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礼貌是不够的,如何能变得更亲切? – 译学馆
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礼貌是不够的,如何能变得更亲切?

How to be Warm

通常情况下 礼貌比粗鲁更好
While politeness is, of course, always preferable to rudeness
有很多礼貌的方法,但是都没有达到目的
There are ways of being polite, but badly miss the mark
这给我们一种莫名被隔开和不满足的感觉
and can leave us feeling oddly detached and dissatisfied
想象这样倒下的人,不管他们有多大的成就,我们似乎可称之为
Picture the person who ends up, despite their best efforts, seeming what we can call
“不走心”
“coldly polite”
他们有强烈的欲望去取悦那些在看他们的人
They may be extremely keen to please those they’re seeing
他们遵循所有的礼节 他们给宾客提供饮品 询问有关他们行程的问题
They obey all the rules of etiquette, they offer their guest drinks, ask them questions about their journey,
暗示他们想要一点更多的利润 讨论对最近获奖小说的兴趣
suggest they might want a little more gravy, remark on the interest of a recent prize winnig novel
并且 他们从不设法令他们的殷勤让人感到迷人或太过明显
And yet, they never manage to make their hospitality feel either engaging or memorable
在他们暗示有另一个会面之前 可能会花很长时间
It may be a long time, before another meeting with them is suggested
相反 有的人被我们认为是热心的 这些人在基本准则上跟随着冷淡的人
By contrast, there is the person we recognize as a warm, who follows the cold person in the basic principles of politeness
但是他们尽力在他们的规矩中添加一个极重要的 在精神上令人欣慰的要素
but manages to add a critical, emotionally comforting ingredient to their manner
当我们和他们有一个晚间计划时 他们也许会提议在他们家烤奶酪三明治
They might, when we have an evening plan with them, suggest making toasted cheese sandwiches at their place
而不是提议去餐厅
rather than going out to a restaurant
他们可能在卫生间门口和我们闲聊
they might chat to us through the bathroom door,
他们放自己在十四岁时喜欢跟着摇摆的音乐
put on the songs they loved dancing to, when they were fourteen,
把垫子拍得蓬松 放在我们身后
plump up a cushion, and slot it behind our back,
通过相同的熟人承认感到害怕
confess to feeling intimidated by mutual acquaintance,
带来一束雏菊花 或者是一张自制的卡片
bring us a posy of daisies, or a card they made
当我们因流感而失落时给我们打电话问候我们的耳朵感觉如何
call us up when we’re down with a flu and ask how our ears are feeling
说起他们喜欢我们的发型 当我们不小心洒落了什么或者放了个屁时
mention they like our haircut, and then when we spill something or fart by mistake exclaim
他们大喊“我很高兴你这么做 我经常这样 ”
“I’m so glad you did that, it is usually me”
在热心和冷漠的人之间的不同之下
Beneath the difference between the warm and the cold person
隐藏着人类自然的对比强烈的视觉效果
lies a contrasting vision of human nature
明显的 冷漠的人正用一个含蓄的观点操作着 他们试图去取悦的
Broadly, the cold person is operating with an implicit view that those they are attempting to please
是仅仅有着最高需求的生物
are creatures endowed only with the highest needs
结果是 所有种类的假设都与他们相关
As a result, all kinds of assumptions are made about them
他们只对被称为“严肃话题”的东西感兴趣
That they are interested exclusively in so called “serious topics”,
尤其是艺术和政治
specially art and politics
他们在一定程度上欣赏在餐饮和坐的礼仪
That they will appreciate a degree of formality in dining and sitting
他们会变得强壮、自立并足够成熟 从不对舒适和安心有任何渴望
That they will be strong, self-contained and mature enough, never to have any hunger for reassurance or cosiness
并且他们将没有紧急的物质短缺和驱动力
and that they will be without urgent physical vulnerabilities and drives
这种驱动力可能被深深地印证如果它们被提到
which might prove deeply offensive if they were mentioned
冷淡的主人相信、劝诱 这些更高尚的人会这样做的 如果有人建议他们在沙发上卷起毯子
These higher beings would, the cold host believes, wins if someone suggested they curl up on the sofa with a blanket
或者当他们走向卫生间时(主人会)递给他们一份关于影星的杂志
or handed them a copy of magazine about filmstars when they headed for the bathroom
但是 热心有礼貌的人经常深深地知道陌生人不考虑他们的重要身份或外在的尊贵
Yet, the warmly polite person is always deeply aware that the stranger irrespective of their status or outward dignity
是一个非常贫困、脆弱、困惑、渴望和易受影响的人
is a highly needy, fragile, confused, appetitive and susceptible creature
并且他们了解这个陌生人 因为他们绝不会忘记关于他们自己的
and they know this about the stranger because they never forget this about themselves
热心有礼貌的人和Kanga有许多共同点 Kanga是温和有母性的在A.A.Milne的“小熊维尼”书中的袋鼠
Warmly polite people have much in common with the character Kanga, the tenderly maternal kangaroo in A. A. Milne’s “Winnie-the-pooh” books
在其中一个故事中 一个小动物被一个
In one of the stories the little animals are deeply disconcerted by the arrival
在跳跳虎的上百亩树林中的那个很大 很吵而且自大又自信的来访者困惑住
in the Hundred Acre Wood of Tigger, who’s very big, very loud and bouncy and assertive
他们用细心招待他 我们可以说 不走心
They treat him with caution and are, we might say, coldly polite
但当跳跳虎最后见到Kanga时 她立即对他很热情
But when Tigger finally meets Kanga, she is immediately warm with him
她就像关心自己孩子Roo一样关心他
She thinks of him in much the same terms as she does her own child Roo
仅仅是因为一个动物体积大,这并不意味着他不想善良
Just because an animal is large, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want kindness
然而Kanga说大跳跳虎好像记得他想要和Roo一样的善意
However big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo, says Kanga
在一些可能是一个热情的哲学的实质的定义中
In what might be a definition of the essence of the philosophy of warmth
有时认为别人可能比我们更加高尚是真的很大度的
Sometimes it is deeply generous to think that another person may be more elevated than us
整体上看 我们已经在心中非常接受这种想法了
Collectively, we’ve taken this thought very much to heart
我们已经使距离藏在心底并且学着从小孩子的天真烂漫的行为中走出来
We’ve internalized distance and learned caution, moving on from the naivety of the small child
这种小孩子在你沮丧时想要讨人欢心 如果你想要闻一闻他们脏兮兮的毯子
who wonders sweetly, when you’re sad, if you might like to sniff their grimy blanket
但是热心的人知道可靠而有尊严的人 无论以怎样的方式出现在外面
But the warm person knows that however solid and dignified someone appears on the outside,
在表象之后都不可避免地有一个奋斗的自我
behind the scenes there will inevitably be a struggling self
可能尴尬 容易被身体上的嗜好所困扰
potentially awkward, easily bemused, beset by
在孤寂的边缘 没什么被频繁需要的比
physical appetites, on the verge of loneliness and frequently in need of nothing more subtle or elevated
一个奶酪三明治 一杯牛奶和一个拥抱更微妙或更高尚
than a cheese sandwich, a glass of milk and a hug

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礼貌诚可贵,热情价更高。礼貌加上热情,你就是“万人迷”

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