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怎样能加强对自我认知

How To Be More Self Aware

大部分的人
The thing that gets in most people’s way
努力地想要实现他们的希望 目标和梦想
of achieving their hopes, goals and dreams
但矛盾的是 比其它任何事情都重要的是 他们自己
more than anything else in their entire life is, paradoxically, themselves.
问题是他们不知道该怎么办
And the problem is that they can’t see
因为他们缺乏自我认识
how they’re doing it because they lack self-awareness. Now,
“怎样能变得更加自知” 这是一个我希望能得到更多提问的问题
this is a question that I wish I got more often —”How do I be more self-aware?” —
因为缺乏自我认知 你就不能意识到自己的失败和缺点
because without self-awareness, you can’t see your own failures and shortcomings
你就没有办法抓住你的盲点
and you’ll have no way to catch your own blind spots
这就意味着 你在生命的某些方面
which means that in certain areas
陷入了一个圈子
of your life you’re gon na run in circles
总是找理由和借口去解释
giving rationalizations and excuses
为什么你会陷入困境 错过要点
for why you’re stuck and missing the real point
这就是为什么
which is why
我想在这个视频里给你一些心态和练习方法
in this video I want to give you some mindsets and exercises
以提高你自我认识的水平和跳出习惯的思维方式
to increase your level of self-awareness and get out of your own way.
第一个心态 也是最基本的
The first mindset that is absolutely
是要承认 在你的生活中
essential is to recognize that in your life,
最有可能对你撒谎的人
the person who is most likely to lie to you
是你自己
beyond anyone else is yourself.
我们的大脑里有一些非常复杂的陷阱
We have some very, very complicated booby traps up here;
我们有自我防卫的机制使自己保持
we have ego defense mechanisms that want to keep us —
A-保持生命的安全
A — safe from a survival perspective but
B-保持自我形象的安全
B — safe from a self-image perspective.
所以如果有证据表明 我们的某一表现
So if we get evidence if we behave
与我们的自身形象不符
in a way that doesn’t suit our self-image
或者我们不喜欢自己的故事
and we don’t like the story that it creates
我们就会不认可这份证据
about us, we tend to discount that evidence.
举个例子 如果你处在一段关系中
So for instance, if you’re in a relationship
这段关系在某一时期很难维持
as I was at one point that isn’t working out
但是你害怕它会结束
but you’re afraid to end it, you
你不可能承认自己是一个
are unlikely to admit to yourself that you’re
以恐惧为基础的人
a person who acts based on fear.
你会做的反而是贬损所有的
What you will instead do is discount all the reasons
这段关系不融洽的理由
that the relationship might not work
并且为这件事与自身无关创造各种合理的解释
and create rationalizations for why those don’t matter for you.
这就是为什么你的朋友可以经常看到
This is why your friends can often see flaws
你行为的缺陷 反之亦然
in the way that you behave and vice-versa
你的朋友比你更容易
much more easily
看清你 所以第一步
than you can see them yourself so step one —
认识到你生命中的各种充满感情的领域
recognize that in all sorts of emotionally-charged areas of your life,
你都可能在欺骗自己
you’re likely lying to yourself.
第二个心态是帮助我们摆脱过去的事实
The second thing to help us get past that initial fact
那些我们必须接受的最初的事实
that we have to accept
就是要诚实正直
is to put honesty before integrity. Now,
现在听起来有悖直觉 但是像我说过的 正直很重要
this sounds counterintuitive because integrity is important; I talked about it.
如果你评估一下 你就真的很想践行它
If you have a value you really do want to work on living it.
问题就是 现在有很多
The problem is that there’s a couple
充满感情色彩的领域充斥着你的生活
of emotionally-charged areas in your life right now
而我们又无能为力实现情感的突破
and in my life that we are incapable right now of emotionally breaking through.
事实就是如此
And what that does is
因为我们大脑中有自我防卫机制 例如
because we have these ego defense mechanisms for instance
我们的大脑不让我们放弃这份工作或者这段关系
that won’t let us leave this job or leave this relationship
要不然就是给自己理由
or give ourselves the real reason
为什么我们无法接近那个人
why we’re not approaching the person that we
那个我们真的想发展关系或者别的什么的人
really like to start a relationship with or whatever it is
而不是承认自己的不足 并且克服难题
rather then be integris with that and do the hard thing
因为我们的大脑
because we’re incapable
不让我们这么做 然后跳出来说不 不 不
of that — our brains save us — and they come out and say, “No,
然后认定所有无法接近那个人的证据都是伪造的
no, no. All that evidence as to why I’m not approaching that person is bogus.
真正的问题就在这
The real issue is this thing…
我们一开始就阻止自己
” and we block ourselves from ever being able to be honest
变得诚实
in the first place
因为立即表现出正直会让我们感觉到很大压力
because we feel so much pressure to immediately act with integrity.
解决办法是
The way to deal
允许自己生活在矛盾中
with this weirdly enough is to give yourself permission to live in paradox —
承认你真的需要做些事情来改变
to admit that you really should do something
你不能认识到了问题 但不去实施
and go,”You know what? But I’m not going to.”
举我的一个例子 这可是一个真实的例子
And for me for instance, this was something that was true,
我觉得我在道德上有义务停止吃肉
I felt morally obligated for probably years to stop eating meat
但是我很多年来
and I went for years
都没有做到 直到去年
without doing that and it took me up until last year
我才真正停止吃红肉
when I actually stopped eating red meat and
禽类和其它各种肉类
poultry and all that kind of stuff —
我仍然吃鱼 但这不是这个视频的重点
I still eat fish — but it’s not the point of the video.
重点是你不得不
The point is that I had to live
在矛盾中挣扎很长一段时间
in paradox for a long time before I was
在你能在情感上接受
emotionally able of making that leap to doing
你的行为与自已的道德相符之前挣扎
what I thought was morally right for me.
同样的道理也适用于
And the same is going to be true
允许自己首先
of you so give yourself permission
要诚实
to be, first,
也允许自己某段时间不付诸行动
honest and to live for a period of time without putting that into action.
所以我现在已经表明了
So now that we’ve done that,
看过视频后 我希望你们能做到的事
what I would like you to do after this video,
甚至你现在就可以做一个列表
but you can even start right now, is to make a list.
把这个列表命名为自身形象
And you’re gonna call this list, Self Image.
列表上 你可以写
On this list, you’re going to write,
你是一个怎样的人
in this order, things that you are —
我是一个好的朋友 好的儿子
I am a good friend, I am a good son,
我很聪明 或者害羞
I am smart, I am shy,
我在小组活动里表现紧张
I am nervous in groups…
不管是什么 尽管写出你所有的样子
whatever it is, go ahead and write out all the things that you are.
当你写了五分钟之后
If you do that for five minutes,
你就会很清楚地认识到
you have a pretty good image
你意识里的自我形象是很好的
of what your conscious self-image of yourself is which is great. Then,
我想让你做更重要的事情
what I want you to do is even more important
因为在你写出你所有的样子之后
because after you’ve written out everything that you are,
我想让你列另外一个清单
I want you to create another list
不使用任何形式的系动词描述你自己
and I want you to describe yourself without using any form of the verb,”to be.”
这就意味着你不能仅仅写 我是一个好的朋友
So that means you can’t say,”I am a good friend.”
而要这样写
You would have to say instead,”
我每周打三次电话给我的朋友们
I call my friends three times a week
他们也会经常回我电话
and they regularly return my calls.”
不再是写你是一个好儿子 而是”我上周给我妈妈买了生日惊喜礼物”
Instead of saying that you’re a good son, you could say,”I bought my mom this amazing present for her birthday last week.”
不管什么事情 你都必须写下具体的行动
Whatever it is you have to use actions and the responses
和对他人的回应 来描述你是一个怎样的人
of people to describe who you are.
你在写的过程中 也许会意识到一些出入
When you do this, you might see some disparities.
比如 你在第一个清单里写了你是一个非常道德的人
For instance, you might write that you’re an extremely moral person
但是当你查看你的第二个清单时
but as you go through and you look at
你会发现 并没有那么多的例子
your list, there’s not too many examples
来说明你的行为是高度道德的
of you behaving in a highly moral way.
实际上 反倒会有一些例子来说明你的某些行为
In fact, there might be examples of you behaving
超出了你的道德标准
out of line with your morality;
如果你想探测各种各样的关系
you want to explore all different kinds of relationships here.
关键是 一方面
The point is, on the one hand,
当我们描述自己是怎样的人时
when we describe what we are,
做到深入挖掘自己
we tap heavily into our own identity;
这种方式可以帮助我们认识自己
the way we would like to see ourselves.
另一方面 当我们描述自己的行为时
But when we describe what we do,
我们正在深入研究我们怎样度过了我们的时间
we are driving down to more of how we spend our time.
实际上 这是一件很棒的事情
In fact, that’s a great thing too write there —
“我把时间花在做某事上” 写下你每天做的事情
“I spend my time doing X,” and write out the things you do in your day;
这个方法比你审视自己
that is a better example of who you are
更能看出你是一个怎样的人
than the way that you see yourself, unfortunately.
当你做完这些
Once you’ve done that,
还可以用另一个方法得到别人看待自己的观点
another way to get in some perspective on yourself
这个方法就是真正去询问
is to actually go to people
非常了解你的人的看法 因为他们
who know you well because they are not under
没有和你一样的错觉
the same delusions that you are;
他们不会完全认同你是你所认为的人
they don’t buy all the stories that you tell yourself about yourself.
所以我创了一个问题列表
So I’ve created a list of questions;
这里我将在描述中列举几个
I’ll list a couple of them here, in the description,
或者在侧边栏中
or in the sidebar as I’m talking
当你去找你的一个
but you go to a friend or a
或者一群朋友 一个家人
group of them, a family member,
或者合作伙伴 或者其它非常了解你的人时 你应该说
a co-worker or somebody who knows you well and you say, “Look,
“看 我想得到一些他人对我的看法 不止如此”
I’m trying to get some perspective on myself. More than anything here,
“我还想成长与进步”
I want to grow, I want to improve,
“我想了解我自己”
and I want to learn about myself
“所以我来问你一些问题”
so I’m gon na ask you some
“也许你会有一些严苛的反馈”
questions and you might have some seemingly harsh feedback
“这些问题或许你之前告诉过我 或许没有”
that maybe you’ve told me before or maybe you haven’t.
“这么做的目的”
For the purpose of this exercise,
“我希望你能尽你所能告诉我事实”
I would like you to tell me the bald-faced truth
“如果我问你问题”
as best you can and if I ask you questions,
“我保证没有任何的防御性”
I promise it won’t be out of defensiveness;
“我完全是出于”
it’s gon na be out
“想要了解更多的渴望”
of a desire to understand more.”
此外你可以问问他们 例如
And you’re gon na ask them, for instance,
“与你认识的其它人相比”
” Compared to other people that you know,
“我在抗争什么”
what is something that I struggle with or
“或者我在什么方面是虚伪的”
in what ways am I hypocritical?”
我会听取这些问题
And I’ll listen number
但这些问题对他们来说
of these questions but these are tough questions for them
很难回答 因为他们
to answer because they don’t
不想冒犯你 这些可是很难回答的问题
want to offend you and there’re tough questions
你应该知道
to hear the answers to and you’ll know
怎样做才是正确的 你应该
that you’re doing this right if you’ve created
创造一个足够安全的空间
a safe enough space
让他们给你答案 如果这些答案使你心跳加速
for them to give you answers that make your heart race
使你感觉不舒服
and that make you uncomfortable;
这是你的自我形象遭受迫害甚至一点打击的标志
that is a sign that your self-image is being disrupted and attacked a little bit.
他们说的并不需要百分之百正确
What they’re saying isn’t necessarily 100% true but
但是这些绝对可以让你做一些事去改变
it absolutely does give you something to work
这就是第二件你要做的事
with so that’s the second thing you can do.
第三个方法是养成一个习惯
The third thing is a habit
因为事实就是 你不可能仅仅通过两个简单的练习
because the truth is self-awareness isn’t that you’re going to get
就可以增强自我认知
just from two simple exercises;
你要开始练习看出真相
you need to begin to make a practice of viewing
看出藏在你欲望 目的和自我感觉之后的真相
the truth behind your desires, your motivations and your feelings and
为了在你的日常生活中
in order to do that
得以练习 我强烈建议
on a daily basis, it is my strong opinion,
你每天至少需要花十分钟的间隙去练习
you need at least 10 minutes of space. Now,
间隙可以来自于很多不同的事情
space can be any number of different things;
可以是冥想
space can be meditation,
可以是散步 可以是冲浪
space can be taking a walk, it can be surfing,
可以是与治疗师和咨询师交谈的时间
it can be talking to a therapist or a counselor.
可以来自于一些
Space can be something
我一直做的事 比如我发现了
that I do all the time which is I find the cheapest
一个最便宜的按摩院
massage parlor I can go it
一个可以做足反射疗法的按摩院
‘s usually some kind of a foot reflexology place
我去按摩院并不是为了按摩
and I go for an hour not for the massage but
而是我知道我仅仅是为了能一个小时坐在那里
because I know I will just have to sit there
进行深思和反省
for an hour and live with my thoughts, think, and reflect.
这么做会带来
And that has led to some
很大的商业突破
of the biggest business breakthroughs that we’ve had
当然也会在
as well as some really,
自我意识领域带来非常大的突破
really big breakthroughs in the area of self-awareness but you need
前提是你每天至少需要花十分钟的时间来练习
every single day at least 10 minutes of this
如果你非常重视你的自我意识
if you care at all about self-awareness.
我会在以后的视频
I’m going to talk
讲解关于冥想
about meditation in a future video but one thing that I think
但是现在值得提出来和提到
that is worth calling out that you can get
你每周一次的行程表的事情 应该是
on your calendar once a week would be therapy
诊疗咨询你的自我认知和练习
or counseling and to do that. I want
我要感谢这段视频的赞助商BetterHelp
to thank our sponsor for this video, BetterHelp. Now,
BetterHelp网站也是我正在用的 他们有专业的咨询顾问
BetterHelp is something that I’ve used; they have licensed counselors
你可以在自己家里与他们交谈
that you can talk to from your home in order to
方便解决你身上可能会有的一些问题
work through some of the issues the problems that you may have.
在与我的顾问沟通后
And in talking to the counselor that I had,
我了解到我并没有做到
I realized that I am not really as close
我所希望的那样与家人亲近
to my family as I would like to
现在我更频繁地与家人交流了
be and I started reaching out more often —
我们谈论的
we’re talking
是进行潜在的家庭旅行之类的事情
about setting up potential family trips and that sorts of thing —
这类事情可以提供我之前提到的练习间隙
but it gives you that space that I just referenced.
这为你提供了公正的第三方
It gives you an impartial third
他们可以反馈给你
party who’s going to reflect back to you
你所说的
the things that you are saying
你希望知道的事情
and hopefully catch you in the areas where you
那些可能是你自欺欺人的事情
are being less than honest with yourself.
此外 我之前做过
In addition, I’ve done this sort
治疗和咨询自我意识这类的事情
of thing with therapy and counseling previous in my life;
这引导了我的意识 让我觉得这是我
it led to what I think is the most valuable
在这个频道发布的最棒的一个视频
video that I’ve ever made on this channel,
为什么你自我感觉不够好
Why you Don’t Feel Good Enough.
如果你没有咨询过
If you haven’t checked that out,
那就试试吧
go ahead but that was a direct result
我在经历了一段艰难的分手后也自我感觉不好
of a therapy session that I had after a rough breakup.
如果你在考虑
So if you are someone that has been
治疗这样的心理或者找某人交流
considering therapy or could use someone to talk to
去到他们的办公室直接交谈的想法
but the idea of getting up and going
是会令你却步的
into their office has just been daunting —
如果你不想面对别人
you didn’t want to see other people
或者为此取消自己的原来的安排
or you don’t want to clear your schedule for it —
你可以考虑求助BetterHelp网站
consider checking out BetterHelp.
在家里你就可以登录这个网页
You can do it from your home;
你可以与有执照的治疗师交流
you’ll be talking to a licensed therapist
找到一些好的方法去创造我前面提到的锻炼自我意识的空间
and some excellent way to create the space that I mentioned for self-awareness.
所以为了拜访这个网页
So in order to do that,
你可以点击下方的这个链接
go ahead and click the link below;
现在就可以开始你的治疗疗程了
and you can go to start your therapy sessions now.
我希望你能喜欢这个视频
I hope that you have enjoyed this video;
如果你有任何的问题都可以告诉我
let me know if you have any questions
因为自我认知是我越来越关注的方向
because self-awareness is something that I have been increasingly interested in.
我曾因为缺少自我认知而失去自我
I’ve been blown away by the ways in which I lack it,
我有自我欺骗的意识
the ways in which I have the capacity
这仍然是我要努力克服并且变得更好的地方
for self-deception and it is still something that I am personally working to better.
如果你在评论区有任何
So if there’s any sort of conversation you
想谈论的内容
want to start in the comments, I’ll
我将会对这段视频保持特别关注
be keeping a special eye on this video.
再次希望大家喜欢这段视频
I hope that you guys enjoyed this.
如果你还没有订阅请点击订阅
Click Subscribe if you have not yet and hit that
和点击通知铃 下次视频再见
notification bell and I will see you in the next video.

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视频概述

在我们的自我意识里,我们总会过高的评价自己,不愿意接受自己的不足。这样会使人迷失自我,难以实现自我的突破从而少走弯路。这段视频将教给你几个方法去加强自我认知能力,从而做一个更好的自己。

听录译者

收集自网络

翻译译者

Scarlett

审核员

审核员SX

视频来源

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3kkqOzjrM4

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