系中总会有交流失误
There’s always going to be miscommunication in relationships,
但如果你总是那个因错误理解信息
but if you’re always to blame
或错误表达信息而受责备的人
for getting the message wrong or delivering it wrong,
那这就可能是你被操控的一个信号
it could be a sign that you’re being manipulated.
日积月累这种操控会使你害怕为自己辩护
Over time this treatment can make you afraid to speak up.
你该做什么来防止这种情况发生呢?
What do you do to prevent this?
说话时使用“我感觉” 这样他们就不能轻易地曲解你的感觉
Speak in”I feel” sentences, so they can’t twist your feelings easily.
比如说 “看到水槽里所有用过没洗的盘子我有种厌恶的感觉”
For example,”I feel grossed out by all the old dishes in the sink”,
而不是“你不洗碗让我觉得很讨厌”
not”you gross me out by not cleaning the dishes.”
知道自己要的是什么
Know what you want.
调情很有趣 我们大部分人都这样做并通常喜欢亲身经历
Flirting is fun, most of us do it and usually like experiencing it. However,
然而如果一个人用调情
if someone is using flirtation to
而使别人崇拜他们 却忽视别人的感受
have everyone admire them with disregard to everyone’s feeling,
这是调情被用于操控策略中的一个信号
this is a sign it’s being used as a manipulation tactic.
这些操控者利用他们的魅力和性能力得到他们想要的任何东西
These manipulators use their charm and sexuality to get everything they want.
为了抵挡他们 就不要为他们的才智和魅力而倾倒
To block them out, don’t fall for their wit and charm.
知道你自己想要什么 再弄清他们说的是什么或要求的是什么
Know what you want, and know what they’re saying or asking for.
不要被他们轻浮的态度带偏了
Don’t get swept away by their flirtatious attitude.
从情感上站立起来
Stand up, emotionally.
操控者们严苛 沉重
Manipulators that are harsh, heavy,
并推倒别人以得到自己想要的东西
and bash people down to get what they want,
他们自己通常很没有安全感
are often dealing with insecurities themselves.
和这些人在一起时
With these people,
你需要勇敢面对他们并坚定自己的立场
you need to stand up to them and hold your ground.
认清你自己是谁 不要被他们拖到不安全感的深处
Know who you are, don’t let them drag you down into insecurity.
最后一条 有时候操控你的人就是不改
And finally, sometimes your manipulator just won’t stop.
这时候 我们建议你完全切断与他们的联系
In that case, we recommend you cut them out completely.
如果他们对你很重要 不能完全摆脱
If they’re too important to you to let go of,
或者如果你感到你可能会有人身威胁
or if you feel you might be physically unsafe
就去和处在权威位置的人说明情况
talk to someone in a position of authority.
有时候你在处理操控者时可能需要一些帮助
Sometimes you might need some help to deal with manipulators
我们希望
We hope that
通过使用所有这些我们刚刚告诉你们的技巧
by using all the tips we just taught you,
你们可以摆脱掉操控性的关系
you can get out of that manipulative relationship.
这就是我们这次“来吧心理学”的全部内容咯
That’s all for now from us here at Psych2Go.
坚持到底 坚持下去
Hang tough, and hang
还有不要忘记订阅我们频道来获得更多建议哦
in there and don’t forget to subscribe for more tips.

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视频概述

身边不乏控制欲强的人,怎样反击他们呢?

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

海参崴

审核员

审核员 DL

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5ruTsMvtYk

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