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绅士们遇到混蛋是如何处理的

How to Deal with Jerks Like A Gentleman DOs & DON'Ts

Welcome back to the Gentleman’s Gazette!
欢迎回到《绅士杂志》
Today’s video is all about how to deal with jerks
今天的视频是关于如何应对“混蛋”
because we will have a jerk or two in our lives
因为我们的生活中总会有一两个混蛋

You probably have a boss who is jerk,
你的老板可能就是个混蛋
maybe your neighbor a family member a friend
或是你的邻居 家庭成员 或者朋友
or someone else
或和你亲近的
who’s close to you.
其他人
I mean, frankly, we’re all jerks sometimes;
我的意思是 坦白说 我们都有混蛋的时候
If we have bad nights of sleep
有时是我们晚上没睡好觉
maybe if we were sick,
有时是生病了
or if we just have another thing to deal with
或是有时只是要去处理其他事情
we can all behave like a jerk.
我们都会表现得像一个混蛋
However, we’re talking more about people
然而 我们将更多的谈论那些
who are constantly and unapologetically a jerk.
经常做混蛋事并毫无歉意的人
The weird thing is that being a jerk
奇怪的事情是作为一个混蛋
is sometimes correlated to being successful.
有时侯会与成功联系在一起
For example, Steve Jobs was a bonafide jerk
例如 史蒂夫·乔布斯就是个不折不扣的混蛋
yet he was very successful.
但他非常成功
So just because you’re a jerk doesn’t mean
然而这不意味着成为混蛋
you’re automatically successful.
你就能自然而然地成功
Often, it’s the opposite.
事实恰恰相反
And in today’s video,
在今天的视频中
we show you how you can deal with jerks
我们会教你如何在不降低自身水准的情况下
without going down to their level.
来应对混蛋
So first of all,
首先
what exactly is a jerk
究竟什么是混蛋?
and how can you earn respect without being one
如何优雅的赢得他人的尊重?
To answer those questions, please check out this video here.
为了回答上述问题 请看这段视频
In a nutshell,
简而言之
jerks are stubborn,
混蛋们很顽固
they’re just full of themselves, they just care about themselves,
他们非常自我 他们只关心自己
they’re not open to criticism or change,
他们不接受批评和改变
and they’re just about winning, putting others down,
他们只想着赢 打倒别人
and getting ahead in life no matter the cost.
不计代价地在生活中领先其他人
Interestingly, when surveyed,
有趣的是 在接受调查时
a lot more people describe being subjected to oppression of jerks
更多的人描述自己曾遭受过混蛋的压迫
rather than admitting to being one themselves.
而不会承认自己也是混蛋中的一员
That means there are a lot people who are jerks
这意味着 很多人实际上也是混蛋
but they don’t think of themselves as being a jerk,
但他们并不认为自己是混蛋
this is called the blame bias.
这就是所谓的责备偏见
When we see behavior in others,
当我们审视他人的行为时
we assume that they’re trying to be a jerk
我们假设他们想成为一个混蛋
and mean about things
但当我们自己
yet when we do the exact same thing,
做了同样混蛋的事时
we have different motives
我们就有了不同的动机
and we don’t think of ourselves as being a jerk,
我们不认为自己是一个混蛋
when in fact, other people assume we are.
事实上 其他人认定我们就是混蛋
When people behave badly
当人们的举止很糟糕时
they often think of it as being justified
他们常常认为自己的行为是合理的
but they’re the only one thinking that way
但只有他们自己是这样想的
all the others just think you’re a jerk.
其他人都会把他们看作混蛋
The bigger problem with this behavior is that it can be contagious
此行为带来的更大问题是 它是会传染的
and other people can act in the same way
其他人会跟着那样做
and then it brings down the entire community.
这会让整个社区变得糟糕
The first strategy in dealing with jerks
应对混蛋的第一个策略是
is to make sure you’re not one yourself.
就是确保你自己不是其中之一
So once you’ve decided you’re not a jerk,
所以一旦你确定自己不是个混蛋
the first step to dealing with jerks is to take action.
应对混蛋首先要做的就是采取行动
Simply accepting behavior of jerks
放任混蛋的行为
or just letting it go is not going to make the situation better
或是毫不在意并不能让事态好转
or resolve anything.
或解决问题
You’re instead empowering the jerks to continue doing what they do
这只会让混蛋们更加得寸进尺
because they see no obstacle in behaving that way.
因为这并未妨碍他们的混蛋行为
Jerks are often stubborn and are unlikely to change,
混蛋们通常很固执并且难以改变
so you have to change something because that’s something you can control.
因此你必须要改变 因为这是你能掌控的
First of all, you have to determine what kind of jerk you’re dealing with,
第一步 你要判断清楚你遇到的是哪种混蛋
is it a clueless jerk who doesn’t know he’s a jerk
是那种他们没有意识到自己很混蛋的笨蛋
or is it an unrepentant jerk
还是那种顽固不化的混蛋
who knows what they do is wrong but they just don’t care.
他们知道自己做错了 但毫不在意
Dealing with a clueless jerk is easy
应对无知的混蛋很容易
because they actually might mean well
因为也许他们实际上是好意
and they simply just don’t know about it.
而且他们只是单纯没意识到
The best way to deal with it
最好的处理方式是
is to take that person aside in a private moment
找一个私人时间 把他(她)叫到一边
and address the issue.
然后解决这件事情
Don’t address it in front of a group
不要当着一群人的面说这些话
where they can feel attacked
在别人面前 他们会觉得受到了攻击
or where they feel particularly vulnerable,
或者感到自己很脆弱
take them aside, so no one else can see it,
把他们叫到一边 这样别人就看不见了
have a word with them, and explain what you’ve seen.
跟他们交谈 解释你看到的
A clueless jerk will likely apologize,
一个无知的混蛋可能会道歉
be sorry about it, and promise to change.
对此感到遗憾 并承诺改变
Now in those situations,
在这种情况下
it is best not to confront the people head-on
面对这样的人 最好讲话不要太直接
but just say”I noticed”,”it seems like”.
而只需说“我注意到…”“它看起来…”
Avoid terms like”you behave like an asshole”,
避免用“你表现地很混蛋” 这样的措辞
instead say, ” lately I noticed that there were some tensions around you
而是说 “最近 我注意到你身边的气氛很紧张”
or you behaved in a way that made others uncomfortable”
或是说“你的表现让其他人感到不舒服”
that way, you’re not just blaming him outright
那样说的话 你并没有直接怪罪他
but you just explain a situation
而只是在解释一下情况
and giving them a way to save their face.
并给他们台阶下
It’s important to focus on their behavior, not them as a person,
注重他们的行为 而不是他们本身 这是很重要的
otherwise, they’re likely to shut down
否则 他们可能会让你闭嘴
and not take any of your criticism.
还不接受你的任何指正
Second, it’s great to have a remedy in mind
第二步 提前替他们想一些补救措施
and not just throw something out there
而不是仅仅把问题抛出来
and expect them to come up with a solution.
等着他们自己拿出解决方案
Again, don’t tell people what they should or should not do.
此外 不要告诉他们该怎么做或不该怎么做
Rather, share maybe an experience of a similar situation
而是 分享一个能真正帮助给出解决方案的
which really helped to come to a solution.
类似情形的经历
That way, the clueless jerk will think they came up with a solution
这样的话 笨蛋们会认为这是他们想出来的方案
and because of that, they’re much more likely to act on it
也正因为如此 相比于你告诉他们该怎么做
rather than if you tell them what they should or should not do.
或不该怎么做 他们更有可能采取行动
Now, when you’ve dealt with jerks,
现在 当你应对混蛋的时候
you probably assume that they’re not a clueless jerk
你或许不会认为他们是无知的混蛋
because to you, it seems obvious they are unrepentant
因为对于你来说 很明显 他们是故意的
and they do it because they enjoy it
他们这样做 是因为享受
but that is part of the blame bias
但这也是指责偏见的一部分
and it’s best for you to assume
你最好假设
that everyone is a clueless jerk
每个人都是无知的混蛋
and therefore, you should always, as a first step,
因此 你应该经常 像第一步说的那样
take them aside privately and approach them in the way just described.
私下里把他们带到一边 用刚才描述的方法接近他们
Now if you’ve done that and the behavior doesn’t change,
如果你这样做了 他们还没有改变
you deal with an unrepentant jerk.
那你面对的就是顽固不化的混蛋
Unfortunately, there’s not a cooking recipe to deal with those kind of jerks,
不幸的是 针对这一类混蛋 目前还没有应对方法
however, chances are they’re not likely or easily going to change.
然而 他们不太可能也不容易改变
Also, the power dynamics in a relationship are hugely important.
此外 关系中的权力对比非常重要
If the jerk is a parent or a boss and you feel powerless,
如果你的父母或者老板是这类混蛋 你感到无力
it’s best to ignore those people, walk away from them,
最好的方式就是忽略他们 离他们远远的
and politely decline to even engage in a conversation with them.
甚至礼貌地拒绝与他们交谈
Simply ignore them and take out the steam of their behavior that way.
简单地忽略他们 让他们自讨没趣
The next step means it’s time to change for you.
接下来 你需要做出改变了
You either have to quit, transfer to a different department,
你要么辞职 要么转到另外一个部门
or maybe end the relationship
或是结束这段关系
because if you address their behavior directly with your superior,
因为如果你直接和你的上司谈论他们的行为
chances are they’re gonna retaliate against you
他们很可能会报复你
and make your life even worse.
让你的生活更糟糕
Now,if the power dynamics are equal
如果你们处于同一权力地位
and it’s someone like a friend, a sibling, or a colleague,
他们是你的朋友 兄弟姐妹 或者是你的同事
you are at the same level, you have a few different options.
你们处于同一地位 你可以采取不同的方法
The one is to simply shun them, ignore them, exclude them from events,
其中一个就是避开他们 避免和他们一起参加活动
and have a certain icy politeness but you’re clear
态度冰冷而不失礼貌 但你要明确
that you don’t want to have anything to do with them,
你不想再和他们扯上关系
you don’t want to listen to them,
你不想听他们胡说八道
and you don’t want to be around them.
你不想和他们呆在一起
Another option would be to fight fire with fire.
另一种方法就是以牙还牙
Now, this is very risky
这很冒险
because a jerk will drag you down to their level
因为混蛋们会把你拉低到他们的水平
and beat you there with experience.
然后用经验打败你
So if a jerk yells at you,
所以当混蛋朝你大吼时
it’s not wise to yell back but you can speak up,
最好不要跟他们大喊大叫
you can confront them, and tell them that it’s not okay.
但你能发声 能直面他们 告诉他们这不行
You can even do so in front of others
你甚至可以当着别人的面这样做
and see if that makes a change.
看看他们是否会有所改变
If it doesn’t, chances are its best simply to ignore them
如果没有 最好最简单的方式还是忽略他们
and again, quit that relationship or try to move in a place
再说一遍 结束这段关系 或尝试搬到一个
where you don’t have to deal with that kind of behavior.
不用再面对这些行为的地方
If quitting is not an option,
如果没办法逃离
fighting fire with fire is your only option
那就只能跟他们硬碰硬
and that unrepentant jerk really understands that language
顽固不化的混蛋很懂这一套
so it may lead you somewhere but be careful.
他们知道如何套路你 所以一定要小心
Now what about if you have a jerk
那么现在如果你的下属
who is your employee or your subordinate?
或地位比你低的人是混蛋呢?
In that case, things are a lot easier.
这样的情况处理起来就容易多了
Basically, you use your power and your force to require change,
基本上 运用你的权力 就能改变
you take them aside, you address the issue,
把他们叫到一边 跟他们挑明情况
you tell them what needs to happen, and if it doesn’t happen,
你告诉他们要怎么做 如果不那么做的话
you simply fire them and you just have to stick to that.
直接炒掉他们 然后坚持下去
Now, one thing that works
现在 有一种方法很有效
no matter what the power dynamics are is to not give a ****,
无论在哪种权力地位情况下都很适用
however, that’s the most difficult one
然而 这也是最难的一个
and it often requires a lot of good acting
这不仅需要你很会演
and self-discipline
又要很自律
but ultimately, if you can show people
但基本上 如果你能表现出
that you don’t care either about their behavior or about them,
你对他们的行为或他们自身毫不在乎
it makes them maybe angry or rethink their behavior
这可能会让他们生气或反思自己的行为
simply because a jerk wants attention
因为混蛋做那些事情就是想吸引注意力
and if you don’t give them attention
如果你不关注他们
and if you don’t give them gratification,
如果你不给他们满足感
they may deflate and maybe they’ll move on
他们可能就会泄气 但也可能会继续
and you can stay where you are.
而你可以保持立场
In my opinion, it’s one of the hardest approaches
在我看来 这是最难的一种方法
because it requires a lot of willpower on your end.
你需要有超强的意志力
So in conclusion, jerks are everywhere.
总结起来 混蛋无处不在
You should always assume that if you encounter them
如果你遇到他们 你应该假设他们都是无知的混蛋
that they’re clueless jerks take them aside privately tell them about it
把他们带到一边 私下告诉他们
if they still don’t correct their behavior they are unrepentant jerks
如果他们毫无悔改 他们就是顽固的混蛋
and now you have different methods to deal with
这时候你有不同的方法去应对
that you can either shun them ignore them or fight fire with fire
你要么避开他们 或忽视他们 要么以牙还牙
In today’s video,
在今天的视频中
I am wearing a single breasted navy suit with notched lapels,
我穿的是缺角翻领的单排扣海军蓝西装
but I really changed the look of it
内衬红色条纹衬衫
by wearing a red striped shirt
搭配天鹅绒般雌鹿皮的
combined with a contrasting off-white double-breasted waistcoat
米白对比色双排扣背心
in velvety doe skin material.
很大程度上地改变了这套衣服的观感
I’m combining it with a dark or medium brown grenadine tie
我搭配了一条深棕色或中褐色的薄纱领带
with a boutonniere from Fort Belvedere
加上来自贝尔威得堡的胸花
just like the tie which you can find in our shop
和领带一样 你可以在我们的店里买到它
here and it picks up the white tones of the vest
今天 我选择了白色基调的背心
and a stripe in the shirt
以及条纹衬衫
the pocket square is red and off-white polka dots
口袋方巾上是红色的 上有米白色的圆点
and it picks up the overall color scheme
它的配色与衣服配色相呼应
as you can see
如你所见
because of the contrast it looks very different
跟你那套普通的海军服比起来
than your typical run-of-the-mill navy suit
它看上去非常与众不同
this is enhanced by the fact
事实证明
that I’m wearing brown suede leather boots which are softer
我穿的棕色绒面革皮靴
than maybe a black oxford that you would usually encounter
比你通常穿的黑色牛津款更柔软
yet it works well with my brown tie.
现在和我的棕色领带也很搭
My shirt cuffs are French cuffs for double cuffs
我的衬衫袖口是是法式双袖口
and I’m wearing a pair of gold monkey fist knot cuff links
并且我戴着一对永恒经典的
which very timeless and classic
金猴拳结袖扣
and are inspired by the nautical knot
它们的灵感来自航海绳结
and you can find them in our shop, here
您可以在我们的商店中找到它们

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译制信息
视频概述

首先,告诉我们究竟什么是混蛋?并通过区分两种典型的混蛋,如无知的以及顽固不化的混蛋,作者给出不同的应对方案,教会大家如何绅士的应对。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Jack

审核员

审核员_SF

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA0X1SjUKqI

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