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学会在艰难的交谈中控制自己的情绪

How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation: The Harvard Business Review Guide

Have you ever lost control during a heated argument at work?
你是否曾在工作上的激烈争论中失控过?
And said or done something you will immediately regret?
还说过或做过些会立刻感到后悔的话或事?
We all have.
我们都有过
Well, I can’t help you take back that unfortunate thing you said,
我无法帮你收回自己说过的不好的话
I can help you to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
但可以帮你避免这种事再次发生
In this video,
在本视频中
you’re gonna learn how to pay closer attention
你将学到如何更加密切地关注到
to your thoughts, feelings, and even your body.
自己的思想 感受 甚至身体
So you have a better chance of staying calm during a conflict.
让你有更大的机会 在冲突中保持冷静
哈佛商评指南 如何在争论中控制情绪
Imagine you are being chased by a bear.
想象你正被一只熊追赶
[Roaring]Scary, right? [Screaming]
[咆哮声]很可怕 对吧? [尖叫声]
Now, think about a tense conversation,
现在 想象一次紧张的谈话
or a difficult negotiation at work.
或一次工作上艰难的交涉
This disagreement may be hard,
这样的争论也许很糟
and even uncomfortable.
甚至很让人不舒服
But surely you’re not panicking like you were with the bear, right?
但你肯定不会像被熊追赶一样恐慌 对吧?
Well, it’s not always that easy.
嗯 并非总是如此简单
Our brain is constantly scanning for threats.
我们的大脑不停地探测着威胁
And when it senses one,
当它检测到威胁时
regardless of the actual level of danger,
无论实际的危险程度如何
an alarm goes off.
都会拉响警报
Whether it’s a bear, or your boss.
不管威胁是熊 还是你的老板 都会如此
Those sweaty palms, that knot in your stomach, the racing heart,
手心出汗 肚子里翻江倒海 心跳加速
it’s all part of your body’s ancient fight or flight survival mechanism.
这都是身体自古以来 战斗或逃生生存机制的一部分
The body makes a chemical choice to protect itself,
身体选择通过化学手段来保护自己
and when that happens, rational thinking shuts down.
每当这时 理性思维就会停止工作
And to make matters worse, thanks to something called mirror neurons,
更糟的是 拜名为镜像神经元的东西所赐
your counterpart can catch your stressful reactions,
对方会捕捉到你的压力反应
and the conflict can spiral out of control.
从而使矛盾升级 失去控制
Luckily, all is not lost.
所幸 还有一线希望
You can learn to interrupt these physiological reactions,
你可以学着在那一刻 阻断这些
right there in the moment,
生理反应
so you can take the heat down in real time.
来及时舒缓压力
First, acknowledge and label what you’re feeling.
首先 认可并把你的感受标签化
Stressful feelings take up space and create noise in your mind.
紧张感会在大脑内制造噪音 并占用其空间
But as psychologist and author Susan David defines them,
但正如心理学家和作家苏姗大卫定义的那样
“Feelings are just transient sources of data
感受只是瞬时源数据
that may or may not proved to be helpful.”
可能有用 也可能毫无意义
Thinking of emotions as data,
把情绪想象成数据
can help you be more objective about them.
能帮助你更加客观地看待它们
For instance, saying to yourself,
例如 对自己说
“I’m having the thought that my co-worker is wrong
“我认为我的同事是错的
and I’m feeling anger.”
而且我感到很愤怒”
Labels both the thought and the feeling,
要把想法和感受都标签化
it creates some distance from the feeling.
这样会在你与感受之间制造出距离
So it’s easier to let it go.
也就更容易释怀了
Differentiating your feelings is helpful too.
区分你的感受也很有益
Get specific.
具体来说
Frustration is not the same as sadness,
沮丧不同于悲伤
or anger, or disappointment.
愤怒 或失望
And understanding what caused it,
了解引起它的原因
can help you resolve the situation.
能帮你化解这种局面
When you’re feeling these intense emotions,
当你处于这些强烈的情绪中时
it can be helpful to notice
注意身体中
what else is going on in your body.
其他方面的变化也会有所帮助
Did your tone of voice change?
你说话的声调变了吗?
What are you feeling in your chest or in your stomach?
胸口或腹部是什么感觉?
Is anything painful, or shaky, or tight?
有没有感到疼痛 颤抖 或憋闷?
These are all clues that can remind you,
这些迹象都是在提醒你
“Oh yeah, this is what automatically happens when I feel threatened.
“嗯 这些事会在我受到威胁时自然而然地发生
And I need to make myself relax.”
我需要让自己放松下来”
What you’re doing with your body matters too.
你对身体有何作为也很重要
If you’re sitting still, stressful feelings can build up.
如果你静坐不动 压力就会蓄积起来
Excusing yourself to get up and walk around,
给自己找个理由起身并到处走走
can activate the rational thinking part of your brain,
能激活大脑中的理性思维
and help you process your emotions.
来帮你处理情绪
Give a neutral reason and own it you can say,
找一个持中立态度的理由并认可它 你可以说
“I’m sorry to interrupt.
“不好意思打断一下
I’d love to get a quick cup of coffee before we continue.
在咱们继续之前 我想先迅速喝杯咖啡
Can I get you something while I’m up?”
需要我帮你带点什么吗?”
This quick break can also provide a much needed reset
这种短暂停顿 也为交谈提供了一个必要的
for the conversation.
重置的机会
If taking a break isn’t an option,
如果暂停不可行
mindfulness experts recommend anchoring yourself,
正念专家建议 通过一些有意识的
with small intentional physical actions.
肢体小动作 来稳定自己的心神
Such as tapping each finger with your thumb,
比如用大拇指轻扣每根手指
or firmly planting your feet on the ground.
或坚定地踏步
Even these tiny actions can make a world of difference.
即使是些微小的动作 也能带来巨大变化
Visualizations are really helpful too.
想象也非常有用
Think of a person in your life who’s a calming presence,
想想在你生活中总是处变不惊的那个人
or a place that helps you relax.
或一个让你放松的地方
Picturing these even for just a moment,
哪怕只是设想一小会儿这些景象
can help redirect your thinking,
都有助于重导你的思维
and start to calm yourself down.
并使你开始平静下来
A quick side note on your counterparts reactions.
为对方的反应作一个小注释
Remember those mirror neurons?
还记得镜像神经元吗?
Well, if you’re upset,
就是说 如果你很不爽
the feedback loop means your counterpart is probably upset too.
这种反馈循环就意味着 对方也可能很不爽
It may be necessary to just let them vent.
那么也许就有必要把情绪宣泄出来
And while that may be difficult and uncomfortable for you,
当你觉得那样会很难 很不悦
try picturing their heated and hurtful words,
试着想象他们那些过激且伤人的话
just going over your shoulder, rather than hitting you in the chest.
只是擦着你肩膀过去 而没有正中你胸怀
If you can show that you’re listening
若你能表现出你在倾听
without feeding into their negative emotions,
并没有给他们的负面情绪火上浇油
chances are they will wind down eventually.
最终 他们可能会平静下来
Another tip we probably all know, is to focus on your breath.
另一个小技巧大家可能都知道 就是注意呼吸
You’re breathing anyway without even thinking about it,
你都不用想 就会一直呼吸
so, pause for a moment and well, think about it.
那么暂停一下 琢磨琢磨
What does it feel like to breathe in through the nose?
用鼻子吸气是什么感觉呢?
Does it change as it passes through the back of your throat?
随着气流通过喉咙后部 有什么变化呢?
What’s the quality of your breath as it enters your lungs?
当它进入肺部时 其质量如何呢?
What do you notice?
你注意到什么了吗?
Counting your breath or focusing on the rhythm or smoothness
细数你的呼吸 或是专注于它的节奏或流畅度
will start to lessen the feeling of panic,
会开始减轻恐慌感
and restore your ability to think, listen, and feel empathy.
并恢复你思考 倾听 和共情的能力
Another great tactic,
另一个良策
is to repeat a calming phrase or mantra.
就是重复一些平静的短句或口头禅
You might say to yourself, ”This isn’t about me.”
你可以对自己说 “这不关我事”
or “Go to neutral.”
或 “保持中立”
or “This is about the business.”
或 “这是关于业务的问题”
This will help ground you,
这样会帮你沉下心
and calm those emergency alarms going off in your brain.
并平息你大脑中的紧急警报
Okay. Let’s review.
好了 来复习一下
Conflicts are tough for everyone.
冲突对每个人而言都很艰难
And a hijacked nervous system shuts down your ability to think clearly.
被操控的神经系统使你清晰思考的功能关闭
But you don’t have to be a Zen master to learn self-regulation,
不过你大可不必像禅宗大师那样 学着自我调节
and to train yourself to respond instead of react.
训练自己去回应而不是去反应
Acknowledge and label your thoughts and feelings.
认可并把你的想法与感受标签化
Remember, feelings are just data, and may or may not be helpful,
记住 感受只是数据 或有用 或毫无意义
differentiating and labeling them for what they are,
区分并将它们标明出来
can make them easier to let go.
能使它们变得更容易释怀
Take a break, removing yourself even briefly,
休息一下 即使只是短暂地把自己抽离开
can give you time to process your emotions,
也能给予你处理自己情绪的时间
and provide a much needed reset to the conversation.
并为交谈提供一个必要的重置的机会
Take a brief walk, or anchor yourself physically in order to
短暂地走一走 或在身体上锚定自己
jump start your rational brain.
以启动理性头脑
Use visualisations. Picturing calm people or places,
利用想象 想想平静的人或地方
can help focus your attention in a constructive way.
能帮助你以建设性的方式集中注意力
Imagining your counterparts angry words going past you,
想象对方的过激语言与你擦肩而过
can help neutralize their effect.
有助于抵消它的杀伤力
Focus on breathing mindfully.
有意识地关注呼吸
Pay attention to the quality of your breath,
注意你的呼吸质量
and try counting out your breasts with different techniques.
试着用各种不同方法细数你的呼吸
Repeat a calming phrase.
重复平静的短句
It could be something neutral like “this is about the business”
可以是一些中立态度的话 像“这是关于业务的”
to help separate your personal feelings from the conversation at hand.
有助于将个人感受从眼前的交谈中独立出来
All of these strategies are based on HBR articles,
所有这些计策都是根据哈佛商评的文章得来
and they’re linked in the description below.
下面的说明里都有链接
Do you have a tactic for staying calm in a difficult conversation?
你有什么在艰难对话中保持冷静的良策吗?
Or maybe a topic
或一个想让我们
you want us to cover as part of the series? Comment below.
囊括到系列节目里的话题? 在下方留言
Thanks for watching. Bye for now.
感谢观看 暂时告辞啦

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视频概述

学习简单实用的几个技巧,让你在高压情况下的交流中,稳定情绪保持思考

听录译者

Гадес.Д

翻译译者

Гадес.Д

审核员

审核员SRY

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OntE3tCaUR0

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