Hey, what’s goin’ on, guys? So,
recently over on mysite, College InfoGeek,
I published a post on soft skills,
which are important tolearn for getting jobs
and for doing basicallyanything in your life.
And today, we’re gon na dive deep into one
of those soft skills, because today, we’re talking
about how to become a more confident person. Now,
I think a lot of people look at confidence
as one of those qualities that you’re either born with,
or not born with.
When you look at one
of those people who can just come into a roomn and absolutely own it,
there’s this feelinglike that person was born
with that quality.
They are just innately confident, and I might not be that way. But,
contrary to that popular belief,
confidence is indeed a skill that you can build.
It’s a quality that you can cultivate through deliberate action,
and through changes to your mindset,
and that’s what I wan na talk about in this video,
because, you might not believe this, but
a few years ago, when I was early on
in my college career, especiallywhen I was a teenager,
I was quite an insecure person,
and I didn’t have a wholelot of self confidence. Now,
part of the reason for this was that
when I was a teenager and when I was an
early college student, I had really bad acne,
like a a terrible facial complexion,
and I almost felt like I had to wait
until I grew out of that,or grew out of puberty,
or whatever people told me would happen,
before I could be a confident person.
I felt like I was worthless in public situations
than I would be when I looked better,
and as I’ve learned, overthe intervening years,
that was absolutely nottrue, but it’s something
that really held meback when I was younger.
As you can probably tell right now, things have definitely improved,
and that is due partly to age, but
it’s also due partly to improvements in my diet
and my exercise regimen, so keep that in mind, if
it’s something that you’re dealing with, as well,
but even before those improvements started to happen with my face,
I was able to increase my internal self confidence
and decrease that insecurity I had,
through some changes to my mindset,
and through some challenges that I gave myself. Now,
four out of the five strategies I
‘m gon na share with you in this video
involve things that you can do relatively quickly,
to start building your confidence,
or at least they were things that had relatively quick results for me.
Two of them will be mindset hacks,
ways that you can subtly start shifting the way you think
about both yourself andthe world around you,
and two of them will be tactical actions
that you can take immediately, or very, very soon from now,
that will help to buildyour self confidence.
But before we get into those,
we have to talk about the most important factor
in building confidence, and that is that you must simply do
that which you want tobe confident in doing.
Confidence is built through experience.
But the key term that we should be using
to talk about this here, and this really
does make a difference, is relevant experience.
You have to gain experiencein relevant areas
to whatever you want tobuild confidence in doing.
And this is something that Charlie, from the
channel Charisma on Command, makes sure to stress
in one of his videos on confidence,
and I’m gon na be linking to that
video at the end of this one, because
I think it’s a good followup.
But I really want to dig into this term,
relevant experience, because I think there are
two main areas that are related to it.
首先 直接经验 是我们明确知晓的
First up, we have the obvious one, which is direct experience.
For example, if you’regonna go give a speech,
the tenth time you do that is gon na be much,
than the first time, especially if the intervening nine times went well.
As the former U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan once said,
“ The way to develop self confidence is to
“do the thing you fear and to get a record
“of successful experiences behind you.”
And this is the dude who
gave 500 speeches in 1896 alone,
and he’s the guy who basicallyinvented the entire concept
of the stump speech campaign,
so he is a guy that
puts his money where his mouth is,
when it comes to getting experience. Secondly,
though, andperhaps even more helpfully,
you can gain experience in related areas,
because every single discipline in the world shares certain qualities with other disciplines.
For example, even thoughI’ve only gone skiing
about six or seven days in my entire life,
I am able to ski double black runs.
I can ski moguls, I can go up to
the top of the summit and ski all the way down,
I have a disproportionate amount of skiing skill
for the amount of days I’veactually spent on a mountain,
and that is because, atthe beginning of this year,
I started figure skatingas my winter sport,
and as I discovered,serious figure skating and
time on the ice translatessurprisingly well
to skill on the slopes, even though you
‘ve got big boards strapped to your feet,
instead of what are basically knives.
To give you a more professional example, my
ability to speak in public, both on a
stage in front of a physical audience,
and for however many thousands
of people watch this video through this video camera,
stems from my experience in podcasting. Now,
podcasting is pretty different from making YouTube videos, or
from speaking in public, because I’m just sitting in my room,
there’s no camera or eyes on me,
but I’m still building my ability to speak clearly and confidently,
and I podcasted for over a year and a half
before I ever startedmaking YouTube videos,
and my experience as a podcaster,
both interviewing people on Skype, but also just monologuing like a super-villain
in my bedroom, built a lotof those speaking abilities
and my confidence to speak in public.
So the lesson here is that youcan find ancillary activities
that can help to build your confidence and your skills
in that main activity you’re trying to get good at.
But one word of warning here:
Don’t let this tip encourage you to delay your first forays
into that difficult main activity you wan na get good at,
because the stress of stepping up to something you’re
afraid to do is gon na help you progress faster than
all of your practice time in the ancillary activities.
And I’m gon na give you an example here that
might bring back some feelings of nostalgia for some of you,
because when I was eight years old,
I got my first Game Boy Color,
and the first game I got
for that Game Boy Color was Pokemon Blue.
And as somebody who choosesthe objectively best Pokemon, Charmander,
I had some troublewith the initial first gym,
because Brock is a rock trainer,
and fire doesn’t do too well against rock, right?
So, my eight-year-oldstrategy was to just grind
for hours and hours andhours in Veridian Forest,
and in the easy areas,
so that when I actually went and challenged Brock,
I was so high level, thatI could just steamroll him.
And I thought I was sosmart in doing this.
But I realized later on that,
if you have an easy time
with the gym leader, youget no additional reward,
and if you just scrape by by the skin of your teeth. So,
所以 后来 我就变得像我需要的那样擅长
later on, I would just get as good
as I needed to be to beat him,
and the progress forward, and as I did that,
I realized I could beatthe game even faster,
because when you step up,you get the rewards faster
than if you just stayin the kiddie pool area
for much, much longer. So,
build your skills and confidence on those ancillary activities,
but before you think you’re ready,
when you’re still scared to do it,
jump in to that main activity.
And it doesn’t have to be crazy, right?
As a public speaker,
I wasn’t giving hour-long keynote speeches right at the start. Instead,
I took speechclasses in high school,
and then in college, and then from there, I moved
on to joining Toastmaster’s, which is an organization full of
people who just wan na get better at public speaking.
It’s really inviting, and it’s all about feedback and growth.
From there, I moved on to an organization called Ignite,
which puts on events where you give five-minute speeches
on a very constrained topic,your slides auto-advance,
and you have to practice, and I thought to myself,
that’s something I can do,
and I did that twice, whichhelped to build my skills
even further, and now, I’mcharging thousands of dollars
to give hour-long keynotes.
But it was a long and gradual path. Alright,
so now we’re
going to move on to the mindset hacks
that I talked about inthe intro to this video.
We’re gonna go a little bit faster here.
So the first mindset hackthat just dawned on me
during my speech class, isthat people in my audience,
or people who I interactwith in the world at large,
they care a lot less about how I perform,
about the little individual characteristics of what I do,
than I think they do.
And Eleanor Roosevelt put this best.
She said,”You wouldn’tworry so much about
“what others think ofyou, if your realized
“how seldom they do.”
And like I said, this hit me in the face
like a ton of bricks when I was in my speech class,
because everyone was going up and giving their speech
in front of the class,and while they did that,
I would look at the audience and realize
that a lot of people were on their phones,
or on Facebook on their laptops, or they looked generally bored,
and it just kind of dawned on me that if I
go up there and give a basically mundane performance,
nobody’s gonna remember it, because they’re thinking about themselves.
So in my mind, that meant there are one of
two possible outcomes: Either I’ll give a completely mundane,
imperfect not-that-great performance, and people will be kind of bored,
they’ll be polite, and they’ll move on
with their lives, and they won’t remember at all,
or I’ll dazzle them.
There’s a much,
much less likely chance that I’m gon na do something so stupid, so silly
or so embarrassing that they’re going to make fun
of me or actually remember it.
And once I realized this,I was so much less scared
to get up and talk in front of groups,
or to do anything else.
And this leads directlyinto my second mindset hack,
which is to realize thatpeople love confidence.
And here’s the thing that kind of dawned
on me a few years ago.
Most people’s average, everyday experience
is kinda mundane, right?
There’s fun things you do, and there are certain amazing days,
但关于工作 学校 普通人经历
but work, school, theaverage human experience,
is kind of meh.
You know, not all that crazy.
And people, they’re fine with that,
but what they want is novelty.
What they want is something exciting, something out of
the ordinary, something that makes them smile or laugh,
or makes them happy, and confident people are
much more able to deliver that,
than unconfident people.
So here’s what I do.
When I’m invited to speakin front of an audience,
or when I have to basically”perform,” quote unquote,
in any way, I picturea stereotypical image
of an unconfident person in my mind.
I’m just like, what is thecomplete average person
going to do in this situation?
Maybe they’re gonna havemore reserved gestures,
they’re gon na look back at somebody else who’s kind
of leading whatever’s going on, for cues,
and overall, they’re just not gonna have
a whole lot of confidencein whatever they’re doing.
And how’s the audiencegonna react to that. Well,
one, they’re not gon na heckle,
they’re not gon na laugh,
they’re just gon na be like Meh,
and they’ll go on with their lives,
and they won’t remember it. Now,
here’s the key part:
Once I have that picture in my head
and I realize that the worst possible scenario
for that stereotypical person isn’t death,
isn’t heckling, isn’t rotten tomatoes, it’s
just moving on with their lives, I resolve to be better,
because I know people love confidence.
他们想要快乐 想要微笑 他们想要新奇的东西
They wanna be happy, they wanna smile, they want something novel.
So I step into it, evenif I don’t actually feel
that I have the skills to pull it off,
I just try to do it.
For example, my girlfriend dragged me
to a renaissance fair inMinnesota last weekend,
and I had a lot of fun, so I won’t say dragged,
but she brought me to it.
And we went to see oneof the shows they had
at the fair.
And I didn’t know it at the time,
but this show had a lot of audience participation,
and I was the lucky, or unlucky,
however you see it, person
who was chosen to go up and do the most stuff onstage.
And this culminated with me having to put a bra on my head,
and give my best evil laugh,
and then pick a dude up and spin him around,
and I was scared, to be honest.
If I had been
like 17 years old when this had happened,
I would have just refused to go up,
but I went up,
and I looked out at the hundred or so people
in the crowd, and I realizedthese people paid money
to come here and have fun,
and if I’m sheepish,
if I put my hands in my pockets
and look back too much,
they’re not gon na have as much fun
as if I just completelymake a fool out of myself,
and step into the persona of an actor. Now,
I’m not an actor,
but I can at least try to do it,
because I know it’ll make them happy.
So you’ve got the mindset, you’ve got the commitment to doing,
now let’s get into a coupleof tactical decisions,
actions you can take right now
that are gon na help you become more confident.
And the first one is torecord your accomplishments. Now,
you have a couple of different ways you can do this.
One way, and I’ve tried both of these,
one works better than the other for me, but one
way is to keep a daily accomplishment journal.
So maybe you wake up and you have a to-do list every single day. Well,
at the end of that day,
simply write down what you did, in Evernote,
or a journal that youkeep with you all the time
that you never throw away, and then, when you
‘re facing something you’re not confident about, look back
through your accomplishment journal, and it will remind you that
you have overcome so many challenges in the past, many
of which you didn’t think you could do, until you
achieved them, and that will help you
to realize that: I am a human being
who overcomes challenges.
我紧张 我害怕 但是我赢的次数
I get stressed, I get scared, but I win
more often than I lose,
and that is what I’m going to do with this next challenge. Now,
this is the exactsame mindset that I use
with my impossible list.
And this is not a daily accomplishment journal,
but this is a public list on my website,
where I list out all ofmy big goals in life,
and then I cross them offwhen I accomplish them.
And what I do when I cross them off,
is I iterate
upon those goals, and I addthe next more difficult goal
And the key thing hereis I’m leaving the goals
that I’ve achieved up there to remind me
that I’ve overcome them, even though I was once
unable to do them,
and now I’m challenging myself to step up
and keep doing that in the future.
And this helps me tokeep my confidence high.
And that finally bringsus to my last tip for you,
which is another tactic.
And this is very different,
and it actually takes the focus off of you.
So this is something a personal friend of mine once told me about confidence.
她说 简单地说话 说得更慢一点
And she said, simply speak more slowly,
话少一点 微笑多一点 把注意力
and speak less, smilemore, and put the focus
on the other person.
Try to be a great listener,
and try to build up the other person in any other interaction you have.
This is a really good tip for building up meaningful relationships,
for building friendships,
and for making other people happy,
but it’s also going to build your confidence,
because when you dothis, you’ll start coming
out of your interactions and conversations with other people happy,
and they’ll seem successful,
and you’ll realize, thiswas a great conversation
and I didn’t have tospend any of my effort
trying to build myself up,or make myself look good.
And what this does is it starts to build
this internal self confidence.
You can feel really good about yourself
without having to boast about your accomplishments,
or one-up things people say.
You just know that you’rea confident person,
and you don’t have to try to wear it on your sleeve.
So guys, I really hope youfound this video useful.
I know it was longer than usual, but I
really hope you got some value out of it,
and like I mentioned earlier on in the video,
Charlie over at Charisma
on Command has a really great channel full of content like this,
but the one video I want you to go watch,
it’s basically your homework after this video,
is this breakdown of Conor McGregor,
the UFC fighter’s, confidence.
And he talks about relevant experience, and he talks
about mindset things, so I think it’s a
great complement to this video, and I’m gon
na have it linked down in a description below.
If you like this video, youcan definitely leave a comment,
and if you want me to do more stuff like this in the future,
ask questions down in the comments,
so I know where to put myfocus, and beyond that,
you can subscribe to thischannel to get more content
on being a more effectivestudent and, heck, human being,
every single week, by clicking right there, and
you can also get a free copy of my book
on earning better grades by clicking right there.
If you wan na watch another video of mine you might find interesting,
check it out right there,
and you’ll find more useful links down in the description below.
If you enjoyed thisvideo, give it a”like”
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See you next week.