Improvement pill here.
激励胶囊来了
Today I’m gonna show you a simple little exercise
今天我教你一个简单的小训练
you can challenge yourself to do the next time you’re in public
下次去公共场所时你可以挑战一下
This is something that I believe will help increase your levels of confidence and self-esteem over time
我相信练习一段时间后你的自信和自尊水平会有所提高
because this is something that I did a lot when I first started my self-improvement journey
因为我刚开始自我提升旅程时就经常做这个练习
and it definitely helped
它绝对有帮助
so let’s jump right into it now
那么我们进入主题吧
whenever you’re sitting in public
每次你在公共场合坐着
whether it’s at a restaurant at the school library
无论那里是餐厅 学校图书馆
on a park bench or even on public transportation
公园长椅 还是公共交通工具
you are taking up a certain amount of space
你都要占据了一些空间
I want you to think about how you usually settle yourself down in places like this for a second
我想要你花几秒钟想一下 你在这些地方通常如何才能让自己坐得舒服
so you lay out your belongings
你把随身物品在桌上摆开
spread out your bags and clothes
铺开包和衣服
open up your body and take up a lot of space
伸展四肢 占了一大块空间
or do you tend to keep all of your belongings closed and body closed
还是 你往往会收着随身物品 缩着四肢？
do you try your best to squeeze everything into as little of a space as possible
你尽力把一切都挤进尽可能小的空间里？
chances are if you’re suffering from low levels of self esteem and confidence
如果自尊和自信水平低
that you are someone who doesn’t take up much space
你就可能不会占据太多空间
and this can be for a variety of reasons
不愿占大空间的原因各种各样
but the two most common mentalities that I come across when working with many of you one on one is
但我为许多人做一对一咨询时偶然发现了两个最常见的心态
that you believe that you aren’t worthy that
就是认为自己不配
you don’t have the right to take up much space
无权占很多空间
or you feel like it will be disturbing or disrespecting towards other people
觉得好像打扰了别人或对别人不尊重了
Today we are gonna dissect and analyze these two ways of thinking one by one
今天我们将一一剖析这两种思考方式
and then I’m gonna show you a simple little exercise
然后我将向给你展示一个简单的小练习
that you can do with to help combat these two unhealthy mentalities
你需要这样的练习来帮你与这两种不健康心态战斗
so number one if you believe that you aren’t worthy enough of taking up more space
第一个 如果你认为自己不配占更多空间
listen listen you have the same rights as everyone else when it comes to public spaces
听着 听着 说到公共场合 你有与其他人相同的权利
let’s say for example you go to a restaurant by yourself to eat and they give you a two seat table
比方说 你一个人去餐厅吃饭被安排了个有两个座位的餐桌
this entire table is your space while you’re eating at this restaurant
那么 你在这里就餐的过程中 整个桌子就都是你的空间
they’ve literally granted you this property momentarily
你拿着血汗钱一坐在这里消费
in return for your hard-earned money
他们其实就已经同意 这张桌子是属于你的了
so you absolutely have the right to take up as much of this space as possible
所以你绝对有权占据尽可能多的这片空间
right nobody is gonna sit at your table
是的 没有人会坐在你的桌前
nobody else is gonna place their unfinished dish on your table
没有人会把他们的剩菜剩饭放到你桌上
because it’s your space
因为它是你的空间
You have the right to be there at least until you finish eating
至少在你吃完前你都有权坐那儿
you need to learn how to accept this fact
你需要学习如何接受这样的事实 即
become comfortable claiming your rightful space when you are in public
你在公共场合要求应属于自己的空间时 不要感觉到不自在
so what I want you to do is that
所以我要你做的事就是
next time you’re in a public space like a restaurant or a somewhat empty library
下次再去餐厅或比较空的图书馆之类公共场所时
I want you to spread out your belongings
我要你铺开你的随身物品
put your bag and your jacket on that empty seat next to you
把包和夹克放到你身边那个空座上
move your chair back lean back and open up your body
把椅子推后 向后靠着伸展开四肢
place your books and devices around you
把书和电子设备摆在你身周
spread them out a little bit more than you are used to
把它们摆放得比平时更开些
this will train you to become more comfortable taking up your rightful space
这能训练你更加自信地去占据应属于自己的空间
now when you do this you will most likely be met with some resistance
这样做时你可能会遇到一些阻力
your subconscious will say things like
你潜意识会这样想
what are you doing
你干嘛呢
this isn’t your house
这不是你家啊
what gave you the right to do this
谁给你这个权利了
what do you think you are
你觉得你是谁啊
and it’s here where you must fight back
此时你必须打退这些想法
because again this is public space
因为 再说一次 这里是公共场所
you absolutely do have the right to take up a reasonable amount of space
你绝对有权占据合理的空间
and I’m not telling you to spread your legs Eagle wide on a crowded bus
我不是教你在拥挤的巴士上鹰翅一样叉开腿
when there’s an old lady holding a baby standing next to you
而旁边还站着个老妇抱着个小孩
I’m telling you to take up more space when there’s not too many people around you
我是教你在身边人不多时
when it’s not an inconvenience to others
在不会让他人不便时 占据更多的空间
and the reason this little exercise is so critical when it comes to your levels of confidence and your self-esteem is because
这个小练习之所以对你自信自尊水平如此重要是因为
this will affect your identity and the way you view yourself
这会影响你的身份认同和看待自己的方式
it’s been said that there are three ways to change one’s identity and one’s beliefs
据说有三种方法可以改变一个人的身份认同和信念
hypnosis trauma and good old repetition
催眠 创伤 和 我最爱的重复
This exercise uses repetition to change the way you view yourself
这个练习通过重复来改变你对自己的看法
your identity will naturally aligned itself with your actions
你的身份认同会自然而然与行为匹配
if you constantly take up very little space
如果你总是占据很小空间
and you think to yourself this is all I’m worth
你心里对自己说 我就值这些
I don’t have the right to take up more space
我无权占据更多空间
then that will become your identity
那么 那会成为你的身份认同
you will genuinely believe that you are worth less than other human beings
你会发自内心地相信你不及其他人有价值
in order to combat this you must do the opposite
要对抗这种想法你必须做相反的事
you must force yourself to take up more space
你必须强迫自己占据更多空间
and then you must remind yourself that you have the right to do so
然后提醒自己你有权如此
that you have the same rights as everyone else
你拥有与其他人同样的权利
and over time via repetition you will slowly start believing it
重复一段时间后你会慢慢开始相信它
and your confidence and self-esteem will rise
你的自信和自尊会提升
and that brings us to the second mentality that you might have if you take up very little space
我们来看看 你占据很小的空间可能产生的第二种心态
that’s the idea that you are afraid of disturbing or coming across as disrespectful to others
这个心态是你担心打扰别人或被认为是不尊重他人
now this is actually an indicator that you might score very high in a personality trait called agreeableness
听着 这其实标志着你在一项叫做随和度的性格特征上分数很高
now for those of you that aren’t familiar with this trait
给你们不熟悉这项特征的人解释一下
it is actually one of the most studied personality traits out there
随和度其实是被研究最多的性格特征之一
and it’s a combination of two things
它由两方面组成
number one the extent to which you value getting along with others
第一是你认为和他人相处有多重要
and number two the degree to which you are willing to be critical of others
第二是你有多愿意批评他人
the more agreeable you are
你越随和
the more likely you are to do favors for people even if it’s not good for you
你就越可能帮助他人 即便那对你并不好
the more likely you are to keep your opinions to yourself instead of sharing them
也越可能隐藏自己的观点而非分享出来
the more likely you are to be scared of confrontation or even simply disagreeing with someone else
也越可能害怕冲突 甚至只是和他人意见有分歧
and this is actually a trait that can be extremely detrimental
如果你随和度很高而且是男性
if you score very high free and if you are a man
这其实可能是非常有害的特征
Studies have found that men who score high on agreeableness make on average $10,000 less than men who score low on agreeableness.
研究表明随意度得分高的人比得分低的人平均少赚一万美元
another study found that men who are rated high on agreeableness are seen as the worst candidates for leadership roles
另一项研究表明 随和性高的人被认为是最不适合领导角色的人
yes they finish dead last
是的 他们是敬陪末座的一群人
so instead of thinking nice guys finish last you should be thinking super agreeable guys finish last
所以 你应该认识到 敬陪末座的 不是心好的人 而是超随和的人
and there’s a simple reason for that
道理很简单
people who are too agreeable don’t stand up for themselves
太随和的人不会保护自己
they let others push them around
他们任凭别人摆布自己
and they never say no because they’re too scared of offending others
而他们从不表示拒绝 这是因为他们太害怕冒犯别人了
If you score very high on this trait
如果你这项特征得分很高
you will go through life doing things that make others happy
你整个人生都将取悦别人
but almost never doing things for yourself
而几乎从来不会为自己做点什么
and this will actually reinforce the idea that you aren’t worthy enough
这将强化你认为自己没什么价值的想法
you’ll think that other people are worth more than you
你会认为其他人比你更有价值
and that you should sacrifice your own happiness for theirs
你应该为他们牺牲自己的幸福
now luckily for you how agreeable you are is not a permanent set in stone trait
幸运的是 你的随和度并非一成不变的特征
it can be changed over time again via repetition
这个特征 可以通过重复再次逐渐改变
and I would recommend you to use the same exercise we mentioned before
我推荐你们使用前面提到的那个练习
Every time you are out in public,push yourself to physically take up more space
每当在公共场所都让自己的身体占据更多空间
when you do this you might subconsciously have some thoughts like
这么做时你潜意识里可能会想
oh my god I look like an asshole or being so rude right now
噢天呐 我现在看起来像个混蛋 我好粗鲁无礼
and if you do take a look around you
如果发生这情况 那就环顾一下四周
are you in an extremely crowded area where someone else needs that space
你是否处在他人需要空间的极拥挤区域
if you are then yes you should give up that space
如果是 那么好吧 你确实应该放弃那个空间
but if you are in a generally empty location
但如果你在一个比较空的地方
then you are good to go, spread yourself out
那么你准备好了 伸展四肢吧
so what if someone thinks you look like an asshole
有人觉得你是混蛋又怎样
there isn’t anyone out there at that moment that needs that space
那时并没有其他人需要那些空间啊
so you have every right to use it
所以你有权利用它
it’s public space you are in the clear
那是公共空间 你不会被指责的
the more times you do this the less agreeable you will become
你越经常这样做就会越少一些随和
and you will find it easier to stand up for yourself
你会发现保护自己越来越容易
over time it will become easier for you to speak your opinions
一段时间后你会更容易发表自己意见
have you ever had a thought in a conversation but you were too scared to say it
你有没有在某次谈话中有个想法 但太害怕了就没讲出来
but then you go home and you say to yourself wow I wish I spoke my mind
但回到家后你对自己说 哇哦 我好希望我说了自己的想法啊
well this exercise will help with that
这个练习能够改善这种情况
try it out the next time you’re in public and let me know what happens
下次去公共场所时试一下 然后告诉我发生了什么
because again this exercise genuinely help me grow more confident
因为 再说一次 这个练习真的帮我提升了自信
so I hope it can do the same for you
所以我希望它也能帮你们提升自信
this episode is brought to you of the help the guys at audible
你们看到的本期视频 也能帮助到Audible平台上的朋友
I know I’ve been stressed in the fact that it’s important to take a more space in real life
我知道我已经强调了 现实生活中占据更多空间是很重要的
but it’s important to take up more space mentally by reading about different topics as well
但通过阅读不同的话题使思想上能占据更多空间也同样重要
and audible is perfect for this
Audible平台是最适合的
I’ve been promoting audible for years
我推荐Audible已经很多年了
and there’s a really good reason why
有一个很棒的原因是
it’s because audible makes it significantly easier for me to listen to audiobooks
因为我听有声书明显更加方便了
it gets rid of the hassle of having to physically pull out a book
它消除了在你通常不便阅读的场合下
in places where you normally wouldn’t be able to read
必须亲自动手取书的麻烦
such as when you’re working out at the gym doing your grocery shopping
比如 当你在健身房运动 在超市购物时
or even when you’re commuting to work
或 当你在上下班的路上时
go to www.audible.com/improvementpill
前往www.audible.com/improvementpill
or text improvement pill to 500 500
或在500 500输入improvement pill
to start listening this exclusive 30 day free trail
开始畅听30天专享的免费体验
You’ll get one audiobook and two audible originals absolutely free
你可以完全免费得到一本有声书和两本有声原著
The audiobook I’m listening to this month is about principles of Ray Dalio
我这个月在听的有声书是关于雷·戴里奥的规则的
which teaches you what Ray Dalio learned and adopted throughout his life
它教你雷·戴里奥一生的所学所用
which eventually led him to find massive amounts of success
这些规则最终使他获得了巨大的成功
I highly recommend you to check it out
我非常推荐你看一下
besides that guys stay tuned
另外 请大家继续关注《激励胶囊》哟