I want you to imagine two people.
The first man wakes up and does his usual routine before work,
and it’s all a blur.
He goes to work and when he comes home,
he isn’t even really conscious of what he did.
He starts eating the junk food he bought
on his way home and watches TV while his wife
tries to talk to him.
Now imagine another man.
He wakes up and tells his wife how thankful he is for their life.
He drives over to his business and is
passionately working to build it into something great.
He comes home,
and he and his wife have dinner together while they stay present to the moment
with each other.
Out of these two people,
which one do you think is going to have higher self-esteem?
The first pillar is the practice of livingconsciously. Lately,
my hair has been thinning.
What I haven’t done is this:
“ Uh, how come John’s hair isn’t thinning?
How come John has better genetics?
Oh and did I mention that John is also 6 foot 4?
the reason I haven’t
done that is because, that’s
a game you can’t win.
I promise you.
I don’t care who you are,
even John can’t win that game.
What I have done is what anyone who
’ s practiced building self-esteem in their life would do,
and it is this: improve what you can change,
and learn to accept what you can’t.
Improve what you can change,
and learn to accept what you can’t.
Now let me address a common issue.
There are people who think that self-acceptancesomehow goes against self-improvement.
In fact, self-improvement can only followself-acceptance.
If I didn’t accept that my hair was thinning,
I wouldn’t start researching what the right
haircut needs to look like for me,
and I would end up looking like Bobby Charlton.
The second pillar is the practice of self-acceptance.
I know a lot of people who are so physically unfit
that it jeopardizes the most important
things in their life like their health andtheir relationships.
And when they get confronted about it,
a lot of these people have learned a little trick
that has been really trending lately. Apparently,
everyone I know who is unhealthy is unhealthy
because of a medical condition. Now,
let me just be clear that I’m not saying
that these conditions don’t exist.
I’m just saying that 19 out
of 20 of these people don’t have it.
If you do not exercise,
if you do not eat healthy, you probably shouldn’t be going
around telling people how you’re overweight and unhealthy
because of a medical condition. Yeah,
they might treat you like you’re the victim,
but guess what?
The only reason they sympathize with you is
because the last thing they care about is
whether you’re taking care of yourself ornot.
The third pillar is the practice of self-responsibility.
I don’t know of a single person who doesn’t take responsibility,
loves playing the victim
and also has high self-esteem.
If I had a kid and I could only teach him one thing
before he went to college, it would
be how to stay authentic to his true selfunder pressure.
Other than special occasions with my girlfriend where I’ll have some champagne,
I don’t drink
I haven’t found that to be something of value to my life.
When I was in college,
I would go out with my friends and there was always that thing of,
Let’s get drunk.”
And I was bad at a lot of things,
but the one thing I was really good at was being really
grounded in what I believed in.
In fact, in almost every case it turned
into guys having respect for it and girls being
attracted to it.
Now again, I didn’t say I sort of believedin it.
It was fully standing for what I believed in, 100 % unapologetic,
and if that was a problem,
everyone always knew I could just leave and go have fun somewhere else.
I wasn’t half-assing anything.
The fourth pillar is the practice of self-assertiveness.
Now let me make it clear
that asserting yourself doesn’t mean lacking social awareness or
I didn’t go to a party
where I knew people would be drinking and start converting and
Don’t be stupid with this, it depends onthe context.
I’m going to act a little differently if I’m
in a classroom environment than if I’m
around friends, but I’m not going to go
against my authentic self in either situation.
If you meet an entrepreneur who is passionate about his business,
and if you also meet a
person who is indifferent towards his regular job,
the entrepreneur will almost always have
Why is that?
Because the entrepreneur is the modern daywarrior.
Just like the warrior has a strong sense
of purpose and lives to conquer, so does the
He has higher self-esteem because he liveswith a purpose.
The fifth pillar is the practice of livingpurposefully.
And finally, the sixth pillar – the practiceof personal integrity.
Notice how I said personal integrity, notsomeone else’s integrity.
I went to a military academy and there were thousands
of rules I had to follow, and I
broke most of them and it didn’t
bother me at all or affect my self-esteem in any way,
because those weren’t the things that went
against what I believed in. But,
if I act against what I believe in,
my inner voice will tell me how I’m worthless
over and over again.
And only I will know,
but when it comes to self-esteem, my inner voice is the one that
matters the most.
You can’t have the voice
in your head telling you how worthless you are and build self-esteem
at the same time.
And these are the six pillars of self-esteemby Nathaniel Branden.
Notice how each pillar starts with “thepractice of.”
Self-esteem is not something you build
by reading a book or watching a video; it is
something you build by constant practice for the rest of your life.