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情绪管理:爱人间情绪控制

How to Deal w/ Anger at Romantic Partner | Anger Management

嗨 我是Ryan Fuller博士
Hi am Doctor Ryan Fuller
我将要告诉你一些控制愤怒的技巧
and I’m going to talk to you a little bit about some anger techniques you can use
尤其是面对情感对象
when dealing with a romantic partner,
不管是男友 女友还是配偶
whether it’s boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse.
首先 好消息在于
So the first thing is there are some advantages
愤怒是源于你的熟人
when the anger actually is coming from someone you know and
或想帮你平息怒火的人
someone who wants you to decrease your anger.
第一个方法——我把这个推荐给大多数客户
The first is——I recommend this to lots of clients——
——和你的另一半订立合约
that you contract with the partner ahead of time
你留意自己将要心情烦躁或愤怒时会做些什么
what you’re gonna do when you begin to notice that you’re becoming stressed or angry,
而你的另一半也会知道你将要发怒了
and that he or she is aware of what you are gonna do
当这发生 你会试着让自己冷静
when that takes place to calm yourself down.
这能让他们给你腾出空间自己调整心情
That allows him or her to be able to make space for you to check out.
我常建议他们在此时叫个暂停
And so, what I typically have them do is to call a time out,
他们会约定一个属于他们的停战信号
and they’ll signal that in a way that works for the two of them.
不管是手势 一个特定的词或就是喊暂停
It doesn’t matter if it is a hand signal or particular word or they can just say time out.
然后 他们需要有一些是先约定好的时间点
And then there has to be some pre-negotiated ideas about
接下来的意见是关于双方之间的调解
when there gonna revisit the topic or the situation at hand.
约定好他们将何时再接着讨论现在的话题
when there’re gonna revisit the topic or the situation at hand,
这样你的伴侣就不会觉得你想永远逃避这个话题
so that the partner doesn’t think that this person is avoiding it forever,
相反的 他们会容许他们的伴侣暂时抽身于这个问题
but rather they’re allowing the boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse to step out
来借此切实地平息怒火
and in fact bring their anger down,
所以 当另一半回来时
so that when he or she returns,
彼此尊重的高效交流和问题的解决就能够实现
there can be sort of respectful effective communication and problem solving.
第二条,对伴侣之间是非常有用的
The second tool is very useful, and is an advantage that couples can use.
第二点是非常有用的 也是伴侣之间处理问题的优势
The second tool that’s very useful and is an advantage that couples can use
这是处理源自陌生人的怒火时不具备的
instead of when you’re dealing with anger coming from a stranger,
这就是我所推崇的周会 我通常称之为掌向会议
is I recommend weekly meetings. I typically have them call it a steering meeting,
在这个会议中 你们通常能够好好坐下来
where on a regular basis, you can kind of sit down and go over
讨论彼此做得好的和特别存在问题可能导致争吵和愤怒的
what’s been going on well and what’s been particularly difficult that might lead to an anger issue.
这个能够让双方意识到 他们有特定的时间和地点
What that does is that it allows both parties to recognize there is a time and place
来讨论困扰着他们的事情
to discuss things that are bothering them, and
由此不允许事态恶化甚而带来憎恨
we don’t allow things to build up and fester where resentments can grow
这些都是会造成伴侣间的隔阂的
and eventually distance can occur between the couple.
以上两种技巧都在处理伴侣间的问题时十分有效
So those are the two techniques that I think work very well with couples
所以我建议 当你和男友或女友或者配偶产生矛盾时
and I recommend that if you are having a problem with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse,
你肯定首先要咨询专家 但重要的是要让事态缓和下来
you know, you certainly talk to a professional but the main thing is you slow things down
要明白你到底想得到什么结果 然后和伴侣一起努力去得到它
and figure out what is it that you want and together try to work through it.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIJ8pyAWHJE

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