Joe Rogan has the most popular podcast on the planet
And I think a huge portion of that can be credited to the fact
that his audience respects his authenticity
especially in the face of conflict
So in this video, we are gonna talk about 5 things that you can do
which will command respect in those tough situations
without having to act like a jerk
Now the first thing that Joe Rogan does that cannot be discounted is that
he is a trained fighter
he knows how to defend himself physically
so he’s more likely to speak up around people who act violent
than you might be if you were afraid of getting hurt
– Johnson, Come on over here. – I’m not happy.
– 约翰逊 你过来 -哥很不爽
– I’m not happy. – You’re the biggest a**hole on the planet.
– 我很不爽 – 你就是全世界最大的混蛋
Hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?
嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿 你干嘛？
What are you doing? You cannot assault people.
-What are you doing? -Oh, but he…
– 你在做什么？ – 噢 但是他……
-What? You are an a**hole, Johnny! -Yeah, he is called strategies.
– 什么？你真是个混蛋 乔尼！ – 是 那是他的策略
-That’s not a strategy. -You can’t run up to him and hit him.
– 那不是策略 – 你不能冲上去就打他
When a lot of us see the sort of terrible behavior
we may not want to speak up
We fear that someone is going to get in our face
and escalate things to a level that we don’t want to go.
And a big value of knowing martial arts is not that you go around picking fights,
but that you feel more comfortable saying what ought to be said,
knowing that in the worst-case scenario, you can protect yourself,
which is exactly what happens here.
The guy who is dating this woman gets into a shoving match with Joe,
and rather than knocking him out cold,
Joe simply puts him into a Thai clinch so that no one gets hurt,
and hopefully the guy learns a lesson.
OK. You and your husband hit each other. That’s one thing.
好吧 你和你丈夫互殴 这是一回事
You don’t run up and hit other contestants.
– No hey hey hey! – No hey hey hey!
– 你别嚷嚷！ – 你才别嚷嚷！
He got in Joe’s face.
And then he got too close to Joe.
Seize, seize. Oh My god.
And all of a sudden, they started going at it. Now it was like Aright…
I gotta break this up cause Joe’s gonna kill him.
But physical confrontations are the exception.
Usually we’re more afraid of the social consequences of confrontation.
Joe is okay though if people do not like what he says.
He believes that honest conflict has more social value than dishonest harmony and
And that means that he’s going to risk upsetting people, being yelled at and being despised
if telling the truth requires it.
惹人反感 被训斥 受鄙视的风险
Take the Carlos Mencia incident several years ago.
Carlos had been stealing jokes for less famous comedians for years,
and it was an open secret in the comic industry.
Almost no one did anything about it
until Joe Rogan walked on the stage with Carlos
and started chewing him out in front of a live audience.
“You did another joke the other day.”
“It was a joke about licking an a**hole is like licking a battery.”
“I saw a guy doing it in Vegas.”
“Oh well, that’s where he got it from.”
“The reverend Bob Levy from the Howard Stern Show.”
All the other comedians who valued social harmony as paramount keep quiet
and just whispered about Carlos behind his back.
But nothing changed.
And Mencia got more famous off the work of these other comedians.
It took Joe standing up in front of an audience
that started out not very receptive
in order to actually make a shift.
“What’s up. What’s the deal?!”
“You don’t know nobody supports comics…”
“You don’t know, nobody kn…”
“If someone steals a riff from a song…”
“that sh*ts in the news constantly.”
“Mother f***ers steal shit and make it on HBO.”
– “He made it better! Mother f***er! He made it better!” – “They steal shit and put it on television.”
—他说的更好！狗*养的！他让这段子更好了！ —他们偷段子 还把它放到电视上
“What are you saying?!”
And to be clear, Joe had to do this publicly.
Because when he would ask his comedian friends to speak up about what was happening,
they didn’t even want to say it on the record.
That’s what happened with Bobby Lee for instance, in this next clip.
– Do it?Who cares? – But it is worth of someone’s care.
– 这样做 谁在乎呢 – 可是 这值得被人关注
– It’s reality. – Anyway, it’s good to see you.
– 这是事实 – 不管怎样 见到你真好
This is the reason why comedians get away with stealing.
Cause comedians like you are afraid of confrontation.
This can be a tough but critical mindset
if you want to be authentic and command respect.
The intermediate stages of confrontation are usually not fun.
Sometimes people will yell at you
and you’re likely to feel very uncomfortable.
You’re usually not going to want to bring the issue up
WHATEVER it is.
But if you want to stop a particular behavior
and you want to win the respect of everyone else who is thinking the same thing but is afraid to say it.
You must speak up.
Now the same thing applies to telling friends difficult truths.
In this next case, Joe’s friend, Brendan Schaub was a heavy-weight UFC fighter
下个案例中 乔的朋友布兰登·肖布 一位UFC的重量级拳手
who had looked very sloppy in several fights
and whoes lack of technical ability was liable to get him hurt.
Now as a fighter, Schaub wanted to continue past all obstacles.
But as his friend and an analyst,
Joe knew that the difficult honest truth could wind up saving his friend
from serious physical consequences.
It’s not that you don’t try hard.
It’s not that you’re not dedicated.
It’s not that you’re not disciplined.
It’s not that you’re not intelligent.
There’s sh*t that other people can do that you can’t do.
If you had a wrestling match with Cain Velasquez, how will you think you do?
– Straight-up wrestling. – Yeah.
I think people’d be surprised.
– Really? You think so? – Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
– I think you’d be surprised. – Emmm.
– 我觉得你会大吃一惊 – 嗯
I really do.
I think he willl fuck you up.
You know, I say that as a friend, and a guy who loves you.
你知道 我这么说是因为我是你的朋友 一个爱你的人
This was a hard conversation.
Essentially telling your friend that you don’t think he has what it takes to achieve his dream.
During the podcast, Brendan was in tears.
And you’re only going to have the courage to begin these tough conversations when you accept the fact
that being nice and avoiding harsh truths isn’t necessarily kind
and it’s NOT being a good friend.
Encouraging Brendan’s dreams could have wound up with him getting serious brain damage.
So telling the truth and upsetting Brendan in the short term
was actually the caring move from Joe
Now this isn’t to say that you should just blurt out every mean thought that you think.
If you’re going to be confrontational,
you want to do it appropriately.
So how should you handle these conflicts?
Well, we actually have a full bonus module on this topic in our course Charisma University
that module goes far beyond what I can cover in this YouTube video
about handling conflict cares medically
making the other person respect you more for bringing up these tough issues.
So if that sounds like something that you’re interested in,
definitely check out Charisma University, if you want to be more confident in those situations.
就一定要来“魅力大学” 看看 如果你想在一些场合中表现的更自信的话
But for now, here is what we can see from Joe.
First of all, it’s often a good idea to acknowledge that you don’t enjoy the conflict
and that the person that you’re speaking to may not either
This is particularly useful
for situations where you’re entering into conflict with someone that you’re close to.
Take the conversation with Brendan Schaub as an example.
This is hard for me to say,
’cause I love you as a friend.
You know, it’s hard for me to say,
but this is just a reality.
The guys who are at the top of the f*cking mountain.
They’re performing at a different level than you.
So… It sucks! Right?
It sucks for me to say it!
It’s… If I don’t like it coming out of my mouth.
I don’t like it.
And the reason why I don’t like it
is because I love you as a human being.
Whether someone is doing something that is upsetting to you
or you’re just worried about them.
A great phrase to kick off a potentially confrontational conversation is this.
You start by saying,
“Look, this is something that I’ve been wanting to tell you,
but I’ve been uncomfortable about it
and I haven’t wanted to say it.”
That sentence opens the other person up,
and makes them less likely to jump down your throat
if the news is on the harsher side.
The second tip is to allow for nuanced truth.
Oftentimes when we are in conflict,
we feel as if we disagree entirely or not at all.
So when someone says something,
we disagree reflexively
rather than listening to what they say and agreeing where possible.
– Way too much damage. – That’s for sure, but what about Gonzagas match.
– 这条路伤害太大了 – 这是肯定的 但冈扎加斯的比赛又如何呢
You beat Gonzagas. It’s a good fight.
Yeah, you. You’re a very good fighter.
That’s not what the the issue is.
The issue is: can you become a champion?
And if you can’t become a champion,
are you comfortable with getting knocked out three or four more times?
Take Eddie Bravo’s conspiracy theories for another example.
Joe doesn’t just say that Eddie is dumb
and that every case of his doubt is stupid.
Instead, he disagrees with very specific issues that he raises
and in this case, it’s Eddie’s belief about a flat earth cover-up.
When you start thinking that the world is flat
the dinosaurs aren’t real, all this nutty sh*t you believe,
and you just jump into it with the…
The problem is, it discredits all these other things that you believe
– that might be real. – Hmm.
– Because the other things have some validity to it. – You just haven’t looked into…
Similarly you want to accept that as certain as you are in your perspective,
your opinions and your perceptions are fallible.
So avoid statements about being absolutely right
and instead speak like this:
It’s totally. Yes, you can do it. You are a big guy, man. You have heart.
完全是的你能做到 你是个成年人 伙计你很有勇气
You know, if you land the right shot, the right time.
But… if I was objective,
and I was standing outside, looking at it from outside. I had a bet.
我作为旁观者 从旁观的角度来看 可以打个赌
I would have to bet on him
Couching your statements like this, keeps you from devolving into pointless
is what you are saying objectively true arguments.
Because like it or not, the other person cannot deny your opinion about the facts
or where you would decide to place your bets on how things will turn out,
which brings this to the third point.
And that’s that whenever possible, you want to confront a particular behaviour
and NOT a person.
In the heat of the moment, it is easy to forget
that you don’t disagree or hate anyone ENTIRELY. It’s impossible.
What you have an issue with, and maybe it’s a huge issue,
is a particular pattern of behavior.
So that means if you want to avoid same things like you are a jerk, which are blanket statements
and instead stick to speaking about the exact behavior that you take issue with.
“That’s just showing to you
that your interest in me is f**king re****ed.”
– “My interest on you is that you’re stealing from my friends.”
“No not from your f**king friends.”
“You stole from Bobby Lee!”
– “Let me tell ya!” – “He made a video on the Internet of him admitting it.”
—我来告诉你 —他做了视频放在网上了 他承认这件事了
This mentality leads to Rogan’s fairly unique ability to like someone as a person
to like someone as a person completely separate from their political or social views
Now this is the case with Alex Jones who Joe is known for years,
despite the fact he disagrees with a lot of what Alex says.
Alex Jones, I love you buddy, for real.
亚历克斯·琼斯 我爱你 兄弟 真的
But you say some silly sh*ts.
That’s where this all comes from.
Doesn’t mean I don’t love you!
You’ll see a similar pattern of validating the person
while objecting to specific behaviors
when Joe speaks to Owen Benjamin about what he writes on Twitter:
-Umm… I wanted to talk to you about social media. -Okay.
-‘Cause I..I love you -I love you, too.
I think you are a very good guy. I really do.
But you are the worst representative of yourself on social media.
The point is that when possible, realize that
you don’t have a conflict with a person, but with a pattern of behavior.
And if you begin to think that you are in conflict with an individual,
you will dig in your heels and make things worse.
You’re likely to conflate the person with their ideas.
And when this has happened in some of Joe Rogan’s podcasts,
they create some of his worst moments.
-You couldn’t care less people wanna smoke joints. -You’re an ideologue, buddy.
—你根本不在乎那些想抽大麻的人 —你可真是个理想主义者 兄弟
Really? That’s an ideologue position by saying leave it to the state?
Yeah, yeah. You’re locked in, man.
是的 你真是想岔了 兄弟
Really?And that’s what we…
-Well…We proved that you are full of sh*t about Colorado and traffic deaths.
Should we go and f*ck you up with this too?
So remind yourself what particular behavior you are trying to change
and realize that any name-calling beyond that
is only damaging the respect that you were building
by having the courage to confront the issue in the first place
now like I said if you really want to master those moments of conflict in your life which can be pivotal
现在 就像我说过的 如果你真的想处理好生活中的冲突
which can be pivotal for how people respect you.
We have a full module on conflict in our course Charisma University.
And if you want to get a taste of what that course is all about,
I’ve set up a video which discusses the four emotions that lead to an amazing first impression consistently.
If you nail these, you dramatically reduce the risk that you’re actually going to get into a conflict like this in the first place
since the other person is going to think so highly of you.
And it’s not like that you’re definitely going to get in a conflict if you miss these opportunities.
But you ARE more likely to just be ignored or forgotten during that first impression.
So if that’s something that interests you,
click the link in the description, drop your email and check that video out today.
点击视频中的链接 给我们发送邮件 立即查看视频
Also if you’ve enjoyed the video and you haven’t yet done so
Make sure to subscribe to the channel and hit that notification bell.
I know actually last week we were an hour late in getting the upload up.
So if you want to make sure that you don’t miss it when it does go live,
hit that notification bell. It’s super helpful.
Anyways, hope that you guys have enjoyed this video.
And I look forward to seeing you next time!
Joe Rogan has the most popular podcast on the planet