嗨 我是Ryan Fuller博士
Hi am Doctor Ryan Fuller
and I’m going to talk to you a little bit about some anger techniques you can use
when dealing with a romantic partner,
whether it’s boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse.
So the first thing is there are some advantages
when the anger actually is coming from someone you know and
someone who wants you to decrease your anger.
The first is——I recommend this to lots of clients——
that you contract with the partner ahead of time
what you’re gonna do when you begin to notice that you’re becoming stressed or angry,
and that he or she is aware of what you are gonna do
when that takes place to calm yourself down.
That allows him or her to be able to make space for you to check out.
And so, what I typically have them do is to call a time out,
and they’ll signal that in a way that works for the two of them.
It doesn’t matter if it is a hand signal or particular word or they can just say time out.
And then there has to be some pre-negotiated ideas about
when there gonna revisit the topic or the situation at hand.
when there’re gonna revisit the topic or the situation at hand,
so that the partner doesn’t think that this person is avoiding it forever,
but rather they’re allowing the boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse to step out
and in fact bring their anger down,
so that when he or she returns,
there can be sort of respectful effective communication and problem solving.
The second tool is very useful, and is an advantage that couples can use.
The second tool that’s very useful and is an advantage that couples can use
instead of when you’re dealing with anger coming from a stranger,
is I recommend weekly meetings. I typically have them call it a steering meeting,
where on a regular basis, you can kind of sit down and go over
what’s been going on well and what’s been particularly difficult that might lead to an anger issue.
What that does is that it allows both parties to recognize there is a time and place
to discuss things that are bothering them, and
we don’t allow things to build up and fester where resentments can grow
and eventually distance can occur between the couple.
So those are the two techniques that I think work very well with couples
and I recommend that if you are having a problem with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse,
you know, you certainly talk to a professional but the main thing is you slow things down
and figure out what is it that you want and together try to work through it.
嗨 我是Ryan Fuller博士